It has been ten years, since Hyesung had discovered his feelings for Eric. His feeling for him had always been more than anything he had felt towards the other members or any other person around him.

He has loved Eric for a long time already but nobody knew about it and nobody was ever going to find out either.

All those years he had done his best to pretend that Eric was a thorn in his eye, always getting away from him as soon as the other tried to get close.

Hyesung just couldn't bear it.

At first he had wanted to deny the fact that he was in love with Eric, but soon he had to accept that it just wasn't possible. Hyesung had never been good at lying or denying anything, especially not something as strong as his feelings of love.

Later he would be especially touchy with his love interest after deciding that this was all he could ever get from him, but only after a few months had Hyesung began to feel that horrible pain in his chest every time the two of them would get close to each other or have fun together. That's when Hyesung settled on the oil and water concept. That would keep a safe distance between the two of them.

Like that nobody was every going to find out about his feelings. Especially not Eric.

~

„Is that real. That thing is not real, is it?“

The members were gathered on the set of Shinhwa Broadcast, some of them still getting their make-up done when Minwoo and Hyesung couldn't help but notice the weirdly shaped electronic device embedded on the table in the center of the set.

„What is that?“, Hyesung asked, really not having a clue, because this was one of the episodes whose content wasn't told to them beforehand.

„Looks like a lie detector. Ah right, Andy mentioned something about it some time ago...“ Minwoo touched the long needle-like-thing with his finger and smiled at Hyesung who didn't really know what to think of this whole thing.

This was definitely going to be a really hilarious episode, no questioning it, but what exactly where they going to do with this thing?

„Looks real... like those they use in court.“
„They don't use lie detectors in court“, Hyesung laughed and took a look himself. Honestly, it really looked like something out of the movies, but surely this thing couldn't be the real deal. Surely, it wasn't.

When everything was ready for the record and the director handed the members some sheets, Hyesung couldn't help but wonder about it's content.

„Two questions you would like to ask about your members?“, he read out loud and exchanged confused looks with Junjin.

„Yea, see the lie detector? This time we'll try to discover Shinhwa's most embarrassing and interesting secrets.“ The director smiled at the confused bunch of guys. „So fill out the paper and we can start. And don't be shy about the questions, it's anonymous after all.“
„Wait a moment, this thing is seriously real?“, Andy asked.
„Of course it is.“

Beside Hyesung the other members seemd to be seriously excited and if it hadn't been for Hyesung's secret - which was being in love with Eric - being threatened to be discovered, he would have probably felt the same, but... this was a complete disaster!

One of them was certainly going to ask about his relationship with Eric and if this thing was as real as it looked, he would be doomed.

What to do?

Well, he could still pray, that for once, they were going to leave their relationship out and ask about other things, but honestly Hyesung doubted that.

He could already feel the members looking at him smirking as they all sat down in different corners to secretly write down their master-minded questions.

Normally Hyesung would have used the situation to make some of s suffer, but at that moment he couldn't think of anything more interesting than „tell me, what did you eat for breakfast.“

After about 20 minutes all of them were finished, handed the papers to the director and the show started. They shared their opinion about the lie detector, made some hilarious jokes and Hyesung acted like he always did, but at the same time was trying really hard not to flip. 

This was a disaster!

Surely they weren't going to air whatever answers he would give them for their Eric-related questions, because his whole scheme would be discovered, but his worst fear has always been Eric himself finding out about his feelings.

Hyesung was probably totally overreacting, and he knew that, but he just couldn't help thinking of the really high possibility of this being the last day of his secret love.

„Then, who's gonna start? I've already picked out the most interesting questions.“ The director smiled as he went though the sheets. „By the way, one of you was dumb enough to ask questions, which can't be answered with either yes or no, so these ones will be excluded.“ He didn't say the name, but looked at Hyesung, probably because he knew his handwriting, but Hyesung had other things to care about just then.

„I'll do it“, Junjin said excited and sat down next to the equipment. 

The preparation took a while and they had to explain how exactly it worked, but then they started asking the questions.

„First question. Are you or have you ever cheated on your girlfriend?“

Junjin answered with a quick and honest no. Whoever had asked the question must have been really dumb, because Junjin and cheating? No, that just didn't fit at all. But the next question bothered Hyesung a lot more.

„Second question. Is there anything big you know about one of the members, which is so big, that it could never be mentioned here on Shinhwa Broadcast?“

At first Junjin didn't answer, the question had to be repeated and when Hyesung and him locked eyes for a moment, Hyesung knew.

He might have been able to fool the other members, his family and everyone else, but not Junjin. He had probably known all along.

His feelings for Eric was the only secret Hyesung had, so there was no questioning it, that Junjin meant that one.

„No.“ Was the answer Junjin gave and of course the needle went off, showing that he had lied.
„Who's secret? Tell us", Dongwan demanded and kept looking at him, having the fun of his life.
„I don' know, what you're talking about. I honestly don't know.“ Junjin laughed like he always did. „This thing must be broken.“
„Ya, isn't this dangerous? Shouldn't you ask other questions?“, Eric asked a bit worried about their image.
„That's what the viewers want to see. Some of them are just too bori- Ah another one for Junjin.“

„Third question. Can your friends trust you completely?“

Again he was silent for a while, but this time he answered before the question had to be repeated.

