“Looking good, miss Ara. Give me that intense look,” The photographer continues to compliment while nonstop taking pictures.  When we first arrived, the staffs were glaring at us. Their faces basically written because she is just a celebrity she can do everything that she wishes. Aishh, Kris shouldn’t decide on cancelling this photoshoot by himself. He really crossed the line this time. I keep bowing to the staff that I passed by.

“Miss Ara, looked here,” The photographer called out my name dragging me back to reality. Intense make up, rebel-punk themed. Don’t have to worry about my nation doll image here. I can be what I wanna be here. Here in China. Maybe I belong here.  Using my already angry tornado that hit me in the morning. I looked at the photographer like it was Kris behind the camera. Why couldn’t he understand me? Why didn’t he stay away when he could? He is being overcaring.

“ Good, let’s move to next styles,” I walked to the monitor and watched all my pictures. My real feelings actually come out well. Well, at least I’m using for good use? I smiled to the photographer and bowed as a sign I’m satisfied.

I walk out the scene and went to my chair.  Today photoshoot is for make up brand MAC Winter. I was dress all black at first and I’m going to be all in white now. Ironically it reflects my feeling well. I know it is a good decision to come here and not listened to that Kris-tard (Kris+bastard=Kris-tard). I know I’m childish to even come up with that acronym. My heart ached as I said his name. Why am I even thinking about him?

“ You all set, Ara,” Nayoon unnie the make up unnie said to me. She smiled adoringly to me. I smiled weakly back. She patted my back and smiled encouragingly this time. “ What ever you’ve been through, be strong dear dongsaeng. This photoshoot will be over in a blink,” Nayoon continued. “You are burning up again dear. Eat this, it will give you strength.,” Nayoon passed me a vitamin and water bottle to washed it away.

I blinked and pouted, “ Ah bitter.” “Always tried to cover up that you are strong,” Nayoon said and helped me walked to the chair in front of the camera. I choked on my own saliva as I heard that. “Unnie, please asked manager oppa to buy meal for all the staff here. Just charged on my account.” I whispered to Nayoon. Nayoon nodded and fixed my hair for the last time.

“You’re ready? All good?” The photographer asked. I nodded though I don’t feel all-good actually.

I put a facade and tried my best to like a ice princess. “Ara, please softened a bit your expression. Just like that. Stay like that. Turn sideways to left. Ah, your left side profile is better. Now turn to left and yes lower that finger. Just rested easily on your fingers. Your both side profile is really beautiful. Yes, that way. You looked lost that way. “  The photographer keeps complimenting me. On normal days, I would gladly take his offer and be proud of myself. Today, I don’t feel like it. I feel like I’ve done something bad to Kris. Yes, Kris might crossed the line by being overcaring.

And yes, I might slap him because what he said is true and I don’t what to replied on his comments. I’m too afraid of what others think. What can I do? Coming to Korea I gain a family that took me in gladly but it comes with a price. My privacy. The netizens, the paparazzi always on my tails. Searching for my real family.

Another two hours, we are done. I sighed unknowingly. Nayoon came to me and offer her shoulder, I lean to her for support. Before I came here, I eat some decent meal and I feel slightly better after shower. But now I can’t even feel the floor beneath me. Its like I’m floating, I’m basically dragged my feet of the floor. I let whatever Nayoon do to me, undress me to normal clothing. She has my highest trust among the stylist unnie, I guess.

“Ara, wake up. Its time to leave.” I hear Kris whispered on my ear. Ah I’m hallucinating, I even hear his voice now. I feel his rough hand massaging my neck and my shoulders. I slowly open my eyes and I saw G-Dragon.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” I nearly squeaked.

“I’m here for my dongsaeng. A little bird told me she is sick,” He smiled.

“ I was sick,” I smiled.

“ Yeah, you should replaced was with is. Still burning up.” GD feels my forehead and my neck. “Come one baby. Get up,” He cooed and hugged my waist to support me.

“ Where are we going?” I lean against his chest.

“Just sleep. “

When I was about to close my eyes, I feel that my body was uplifted to the air. I was carried bridal style. “Hyung” I quickly opened up my eyes and put my hands across his neck for balance.

“ Shush, just sleep or I will kiss you,” He smirked.

“You wouldn’t,” I’m shocked. He always tease me like this but I still feel surprised at whatever coming from his mouth.

“ Try me” He puckers up his lips.

I quickly closed my eyes and tried to relax. Slowly, I started to fall asleep.

I wake up in peace. I looked around in my room and saw no one. I hate being alone. Slowly the incident that happens this morning flashed against my eyes. I’m sorry Kris, I have to push you away before we both fall too deep. I don’t want be in a place where I fall for you and can’t let you go. I don’t handle attachment well. I’m sorry that I slapped you.

“You already wake up princess?” I turned my head towards the source of voice.

“Hyung” I muttered. He was holding a tray of meal with a bright smile. “Come on, lets eat okay?” He knows I don’t like eating alone especially at state like this.

“How is Dara unnie?” I asked suddenly.

