“Do you think Yoona-unnie’s okay?”

The four girls were inside the café near the university and while Yoona was buying their food and drinks, the other three were busy observing her and talking about the incident that happened two days ago.

“What we’re seeing here is actress Yoong. I don’t think she’s fine at all,” said Yuri.

“This is my fault.”

“It is.”

Yuri shook her head at Krystal’s response.

“Thank you but that’s not really comforting.”

“I’m kidding. You didn’t know it would end up badly. It was bound to happen anyways with how my sister was acting.” She put an arm around Tiffany and kissed the top of her girlfriend’s head. She noticed Yuri gawking and removed her arm from Tiffany’s shoulder but made sure to place it on the girl’s lap.

“But the two of them were doing so well and I didn’t think Yoona was feeling that way.”

“Yoona loves bottling up her feelings. My best friend’s a ticking time bomb. That was only the third time I’ve seen her like that.”

“Do you think she and Jessica-unnie are talking, you know, text or call?”

“Nope. I asked my sister if she’s already told Yoona why she suddenly went back to LA but then she asked me if I have already told her so I said yes. Yesterday I asked her again if she’s made an effort for them to talk but she said she didn’t want to disturb Yoona-unnie. I don’t know anymore. My sister’s messing things up even more.”

“Should we talk to Yoona about it though? It won’t be good for her to pretend that the incident didn’t happen and that the girl she loves isn’t halfway across the globe.”

Yuri shook her head. “This is how Yoong deals with things. When she’s ready to talk, she’ll talk.”

“Yoona-unnie’s coming back. Act normal.”

Yoona came back at the table and as per Krystal’s instruction, she and Yuri were acting normally while Tiffany is grinning awkwardly.

“Fany, you look constipated.” she asked as she took the seat next to Yuri.

Krystal and Yuri mentally shook their heads at the fidgeting girl but typical Tiffany couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Yoong, don’t be like this. If you want to blame me for what happened then you’re free to do so. Stop bottling your feelings up. It’s not good for you. Don’t you miss Jessica-unnie? You two should really talk. Do you want me to—“

“You’re majoring in theatre. How do you so much at acting normal?” Yuri rolled her eyes when Tiffany smiled apologetically.

“It’s alright. If Jessica needs time for herself then I’m willing to give her that. She has her reasons for leaving so abruptly and if she wants to come back then she could.” She showed a small smile before sipping her coffee.

“Oh no, no, no, no, no. You’re giving up on my sister. Please tell me you’re still my Yoona-unnie.”

“I’m still your Yoona-unnie and I haven’t given up on your sister. I just wanna know where we are…what we are. I want her to know what she wants first.”

“You want her to be sure of…what she wants? Oh my god! That’s never gonna happen.”

Tiffany hit her in the arm and said, “Don’t say that. I’m sure Jessica-unnie would get her together and realize what it is that she really wants.”

I do hope it’s Yoona-unnie.

---

I just got back from a meeting with the higher ups and received praises here and there for the solid work our team did with the first season of Survivor back in Korea. I have to say that if it really weren’t for the crew and other staff, it wouldn’t have been possible. So when they asked me if I’m willing to handle another season, of course I said yes but I told them that I’d still want to work with the same team.

It’s been two days since I left Korea and my sister back there…also, Yoona. I was waiting for her to call or even text me but there was nothing. The only call I got was from my sister who I’m actually really worried for. I felt sorry for leaving her without so much as a hug. Just a text saying I was getting on a plane to go back to LA.

I’ve been tempted to call Yoona but there was this nagging feeling at the back of my head that’s sort of saying I need to get my together first before I talk to her again.

I was already outside the building but I wasn’t in the mood to go up to our apartment just yet. I saw our doorman and decided that since I have no one to talk to at my place I’d just stay here and maybe start a conversation with him. Better than talking to myself, really.

“Hi, Bernie.”

“Hi, Miss Jessica. Miss Krystal’s still in Korea?”

“Yeah. Do you mind if I hang out here for a while. It gets lonely upstairs.”

“No. Not at all.”

“Bernie, you seem like a wise man. I’ve been having a bit of a…trouble lately.”

“Girl trouble?”

I was taken aback by that since I don’t think I have ‘I’m gay’ written on my forehead and most people still think I like dudes but our doorman seems to know that I am gay.

“Don’t misunderstand, Miss Jessica. You’ve been living here for four years and not once have I seen you bring home a guy. I’ve only seen you with girls and the most recent one was that tall girl whom you’ve instructed me to let in. I do understand that it’s none of my business plus, I don’t judge.”

“Oh, okay but yeah, it is. Girls actually. Two.”

“Two-timing is unacceptable, Miss Jessica unless all the parties agree on it.”

