thank you for your wonderful fanfic banners monsteraynz! I love you very much! 

My world stops the moment Jongin spoke those three words. Not once have I ever waited to hear those words from him, but it’s like a fantasy come true. It feels like all the extreme explosives soared up in my chest and detonated at once, and I’m unable to hold the collisions anymore. My head drops down as the tears in my eyes finally outpour into shameless tears.

Jongin pulls me over before cupping my face up. I am horribly sobbing and sniffling altogether as he gently thumbs the tears from my cheeks. His eyes are a bit wettish while securing me inside his gaze, and I am too overtaken to mollify myself.

"Hey I'm not supposed to make you cry anymore." He says with a quiver of anxiety in his voice.

I shake my head stupidly. "I-I'm s-sorry I just c-cant... contain it.." I respire, and Jongin pauses awhile before releasing a chuckle from his gorgeous mouth. He is giving me that smile again, that smile so beautiful it clenches my heart.

Damn, he is so perfect to me. Despite the games he played, my feelings for him are still so strong. Maybe this is a bit ridiculous, but I am blindingly in love with him. And it is amazing to think, that even though I never revealed myself to him, things just floated in their mysterious ways just so he can find me. I can’t understand why my heart is still hammering despite the joy that I feel. I’m just simply staring at his face but I feel like I'm going to explode. In a quick force, I jump on to him and bury my face on his chest. Jongin jolts in surprise.

"Just give me a moment.." I sniff.

Jongin begins to laugh, and I squeeze tighter in his warmth, locking my arms around his waists embarrassedly. I close my eyes and feel his heartbeat against my cheek, and it’s wonderful, like a lovesong playing just for me. Jongin wraps me all the same, kissing my hair deeply. There’s a different beating in my chest now, an ineffable beat of love that I no longer guilt. All my life, I never wished for much, and I know wishes rarely come true, but Jongin is the greatest one that I secretly, and hopelessly, wished for. In the dull world that I lived, he suddenly came in and brought me into a rollercoaster ride of every color. He might have said that he didn’t take everything seriously before, but he showed me how it is to feel a thousand shades of something more; something of fears and desires and unperceived euphoria. How am I to know these emotions? Just when his mere presence can weaken every breath that I take?

I just can’t stand a chance at all.

*

I’m kind of dumbfounded that my grandparents didn’t even look half-surprised when I introduced Jongin to them. Grandma gave a smile, while grandpa hovered a neutral expression on his face. I was about to raise a brow just when it dawned on me that Jongin might have actually met my grandparents short before I came back from the market.

The evening just fell after that, and having dinner with my grandparents was absolutely inevitable. It isn’t really awkward as I thought, but I can tell that my grandparents are watching the two of us very carefully. Jongin doesn’t seem to notice though, because he never looked elsewhere but me. I feel like my whole face is going to burn from the way he studies my every move, and to be honest I’m starting to feel self-conscious. So I finally return a glare at him and he just smiles softly like a well-behaved sheep.

"So how long have you two been dating?"

I snap up when grandma raises a question. She is giving me an assessing look. My eyes widen as I once again throw a glance at Jongin across me on the table and he simply smiles like a puppy down to his food.

I haven’t even introduced him as my boyfriend yet.

And are we really dating now?

Seeing the hesitance on my face, Grandma speaks again. "This young man told me earlier that he is your boyfriend." She says, "You have never mentioned about him to us at all."

My eyes widen and Jongin purses his lips half-guiltily. Grandpa narrows his gaze towards Jongin's direction, and he’s actually been eyeing Jongin ever since we all sat for dinner. But Jongin doesn’t seem to mind about it even the slightest, and I’m not sure if he's just masking it or what else because seriously, grandpa has been clearly obvious.

Ugh. Where the hell is Jongin getting the confidence about this because honestly I already feel like a dying candle.

I am so nervous and I don’t know why.

"I-I'm sorry.." I murmur.

