Sungyeol cleared his throat in order to break the silence. Myungsoo still had his eyes locked on Jungshin, who was already feeling nervous. Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead.

   “Why’d he die?” Jonghyun asked. Sungyeol and Jungshin sent daggers flying down in his direction, but instead of backing out, he repeated, “Why’d he die?”

   “He got hit by a car.”

   “When?”

   “Before New Year.”

   “Last year?”

   “Yeah.”

   Jonghyun nodded away, and proceeded on tuning his own guitar.

<:>

   Both Myungsoo and Jonghyun rode the same train, and so the latter took that opportunity to tell Myungsoo how fortunate he was.

   “You were even able to spend time with him,” Jonghyun pointed out. “I think that’s something worth being grateful for.”

   “What do you know?” Myungsoo murmured. “You’re an only child.”

   “Technically, I’m not,” he replied, smiling a little. “I was supposed to have a younger sister, but my mom had a miscarriage.”

   Myungsoo kept quiet. He felt bad for what he did.

   “Four years ago, I accidentally crashed our car, after I picked my mother up from the hospital,” he added. “I don’t know if I’m imagining things, but from the way you spoke earlier—back in the garage—it felt like you were blaming yourself. I did, too. Even before my sister was born, I already loved her. I’ve always wanted to have a sibling, and I didn’t mind even if we’d have a gap of eighteen years. But things don’t always go our way.”

   “Why are you telling me this, Jonghyun?”

   He sighed. “You were able to spend some time with your brother, even for just a little while. Not all people have that kind of privilege, Myungsoo.”

   A short, quiet laugh erupted from Myungsoo. “You and Daehyun would have gotten along well.”

   Jonghyun stared at the floor. “You should stop blaming yourself, too, just to make yourself feel better. It’s unhealthy.”

   The train went through the tunnel, and the two listened to the silence that engulfed them.

<:>

   “Happy birthday!” the Bae family greeted in front of the computer screen, causing Sunggyu to smile widely.

   “Thank you,” he said. He showed the birthday card he received three days before they went to Belfast. “I didn’t open this yet. I waited for today.”

   “We all wrote something in there, hyung!” Sang Moon cried. “Even Myungsoo hyung.”

   “But where is he?”

   “Myungsoo has to play in a hotel,” Mrs. Bae explained. “Sungyeol asked him to fill one of the slots.”

   “I didn’t know he went already,” he muttered.

   “Do you miss him?” Suzy teased.

   He smiled. He wanted to say it was her he was missing, but out of logic he didn’t respond.

   “He’s family, too,” Sunggyu returned. He removed the seal of the envelope, and pulled out the card. He read it out loud, like the way he always would.

<:>

   Myungsoo sent Sunggyu a message, since he wasn’t at home. He greeted him through his phone, but considering that he already said what he wanted to say in the card, he decided to leave it at that. They were able to borrow the van of Jungshin’s cousin. It was an old model and it needed some washing, but it did its job. They arrived at the hotel, and went around the back to fix their instruments. They saw the place beforehand, so they were able to prepare. The only people in there were the staff, who arranged the tables.

   Sungyeol checked his phone, and informed them that they had two hours to spare. With short conversations in between, they set their instruments up. They decided to change into their suits after grabbing a short snack. Aside from Myungsoo, everyone brought a mask.

   “Oh, some are entering already,” Sungyeol pointed out. All of them turned their heads to face the main entrance. As expected, everyone looked well-dressed. Their suits were nothing compared to the newcomers with white-collar jobs. Rolex watches that glistened beneath the chandelier lights; branded suits and ties; polished shoes; expensive masks; crisp, practiced laughter and words: these filled the eyes of the young adults. But what bothered Myungsoo the most was in the midst of the crowd, he saw his father. He quickly bowed his head, and pulled Sungyeol out.

   “Let me borrow your mask,” he said.

   “What? You said you didn’t want one!”

   Myungsoo his lower lip, the spark of desperation obvious in his eyes. “Please.”