„Apparently they can't.“
„You need to answer with yes or no or th-“
„No.“

Hyesung was feeling terrible. He loved Junjin, the both of them were great friends and had always been closest to each other in the group, but this was just something he couldn't have told anyone. Junjin knew what this was about, so he should understand...

That's what Hyesung was sure of, but at the same time he knew, that he could have trusted Junjin with his secret. He could have, but...

„Okay, next, Dongwan.“ The guys exchanged the seats and for the next 20 minutes both Dongwan and Minwoo were asked a lot of stupid and revealing questions, leaving Hyesung shivering for his own questioning.

„It's your turn now“, the director pointed at Hyesung with his rolled up paper and watched him go to the center seat in a very slow pace.

Maybe he could fake a heart attack or some kinda sudden stomach ache, but he was a terrible actor. All Hyesung could do was pray that they weren't going to ask any Eric-related questions.

„First question“, the voice of the speaker announced, which was actually just a stuff member reading out the questions the director had handed him, but that didn't stop Hyesung's heart from stopping, when he heard it.

„You've not been in a real relationship, ever. Is there any specific reason for that?“

„No“, Hyesung answered without thinking and of course the needle went off immediately. 

They wouldn't have needed the lie detector to know that he wasn't telling the truth, since he was starting to sweat like crazy, fearing the revealing of his so important secret.

„Uhh, Hyesung, so there is a reason after all“, Minwoo joked and the other members started to make jokes as well.

„So what is it“, Eric then asked and somehow Hyesung couldn't bear to be asked about that by the man of fault himself. „The reason...“
„Non of your business“, Hyesung just blurted out, without thinking about it again and turned to the director. „Next question please.“

„Second question.“

Could this even get any worse? Hyesung was a terrible liar, how was he going to explain that relationship-thing later? No way they were gonna let him off just like that.

„Do you like guys?“

The members and the stuff started to laugh at the question, Junjin forcing himself when Hyesung was about to totally flip.

„Who the hell asked that?“, he really wanted to know and looked around in the faces of his so-called best friends, who had just risked his idol-life to be completely ruined and most importantly all of their relationships with each other.

„Come on Hyesungie, it's funny, isn't it?“, Eric laughed and Hyesung should have known.
„You...“

„Answer the question“, the director demanded seriously and Hyesung looked at him in shock. 
„This is not a serious question, how am I supposed to answer it seriously?“
„Just do it.“
„Well then yes, yea right, I'm gay“, he said, trying to sound as sarcastic as possible and laughing a bit. „Come on this is ridiculous.“

To his shock the detector went off.

„Heh, so he really isn't.“ Dongwan laughed and both Hyesung and Junjin looked curiously at the weird red lines the needle had been leaving on the white paper. 

„I'm not... gay?“, Hyesung whispered to himself. 

Well, he had never been interested in any other guy than Eric, but did that mean that he wasn't gay? Then what was he? Just in love with Eric? Well, just great!

„Third question.“
„God, this is not over yet.?!“

„Do you really not like Eric?“

Hyesung swallowed hard as he watched Eric, who was sitting by his side and waiting for his answer.

„No“, he then answered honestly and shocked everyone, even though they all knew too well that he didn't really dislike him. Of course, he didn't. Even if he hadn't been in love with him and there would have been no reason to act the way he acts towards him, he would still not dislike him.

„It's true!“, Minwoo screamed as he looked at the result of the lie detector, seeming seriously shocked.

„Come on, of course I like him. We're members“, Hyesung said, sounding really sincere and he was actually quite proud of himself for being able to fool everyone like that.

„Then why are you always acting like that towards me?“, Eric asked with a loud voice as a result of Hyesung's statement, seeming strangely jumpy and amused at the same time.

„Because you're annoying and your reactions are funny.“

„You're sure it's not because you love me so much more than you would ever like to admit?“, Eric continued asking jokingly and Hyesung answered with his usual smirk.

„Yes.“

At that moment Hyesung was sure he had successfully fooled everyone, but when the needle suddenly went off making the hardest sounds it had made that whole day, the members went quite for a while carefully watching the needle.

„Wait a moment...“, Dongwan said, the first one of them saying anything, and stood up, looking at the needle and then again at speechless Hyesung.

„Are you in love with Eric?“, he asked with a grin on his face, not expecting anyone to make such a big deal out of this.

Hyesung had been right. This day had just turned into the day he was gonna be discovered by all of them for having fooled them for the past 10 years about having no such feelings as love for anyone, while he had been loving , who had been right next to him, all the time.

What was he going to say?

„Are you in love with me?“, Eric then asked, sounding way more amused than Hyesung could handle.

He stood up furiously, ripping of the weird wire that had been attached to him and not leaving his eyes from Eric, who was now looking at him weirdly, expecting anything to happen.

