xxiv

Chasing Summer: Autumn

   “How did you find it?” Myungsoo asked, as they walked out of the church. The shrill cries of the cicadas resonated in the bustling streets of Seoul.

   “It's different,” Sungyeol looked up at the vibrant sky. It was the kind of blue that urged every cloud watcher to go to the sea. “I've been church hopping every now and again, to be honest. But that church is different.”

   “Different how?”

   He smiled, and shoved his hands in his pockets. “The people in there seem to glow.”

   Myungsoo smiled at his friend's remark. “That was my first impression, as well.”

   “Pastor Kang's really kind. I felt like he wasn't shoving his religion down my throat while we talked,” Sungyeol cleared his throat. “Can I come with you again next week?”

   “Of course.”

   “But what do you think about the sermon today?”

   Something tugged at Myungsoo's heart. It tightened, as if it were telling him something—something that he never wanted to do.

   Isn't it funny how we, as humans, sometimes refuse to forgive others when God has already forgiven the inexcusable us?

   “It made me think,” Myungsoo admitted. “And to decide on something.”

   “What kind of decision is that?”

   He scoffed. “It's something I swore myself to never do.”

   “But you'll do it?”

   Myungsoo nodded.

   Sungyeol stared at him with pure interest. “Why?”

   “Because His will is more important than mine. It's much better. I know it is.”

   “Myungsoo, were you a Christian before?” Sungyeol asked all of a sudden.

   “I was; my mom was,” they finally reached their bus stop. They were already sweating a little despite the short distance they had to cover. “I don't know if it'll make sense, but I want to go back.”

   Sungyeol smiled a little. “It makes perfect sense to me.”

   Myungsoo's sleeves were up at that time, exposing the pinkish scars he had from his cuts. He was aware that some eyes were on his arms, but he didn't mind anymore. Everything belonged in the past, and the traces that remained in the present could be a message of encouragement to others. At least, that was what he believed in.

   He took out his phone, and tried to remember the last time he talked to the recorded voice of his deceased mother.

   “I guess I've finally grasped the idea of letting things go,” he murmured.

   “Were you saying something?” Sungyeol asked.

   Myungsoo shoved his phone back in his pocket, and only smiled in return.

<:>

   “Why isn't this working?” Suzy pressed the refresh button again and again until her screen completely froze. She let out an anguished cry which caused Myungsoo to stop in front of her room. Her door was open to let the air from the veranda in. It was too dusty on the streets so she chose to not open her window for the time being.

   “Are you all right?” Myungsoo asked. He had a towel draped around his neck, but his hair was still wet and some droplets of water trickled from his forehead down to his chest. He was wearing a plain, gray shirt, paired with white shorts.

   “My laptop froze,” she whined. “And I'm in the middle of doing something.”

   “We have the same model, right?”

   She nodded.

   “Can I try to fix it?

   Suzy grinned. “Will you?”

   “I'll try.”

   “Come in.”

   Myungsoo carefully approached her. It was his first time entering a girl's room, and he had no idea if that was the reason behind the nervous beating of his heart.

   Suzy faced the monitor with a frown. “It froze.”

   Without thinking, Myungsoo leaned forward, extended his arms and pressed on some keys until a black screen appeared. Suzy's eyes widened. She could feel that if she pushed herself back by a few centimeters, she'd rest on his chest. His scent filled her senses. It was purely soap, but there was something different. It reminded her of comfortable autumn nights. Her back felt warm, and she slightly jumped up when a drop of water fell on the nape of her neck. The sudden jerk caused Myungsoo to pull away.

   “Sorry,” he muttered. “Were you uncomfortable?”

   Suzy turned around to look at him, and realized that he was blushing just as bad.

   “T-The water...” she stuttered. “I-I mean y-your hair...”

   Unable to carry on explaining herself, Suzy stood up from her swivel chair and sat on her bed, instead, trying her best to not meet his eyes. She pointed at the chair. “Sit there.”

   Myungsoo placed his right hand over one of his cheeks before carrying on with his task. Suzy couldn't help but steal glances from the young man, who was already diligently working on her laptop. She didn't notice it before, but her heart kept on doing somersaults whenever she was around him.

   He finished quickly. He gave her some instructions and exited without any hesitations. He went inside his own room, and stared off into space. Myungsoo plopped himself on his bed and rolled over to stare at the ceiling. He placed his right hand on his chest to check his heartbeat. He exhaled.