"What are you sorry for?" Grandma giggles, and Jongin looks up again to stare at me. His eyes are calm and insuring, as if he’s telling me that there's nothing to be nervous about.

"We are just so surprised darling." Grandma continues in an easy tone. "So tell us how you two met?"

There is a beat of silence. My heart bounces inside my chest as my mind whirls around the memories I can’t afford to share. What's worst, I can’t even think of anything to say.

"Beyond ordinary," Jongin suddenly answers. With gaze so meaningful, he takes me inside his eyes, and I see the moments we've been through. I feel like our hearts got connected or something and I never imagined it would feel as overwhelming as this. Jongin turns to look at grandma, and pulls his lips in a thin smile. "Mrs. Park."

"Y-Yeah," I agree brainlessly.

Jongin chuckles, and it throws my nervousness to fly.

By the rest of dinner, my grandparents keep on giving us advices about long and healthy relationships. Apparently they are lecturing us to not do repulsive things since we are still young. But just then, I suddenly feel Jongin's foot teasing mine under the table and I round my eyes at him because it's really inappropriate especially right at the moment that my grandparents are directly telling us not to engage in provocative skinship. Jongin just responds with a smirk, and I feel my cheeks flushing hot.

I really don’t know what do about him. But Jongin will always be Jongin, and I love that Jongin on top of everything.

After we're all done eating, I help grandma clean up the table whilst Jongin disappears with grandpa somewhere in the house. I can’t understand why my heart is thrumming worriedly about it but I just wish Jongin will do well with him. Compared to grandma, grandpa is more protective with so many things in his ground and I guess I am hoping for grandpa to like Jongin with ease.

"Your grandfather will like him, don’t worry." Grandma suddenly speaks, and I snap straight up to realize that I’ve been spacing out for a while. I exhale deeply as I pull my lips to smile.

"He's handsome." Grandma flips the topic so casually which makes my face heat-up in no time. "I can see that you really like him." She says warmly as she turns the faucet on to rinse the plates. My heart picks up unexpectedly as I stare at her. Slowly, I nod.

"A lot." I add.

"Then why did you leave him in Seoul?" She asks, "Little arguments and misunderstandings?"

I snap to look at her before sighing down. "It's not.. technically.. like that.. i-it's just that… I—" I take a breath as I lower my voice down. "I wasn’t supposed to... love him."

"Why not?" She asks, "He loves you." Grandma pauses and stares at me straight in the eye. "He even travelled miles all by himself to see you."

"Well y-yes, but uhh... I.. I was—I never thought—I mean I didn’t know he—there's just—" I sigh as I can’t really explain the whole story to her. I groan, pouting in defeat.  "It's really complicated, grandma."

My face grows so problematic that it brings grandma to laugh joyously. I must have looked like a complete flame-out or the other else of the same sense.

"You are so adorable, darling." Grandma chuckles.

After the cleaning in the kitchen, grandma takes me to one of the spare rooms in the house. It was supposedly my room but it was too big for my liking so I just picked the other one near the back door. Grandma instructs me to dust-off the mattress since Jongin will be sleeping there. I blink at her in utter surprise and she tells me that she and grandpa decided to compel Jongin to stay the night since it is already dangerously dark to drive back alone. I secretly smile as I think about my grandparent's concern for him.

Trudging out to get extra pillows, I finally catch a glimpse of grandpa and Jongin at the living room. Grandpa pats Jongin on the shoulder and Jongin bows in respect. There's a few more exchange of words and finally grandpa leaves him alone. I’m about to take it as an opportunity to come closer to him, but he turns to the bathroom, so I stop and wait in front of the door till he comes out. After short minutes, Jongin comes out wearing different clothes. I have to clasp my mouth fast just to prevent myself from laughing at him because he's wearing my grandfather's farm clothes, and they’re actually too short for him. Jongin steps back when he sees me and he immediately makes a pouty expression on his face which I find so cute nevertheless.

He is still ridiculously hot, by the way.

