There is a strong blow in my chest soon after Jongin's confession came. My eyes are blinking ridiculously fast as I'm unable to utter a word. His lips then purse, and his eyes shoot right through me like a curious investigator. Suddenly, it feels like my heart has slid down from where it's contained.

"But it's different now." Jongin speaks again, quirking his gorgeous lips in a smile.

"Everybody has their first loves.."

First Love.

Sulli is Jongin's first love. That beautiful girl over there, Jongin loved her, but she chose his brother. Now I'm thinking, if Sulli had chosen to fall in love with Jongin rather than Taemin then, will Jongin still fall for my sister along the way?

"Look at your face," Jongin laughs childishly. I drop my face down instantly, feeling the heat emanating from my cheeks. After laughing for quite a while, Jongin composes himself and gives me an impassive gaze. "I’ve never seen you so jealous as this before."

Jealous? I'm jealous?! 

I am thinking of incoherent things to object him when the couple comes back to our table.

"Did we interrupt something?" Sulli asks, sitting herself down with the help of Taemin.

"No.." Jongin chuckles, shooting me a mischievous stare. My face flushes from the wicked guy beside me so I divert my attention to our coming orders.

As our meals are done served, we begin to eat our food in silence. I awkwardly look up to the sight of Taemin helping Sulli slice the meat on her plate. It is romantically natural; how they do things for each other, maybe out of habit, and out of of love.

It's really different from my situation. I'm so awkward with Jongin. I don’t know how to start making a move, or if I should even make a move. In the end, I decide to just be silent and stiff on my seat as I awkwardly shoot them glances from time to time. Sulli then, lifts her fork and takes a slice of steak over Jongin's plate, and throws it to . Jongin gives her a look and she responds with a bubbly face, together with her eyes-smile that shines so beautifully.

Not even contented, Sulli also snatches a piece of Taemin's food fromhis plate but then she stops when Taemin decides to feed her with his own fork instead. They smile at each other, giggling in a natural beat.

"I apologize for this girl's weird behavior Jaera-ssi.." Taemin smiles at me and I smile in response.

"Still hungry Ssul?" Jongin asks noncommitally.

"Kkamjongie I want sweet corn.." Sulli pouts.

"They don’t have sweet corns in here.." Jongin laughs.

"Just order a different dessert that's on the menu." Taemin says.

"Aaawe."

Sulli pouts at me. "Jaera-ssi let's buy sweet corn.."

"Why sweet corn if you can have sweet taemin?" Taemin jests, laughing heartily.

Sulli turns to Taemin and points a finger to the tip of his nose. "Eew. Shut. Up. So. Corny." But the way she said it meant otherwise. There's a taint of pink on her cheeks and I suddenly remember Luhan, how I had the misconception of his cute-disease attack when the truth behind his flushed face is because of me. A sigh escapes my lips as I try to dismiss the thoughts of him in my head.

"You tired?" Jongin looks at me.

I shake my head rapidly. "N-No, not really.."

"Oh! wait!" Sulli interrupts, rummaging down to take something. Getting right back up, she gives me a cute smile and hands me a small pink box. I take it hesitantly, giving Sulli a look.

The box contains a very elegant hair clip. I stare at the object in awe, and by the looks of it, it obviously is expensive despite its small size.

"Use that on the opening of the Spring Fest alright?" Sulli beams so wide.

"Thank you.." I say, lost for words.

"You're welcome!"

"What's with the Spring Fest?" Taemin asks, dejectedly.

"She'll be the Spring Queen this year.." Sulli remarks. "And know what honey? Sehun's even her partner!"

"Sehun? Oh Sehun?" Taemin exclaims in shock.

Sulli nods rapidly and Jongin squirms a little uncomfortably. "A little odd to believe either.." Sulli says.

"Well that's nice to know!" Taemin smiles.

It takes some time before we begin to get up from our seats. We had a long chat session with Sulli initiating every topic here and there. She's an adorable person, and Taemin too. I think they really match well. It is really cute to watch them; how they sweetly link their fingers, or how they take care of each other in the smallest ways. They are like a match made in heaven, not just visually, but in everything. They don’t utter the sweetest things like on those I see on the romantic movies, rather they treat each other lightly but preciously. When the three of them talk, it's like watching a reunion. Although Jongin is humorous at some point, he rarely talks and would rather give short responses which differentiates him a lot with Taemin.

I wish I have those wits. I wish I have the capacity to be outgoing and flexible like normal people do. I wish I can do things naturally without giving a second thought if I'm right or wrong. I wish I can express the words I really want to say.

I wish I didn’t today.

"Hey let's take a picture!" Sulli proposes as she hurries back to the paintings. Asking for a help from a crew, the four of us position ourselves. I stand on the side, looking as awkward as ever. I suddenly feel this uneasiness again when Sulli links both her hands to Jongin and Taemin's arms. I am beyond bothered, disheartened even, that I can’t even freely touch Jongin the way she does.

My lips give a forceful smile, when all of a sudden, Jongin tugs my waist and grabs me closer to him, placing his chin over my shoulder. My heart drums crazily, yet my hand finds a way to touch his warm hand over my stomach. And just like how naturally I wanted it to be, our fingers have intertwined right there and then.

Heading toward the cars, Taemin faces me. "It’s really nice getting to finally hang-out with you Jaera-ssi.. It's really rare for Kai to agree on double dates."

"Pssssh." Jongin grunts.

Taemin taps Jongin by the shoulder, while Sulli gives me another smile that reaches her eyes. "I really had fun today Jaera-ssi! Thank you for your time!" Then, she walks closer and whispers something on my ear. "I hope you're finally the one for Kkamjongie.. I'm starting to root on the two of you, you know?"

My eyebrows have creased lightly, a little disconcerted of what she meant, but I cant even ask why.

Heading home, the first beats are equipped in silence. Jongin is calmly driving beside me and I wonder how he interprets my actions today. How can I even act as a girlfriend when I don’t even have the right to be? I admit I am beyond bothered, not just because I'm awkward as hell, not just because of knowing Sulli is his first love, but because I can