   “Just how did you endure all this time, Sunggyu?” he asked himself. He sat up again, and imagined Sunggyu, walking to and fro. Myungsoo imagined him sitting on the bed, thinking deeply, or trying to drown his thoughts by working on his computer. Myungsoo stood up, walked around the room once again, and stopped in front of the wall filled with sticky notes.

“...Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready. (Song of Songs, 2:7)”

<:>

   Sunggyu looked at the rose on his desk. He picked it up, and noticed the red envelope beneath it. He opened it, and smiled out of amusement. It was a love letter written in English and in teal ink. Moments after placing the letter back in its place, Jieun entered the office. He looked at her casually sit down on her spot.

   “Someone gave me this,” Sunggyu pointed out, as he showed her the rose and the letter. “Have you seen someone enter the office?”

   She shook her head no. “I was on the other room the whole time, helping Woohyun out.”

   “I see,” he replied. “Thanks, anyway.”

   He didn't have to ask any longer. There was a smudge of the color teal on her cheek.

   “What did the letter say?” she asked.

   “Something amusing, but I think the letter was freshly done. The ink was a bit runny,” he gathered his folders and stood up. “I'll go to Woohyun for a bit. I need to give these to him.”

   She nodded, and watched his back as he stepped out of the office. Her phone vibrated. It was a message coming from Woohyun.

   Hey, what's this thing I hear about Diana asking you to write a love letter for Sunggyu hyung? I thought you had a big crush on him? Why are you helping a rival? That's childish! Are we in high school?

   She bit her lower lip, and tapped her screen furiously.

   Nam Woohyun, shut up.

<:>

   “You're still not making a move on Jieun?” Sunggyu casually asked, as Woohyun photocopied several files for him. They were the only ones in the tiny room which smelled like grease and ancient libraries.

   “It's a waste of time,” he answered. “She has her eyes set on another guy.”

   “It doesn't hurt to try.”

   Woohyun merely shook his head.

   “You should hurry up, though,” he said. “I think she sent me a love letter.”

   The younger one tried to suppress his laughter. He couldn't even be bothered to say what he knew. “What happens, happens.”

   Woohyun was done with the first batch, and so Sunggyu went over to the working table to punch the papers. He pulled out a new folder from one of the shelves.

   “Any news with your family back home?”

   “Suzy chatted with me days ago,” Sunggyu said. “From the looks of it, she has a crush on Myungsoo.”

   “Do you consider it a good thing?” Woohyun opened the copier to refill the cartridges. “I mean, you said you wanted her to stop liking you.”

   He laughed at his friend's remark. “You always have a way of making things sound bad.”

   “You have a way of not answering questions.”

   Sunggyu scratched the back of his neck. “I'm fine if it's Myungsoo.”

   “You're really great at denying things, hyung,” Woohyun commented. He pressed the power button, and waited for the machine to start up again. It made whirring noises. “You like Jieun.”

   “I don't.”

   “You do,” he pushed. “Stop using your past as alibis. She feels the same way about you. It's so obvious, especially at that time when we went to Dublin.”

   The older one looked away.

   “What I have is just some stupid crush,” Woohyun explained. “If you're holding back because of me, then I'm telling you to get a move on.”

   “She'll cry if she's with me. Jieun will. She needs a warm guy. I'm far from that.”

   “You're just afraid to start over,” Woohyun muttered. “Just because one of you stopped living doesn't mean you should give up, too. Sometimes I wonder if you really loved the girls you fell hard for.”

   Deep inside Sunggyu, he knew his friend was right. He only agreed with the deal before because he thought he was doing Sunye a favor. It turned out that it was the other way around. Sunggyu, despite growing in a good family and environment, was quite reticent. Because of Sunye, he was able to appreciate life more. He realized that he wasn't the only one suffering, and this led him to open up his heart, bit by bit.

   Perhaps Jieun was right before; perhaps his politeness served as the walls he built around himself. It may as well be an excuse, so he could say the opposite 'misunderstood' his kindness for love—even if that wasn't the case at all. Sunggyu simply didn't want to experience the feeling of getting left behind all over again. It was selfish of him, but he knew just how cruel he could be.

   “I'm not looking for a girlfriend, though,” Sunggyu pointed out, as he compiled the folders he needed. Woohyun was already done, and he threw the ruined sheets in the bin. “I need a wife.”

   “Make sure you marry Jieun, then.”

   Sunggyu smirked. “I'll see you at lunch.”

<:>

   Myungsoo and Suzy went to the train station together. They arrived earlier than expected, and this gave them time to eat a quick snack they bought from the vending machine.

