"Tick Tock"

Qian's POV

Tick tock tick tock tick tock...

11:42 pm

I tore my eyes away from my bed side table, as I turn around in bed for the umpteenth time tonight. The day had passed quickly today. After Nichkhun and I had eaten, we had made our way back to the performance hall, where the whole of our year had commenced our rehearsals on the stage. I hadn't seen the girls much, apart from when they were on stage. Whenever we were taking a break, they were busy and vice versa. In fact, we hadn't spoken at all.

After Nichkhun had dropped me off home, I had just wandered the house aimlessly, before settling in bed. My family, along with Lian, were attending some occasion to do with the Song family - I had only just managed to get out of it by insisting I had too much work to do. Truthfully, I just wasn't in the mood to pretend to like a bunch of people I hardly knew. Still, it was quite rare that I would have to attend such an event, when we were in Seoul any way. It must be some family visiting from China...

I hadn't heard them come home, but I wasn't worried. On the rare occasion they stayed out passed 8pm, they stayed out for most of the night.

He's coming back tomorrow.

No he isn't. Why sould he.

He promised. Tomorrows the day.

Tomorrows the day.

It's nearly 12 'o clock. Nearly the day of his supposed arrival.

Tick tock tick tock.

I sighed, sitting up as another few minutes passed uneventfully, flinging the covers off myself. There was no point lying in bed fully awake. Not to mention the fact I'm close to insanity due to the continous questions hovering in my mind. I swing my legs out of bed, leaning my elbows on my knees, as I rest my head in my hands, massaging my temples. I can't stop thinking. This whole day, I've been thinking about him. Us. And it is not healthy. Walking around school expecting remembering the feeling of him at my side, arriving home getting flash backs of him at my door step. Even earlier with Nichkhun, it was like I was with Changmin. Almost.

I miss him. So much. And it is finally getting too much for me. It isn't letting me live my life. But again, thinking about it won't help. Looking for a solution when there are only dead ends isn't constructive. It is out of my hands.

But in ten minutes, I'll know.

With another sigh, I stand up from my bed, grabbing my phone from my bedside cabinet and making my way to my light switch. I look around the illuminated room, seeing all the times we sat here together. When he was tirelessly waiting for me to get ready so we could go out, when he was bothering me about my homework, even the times we fought and he'd finally give in, hushing me as I cried. My body has a mind of its own as I walk toward the window, and look down at the empty street, remembering the times he would wake me from my sleep and sneak me out for a midnight picnic, or a stroll in the park. It was perfect. Most of the time. But now the road was empty and dark. I shake my head again, trying to see off the nostalgia as I turn around and leave the room without glancing back. 

Coming downstairs apparenlty isn't such as good idea, as I reach the landing, my whole living room filled with ghosts of the past. I swear I can see the first time he walked through the door and introduced himself to my parents, shaking my fathers hand, and making my mother chuckle with his charisma and charm. They loved him, both of them, immediately. Of course they did. Why wouldn't they? They had even been satisfied with me drifting away from Jin, if it was Changmin replacing him. Changmin had seemed to never believed that.

I take a deep breath, and walk though the room, dispelling the memories that vanish around me. Standing in the middle of the vast living room, I sigh as I wonder what to do. My eyes flicker to the kitchen and my stomach growls. I haven't cooked today. I cam straight home and went up to my room. I walk toward the stove, but freeze as another memory engulfs me. Changmin hovering around impatiently, waiting for me to finish cooking. Catching me by surprise by back-hugging me when I was washing up. I narrow my eyes, beginning to tire of all this strain. I practically stomp past the stove, grabbing a packet of instant ramen, and opening it quickly. Lian lived off  this stuff, through all those long university study nights. I myself preferred to cook and rarely ate the stuff, but it did taste nice. In a very-bad-for-you sort of way.

I stand around the kitchen as I wait for the microwave to finish, inspecting the room. We used to have chefs in the kitchen, and we still have a few maids who is here most of the time, silently working somewhere, since the house is big enough not to run into one and other often. But I'd eventually persuaded my parents that there was no point in any kitchen staff; I do most of the cooking for myself, and mother and father hardly eat at home. Besides, its a strange feeling, having strangers in your house.

