“Hyung, Benzalkonium Chloride, Chlorhexidine, Polyquad and Biguanide all belong under the Quaternaries group, right? So what’s the difference between them?” Jongin put down his notes and looked towards Kyungsoo, who seemingly have no intention of putting down his notes to answer Jongin’s question. Jongin pouted.

“All these types of preservatives sound the same to me, I swear. Why do we have to have so many different kinds of preservatives in our contact lens solution? It practically took me three whole days just to memorize the history of contact lenses. And to think of it, what’s the use? I mean, which customer would actually go in to an optical shop and ask like, ‘Hey, how did contact lenses come about? What year did it got invented?’ Or would you actually try to start a conversation with your customer by saying ‘Do you know that Sir John F.W. Herschel actually came up with the first real concept of cosmetic contact lenses in 1845?’ Our customers would stare at us with eyes bigger than yours, thinking we are crazier than Chanyeol hyung, I swear! Girls would RUN away from us, hyung! We would be forever alone!”

“Firstly, Jongin, just by saying ‘we’ makes the phrase ‘forever alone’ invalid.”

“But...”

“Secondly, it is always good to know the roots of whatever you’re studying so you could make references to that in the future, if you need to. Did you study this course so that you’ll perhaps get to know more girls when we graduate and are working in the shop?”

“No, but…”

“Stop interrupting me if you actually want me to answer your question!”

Jongin stared at Kyungsoo, wanting to rebut but kept his silence in fear that Kyungsoo would ignore him, again.

“Good. How peaceful will it be if you kept your mouth shut forever? Okay. For starters, although they all belong under the group of Quaternaries, their mode of action is different. Benzalkonium Chloride, Polyquad and Biguanide act on the cell membrane of the bacteria, whereas Chlorhexidine not only acts on the cell membrane, but also have a protein-binding effect. Also, although all of them have anti-fungal abilities…”

“KYUNGSOO HYUNGGGGGIEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Kyungsoo’s face lit up upon hearing that all-so-familiar voice. He smiled even before turning his head back, the smile that seemed so rare and unfamiliar to Jongin.

“Hi baekybaekybaeeeeeecon!”

“Oh, are you guys studying? I’m sorry. Am I disturbing you?”

Oh, you actually realized that?

“No no, of course not! Don’t be silly! We weren’t exactly studying, I was just enlightening this idiot Jongin over here about the differences between the different types of preservatives under the Quaternaries family.”

“Hyung, don’t be such a jerk!” Baekhyun furrowed his brows together and pouted a little.

Yeah, don’t be.

“No one likes jerks, hyung.”

Yeah, no one.

“Hehe, baeky, have I mentioned how cute you are when you pout?”

“Hyungggg! Stop it! Sorry Jongin, Kyungsoo hyung’s forever teasing people.”

What do you mean forever?

Kyungsoo turned to look at Jongin, his eyes still cold, seemingly still expressionless as before Baekhyun came. Kyungsoo turned back.

“So what brings you here today, Baeky?” Kyungsoo smiled.

Why can’t you be like that to me, too?

“Oh… Well, uh… Since I’m not bothering you, would you mind going out with me hyung?” Baekhyun smiled shyly as he lowered his gaze towards the ground.

Kyungsoo groaned. “Again?”

“Yeah…” Baekhyun smiled sheepishly. “Well, uh… I have something that I would, uh, like to have your advice for. Hehe.”

Stop it already, please.

“Fine, but only for two hours, at most, okay? I have a test tomorrow that I have to study for!”

Two hours.

“Yeps, sure! It won’t take longer than that, I promise!”

Why can’t I have longer than that?

And the duo left the room, hands clinging.

You didn’t finish.

Why didn’t you say anything to stop me?

It’s been an hour plus. Why don’t you call?

Baekhyun walked straight to the eyeliners section, eyes scanning through the rows and rows of eyeliners, looking for the perfect one. Or rather, the one that would go well with the color of both of his new contact lenses. Again, he narrowed it down to two. He turned to Kyungsoo, wanting to ask for his opinion, but was interrupted even before he opened his mouth.

“Just get both. You know you won’t be convinced if I tell you which one is nicer anyway.”

Baekhyun nodded silently as he proceeded to the counter. Alone. Again.

*********************************
It’s been more two hours. Why aren’t you back? I need to tell you something.

*********************************

To be quite honest, the “date” of two hours (more, actually) had been a rather quiet one. And technically, the two didn’t even walked side by side, so it wasn’t even considered a date. It does not really matter, though, not like the two were together in the first place anyway. But then again, the silence that lasted was uncomfortable. It was unbearable. At least, to Baekhyun, it was.

