About an hour and a half later, Jongin and Taemin were sprawled on the floor of Taemin’s living room, the space cluttered with finished ramen bowls and open bags of chips. Throwing his bag on the floor, Jongin had charged into the kitchen announcing that he would make his signature ramen like he always did. Some sort of comfort and relief overwhelmed Taemin as Jongin’s existence completed the picture, like the right piece of a puzzle filling in the missing empty space.

It was this familiarity that he missed. Taemin was too accustomed to seeing Jongin at his house sleeping on his bed with a manga book covering his face, or dribbling a soccer ball at his feet while watching TV, that he would be lost, completely and irredeemably, without the familiarity.

His eyes suddenly smarting up, Taemin stared at the ceiling. Jongin was such a big part of his life than he had ever imagined.

So big, that it felt ridiculous to know that it took him this long to realize the fact.

“…Can I sleepover?” Jongin asked.

Taemin jerked up, and Jongin smirked at Taemin’s reaction.

“What? I always do.” He said.

“Huh? …Oh, right..”

Taemin may have been getting excessively strained over this norm, but it wasn’t like of Jongin to ask for permission either. Convincing himself that getting drunk to relieve stress would be the best thing for now, Taemin brought two cans of beer from the fridge. He needed alcohol in his system right now, or else his mindless consciousness would never cope under his control.

The two boys’ attention naturally fell to the TV, someone occasionally reaching for the potato chips on the floor.

Their relationship had recovered comparably quick considering how badly it was threatened, but Taemin didn’t feel like it was back completely.

Or back exactly like how it was before, in the least. It could be because Jongin didn’t feel the same way to him anymore, but everything that Jongin did or said now felt more significant… and like it meant something more.

You are going crazy, Lee Taemin. You are so ing deprived that it’s driving you crazy.

As Taemin bitterly mumbled to himself, Jongin spoke up.

“By the way, why was that guy there with you?”

Going over his memories cluelessly, Taemin fell into a deep thought until someone crossed his mind.

“Oh, you mean Chanyeol?” He blinked.

“Chanyeol? Is that his name?” 

“Yeah…”

“You two seem close.” Jongin commented curtly, and Taemin let out a chortle.

“Close, my . You have no right to say anything about that matter, abandoning a best friend in a moment of life and death… Jerk.”

“…Are you ever going to drop this?” Jongin frowned.

“Drop? This?" Taemin scoffed, "Haha, no.”

“……”

“At least I don’t hold grudges. Unlike somebody here…” Taemin said.

“I don’t hold grudges!" Jongin sounded indignant. "I was just… mad.”

“If you were mad you should’ve given me a chance to explain-”

“It wasn’t because of that…!” Jongin pounded his fist on the floor and Taemin stared at his friend, stunned by the sudden act.

“…Then what?”

Jongin looked hesitant to speak, and Taemin’s mouth dried by each second.

If Jongin heard something from Soojung already… Taemin wouldn’t know what to do. He wasn’t ready yet, and he wasn’t going to be any time soon either. Jongin looked torn to bring up whatever he was going to say, and Taemin cautiously opened his mouth.

“How will you get over her…" He paused, "when it gets you this mad..?”

“Soojung?” Jongin responded.

“…Yeah.”

Without meeting Taemin's eyes, Jongin opened his mouth.

“It’s not about her.”

“……?”

Taemin nervously reached for his beer and wet his lips. 

“When I saw you two at the piano room like that…" Jongin continued. "a switch in my brain went out or something.”

Taemin’s eyes fell to the floor. Whether he put the blame on Soojung or not, Taemin too had hurt Jongin. Uncovering Soojung’s true identity to Jongin would be the perfect way to prove his innocence, but it irked Taemin just to imagine how crushed Jongin would be after finding out about the truth. A moment of hesitation lingered, and Jongin started again.

“When I punched you… and right when the chairs toppled down on top of you…" Jongin bit his lip. "There was this pang of flash that woke me up.”

“……”

“Damn it, who the bleeds all over their face after one hit?” 

“…Uh, come again?” Taemin scowled, and Jongin cowered back down.

“…I said I was sorry.”

“I can’t believe you left a scar on my beautiful face-”

“Shut the up. You have no idea how much you scared me.” Jongin cut him off and Taemin couldn't finish.

It was these kinds of colourless remarks that often left Taemin speechless and half-dazed in a pool of mixed emotions. Even though Jongin was that one person that teased and annoyed and nagged the crap out of Taemin, he was also that one person who cared enough to do all of the above. Perhaps even more than the two people Taemin’s files recorded mother and father.

It was these unconditioned duties Jongin said and did as a friend, that hit Taemin right in the spot and shook him up ever so hopelessly, that as a result lead Taemin to his state of… well, crossing the line.

“…Y, you shouldn’t have punched me then…” Taemin stammered.

“Some weird fuse went out in my brain, I wasn’t myself.” Jongin replied.

“Incase there’s another misunderstanding in the future, I’m going to say this once and for all…" Taemin stated firmly. "I’m not interested in Soojung. I know I didn’t explain exactly how I ended up kissing her but-”

“Dude, I told you." Jongin interrupted. "It’s not about her.” 

“…Then… what is it?”

An empty smirk tingled the air as Jongin breathed. Taemin watched Jongin laugh in amusement alone, until he ceased to bite down on his lower lip.

“When I saw you two kissing, I felt so angry, like I was betrayed…" Jongin smiled faintly. "I actually can’t remember anything so clearly as if someone cut my sanity loose. …Let’s just say I went crazy.”

“……”

“But um… I couldn’t figure out why, exactly why it drove me nuts." He continued. "I felt like after hitting you like that, I came home and weared out my brain like all night… but no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with a satisfying answer.”

“……”

“…So what I mean is… I was mad to the point of insanity, but I can’t tell… can’t tell if…”

Jongin trailed off in the midst of his speech and looked directly into Taemin’s eyes. The potato chip that had been residing in Taemin's hand all this time dropped, and Taemin looked away hastily as he returned to his senses. 

Jongin's low voice started again.

“I can’t tell if it was because of Soojung, or… you.” 

“……?”

“I don’t know if