   Sungyeol couldn’t even ask the reason why, because he knew he wouldn’t receive an answer anyway. He handed him his silver mask, and Myungsoo said a quick thanks before wearing it. They received a text from Jungshin saying they should hurry since the program was about to begin.

   Myungsoo’s heart was pounding, and he knew the seed of anger he buried deep within his heart was starting to grow again. Then and there, he realized, that he wasn’t able to let go. The curtains parted, and the party started. The lights were dim, and the languid chatter from the audience filled the baroque hall, filled with intricate designs from the ceiling down to the floor. Myungsoo was able to sing his parts, imagining that one day in a local café, when Suzy yelled his name and when he stepped down from the stage only to embrace her. He remembered the short letter Daehyun gave him. He imagined how Suzy said she knew it was him, because of his voice. And he wondered if his father knew it was him who was singing.

   But that would be too much of a stupid stretch.

   The first part of the show was over, and they decided to take a short break. They had to eat already. One staff told them to go to the fifth floor, where the dining hall for the performers was located. Apparently, many events were being held on that day. Myungsoo had to go to the toilet first, so he urged the rest to carry on. By the time he went to the elevator, two other people caught up. He stiffened up upon seeing his father and a voluptuous woman who was wearing a red, backless dress. He went to the very corner. The bastard didn’t even acknowledge his presence, since his eyes were glued on her. The moment the doors close in front of them, his father caressed the woman’s back.

   “Not here,” she whispered. “Someone’s watching.”

   A slurred purr escaped from his lips. He kissed the nape of her neck. “He won’t know a thing.”

   The elevator stopped on the third floor. The woman stepped out first, and before Myungsoo could even stop himself, he yanked his father by the collar. He pushed him down on the floor, placed one of his knees on his chest and started punching him with an anguished cry. His mask fell, and he didn’t care if the woman was already crying for help. He could hear the sound of his mad heartbeat, and the sensation of his fists hitting his father’s flesh. The rest, however, was numbness.

   “You bastard!” he cried. “Was my mother not enough? Was the one when I was two not enough? What the hell was that? He won’t know a thing? What do you take me for, huh? What about Daehyun’s freaking mother?! Was she not enough? Do you really have to touch every woman you meet? Damn you! Damn—”

   “Myungsoo, stop!” he felt Sungyeol’s strong arms trying to pull him away, and he fought with all his might.

   “Let me go!” he choked out, warm tears already emerging from his eyes. His face was flushed with anger. “Let me go! I’m not done with him yet!”

   His father slowly sat up straight, and wiped the blood away from the corner of his mouth with the sleeve of his expensive suit. Soon enough, even Jonghyun and Jungshin were holding Myungsoo back. He was thrashing his body, trying to break away. People from the rooms slowly opened their door, trying to see what the matter was.

   “Daehyun loved you!” he sobbed, trying to break free from their tight grip. “He always said good words about you! Damn you…”

   He lost his train of thoughts when he saw the woman approach his father, a concerned look on her face.

   “Are you even his freaking wife?” he fired at her. “Get away from him!”

   “Myungsoo, please!” Jonghyun cried.

   “Shut up!” he shot back. He was already heaving. Everything was nothing but a painful blur to him. He faced his father once again. “Daehyun—”

   “Is dead,” his father finished off for him. Abruptly. Coldly. “Myungsoo, he’s dead and gone.”

   “And I wish it were you, instead,” he seethed. He pushed himself away and walked the opposite direction.

   “Should I call the police?” he heard the woman ask.

   “No, you don’t have to,” his father replied.

   Myungsoo clenched his fists tightly, and shook his head once, hoping that it would do the trick for his focus to sharpen up. The other three followed after him.

   “Go and get the instruments,” Sungyeol instructed the other two. “Tell the manager that something personal has come up, and so we need to go. If they don’t pay us, it’s fine. Just apologize.”

   Jungshin urged Jonghyun to come with him. By the time they were a good distance away, Myungsoo’s pace slowed down. Sungyeol walked behind him, with his hands in his pockets.

   “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “Everything got ruined because of me.”