“Hyung, why are you so quiet nowadays? We didn’t used to be so awkwardly quiet around each other. Is it because I rejected you and dated Chanyeollie and you are offended?”

Kyungsoo looked up at Baekhyun for the first time in two hours that they were out.

“I wasn’t offended…” Kyungsoo’s voice faded.

“Well, that what happened? It can’t be that you’re worried about your test tomorrow because everyone knows that you’re a genius and that you never get worried for any tests.”

“Jongin.”

“What? Where?”

“No, I mean… Jongin. I like Jongin so I’m not affected whether you like Chanyeol or not and that you rejected me. No, actually, I was quite glad that you rejected me because I realized that I’m actually in love with Jongin and not you, a day after I confessed.”

“Oh, wow… Wait. That kinda hurts, you know! Wait, so did you confess to Jongin? NO WAIT. THEN WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO HIM EVERYTIME?”

“I don’t know. It was like, a reflex action. I can’t control myself. I… I don’t know. I just hear an inner voice telling me to do so. Maybe, if I do that, he would actually take notice of me. I mean, everyone actually treats him so well. I won’t stand out if I treat him well, will I? And… I don’t know. Every time you come by, he seemed a little affected because he doesn’t know that you’re already with Chanyeol. So I thought maybe, just maybe, there was that 0.000001% chance that he was a little jealous? And he seemed cute that way. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to see that side of him. That seemingly-vulnerable side of him that no one got to see. Oh gosh, I am such a psycho.”

Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun, his face burning red after confessing about his love for Jongin, something he didn’t really want to admit. He thought Baekhyun would sympathize with him, or at least give him an encouraging smile, like he always does, but no. Baekhyun was laughing. Out loud. Like Chanyeol. Everyone at the mall was staring at both of them. Oh Krisus, it was so embarrassing being with Baekhyun at this moment that Kyungsoo had to fight off the urge to run away from him.

“Stop laughing so loudly! You are such an embarrassment, Byun Baekhyun.”

“Oh Krisus, look who’s talking! Why am I the embarrassing one when you did so many stupid things to the one you truly like? To think that a genius like you would actually fall in the hands of love. HAHAHAH. Hyung, it feels so good to see a stupid side of you! Like, wow. You actually have another flaw besides being short!”

“Shut up, you aren’t that tall either.”

“Well, at least I’m taller than you.” Baekhyun continues laughing.

“Yeah, like, what, 1cm taller?” Kyungsoo retorted.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, hyung, you really have to confess to Jongin soon or you will lose him.”

“But… I don’t know how. Do you not remember that the last time I confessed I failed?”

“Hey! But you did realize that you don’t really love me like you do for Jongin anyway! So it wasn’t really a failure!”

“… What.”

“And besides, I’m gonna help you with it this time!” Baekhyun continues. “Come on!”

“Hyung! Why don’t you practice your speech now?” Baekhyun said excitedly.

They were on the way home, walking on the streets. People were staring. Or rather, they were staring because Baekhyun wasn’t just walking. He was jumping down the street because he can’t hold his excitement. Baekhyun can’t wait to see Kyungsoo confessing his love for Jongin. He had already made plans to record it and upload it on YouTube sometime later, regardless of whether Jongin is gonna accept Kyungsoo or not. Baekhyun just had to record it. He had to upload it. Because only then can he claim credit for this (in his opinion) tear-jerking confession.

Tear jerking indeed, but not the confession.

When the duo reached Kyungsoo and Jongin’s apartment, they were greeted with silence. No ‘welcome back!’, no ‘how was the trip?’ no ‘did you guys have fun?’ The house was silent. Almost a little too quiet.

“Maybe that idiot fell asleep,” Kyungsoo suggested.

They went into his bedroom, but Jongin wasn’t there. All washrooms weren’t occupied, too.

Where are you?

“Did Jongin went out?” Baekhyun asked, sounding a little disappointed. He was so looking forward to the live confession. He had already calculated all possibilities of the confession, how to wrap it up if Jongin rejects, how to wrap it up if Jongin accepts, how to wrap things up in all situations possible. All, but one. He didn’t expect Jongin to not be at home. Kyungsoo didn’t, either. Who would expect the academically not inclined Jongin to be out when they have a test the next day?

The two rested at the couch for a while, holding on to the possibility that Jongin would be back any moment.

Just then Baekhyun’s phone rang. It was Chanyeol.

“Hi baby!”

“HEY BAEKBAEK IS KYUNGSOO THERE?”

“Yeah, w-“

“PLEASE PASS HIM THE PHONE.”

“Yep, okay, sure. Hold on. | Kyungsoo hyung, it’s Channie. He wants to speak to you.”