My wandering eyes land on the fridge, on which is a sheet of white paper. I squint as I recognise my school logo on the top right corner. Walking forward, I reach the fridge, taking the letter down and scanning it curiously.

~~~~~

Concerning Students of Seoul School of Performing Arts & Parent/Carers of those included,

As I'm sure you are all aware, the date of the highly anticipated showcase is nearing rapidly. This event is not only to provide parents/carers with an insight as to the activities and quality of learning here at Seoul Arts High, but also to provide our students with the opportunity to perform in front of a live audience, thereby gaining experiences to strengthen the foundation of their performing skills. Additionally, the students should be aware that this is not only a showcase, but an assessment, the grade of which will contribute to their final certificate of secondary education here at Seoul Arts High. Therefore, you should all understand our concern and efforts to make and do everything we can to ensure our students perform to their greatest ability. 

It is for this reason that the school has arranged an altered scheduel over the next few days. School will be open during the weekend, and a over-time day on Monday as it is the last day for preparation before the showcase. All students will be expected to be on time to register each day The layout and details are as follows:

Saturday 16th June - School is open from 8am. The day will begin an hour early and students will be expected to arrive for a dress rehearsal. Costumes will be provided. School will end at 5pm.

​ 

Sunday 17th June - School is open from 10am - 3pm. This day is not mandatory for the students progress, however, it is a resource that should be used to the fullest advantage. This day is to allow the students additional practise is required, within the main school building, and practise rooms. The performing arts team will also be present between these hours.

​

Monday 18th June - School opens at 9am. All students are expected to attend. This will be the final and most important full dress rehearsal; everything will be as if on the real day. The day will progress with continuous run throughs, and students are expected to be fully professional. The day will end at 4pm. 

​

Tuesday 30th June - School is open from 8am, to allow students to have final rehearsals, however these are not mandatory. Students must all be present at 1pm, when there will be one last dress rehearsal, after which the students are free to prepare, before the show case commenses at 6pm. The show case is expected to finish at approximately 9pm, but depends upon events of the day.

​Hopefully, the students will utilise the extra time given, and perform their best on the day. 

Goodluck,

Director Jang & The Performing Arts Team of Seoul High

~~~~~

I bite my lip as I finish reading, nodding in comprehension, before, lifting the paper, to see an invitation, alowing up to four entries. They haven't asked us how many people will be attending, but I guess they had to set some kind of limit any way. My parents, and Lian are probably coming, so it four is well enough. I scan the formal invitation, which seems to have be completed professionally, before attaching the letter back where it was with a magnet. The school had aready told us time and time again what the layout of the next few days would be, but I guess they want to ensure no one has an excuse not to attend.

I turn as the microwave ends its run, grabbing a pair of chopsticks from the rack.

Five minutes later, I'm sitting down in front of the T.V. my mind blank as I stare at the show without really listening. It's just some random drama I managed to find the quickest. Whatever it takes to stop me from thinking. Well, its either stop thinking or think about him, and I'm getting tired of doing the latter. Still, find myself staring past the T.V. up at the clock, counting down the minutes as it ticks.

11:55. 11:56. 11:57. 11:58. 11:59.

An abrupt buzzing snaps me out of my sub-conscious state, and my gaze flickers down to the coffe table, on which my phone lies, the screen lit up. Setting down my untouched ramen, I reach forward and unlock my phone, my eyes glance back up at the clock.

1 New Message

Meimei, stop this. Please try and go to sleep. I know it's hard and I know you can't help it. But you're harming yourself. You have along day tomorrow... He wouldn't have wanted to see you hurting like this. 

I sigh as I read through the message again and again. I don't need to check the sender to know who it is, despite the lack of her usual tone and cute faces. I can almost sense Lian's desperation, her pain that she can't help me, even though she knows I'm hurting. She would avoid the subject of Changmin at all costs, forget using him as comfort, but her want to help has over powered that this one time. Her endearment makes me smile a little. We used to call each other in Madarin all the time,  but since we came to Korea, we kind of fell out of it. We absorbed the culture pretty quickly, learning the language easily. Now we only refer to each other as 'Meimei' and 'Jiejie' when we're alone, when speaking Mandarin. That's become rarer, due to Li's busy first year in uni. Even Suho has been missing from her radar for a little while. I glance at the time, seeing she texted me right on the dot of midnight. An indescribable feeling settles over me, as I glance at the date on my phone. 26th July. It has been exactly a year since I spoke to Changmin. My grip loosens and my phone slips from my hand, landing on the sofa next to me. Pulling up my legs, I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my head on my knees, staring into space. I inhale and exhale steadily, measuring time in my breaths as I sit completely still, no longer aware of the emptiness in my stomach, ther the absence of something greater.

Around 900 breaths later, a soft knocking draws my attention away from my breathing patterns, and towards the front door. My gaze moves to the