"Tell me why I need to wear this?" He deadpans for himself, and I just quiver with how squishy he is when he's frustrated.

"Because you can’t comfortably sleep in your polo and jeans?"

"Your grandparents are just way too nice—that's the answer."

"You look cute."

"Cute?!" He makes a drastic expression.

"You sound like your brother." I giggle.

Jongin chuckles in realization. He is just so not aware how adorable he is when he laughs like this. He has two kinds of smiles; one that sweeps you off your feet and two that frustrates you all the more. It’s these things that remind me that falling in love with him is all drawn and hypnotic, and I’m just one of his poor victims.

"Do you want to go outside?" I say when his laughter died down. Jongin just shrugs, but I know what he means.

There is a wooden picnic bench closest to my vegetable garden. Jongin sits there while I excuse myself for a moment to water my beloved cabbages. I have already showed him all the other ones, and it didn’t take us long to round the entire yard. On the midst of my watering business, I notice Jongin intently watching me, and it abruptly brings my mind to think that I might be boring him. So I immediately trudge my way towards him and sit down. We are so silent. Jongin is simply staring at me and I fidget on the bench nervously. God I must be really boring him to the highest rate of boredom, aren’t I?

"S-So.." I start, "I.. I uh.. I.." I make a ridiculously awkward laugh and bite my lip. "I really don’t know what to say.." I exhale and Jongin raises his two eyebrows before bursting to chuckles.

"Are you really like that?" Jongin laughs, and I blink fast as my heart starts beating rapidly in my chest.

"Like that what?" I shiver.

"Awkwardly adorable," He squirms with a palpable glint in his eyes. "Queasy... Reticent... Convulsive..."

My eyes tremble. I frown down before peeking back at him through my lashes. "Y-Yeah." I nod shamefully.

"For someone so beautiful you are incredibly self-conscious." He mutters so casually and it brings my heart to rise and fall.

"I'm sorry."

"Why do you always apologize?" His mouth forms into an amused shape.

I snap and freeze. Jongin is looking at me intensely. I sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Say sorry one more time and I'm gonna kiss you and I don’t care if your grandparents are watching us right now."

I round my eyes and quickly turn, catching my grandparents peeking at us from the window. When I whirl back, Jongin smirks. "Cops."

"M-My grandparents are a b-bit strict." I explain with an upshot of added discomfort knowing that my grandparents are spying on us two.

"Your grandfather warned me," He suddenly opens, and I look up. "He warned me not to touch you."

"And what did you say?"

"Of course I assured him I won’t," But Jongin gives me a mischievous wink causing the butterflies in my stomach to flitter in chaos. I go crimson and he starts to flick his eyebrows up and down. Damn, this man is noxious and always will. He can run people around his palm and still be victorious.

"I did well, okay? He's not gonna kill me." He says.

"You're wicked." I pretend to snort.

"Handsome and wicked and you love me." He smirks.

I scoff. "So that’s why you supposed you'd be my boyfriend even before talking to me," I try to sound violated but in a jesting way, pertaining about the tenacious topic we all had during dinner.

Jongin just grins childishly.

"You really know you'd get me, don’t you?" I say, and suddenly Jongin switches his expression into a completely serious one. His eyes darken, and he exhales briefly.

"Even if I didn’t, I'd still do anything to get you." He says, and his tone is downright expressive.  I hold my breath and he presses his lips in a thin line.

We become silent afterwards. He doesn’t have any idea how his words exploded like a grenade inside of me, and I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know how to consume this impingement that he feels the same way for me, because I have already been eaten by the inner wars of my delusion and reality; my heartaches and desires; and I cant stand above this certainty—just yet.

"You do realize that you still don’t know me that well, right?" I ask, "You said it yourself, I am convulsive and awkward and are they okay with you?"