“Hi Chan-“

“DO KYUNG SOO!” Chanyeol interrupted Kyungsoo before he could even finish saying hi.

“WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU?”

“Home, why?”

“WHY ARE YOU HOME? DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT JONGIN IS ABOUT TO FLY OFF TO THE STATES IN HALF AN HOUR? AREN’T YOU COMING TO SAY BYE? YOU JERK.”

“WHAT?! JONGIN IS-“

“YES JONGIN IS FLYING OFF TO THE STATES IN HALF AN HOUR. YOU BETTER RUSH DOWN RIGHT NOW YOU-“

Chanyeol got interrupted.

“Chanyeol hyung, who are you on the phone with?”

“Do kyung soo. I want him to come and send you off.”

“No hyung, don’t. I don’t want to see him.”

I really wish you would come though.

“Why not? You two were housemates! He should at least have the basic courtesy to send you off!”

“I get it if he’s not coming, hyung…”

But I still wish that you’re here.

“We weren’t exactly… getting along well.”

Though I wished that we had.

“I don’t think Kyungsoo hyung likes me. It’s fine if he doesn’t want to be here.”

Why do you not like me?

Kyungsoo’s heart ached as he overheard their conversation through the phone.

You don’t get it. It was my fault.

The phone call ended.

“Anyway, hyung, I have to go in now. Thank you for taking care of me all these while. Please help me thank Baekhyun hyung, too. And also please send my apologies for not seeing them one last time before heading off to the States.”

“I will.” Chanyeol nodded.

“Also, please pass this letter to Kyungsoo hyung for me…” Jongin’s voice grew faint, almost into a whisper. His eyes grew teary as he passed Chanyeol the letter and waved goodbye.

Kyungsoo looked at Chanyeol blankly. Chanyeol had joined the two at Kyungsoo and Jongin’s house. (Well, it’s only Kyungsoo’s now.)

It doesn’t matter now, he’s gone…

“HELLO, RUDE MUCH. I AM TALKING TO YOU, YOU JERK.”

Yes, I am a jerk...

Baekhyun looked at the two worriedly. He didn’t want any fights. Especially so if one was his best friend and the other his boyfriend. He looked around desperately, hoping to be enlightened by something of some sort.

Kyungsoo’s phone! Come to think of it, it didn’t ring once when they were out the whole time.

Baekhyun picked up Kyungsoo’s phone, hoping to check for the messages that Chanyeol claimed he sent. He pressed the unlock button, but it wasn’t working. The screen was still blank. Was it off? He tried to on Kyungsoo’s phone, but nothing happened.

Chanyeol, who was too angry to even look at Kyungsoo anymore, turned over to look at Baekhyun, who was still fiddling with Kyungsoo’s phone.

“Is something wrong with that thing?” Chanyeol’s facial muscles relaxed a little from frowning, as he points towards Kyungsoo’s phone.

“Uh, I think that it ran out of battery? It didn’t ring when I was with Kyungsoo hyung for the past few hours so maybe that’s why he didn’t responded to your texts and calls. Don’t blame him, baby.”

Chanyeol looked over to Kyungsoo, who was still staring into the space at which Chanyeol’s eyes were at. They looked empty. No, they were empty. Just like how his heart feels right now, not knowing if he could ever see Jongin again.

Seeing Kyungsoo in this state, Chanyeol unwillingly took out Jongin’s letter and passed it to him.

“I still don’t know why Jongin left, but maybe you would, after you read this. If you would even bother. Come on, Baekhyun, let’s go. I don’t wish to stay in here anymore. It doesn’t feel the same since Jongin’s no longer here anymore.”

Kyungsoo stared at the letter, contemplating whether to read it as he heard a soft thud at the door. Baekyeol had left. He’s alone now. Alone, as per before Jongin joined him in this house. He was so used to having another person around, so used to Jongin being in this house. So used to Jongin being in this house as long as Kyungsoo himself was in it. But what could he do now?

Why did you leave?

Kyungsoo took in a deep breath as he reached for the envelope. He opened it with mixed feelings, wanting to continue yet losing the courage to do so as the clock ticks by.

Kyungsoo hyung:

Hello my dearest Kyungsoo hyung. Please allow me to call you that. I know we weren’t close, though I wish we were. There were so many things that I would like to tell you but I didn’t had the courage to, so I’ll do it here.

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve put you through these months. I know I’ve been annoying you, a lot. I’m sorry for all the times that I’ve disturbed you while studying. I’m sorry for always disturbing you at night, when I was attempting to study while you were sleeping. I know that you can’t sleep with the lights on, yet I continued to do so. I’m sorry. Also, I’m sorry for always being that “arrogant brat” that you kept saying I am.

