“Where have you been?” mom asked hoarsely. She was still sitting on the couch, her arms flexed across her chest and her eyes crossly intact with mine.

“I was…” I started. I realized I haven’t mentioned Jongin to her. Then again, how could I? She was so busy minding her own business. “I went wi—”

“You went so see your father?” mom asked sternly. She was looking at me more piercingly as she stood up from her seat and walked towards me. “You went to see him and you actually spoke to him.”

“Yes, I did.” I said rather firmly and I stare back at her. “A few days ago, I went to his office and spoke to him.” I didn’t want to raise my voice because I was worried Young Soo might hear us from his room. I just hope he’s asleep now.

Mom opened but shut it again. She was still staring at me furiously. “Why?” she finally said, her hands on her waist. “Why did you have to go and speak to him?! Why did you have to threw the money back to him?! Why?!”

“Because I had to.” I answered. “Mom, don’t you see—”

“SHUT UP!” she roared and I instantly glanced at the staircase, hoping my little brother wouldn’t come out. “Did you know what your father did? Huh? Do you?!”

I couldn’t care less, I wanted to tell her. Instead, I merely stare at her with suppressed frustration.

Mom heaved a sigh as she paced back and forth and then she stopped in front of me, her eyes wildly boring holes into my face. “He said he never wants to see us again! He said never wants to see me ever again!”

“He’s been doing that for the last five years!” I exclaimed in exasperation. “The moment he walked out of our door, he never made an effort to see any of us! The only reason you saw him again was because he’s acquainted with your boss! That’s it! Not because he wanted to see—”

I stopped talking abruptly when mom suddenly raised her hand and was ready to strike at me but she halted almost immediately. “Are you going to hit me now?” I asked her as tears starting to threatened my eyes. “Are you mom?”

“Your father cares about you…” mom said almost quietly. Her eyes were still wild but she looked rather aghast just as I am. She lowered her hand, tears were starting to form in her eyes, too. “He loves you. He loves us, that’s why he’s been sending you money—”

“Do you hear yourself, mom?” I asked her impatiently. “He’s doing that out of obligation. He only send us money because he’s scared you might pop into his office and start making a scene. Again.” I reminded her. Two years ago, when mom’s depression was on the hike, she did went to my dad’s office and started bawling for him to come back. A tear finally escaped my eye as I recalled how I dragged her out

of the office when dad pretended he doesn’t know us. “He’s scared for his own sake. He doesn’t want any more of those. He’s worried that you might beg for him to come back and embarrass his name. And he’s not coming back.” I added after a moment. Mom was sobbing silently now but ignored it because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to say the words I’ve always wanted to tell her. “He’ll never come back, mom. Never.”

Mom’s muffled sobs filled the air and I stood there, avoiding her face. I quickly wiped away the tears running down my cheeks.

“It’s all your fault…” I heard mom mumbling after a moment and I turned my head towards her. Her eyes all blood shot now and she was looking at me with equal hatred and misery. “I only wanted for our family to be happy and together again…but you, you have to ruin everything!” she continued lividly and I was at loss. “It’s all your fault, Hana. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!” she bellowed.

I took a step back as I watched her slumped down the floor, buried her face into her hands as she weep. It’s happening again, I thought miserably as I watched mom’s shoulders’ shook as she sob uncontrollably. I took another step back and realized I was starting to breathe heavily, and then next thing I know I was running out of our house onto the street.

---------

It took me a few moments to realized that I just reached the promenade near our street. The place was a bit crowded but it looked beautiful because of the glinting lights from the stores lining the walkway and the little bulbs hanging on the trees. I just wish my chest didn’t feel so heavy and I didn’t feel so miserable right now so I could appreciate the sight more. Not even the glorious-looking dark sky with spots of stars could comfort me when it usually does when I feel just like this.

My cell phone started buzzing as I sniffed and pulled my cardigan closer to my body. I fished out my phone and stared at Jongin’s number on the screen. Why is he calling, I wondered a little uneasily. I didn’t expect a call from him so soon. It was only a couple of minutes since he left our house. Wiping away another escaped tear, I answered the phone before I regret it.

“Jongin?” I squeaked, hoping he wouldn’t notice my thick voice from all the lump in my throat.

“Hana.” he said and somehow, I can see him smiling inside my head.

“Why did you call?”

“I just wanted to know if you’re safe and sound in your bed.” he said after a brief moment of silence on his line. “Hana, are you okay?” he suddenly asked with a hint worry in his deep voice.

I was determined not to say anything to him but my mouth started working before I could think. “No…” I said heavily and I choked on a sob.

There was a clutter on Jongin’s line and a voice of a guy echoed, too. It seemed as if he’s on convenience store or something. “Hana, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice was definitely thick with worry. “Where are you?” he asked urgently.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said hesitantly, wiping away the thick tears rolling down my cheeks. “I was just get—”

“Hana, tell me where you are. Right now.” Jongin said tightly and I knew I couldn’t argue with him.

After swallowing down another forming lump in my throat, I told him where I was. Jongin told me to wait for him and I did. I sat on an empty bench facing this fine-looking fountain with beautiful dazzling decorative lights and just after a few minutes, I spotted a familiar tall profile hurrying towards where I was sitting. I stood up from my seat an