I am breathing heavily. The dryness is itching my throat. "Do you know that I am homeschooled? The only knowledge that I have are from books. I am benighted of the actual things. I know too less of everything, and I don’t have friends, and I am dull, and I falter too easily.." My eyes begin to wet and perhaps it's because I've always been frustrated with the diffidence of my life, and I just surrendered to live with it despite the times that I’d also wondered how it would be like if I could only just be a little stronger to express myself. But I still remained on that secluded ground all because my ignorance and fears were greater than my strengths.

"You...” I shiver, “You are amazing... You've been living with the amazing things, a-and I... I'm not even close to those..." Shaking, I stare straight into Jongin’s confounding eyes and choke with my breath. "I.. I've always wanted you to love me..." I say, "I've always dreamed for this to happen... But then, what if... what if you realize—"

"I love you more than you think," Jongin cuts me off. His mouth clenches and his eyes become sharp. My next words freeze in my mouth and I become speechless, astounded, from the offended look on his beautiful face.

"Before you came, I thought I have figured everything out; that love is just a disease of the mind and it does nothing good but to unveil the weaknesses in us... But you know what? I am willing to be weak just to be with you and I don’t care about your flaws because your flaws lead me to love you." He sighs, "You are you because of your imperfections and you are more than okay to me—You are more than I thought I'll ever ask for." His eyes pierce into mine as his chest heaves with deep breaths. His face is basking and divulging emotions that I have never seen in him before and they are giving him the difficulty, but he is keeping himself thick.

"I know all I did is to give you a hard time and I know that I have never showed you enough of my heart but if you're thinking that I'm not having those butterflies and sparks and palpitations the same way as you do, it's because mine are fireflies and cosmic ebullitions and machineguns and you cant handle that." He exhales, his lips curving in a shy fit.

My heart stops and my mouth opens, but I cant speak a thing.

"Maybe I cannot prove myself right now, and maybe, we still got many things to learn," He says, "But baby, this is just the beginning of our love story." He smiles, and I finally release a breath I never realized I've been holding.

"This man in front of you—this jerk named Kim Jongin... is headlessly in love with you... more than you could ever fathom."

"Jongin..."

"Yeah I'm resounding too much and you might be cringing right there, but I love you, don’t ever doubt that... I love you, and right now, that is all I know."

*

It is late 9 oclock when my grandparents call us to sleep. One thing I got to embrace in this region is their customs of early sleeping. To them, the night sky should be cherished in solemnity and silence, and everybody should have a peaceful repose to welcome another sunrise. As I lead Jongin inside the room he'd be sleeping for the night, he sulkily throws his infectious puppy eyes on me wordlessly. I ready his bed for him, placing the pillows for comfort and smoothing the sheets. Jongin is just frowning, and I know that he doesn’t want us to part yet. I do too, but we just have to follow the folks. And besides, we're still under the same roof; we'd still see each other in a few hours.

"Alright, your bed's ready." I smile as I straighten myself to stand. I turn to Jongin and he is still battling his bratty lashes on me.

"Stop that." I say, and he groans to himself.

"Seriously?" He complains.

I sigh and shrug helplessly.

"I'm going off now," I walk over to the door before giving him another look. He is still standing by the foot of his bed and frowning at me.

"Goodnight?" I tell him as I hold the doorknob.

He just sighs.

"Smile before I go?"

He snorts before forcing his lips to smile. I chuckle lightly but then he puckers his lips forward and taps it with his index finger a couple of times. I round my eyes and feel my face flush because I know what he's trying to indicate. I turn my head to the door and see grandpa still walking around the house. I turn to Jongin once again and his eyes are glimmering with anticipation but my heart is also drumming from fear of being caught. But of course, I want to kiss Jongin goodnight even more. I’m about to dash towards him when I hear nearing footsteps and I just have to freeze and step back. I bite my lip and shake my head disappointedly. Jongin's shoulders slump from our mischance and I decide to just close the door immediately, because if not, our dilemma will just prolong further. Plus, I know grandpa is just waiting for me to come out for him to finally shut all the lights off.

