Chapter 28

Lie For Two
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As far as I knew, the possibility of winning the lottery was less than 0,00001% which meant you had to be damn lucky to get a hold of those millions in cash they offered in every lottery game. I used to try a few times but considering how thin my wallet still was, I didn’t succeed even once. I also didn’t know personally anyone who was lucky enough to win.

The chance of getting a real boyfriend, experiencing your first kiss and being dumped in the same day was probably even lower. Funny enough, I didn’t win a single 1,000 won in my entire life but got the chance to be in the shortest relationship in the history.

Yeah, that was just my luck.

I shifted on the bed in my room, trying to focus again on the white ceiling and hoping to distract myself from unnecessary thoughts. They say the first 24 hours after your break up are the worst. I didn’t remember if someone told me about it or I just read it in some low quality magazine for girls but damn, these people were right. The night and morning after were horrible, at least for me. And not because of the fact that I was alone again but because within those 24 hours I went through despair, anger, hate towards everything and everyone, complete indifference and some other emotions I couldn’t even name. All that mood swings were killing me.

I didn’t remember how long I was crying but in early morning my eyes stung and I had problems with opening them since my eyelids became swollen. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was to actually think that things between Baekhyun and me could work out. I tried to hold onto something that wasn’t existing in the first place, too blinded by the illusion he created around us. But then again, even though I knew from the beginning that he was going to run away, I couldn’t believe he really left me. What’s more, I couldn’t believe I actually let him do that.

I looked horribly enough for the Cafeteria girl, my roommate straight from hell without any human instincts and feelings, to actually care a little and ask if I was okay. I wasn’t. And the last thing I wanted was her help so I just kept being quiet, trying to swallow another tears filling my eyes. When I saw the sunrise and our hotel room became brighter, I’ve found myself in a second stage of my horrible break up. I felt lost and helpless, not even able to stand up from my bed. I still didn’t know what was worse – crying like a mad woman or lying down like a lifeless marionette, feeling completely nothing.

I still wasn’t quite sure how I did it but surprisingly I left the hotel, checking out on time and dragging my luggage with me. Waiting for our bus to take us back to Seoul, I was looking around to find Baekhyun, hoping to get another chance to explain myself. Having another opportunity to talk with him became my priority, the only thing keeping me on my feet. But I couldn’t find him. Instead, I heard two teachers speaking about him leaving a few hours earlier because of personal matters.

And according to what they said, he was the one asking for permission to go back home on his own.

I knew our teacher couldn’t refuse his request because she was aware of Baekhyun’s family situation. And I knew he probably used the fact his father was in the hospital. Although I wanted to believe Baekhyun went back earlier to check what his father’s current state was, I was more than sure he was perfectly fine because Kai would inform me about eventual problems. Baekhyun did it just to spare himself trouble of being in the same bus with me.

The truth was cruel - he was avoiding me. In the most brutal and painful way.

That leaded me to third stage of my separation with Baekhyun. The sorrow and pain were replaced by anger and frustration. His sudden decision made me realize how stupid I was to actually blame myself for everything that happened. Was it really my fault? Was it really worth crying the whole night? Was he worth shedding a single tear for him?

I closed my eyes, placing my forearm on forehead and sighing with resignation, studying the memories from the last days still floating in my head. He wasn’t worth it, a quiet voice in my head repeated. Why? Because he ran away once again. Because he didn’t want to listen. Simply because he didn’t care as much as I cared. But no matter how hard I tried to believe it and convince myself that the break up was the best for both of us, a feeling of regret and bitter disappointment was still hiding somewhere inside my heart, squeezing it from time to time and leaving me breathless.

The more I thought about Baekhyun, the more incensed I became. There was so many doubts in my mind, questions I couldn’t answer. But I was sure about one thing. It was my time, my chance to finally forget about Baekhyun and move on. This time for real. There was no point in thinking what could have happened if I told him before he kissed me. Or what could have happened if I stopped him from running away. That was just useless because I couldn’t turn back time. I couldn’t make it work between us again. We just weren’t meant to be.

Right?

The sound of a big truck parking in front of my house burst into my room through open window, pulling me back to reality. I pushed thoughts about Baekhyun to the back of my head. Instinctively my eyes snapped to a few big boxes laying on the ground near my bed, waiting patiently for their turn. I swallowed hard, not sure why suddenly I felt so nervous. It was time to leave all useless memories, doubts and worries behind.