   “You’re the quiet type, but I noticed that you’ve a bad temper, too,” Sungyeol pointed out. “I’m worse, so, though I don’t understand the situation, I acknowledge that you got angry.”

   Myungsoo scoffed.

   “But don’t be angry for long,” Sungyeol added. “It’ll kill you.”

   Soon, Daehyun’s words echoed in his mind once again: “But if it isn’t what God wants, then I’m praying that I will obey and not whine and not be angry. But if I ever become angry, then I’m praying that I won’t be angry for long.”

   “I’m sorry,” he whispered more to himself, and he knew it wasn’t directed at Sungyeol, or at Daehyun. It was directed at God.

<:>

   Suzy opened the door for Myungsoo. In an instant, her eyes softened up. “Why are your eyes swollen? Did you cry?”

   Without a word he entered the house. She closed the door behind them. He looked around. It was empty.

   “They all went grocery shopping,” Suzy explained. “I was too tired from school earlier, so I decided to stay. It’s a good thing, though. You forgot your key earlier so—” she trailed off. Myungsoo hugged her tightly, and he rested his face on her shoulder. Before she knew it, her shirt started to get damp.

   “What really happened?” she asked.

   He slowly shook his head. He could smell the faint scent of her. Tenderly, she patted his back. “Myungsoo, why don’t we pray together?”

<:>

   That same evening, Myungsoo rode the train going to Pastor Kang’s home. He knocked on the door, and with a welcoming smile the pastor opened it. He was already in his comfortable pajamas.

   “Myungsoo-yah, I’ve been waiting for you.”

   “But…I didn’t even text you beforehand.”

   A warm chuckle escaped from Pastor Kang’s lips. “The Holy Spirit told me someone would visit. Please, come in.”

   Myungsoo pondered on Pastor Kang’s explanation, but he entered anyway. He led him to the living room, where a tray of food was already set.  The young man realized that he was hungry.

   Soon enough, he told what had happened.

   “I was so angry,” Myungsoo admitted. “It felt like everything rushed back in my thoughts, as if I’ve never really forgotten them. And I think I really haven't. It was my third time catching him with another woman who wasn’t my mother, and it hurts.”

   He sniffed. “Pastor, is it a sin to be angry?”

   “There are two kinds of anger,” Pastor Kang explained. “Righteous anger and fleshly anger. The former is God’s kind of anger.”

   “How can anger be righteous?”

   He thought for a moment. “Let’s say there are a group of people who are against child trafficking. One day they traced the whereabouts of the organization. They burned the building down. That, Myungsoo, is not righteous anger. It isn’t legal, and furthermore, this can cause harm to other people.”

   Myungsoo swallowed. “I did that because I saw him with another woman. Is that righteous?”

   Pastor Kang looked straight into his eyes. “It’s okay to be angry because you see people going against God’s commandments. What isn’t okay is if your anger hurts someone else, be it physically or mentally. Don’t let your anger become an excuse for you to sin.”

   “How do you do that, Pastor?”

   “Be honest with God. Tell Him how you really feel about the situation, and ask for spiritual guidance. In all your ways, Myungsoo, acknowledge God. He will make a way.”

   Myungsoo shook his head slowly. “It isn’t easy.”

   “I know. We’re even told to love our enemies, but,” he smiled at Myungsoo warmly. “It’s worth it.”

   Not long after, the young man confessed, while blushing, “I hugged Suzy earlier. I just…I just needed someone to hold.”

   Pastor nodded knowingly, an amused smile gracing his lips.

   “She’s a good friend,” he carried on, with a gentler tone of voice. “She shines.”

<:>

   Pastor Kang gave Myungsoo a ride home, and he was surprised to see that the lights were still on. He brought his key with him, and so, he opened the door by himself. What greeted him was the whole Bae family.

   “You’re home!” Sang Moon cried. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

   Myungsoo could only smile in return. His eyes were still swollen, but his heart felt lighter.

   You’re home! I’ve been waiting for you.

   He wondered if God would tell that to him.

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
- Ephesians 4:27