I chuckled at how badly he misunderstood what I was trying to say.

“I wish it was about two-timing. That would be easier to solve but I’m not really one to two-time. It’s about an ex and my current girlfriend…who probably is upset at me right now and she’s probably a soon-to-be ex-girlfriend if I don’t get my act together.”

“Is it about the tall girl and the short one?”

Oookay. I’m officially creeped out by how much Bernie remembers things about me. Who is he, Dan Humphrey a.k.a Gossip Girl?

“How’d you even remember them?”

He chuckled and I have to say that this is probably the first time I hear him chuckling like that. It reminds me of my dad. God, I must’ve looked so stupid when I asked him that.

“I’ve been working as a doorman my whole life, Miss Jessica. There’s nothing better to do here but to do my job which is to open the door for the guests so it’s second nature for me to remember different faces just so I don’t get bored.”

Oh, well, that explains a lot.

“I see and yes, it’s about the tall girl and the one shorter than me. They’re actually sisters and I know you said you don’t judge, Bernie but I can still see in your eyes that you are slightly judging me right now.” I pointed my finger at him. “In my defense, I tried really hard to stay away from the taller one.”

“I eventually gave up on doing that because she was just too damn persistent and too charming to ignore. I’m only human, Bernie. I can’t stay away from that. I can only do so much, you know?”

“Point taken, Miss Jessica.”

“Yoona, the taller one and the younger out of the two sisters, is really understanding. You see, I’m having a hard time moving on from my break up with her sister but Yoona’s been really supportive but everyone has their limits…the only person who doesn’t is Lindsay Lohan when it comes to drinking and partying,” I muttered and received another chuckle from our doorman, “So two days ago when we were drinking with her friends, I was asked who was a better girlfriend.”

I sighed as I remembered Yoona’s outburst. “My answer was the typical ‘There’s no point of comparison so why bother choosing.’ Yoona didn’t like it. Of course, she wouldn’t. We’ve been dating for quite a while now and I understand her frustration. I really do regret not saying her name. I honestly do but I feel like a part of me would be lying if I said she was better and I didn’t want to lie to her. She deserves better than being lied to, you know?”

“She doesn’t even know that this person I can’t move on from is her sister.”

Bernie arched both his eyebrows and I continued telling him my story.

“I don’t know why I can’t move on. Yoona’s amazing and these past few months I could honestly say from the bottom of my heart that I wasn’t using her just so I could move on. She really is important to me but…why am I having second thoughts about her still?”

“Maybe you just need to stop thinking about her sister.”

“I’ve tried really hard to do that.”

“How’d you two break up again? Was she the one who initiated the break up?”

“Yes, she dumped me through Skype. Told me she couldn’t do it anymore for some reason I don’t even know. She won’t even tell me.”

“Well, maybe you’re just being bitter.”

I gasped, scandalized at what Bernie was insinuating. Me? Bitter? I don’t get bitter. Not once have I been bitter about a break up.

“I am not.”

“Have you ever been dumped by someone?”

I thought back to my past relationships, not that I’ve had tons…just enough.

“I have. Once but that was my fault. I actually wanted the break up I just didn’t have the heart to break it up with him because he was so kind so I made him break up with me by being a bad girlfriend. At that time I was in the process of knowing that I like girls more.”

“Then, there you go.”

I had my eyebrows creased and my lips pursed as I tried to figure things out. Bernie must’ve seen the confusion written on my face so he started speaking again.

“You’ve never been rejected by someone you’ve taken a liking to. You’ve never had a break up that a person initiated by themself and now you’re having a hard time thinking what it is about you that this short girl didn’t like. Maybe you still have lingering feelings for her, maybe you don’t. Maybe you just need to know why she broke things off.”

“But she doesn’t even want to tell me. It’s like some national secret that she has to keep ‘til the day she dies.”

“Then maybe you just have to break up with her. In your own way.”

What?

“Bernie, we’ve already broken up. She dumped me, remember? It happened ages ago.”

“Through Skype. You need a lot more than that so I think you should do another break up and this time, you should initiate it so you could stop being bitter. So you could stop overanalysing things and figuring out what flaw she saw in you.”

“You’re confusing me, Bernie.”

“You need to have closure and it seems like you need to do it in your own way. You need to finish a chapter completely before you could move on to another one, Miss Jessica.”

“That’s some wise word but I’m still confused.”

“I understand that you might still have feelings for her but if you really want to move on, if you really want to be with the taller girl, then get rid of those lingering feelings and go back to square one with this Yoona. You two were bound to have some problems. The relationship didn’t have a solid foundation and you know what happens to relationships like that, right? It crumbles. Like a cookie. If Yoona really is important for you, you need to build that foundation with her. It just can’t be her and you need to finish that chapter with her sister once and for all.”