“Are you ready, Eun Jin?” My mom’s voice broke through the rattling outside, forcing me to finally get up from my bed. She was cleaning our kitchen, making sure we had everything packed back after lunch. I went closer to my window and drew back curtains just to see my father helping one of the guys from moving company putting all reminded boxes to the track. I took a deep breath, feeling like someone put a heavy weight on my chest.

The view looked sadder than I’ve expected.

“Eun Jin—“

“Just give me five minutes, mom!” I interjected still watching my father, knowing what she was about to say. My mom was a great woman but she definitely wasn’t the most patient person in the world which was driving me insane most of the time. Funny enough, I was the same as she and my mom hated that part of me as well.

Ignoring the fact that I sounded a little bit rude and frustrated, I took the last look at my room. My old room. Although I didn’t spend much time here, I felt like I was going to miss this place more than other rooms I had within those past few years. Strangely enough, I was going to miss people I met here as well. Those few months I spent here gave me a good life lesson and thanks to it I felt wiser, stronger and definitely more experienced. I was prepared to start again in new school and my new room, without any useless lies, acts and swindles. I didn’t need it to make new friends, I just had to be me. And if someone didn’t like the real Eun Jin, then he simply wasn’t worth my time and my effort. I couldn’t please everyone around, right?

A faint smile pulled up corners of my mouth. Too bad I realized it just now, after the whole catastrophe. As they say, better late than never.

I straightened myself and took my bag, hearing a faint sound of footsteps. My mom was going upstairs, probably too tired of waiting for me, not willing to scream again from our kitchen. I turned around to face the door and snap at her for being such an impatient woman but instead of seeing my upset mother, I saw Kai standing near doorframe, observing me with indifferent look on his face. He was the one going all the way up to my room.

Surprised, I stopped on my track, having only my bag moving awkwardly back and forth, constantly hitting my left leg. We were staring at each other for a good few minutes before his lips curled up in a small smile. Although he was grinning at me, somehow his smile seemed forced and didn’t give me the feeling of comfort I needed right now. It made me worried because Kai looked sad and nervous, the opposite of what he used to be in my eyes.

“Your mom told me to come up to your room.” He explained with fake happiness, startling me a little because of his loud tone that I surely wasn’t expecting from him. I squinted my eyes, trying to figure out what was going on because something about him seemed odd today.

Oh…

“What happened to you?” I responded with another question, pointing with my finger at the left side of his mouth. It looked like someone decided to punch him, cutting his bottom lip as a sign of his strong disagreement of whatever Kai did or said. Somehow I felt like I knew who could have done that and Kai realized it as well. Sighing tiredly, he made one step closer, crossing his arms and looking at me with resignation, “Let’s just say I had intense and interesting talk with Baekhyun.”

I bit my bottom lip, wondering if someday my heart would stop making this annoying somersault after hearing his name. Taking a deep breath and trying to reach for two boxes on my right, near bed, I turned away to cover the damage his mention about Baekhyun caused to me. I had to look strong, at least in Kai’s eyes.

I cleared my throat, feeling his gaze on me. He probably knew what I was thinking but it shouldn’t surprise me. I always was like an open book for him and he could easily notice even the slightest change in my mood. Hiding something from him was impossible but I still wanted to try this last time, during this last day with him. Hoping to sound natural, I forced a smile, facing him with the last doze of determination I found in myself, “I guess it didn’t go very smoothly, huh?”

“Could be worse. He punched me only once after all.” Kai came closer and took one of the boxes from my hands, staring at me for a short moment. Even if he realized how much I pretended to sound normal and look as the last few days didn’t happen, he decided to ignore it. I muttered a quiet thank you, tightening my grip on the box I was holding and he sighed tiredly again. “I could’ve expected this reaction from him after hearing your news.”

“As you could see…” I stopped to look at his bruise on lip, “or feel, he didn’t take it well. Sorry for causing you even more problems.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Kai waved his hand in the air. “We actually had honest and decent conversation after this. For the first time he said what was in his mind instead of simply avoiding me or pretending to be okay so I should thank you for this. I mean, too bad he had to hit me first before speaking up his mind but well, you can’t have everything, right?” He chuckled quietly and I couldn’t help but smile as well, seeing his eyes glittering with sudden joy.  “I should be thankful he didn’t come with a knife hidden under his shirt.”

This time it was me who chuckled. Kai sent me a satisfying look, probably relieved to see me laughing, even for a little bit.