He smiled weakly and answered, “ Well, she is fine,”

Whenever he had a fight with Dara unnie, he always flies overseas just because he feels it too. And well he either ends up with Taeyang hyung, CL unnie or me. It always happens like this. Taeyang and CL is busy with preparation for their comebacks so yeah I’m the next target. Well, I could use some company.

“Hyung, when you are going to stop avoiding fighting with Dara unnie? Fighting is healthy so you could work out your differences and live better together?”  I put the words hanging because I don’t even know if my words are true.

GD smiled and ruffles my hair, “ Such a cute kid.”

I smiled, “ I know,”

GD smirked and we continue eating in comforting silent. “ So how are you and Kris? Your manager told me about your incident at your house with Kris. You wanna talk about it?”

I slowly nodded. “ I’ll spill but you have to promise me one thing,”

“Anything princess,”

“ Please go back to Korea and stop avoiding Dara unnie everytime you nearly fight?”

He smiled, “Go on and tell your story,” He nudged his feet with mine.

“ Last night I went to my old house. The taxi driver that droves me there is Uncle Xing. At first I didn’t recognized him until he called me out. Then, he dropped me in front of my old house” I muttered.

“Uncle Xing he is the neighbor that you used to tell me?” GD asked.

“Yeah. And he went for parking then, I walked into the house and it was abandoned hyung. And I had flashback of my childhood. My s-step mother, Lao gege and my dear father. I uhm I,” I bitted my lips and covered my face with both hands. GD scoot closer to me and sat beside me. He casually put my head against his chest.

“ Uncle Xing told me that my family is d-dead. They d-died in a car accident, “ Tears starts to dropped to your cheek. GD my head and hugs me tighter against his chest.

“I didn’t even get to meet them hyung. I feel sorry because I ran away with Hyowon to Canada,” I hug GD tighter as I feel my chest is about to blow up from all this unknown feeling.

“ You didn’t ran away. Lao send you away to Canada with Hyowon. If you stay, I don’t think you’ll survived and you meet us here. YG Family is more than glad to have you as a part of our family,” GD cooed.

“Hyung, I. I feel like I’ve another burden to YG. I…” I muttered and grabbed a tissue, blew my nose.

GD suddenly held to my chin and forces me to look up to his face. “Hey, Cho Ara. I know right now you probably feel sorry that you couldn’t meet your family and clear up this matter but God knows better. I know this is hard but you can see this as a chance to let go of your past and let us in. I know you considered CL and me as your close friend but I still feel the wall between us,”

“ I’m sorry. I,” She bitted her lower lips.

She rested against GD ‘s shoulder. They both lay back against the headrest of the bed. “Hey, don’t be sorry because of that. You remember when you first came to YG with Hyowon hyung?” As he feels she nodded against his shoulder, he continued, “ You were little, I remember how you hate people calling you a doll.  YG appa put you under me. You always had this expression-less whenever you in school but when you came back to YG, you always had the brightest expression that you fail to hide. When you debut as actress, you had that doll expression. I still had doubt whether it is the right decision to let you debut as actress. Maybe you should debut in 2NE1 so you wouldn’t feel left out.”

“Ah, oppa past is past right. I actually like acting. I get to be many type of person. I get to meet many person, many kind of. I get to pour my feeling out and I actually get praised for it. Hyung, I wanted to ask you?” I turned to look at him.

“Yes?” He looked back at me.

“It is really mainly your idea to put me in WGM right?” I studied his expression. Kris popped in my mind in sudden.

He cleared his throat. “ I was meant to talk about that for ages. Since you became an idol, getting to variety show seems like bright idea. I think you’ll feel alone and being in WGM will exposed you so that idol will know you. And I know that you are not that good in making new friends. Idol life will be hectic and surviving without group member is going to rub the wound with salt.”

I nodded. “But why Kris? You know I adored him.”

“It is because you adored him, I thought it would be like killing two birds with a stone. You’ll get more exposure and you get to virtually marry to your bias. I’m sorry it turned out this way. Your fight with him.” G-Dragon hung his head low. He actually looks really sorry and upset.

“Thanks for the thought anyway hyung. I appreciated it. “ I sighed.

“Well are you feeling better? I want to bring you somewhere.”

I tilted my head. “I feel better I guess. I could use some fresh air.”

He felt my head. “Good, the fever is cooling down. Go and get dress comfortably.”

After 15 minutes, we left the hotel with GD’s manager driving us. “You really not are going to tell me where are we going?”

He shook his cheekily. I give up and enjoy the view outside. After half and hour I feel familiar with the road, the residential area. Why are we going to my old house?

I looked at GD for answer but he was enjoying the view outside. Or is it he pretending so that he wouldn’t answer my question. I bit my lower lips as I feel my heart is beating rapidly. The car finally stopped in front of a church. Behind the church is a graveyard area.

“ We are here. Come one.” GD said and went out from the door. He went to the door and opened my door. He offered his hand to me and blindly I took his hand.

A/R: Thank you for still reading. Again I've been procrastinating. Kill me now. *give punching bag* Again I'm on my semester break, so I will really reallyd o my best to upload many chapters as possible. I'm really really really sorry. Please not be angry with. and enjoy my bribery of aegyo Kris. Please drop some comment. Thannkssss