“Easier said than done, Bernie.”

“It’s possible though. Let me ask you something and I want you to be very truthful. Don’t answer too quickly and just think about it. Are you still hoping for you and shorty to get back together?”

I did what Bernie said and thought about it. Do I? Do I want to put myself through another round of tormenting long-distance relationship that I need to keep from everyone because she has a career that she needs to take care of?

If I’m going to be honest then I’ll have to say that ever since Yoona, I just don’t feel as much affection for Taeyeon anymore every time we get a chance to talk. I feel an emotion but it’s mostly just…pain and suffering. Maybe Bernie’s right. It’s possible that I couldn’t move on even though it’s been a long time because Taeyeon damaged my ego by ending things the way she did.

With my eyes wide open and my jaw touching the floor, I screeched in horror. “Oh god, I was being Taylor Swift, when Joe Jonas broke up with her, and I didn’t have anything to channel my bitterness to unlike her who could diss her exes through songs.”

I was honestly mortified.

“So what’s the answer, Miss Jessica?”

“No. I-I-I…really don’t want to get back together with her. I just…I cannot believe it took me talking to my doorman to realize that my hopes of getting back together with her has long been gone.”

“Was it because of Yoona?”

“Of course, it’s because of Yoona. Yoona…she’s wonderful. She’s—oh god! I screwed up everything with her and I really miss her, too. I think I’m going to start hyperventilating. Why am I so stupid, Bernie?”

“You were just confused, child.”

I hugged our doorman for the first time. Never in my life have I thought of hugging Bernie but here I am doing just that and there are actual tears streaming down my face. Why am I being too emotional? It’s probably that time of the month but I don’t care. I just want to go back to Korea to do two things. End everything with Taeyeon (again) and start anew with Yoona.

---

It took Jessica a couple of weeks to get back to Korea since she had to settle things with her landlord. She shipped their things back to their family’s house when she decided that she was going to rent her unit to someone else.

She’s also talked to Mr. Webber about getting reassigned to Korea permanently which also caused for her stay in LA to prolong. There were talks between two networks and luckily for her, the executives from the Korean network saw her potential and didn’t have second thoughts about hiring her.

She was going to stay in Korea permanently. The thought still scares her only because there was too much risk involved. What if Yoona, in a span of two weeks, has decided that she doesn’t want anything to do with her anymore? Two weeks of no communication could be detrimental especially to a relationship that was already on the rocks.

She was, after all, just doing this so she could finally start a serious relationship with the taller girl. After that talk with her doorman, she still had doubts about her new found realization. She decided not to contact anyone back in Korea, not even her sister who she fears have burned down their place, just so she could think well about what she wants.

Even when all she could think about was Yoona, she still doubted her own feelings but that was until she found the box that the girl gave her last Christmas, safely tucked in her luggage. She remembered the security at the Incheon Airport stopping her to inspect the “suspicious looking” box that was in her luggage.

The men felt stupid when all they saw were trivial things like post-it notes, movie tickets and other trinkets. The same thing happened to LAX and she thought about shipping it to their parents’ house along with their other belongings but decided otherwise. She really didn’t mind anymore if she gets stopped by security again.

The box was important, just as important as the one who gave it to her. She was stopped by the security at the Gimpo Airport when she got back but instead of having an annoyed face, she had a thousand-watt smile on her face as she said, “It’s a gift from someone special.”

She hasn’t told anyone that she’s already back and she was actually expecting her sister to be home but as it turns out, she was out.

“Probably with Tiffany.”

She was glad nothing was wrong with the house and when she’s finished unpacking, she dialled a number that she hasn’t dialled for a long time.

The person on the other line picked up.

“Jessica? Did you -dial me?”

Any other occasion, she would’ve found that funny but she called for serious business.

“Let’s meet up. That secluded restaurant we used to go to, you still remember that, right? 5pm. I don’t care if you’re not free. Make time.”

She ended the call and went to the bathroom to freshen up. She didn’t know why she’s not even tired because of the long flight. She was just pumped up to put all those things behind her and finally move on.

___

lol i dunno if i made sense but i tried and uh, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

lmao i didn't want to be sad. i was just saying that i could write better chapters when i'm sad. i'm not saying i want to be sad. do you want me to be miserable just so you could read more chapters? that's horrible! and because of that this chapter isn't as dramatic as you people probably expected it to be. if you get what i meant when i said only lindsay lohan doesn't have a limit and the thing about taylor swift then good for you.

it was a reference to these posts i see on my dashboard haha if you don't have tumblr make one

Title: Before The Worst by The Script because Jessica's going to ing fix it for our dear Yoona

or at least that's what i think about the song