“I’m glad.” I said, fixing my bag on my shoulder. And I really was. For once it was nice to hear that I didn’t destroy something and caused a complete disaster. I felt glad because Kai was one of those people who deserved being happy and I could see he definitely was relieved after talking with Baekhyun.

Kai smiled back at me, blinking lazily as if he wanted to appreciate the moment before he spoke again, “So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.” I inhaled tiredly, knowing what he was referring to. Or who. I didn’t want that person to occupy my mind again, so I tried to focus my thoughts on something else. I took another deep breath and realized that slightly noticeable aroma of my father’s cooking was still hanging in the air. He spent three hours in the kitchen, making my favourite dish but I didn’t eat anything from my lunch. In fact I didn’t eat much this days, feeling nauseous and sick all the time. I wonder if I was getting skinnier? Would Baekhyun like the new version of me?

God…

I looked at the box I was holding and then fixed my eyes on Kai, completely terrified because I was thinking about him again. No matter how hard I tried, all my thoughts were filled with Baekhyun and I felt like part of me was dying everytime someone mentioned his name. I bit my bottom lip with force, trying to hold back my emotions. I wanted to cry again, but I couldn’t let Kai see that part of me - the hopeless and miserable one. I had to be strong, also for my own sake.

Damn you, Byun Baekhyun. Damn you…

“Just talk with him.” Kai’s gentle voice reached my ears and second later I felt his hand on my arm. He saw panic rising in my eyes and decided to comfort me. “You know how stubborn Baekhyun is. He needs time.”

I couldn’t disagree with him. But what about me? I also needed time and space to think everything over, to start living again. I had to let my sorrow and hurt out and let time patch my broken heart up because the glue and tape I was using till now were just temporary. I had to start thinking about myself, about my own good instead of running after someone who didn’t plan to stop and wait for me.

“No,” I lifted my head to look Kai straight in the eyes with determination. He took his hand away almost immediately, startled by my sudden move. There was a surprise in his eyes and confusion written all over his face. “I’m not going to talk to him.”

“Why?” He put his hand back on the box, “Do you hate him now?”

“No.” Or yes, I hated him. I hated the fact he left me. I hated the fact he didn’t let me talk and explain anything. I hated that I loved him so much and, no matter what he did, I couldn’t be angry with him. And on top of that I hated what he did to me. I was a wreck – closed in a loop of thoughts about him, unable to function without Baekhyun. It was true, I missed him like he was necessary for me to breathe. But I also had my pride. It was shattered and torn into small pieces but still there.

“You know I can’t hate him… but why?” I clenched my teeth, feeling anger again. My voice became lauder, dripping with frustration and regret I felt. “Why it always has to be me? Why do I always have to run after him and explain myself like some criminal?”

“You know he’s mad because you didn’t told him first about your moving out. You told me instead and—”

“But did he listen to me, Kai?!” I cried out, gripping the box tighter. “Did he want to listen at least once? Dammit, you were the first one to know because you didn’t run away from me or say I’m disgusting and should stay away from you! So tell me, how could I tell him when he was pushing me away every single time I tried?! Huh?!”

This was probably the first time I vented my anger at

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shainiak
15/10/2013 Next update should be around Sunday so stay tunned and sorry it's taking so long but I'm freakin' busy XD!

Comments

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Zndjcjaj #1
💙💙
_bkyoongie
314 streak #2
Revisiting here again ✨😊
alurabae #3
Chapter 1: this is exciting omg
Imthtdiamond95 #4
Chapter 34: Really enjoyed this fic, can’t wait to read more of your work!!
atasiwi #5
Love this
Galaxyboo_
#6
Chapter 30: Please this just TOO GOOD
Sparkleinhereyes
#7
Visiting old fic 💜💞💜💞
havoc_ss
#8
re-read back hehe love the story,, sending my precious love to authornim ❤️❤️❤️
Being_aeri #9
Chapter 30: OHMY FREAKING GOSHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU DID THERE.. I ALMOST CRIED AND STARTED CURSING EUN JIN.. TTTTTTTT tbh I wasn't even going to read the last chapter.. but then I thought about scrolling through it in anger misery whatever you want to call it.. I scrolled through fast when I saw Ch name.. I was like no I'm not gonna read it with ending with him.. but then at the end I saw baekhyun and thought to check then I got confused and read the chapter finally to know that no you didn't broke my heart 〒﹏〒 it was a roller coaster ride for me... Well done.. ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