Whenever Jongin’s not at school, I would feel relieved. And then, I wouldn’t feel relieved. I was in-between. No matter how hard I try to deny it to myself, that’s how I’d been since I realized how much he loathe me: in-between.

I felt like a ghost. Although, I’m not quite sure if this is what it feels like to be a ghost. But it’s just…I feel like I was floating most of the time. It’s like everyone feels like a blur and I was walking life partially. I hate having these emotions.

Getting another job perhaps was a pretty much helpful choice. I’m working on this record store for nearly two weeks now. I didn’t have much option but to get another one. I received a final notification from accounting about my tuition and if I don’t pay them they’ll chuck me out of school ruthlessly. My paycheck at Spines isn’t enough for all the bills we need to pay.

Furthermore, I sent mom to the hospital again after complaining of persistent backaches. She stayed at the hospital for another night and her doctor spoke to me the next day; she said she doesn’t understand why my mother felt like that because her spine was perfectly fine and they did other tests and the results were all normal. The doctor informed me that she will run further tests on my mom but she’s free to go home.

And because of this, I used part of my tuition for the hospital bill. I divided my time in working at Spines and at the record store to make up for it. I usually work at the record store every weekends. I distracted aunt Sora as well and told her the news about me passing the initial interview. I also started preparing myself for the final interview which will happen next month. Just another distraction I needed.

At school, I barely see Jongin now. I stopped eating lunch with them and we only have morning classes then after that, I don’t see him anymore. I always eat lunch by the courtyard with Min Jee and sometimes with Joon Myun and Kang Hee who was actually quite nice. Unlike the other girls who were madly infatuated with Jongin, Kang Hee (according to her) actually like me as Jongin’s girlfriend.

“I was really shocked when I found out.” Kang Hee said, half full. “I refused to believe it until I saw him and that girl—”

“Eun Hee?” Min Jee suggested bitterly.

Kang Hee looked at her, as though contemplating if she should open or not because Min Jee was glaring at her as if it’s her fault Jongin and I broke up. “N-no. Some other girl.”

“Who?” Min Jee asked while Joon Myun, who’s sitting beside me, thoughtfully chew his food.

“She doesn’t go here. She’s his co-trainee at the agency.” Kang Hee supplied hesitantly. “I heard that rumor from one of my classmates and then when we were hanging out in the café last weekend, I saw them together.”

“Just the two of them?” Min Jee asked.

“No, they were with a group of people.” Kang Hee responded.

“They’re probably just friends.” Min Jee said as if reassuring me. “Eat more.” she told me afterwards, pushing the small plate of steak towards me. “You’re losing weight , you know.”

I didn’t complain and ate the plate of steak in silence along with Joon Myun.

-------

I was finally able to pay my tuition at school after another few weeks. But I still need to work on two jobs to sustain Young Soo and mom and all the bills at home. However, it dawned on me that having two jobs was a tricky task. I thought I could handle it because the first two weeks worked out rather well. But then, I find myself struggling at school. I’ve been arriving almost late in class and I feel so heavy-eyed recently. I was called out for sleeping in class once. Or maybe twice. I knew perfectly well that I need to pull myself together if I want all of this to work out.

What’s more, getting over Jongin seemed to be getting a little too hard recently as well. The reason why I mostly push myself to work stiffly was because I’ve been having a hard time sleeping with Jongin inside my head. He keeps haunting me in my sleep. That’s why I want to work and work and work until my body complains so then when I hit the sheets, my brain wouldn’t be able to process anything and I’ll just collapse from exhaustion. I hate to admit but it’s been my habit for weeks now and I don’t know when it’ll stop. I don’t know when all of these feelings will go away, I just want to shut them out.

But the universe seemed to be playing games on me, though, because I was being reminded by Jongin every day.

Every single day.

It doesn’t matter if it’s from work, school, on the street or at home. There’s always something that reminds me of him. For instance, when I was riding bus going to school, the radio blared with “Video Killed The Radio Star” or “Kiss Me” which painfully reminded me of our 100th  day together. Then, at the record store, I honestly thought I saw him roaming the shelves but I was merely hallucinating. I had to double take just to make sure it wasn’t him. At Spines, there’s a kid that Ha Joon was chastising for stubbornly eating a snack while walking around the store—it was Jongin’s favorite snack.

I don’t know what to do anymore. But then, one incident made me realize something. Something I’ve been trying to suppress all along.

I was working late at the record store when a group of customers came inside. I was stacking and arranging new records on a shelf when they came in. It was Friday so it was pretty understandable that these kids were still out. While I was busy doing my job, someone lightly tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me.” a female soft voice said.

I turned around, a girl taller than I am with an oval-shaped face and big brown eyes was staring at me with a rather cordial smile. “Yes?” I said.

“Sorry to interrupt