   “What's your least favorite season?” Suzy asked, as they sat beside each other on one of the benches. She poked the foil of her strawberry milk with a plastic straw.

   Myungsoo opened the can of his energy drink. It hissed momentarily, and it pierced the still air surrounding them.

   “Autumn,” he answered.

   “And your most favorite?”

   “Autumn.”

   Suzy paused, and looked at him with a perplexed look. The young man smiled, and carried on, “Autumn reminds me of bad memories, but it changed last year. On the tenth of October, to be exact.”

   A smile graced her lips.

   “Then what about you? What's your least favorite season?”

   “Winter.”

   “Why winter?”

   “It's cold. Everything freezes over.”

   Myungsoo smirked. “And your most favorite?”

   She looked up to think, and answered, “Spring.”

   “Why spring?”

   “Like you, Sunggyu was born during spring, too,” she pointed out. “But aside from that, it seems like a new beginning, right? Everything comes alive after the ice. It's a thought I can't get tired of.”

   Myungsoo kept quiet for a moment to absorb her response. Not long after, he looked at her, and asked, “Did you really fall in love with Sunggyu hyung?”

   Suzy was taken aback by his question. His deep eyes bore into hers, and this sent her heart flailing in all directions. She averted her gaze.

   “I've been asking myself the same question for a while now,” she admitted. “And I think he was right, when he told me what I felt towards him was just admiration. I think he was right when he told me I wasn't in love with him.”

   “What makes you say so?”

   Suzy's eyes widened a little. She bit her lower lip, nodded, and looked down. “I was gullible then. I'm sure I've mentioned it to you before.”

   “I remember,” he quietly replied.

   “Have you never really fallen for a girl before?” Suzy asked, fully curious.

   “No.”

   “But that's weird! Not even a crush?”

   Myungsoo chuckled. “Are you really a university student now? Listen to the questions you're asking.”

   She shrugged. “It's just quite unusual. Everyone has people they admire.”

   “There was one time, when I wondered how it would feel like to receive a love letter from a certain person.”

   “But you said you hated receiving them.”

   He smiled a little, and looked ahead. “I suppose I wouldn't hate it if it came from her. Can that be considered as a crush?”

   “I guess,” she muttered. “But Myungsoo, who's that girl?”

   Fortunately, the train arrived. He pretended to be distracted by placing his headphones on. Suzy, who knew he wanted to evade her pestering, just scoffed to herself. She found it strange how she wanted to stay close to Myungsoo and at the same time, distance herself away from him. She began to notice the tiniest details in him: the specks in his dark brown eyes; his profile; the subtle curls on his sideburns; his dimple whenever he smiled a certain way; his eyelids. She noticed more things, but they were too many. She had never been so aware with the opposite like the way she was with him.

   The train halted, causing Myungsoo to lean towards her. His shoulder touched the side of her head, and he pulled away just as quick. He pretended that it was nothing for him, but his heartbeat betrayed him. He stared at the crowd, quickly making their way into the train. It was beginning to get more and more cramped, and this closed the short gap between them. He looked at her, and subconsciously attempted to count her eyelashes. Suzy let out a sigh. He smiled a little, and without a word, he gently took her bag from her.

   “I'll carry it until you find a seat,” he said.

 


"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."
- Proverbs 25:28

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
summerchild
Thank you. (140707)

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
gaksitalGaksital
#1
Chapter 17: This is such a beautiful story! However I feel like it's written for Christians? I'm not sure if you're intending to preach secretly in the story so I cant focus on the main plot. =/
anitaklr24
#2
Chapter 38: It is spring again, and I return to this story again too because It is a meaningful and so well written story.
anitaklr24
#3
Chapter 38: I always return to read it again.
Loveukworld
#4
Chapter 29: Its too warm
Loveukworld
#5
Chapter 13: Great writting.. great..!!!!
Loveukworld
#6
Chapter 12: Myungsoo was. For once happy... Its hurting...
Loveukworld
#7
Chapter 6: A thumbs up for ur innocence author nim
Loveukworld
#8
Chapter 3: Oh the entry of a mischievous boy there... Nam wohyun...
sanaonboard
#9
Chapter 38: I’m happy how things turn out at the end. Thank you for showing us how great God’s love for us is. I hope you’ll keep on writing! :)
sanaonboard
#10
Chapter 12: I’ve reread this every year around this time and I still cannot get over the fact that Daehyun dies.