*

Finally lying on my bed, I keep my phone's light on as I gaze aimlessly up the ceiling. My bed feels like fluffy clouds below me. I am floating inside a daze filled with sweets and candies and kim jongin and I just cant sleep. The event today has totally pulverized my sanity and here I am feeling like a lovestruck jelly because I still can’t believe it.

I can’t wait to see him again tomorrow!

But first, I really need to sleep now.

I close my eyes but I can still hear my heart beating steadfastly, so I roll out of bed thinking about milk when my door creaks before I can even open it myself, tripping on a tall figure entering inside. Despite the darkness, I immediately recognize Jongin's form and feel my jaws drop from fret and surprise.

"What are you doing here? Why are you still awake?" I whisper dramatically and Jongin blinks with surprise himself.

"I cant sleep there, I wanna sleep beside you." He answers after a while and my eyes go twice wider.

"You can’t. You know you cant," I sigh, "If my grandparents catch us they'll definitely scold us till morning, so go back to your room."

"But I told you I cant sleep there."

"Jongin—"

"They will not catch us." And then he drapes his strong arms around my waists, hugging me.

I become speechless.

He is such a kid.

He starts to press me tighter and I feel my whole body tensing up from his body heat. I take a step back when my foot knocks on to something, and I find myself cornered against the wall beside the half-opened door.

Damn, I'm at a wall again.

And this guy and I never have innocent moments with walls, to be honest.

My mind is throbbing frantically as I shiver from head to toe. I am stiff, while Jongin is too close for comfort.

"Y-Yah," I quiver, "You still can’t sleep here, okay?"

"Why not?"

"B-Because..."

"Because...?" He hums.

I take a throttling air and bite my lip.

"We might... do... things..." I say very reluctantly, my face extremely flushed just from the mere thought of it.

Jongin stiffens for a brief moment. He slowly bends back, stares at my panicked-stricken face, and perks an eyebrow provocatively. I gulp from the sudden change in his expression and feel a strong urge to bury myself alive.

"What things?" He asks, and his tone becomes playfully suggestive. He tilts down and starts to plant hot kisses on my neck. I hitch up automatically from the electrifying touch they do to my entire body.

"These things..." My voice quivers blatantly.

Jongin hums. He pecks my skin louder and I slide my hands up to his chest to somehow give him the indication to stop, but he isn’t. His skilled fingers tease my shirt up and caress my bare waists up and down. I seek for air and hear him chortle from my obvious discomfort.

His plump lips move to my jawline until he finally reaches my mouth and claims it intensely. Our kiss is slow and steamy that I just can’t stop my lips from dancing with him no matter how terrified I am.

I moan for air and cup his face away. I am beginning to burn so bad and I need to stop this, this instant.

"I-It's not that I don’t wanna do it with you, but..." I pant, "Not now.."

Jongin's eyes light up. His whole face is beautiful regardless of the darkness and he looks so unreal but achingly palpable upon my hold. God it's late at night, and we're heading for something absolutely no good.

"Just s-stop..." I stutter as Jongin's hot breath fans my burning lips.

Staring at his painfully perfect face, Jongin’s dark eyes are shimmering like crystals. I think I've already gone crazy. If he kisses me again, I know I'll give in straightaway, and there is no way I can still control myself.

I gaze at his lips and sigh.

"You know I can never resist you."

Jongin's whole face becomes blank, not long before he curves his lips into a sly smirk.

"I said I just wanna sleep beside you," He mutters and shakes his head sluggishly. "And you're already presuming about something else,”

Astounded, I blink at him.

"ert." He snorts.

My mouth drops.

How can he flip this against me?!

Jongin gags in silence, eyes squinting so happily from my derision. I hiss, backing-away, when he sweeps me off my feet and carries me towards my bed. I gasp as I land on the soft foam, taken-aback, and squished underneath him. He pins my hands between my head and waits no time to assault my lips. My eyes automatically close and