„Don't take me for a ing fool“, he screamed, his voice shivering.

At that moment Hyesung would have liked to let everything out. Scream and Eric for not getting his feelings and for daring to make fun of them like that, but... how was it any of Eric's fault?!

Hyesung could have told him after all, but he hadn't, because he was a coward. Because he was afraid of the consequences, afraid of being rejected.

„I don't like this stupid game. Just cut the last question out“, Hyesung said calming himself and sitting down in his seat again, leaving the rest of the set in silence, wondering about his little tantrum.

„I'm sorry, I was just joking, of course I know that you're not in love with me. Why would you? I'm sorry, Hyesung“, Eric apologized strangely sincer, but Hyesung just shook his head.

That's not, what he wanted to hear at all.

From then on no one dared to ask Hyesung any more questions about the strange results of his questioning and everyone painfully pretended that nothing had happened. The director confirmed that he would cut out the last part of his questioning and that's how the recording ended.

~

Three weeks had gone by since that horrible day of filming and Hyesung still couldn't get over the fact that he had displayed his feelings just like that to everyone who had been present on the set.

They surely weren't going to jump to the right conclusion, that Hyesung was actually in love with Eric, but now everyone knew that something wasn't right. Something about Hyesung just wasn't right and soon Junjin wouldn't be the only one to know.

„Since when have you known?“, Hyesung asked Junjin who was sitting on his sofa, picking out the most delicious looking nuts from the bowl.

„Honestly, from the beginning but I've never really been sure. Otherwise I would have approached you, but... it would have been embarrassing, if my assumption had been wrong.“

Hyesung was relieved that Junjin didn't seem mad at all,  but he still had some what of a bad conscience.

„I should have told you... I'm sorry.“ He honestly was.
„Don't be sorry, I probably wouldn't have told anyone either... I mean it's kind of a big thing.“
„Yea... it is.“

The two of them stared silently at anything but each others eyes.

Would Hyesung be able to talk about it now? Had he found someone he could have serious conversations with. over his disgustingly sad love for Eric?

„But you should have told me... not for me, but for you. It must have been hard keeping that secret for all those years.“ Junjin was so right, Hyesung just nodded in response.

„Do you... are you like... feeling sad? Are you alright?“, Junjin knew that it sounded weird and when Hyesung said that he was okay, he knew immediately that he wasn't. „Somehow I feel really bad for you...“
„You don't need to.“
„But I do... I would like to help you with... Eric. You never know, maybe he also likes you back, you just didn't noti-“
„Do you really think that?“, Hyesung knew that it wasn't the fact.

Eric didn't like him. It was true that he has always been kinda unhappy with Hyesung treating him badly, but not because he was hurt by it, but because he didn't get why. Eric just wanted to know what made him different from the other members. He wasn't sincerely concerned with Hyesung's feelings towards him.

„At least try something... you've already wasted a long time... try...“
„Try what? Should I jump him?“, Hyesung laughed cynically.
„Well, maybe not that, but... if you don't have a better idea, jumping it shall be.“
„Jin-ah!“
„I know I know... sorry, I just don't know how to approach... a guy.“
„Me neither. Before I do anything wrong, I'll just let it be. Sooner or later my feelings will disappear, I'm sure of that.“ 

No, actually Hyesung was sure that it was the exact opposite. He would probably always love that foolish and manly guy called Eric, who just made him go crazy.

„Are you seriously saying that you've never tried it with a guy before?“, Junjin asked suddenly, seeming really confused.
„Of course not, I'm not gay... it's just Eric.“
„Is that so...“

Hyesung who had been awkward standing at the side of the sofa decided to sit down next to his best friend and himself starting picking out nuts.

„Can I ask you something?“, Junjin asked all of a sudden and stopped the movement of his hands, concentrating on Hyesung's eyes for the first time.
„Yes?“, he asked nervously.
„What is it, that made you fall in love with Eric?... You're not gay so... why Eric?“

Hyesung himself had thought about that question a bunch of times, but in the end he always came to the same conclusion.

„I just love him.“
„Why?“
„I just do... it's like I'm resistant against everything I should not like about Eric. I just love all about him, even his awkward way of not settling on either being a funny idiot or a quite serious person... it's like I... I just-“
„You just love him, yeah, I get it.“ Junjin smiled and looked at the table again. „I'll help you with him.“
„No, Junjin it's usele-“
„I'll help you. Eric hasn't been in a serious relationship for years either. Maybe he also has a similar reason like you do. Sometimes you yourself just don't notice stuff like that, because you'll think that you're having false hope again, but... ". Junjin seemed to be remmebering something "sometimes Eric is different around you, like he's keeping something from you.“
„Yea, I noticed that too, but don't think too much into it. It's probably something really banal.“ Hyesung really didn't want to have false hope, that was true. He didn't want to hope for something that would never happen.
„Maybe it isn't.“

Hyesung would have loved to believe Junjin, but he didn't. Eric didn't feel that way towards him and he would never do.

„Just trust me“, Junjin said with an honest smile on his face.

And for a very short second Hyesung did.