And then, I’m thankful. I’m thankful that you always bother to reply me even when you’re busy. I’m thankful that you always try to make sure that I get the concepts well when you’re explaining it to me. I’m thankful that you always pretend to be sleeping soundly when I was studying late at night when you obviously weren’t so that I would feel less guilty. I’m thankful that you always make sure that I eat at least three meals per day. I’m thankful that you always look out for me, no matter how busy you are.

Hyung, like I said earlier, I wished we were closer. Because although you acted so coldly towards me in front of others, I know that you still care about me, right? You probably just don’t know how to express your concern for me like how you usually do with Baekhyun. Sometimes, I do think that it’s because we aren’t exactly close that you do not dare to show affection towards me. Because maybe you’re afraid that I would think that you’re a crazy psycho, or a stalker or a e of some sort. But then again, maybe I was thinking too much and that I truly was getting on your nerves.

Do you know, hyung, that I did try, I really did try, to get close to you. I tried to talk to you. But whenever I tried to talk to you, you would treat me coldly. Sometimes, when I was excited about something, the first person that came to my mind to share it with was you. But I lost all courage to even speak to you as I see your face. You always looked frustrated when you see me. Was I really that bothersome? I’m sorry.

Or then, maybe, you treat me so coldly because you somehow saw my diary and that you realized that I fell for you?

I saw that my diary was on the study table when I came home one day. It wasn’t long after I met you and yet, unknowingly, all my entries were about you. Maybe you thought that I was a psycho, huh? I’ve always hid my feelings for you, hyung, or maybe I did somehow dropped a hint or two without realizing it. I really wanted to tell you how much I’m in love with you but I can’t. Like I said previously, all courage to speak to you was gone as soon as I saw your face. I wished I hadn’t confessed to you like that, but well, since we’re probably not meeting each other anymore, I guess it doesn’t matter. After today, I’ll probably just be ‘that kid I used to go to school with’. But then again, I had always only held that position, didn’t I?

Anyway, hyung, please don’t feel that my departure had anything to do with you. I was just informed that my dad’s health is in a critical condition and he had asked for me to go back to take over the family business. I have no idea how I would do it though. My only hope is to not declare bankruptcy and that we would have to wind up our business. Aha, come to think of it, that’s a really shallow dream. Maybe that’s why you always say that I have no brains. Hyung, you have no idea how much I wish for you could come to the States with me so that you could provide suggestions on how to cope with this. But I know you won’t. You’re probably glad that I’ve left, aren’t you? Aha. Are you even reading this? Or maybe you already went to celebrate with Baekhyun hyung. Oh, but anyway, in case you’re really reading this, don’t worry about the school’s side. I’ve already contacted them.

So yeah, I guess I’ll go now.

Thank you for the great time, hyung. I love you. I know you won’t say this back to me, but.. I love you. I won’t forget you…

Love,

Jongin.

P.S. You and Baekhyun make a really great pair(: Please invite me when you two get married, okay? Although it would hurt. And my presence would probably upset you. So then, maybe, just tell me. So that I can send over a present. And also, so that I can stop thinking about a guy who would never be mine.

*********************************
Kim Jongin, you pabo. I love you.
*********************************

A month later:

“I have no idea why you still want to film this, Kyungsoo. Do you really think that Jongin would get to see this?” Chanyeol asked.

After reading the letter, Kyungsoo was determined to film his confession and post it on YouTube in hope that some mutual friend of his and Jongin’s would see it and link Jongin. He hoped that someone still had contact with Jongin, because Jongin had terminated his phone number, and neither of them could contact him. They didn’t have his email, either. Kyungsoo wanted to let Jongin know that he does love him back. He wanted Jongin to know that Baekhyun’s heart belongs to Chanyeol, just like how his heart belongs to Jongin.

“I don’t know. But it doesn’t hurt to try. He had suffered so much for me. I need to let him know that I loved him, too.”

“Aww, that’s really sweet, Kyungie. Now come’on, the camera’s ready to roll. Are you ready?” Baekhyun smiled. He’s glad that Kyungsoo is doing this. Partly because he wants Kyungsoo to be with the person he loves, partly because he feels guilty for rejecting Kyungsoo in the past (though it has proven to be a good thing) and partly because he wants to put his name under credits for ideas.

Three weeks later:

Tears streamed down Jongin’s cheeks and he watched the top video of the week.

“So, Kim Jongin. If you’re watching this, I really want you to know that I, too, have loved you all these while. I didn’t read your diary, though I wished I did. I didn’t know your thoughts, I was stupid, I was dense, I was inexperienced. I didn’t know how to react to the person I loved, and that’s why I was cold towards you…”

Kyungsoo hyung… why…

“…I’m sorry. I love you. Please be mine.”