CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE:Overhower

 

 

The moment the shower was turned off, some muffled voices crawled under the bathroom's door. The TV had been . Even in WooHyun tried, he wasn't able to decipher the words or what the show was about yet every now and then he was able to hear subtles chuckles from DongWoo. Last time WooHyun checked the rapper had no knowledge of thai. Being the curious person he was, WooHyun half dried himself before tying the same towel around his hips. Just as he opened the door the voices turned into a clearer and way too familiar language that took the vocalist by surprise. 

 

"I didn't know they had korean programs in Bangkok," he stated taking a seat on the end of his messy hotel bed. His eyes glued to the screen. DongWoo on the other side just glanced at him and then at the TV from the mirror. He was carefully applying some base to his skin.

 

"I just found it." 

 

It wasn't like there was special about that morning program, if fact, it seemed like an old rerun but WooHyun had a thing for getting caught with korean stuff whenever he was out of the country. SungGyu used to joke saying he had an unusual disease called automatic homesickness. WooHyun couldn't object, so after some minutes he managed to grab a his boxers finally starting get dressed. Unlike him, DongWoo didn't seem so stuck with the korean program but still he kept chuckling every now and then whenever the guests made a smart or hilarious comment. 

 

At some point WooHyun got stuck again between both queen size beds and the television. His mind had forgotten to search the missing clothes since his eyes were too busy looking at the screen, or to be more specifical, to a certain guest. 

 

"Isn't it weird?" WooHyun voiced out half hoping not to be heard.

 

"Wha'?" To his misfortune, the rapper answered as he came out from the bathroom. His orange toothbrush was inside his mouth like a lollipop. "Ca' find you otha sock?" 

 

In other times he would have grinned at the accent but WooHyun just shook his head in a slow way. "All this years and people still react weird towards him."

 

"Hem?" He heard DongWoo's soft question but he didn't answer, his eyes were set on the program where the announcers and guests were now laughing. On the screen, Hong SukChun's face was shown. He was the man that had been causing the laughs for the past fifteen minutes but WooHyun hadn't been able to laugh, not even once. In all, he had only managed to grow a pitiful look in his eyes. 

 

"More than ten years, DongWoo," WooHyun sighed tired of seeing the older man's face. DongWoo had finally taken out his toothbrush. "Things like that haunts you for life."

 

At that, DongWoo just shrugged getting an exasperated sound from the vocalist.

 

"I like him," the rapper didn't waver as he finally answered. "He's a good actor and makes me laugh a lot. Also, people say he's a kind person. I've always wanted to meet him."

 

A silent wish crossed WooHyun's mind then. A desperate wish dressed up as innocence. Why couldn't people think, just a little bit, like DongWoo? How come his older member was able to think things were as simple as that? His wish wasn't born exactly for the actor on the TV but for what he represented. Who he represented.

 

Even if WooHyun hadn't touched the topic after the incident back in the dorms, he still remembered clearly how SungYeol had started to break up in front of him. Those harmful words that went out like savage animals. It had taken him by surprise. WooHyun would've never imagined it. All that and those comments. All his actions. Yet SungYeol's tears back then had been real. The pain had been tangible. It had been too much for him.

 

WooHyun wasn't stupid. He didn't need to say it out loud for him to understand. 

 

"I'm scared." The sudden laughs from the TV made his murmur a silent confession.

 

His fear not only came for SungYeol's preferenec. It came from their comeback and the absence of their tallest member. It came from the uncomfortable situation they were confronting with their leader. From the instability of the group. It came from the lack of control they had over the never ending situations.

 

"I guess we all are," a soft pat came to his bare shoulder as if trying to ease the heaviness from them.

 

Another sigh appeared from WooHyun's lips. "Who else knows?" He looked up, DongWoo was standing close to him with slight furrowed brows. "About SungYeol."

 

"Oh," DongWoo grinned before throwing him the toothpaste. "SungGyu-hyung and us."

 

Well, that wasn't as surprising as he thought it would be. "Just us three?"

 

"I guess MyungSoo too. You know how close those two are."

 

"Then what about—"

 

WooHyun wasn't able to finish his question when their room's phone started to ring. Both looked at each other before DongWoo went for it. He on the other side just groaned knowing who was calling them so early. As DongWoo answered, WooHyun could imagine perfectly the voice on the other end. 

 

"Hyung asks if you're ready for makeup?" the rapper repeated moving the phone slightly away from his mouth.

 

"I just need to find my shirt."

 

"Then I'll go first," DongWoo decided pulling the phone closer to his face yet his eyes kept set on WooHyun. After hanging up he grabbed his handphone. "Noonas are in Hoya's room."

 

"Got it," WooHyun nodded going back to his task of searching his missing clothes. They could pick up their conversation later. 

 

 

When WooHyun arrived, fully dressed, to the room 1483, people were already there, moving from a place to another. The smell from hairspray and makeup filled the room. MyungSoo, who had opened the door, let him in. Even if he was already set, WooHyun could notice the young male was still half asleep. Hoya on the other side had a quiet conversation with the staff that was fixing his hair. 

 

"Where was it?" DongWoo asked loudly from where he was getting his makeup done.

 

"Under your bed covers," WooHyun answered before he was taken by one of the staff to get presentable for the day. 

 

 

Music Core's special edition started in the evening but that didn't mean they had free time until then. Going to Bangkok meant over work for them. So they were getting ready for two magazine interviews before they had to leave for the entrance carpet. Styled suits with perfect makeup to match had been prepared before they had to change to their stage clothes. 

 

When WooHyun started to get his hair styled SungJong entered the hotel room, followed close, their manager. If the singer had been looking with more attention he would've noticed their maknae getting slightly pushed inside by Geonam before he wished good morning to everyone in the spacious place. The maknae's bows were short and his smile didn't quite reach his eyes - that didn't mean his greeting were less polite. When a woman from the staff went to him to start working on his makeup she couldn't help but say surprised that his eyes had deeper dark circles than usual. This wasn't usual on SungJong. 

 

"I couldn't sleep," was the only thing he said in his defence. Now that called WooHyun's attention. It was trully weird for SungJong to not be in the mood to chat with his makeup noona. 

 

"That might be cuz SungGyu—" Suddenly it hit him. "Where is he?"

 

Until then no one had noticed the absence of their leader. It might have been because they all were busy prepareing themselves still it was weird not to have their leader nagging them or goofing around with others so the moment WooHyun asked that, the other members turned their gazes to their maknae who now seemed like a deer caught in the lights. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it saying nothing to the others. Before Hoya could nag him about SungGyu he closed his eyes to get the makeup applied.

 

"Is he still asleep?" MyungSoo's voice carried a bit of jealousy. 

 

"He's busy with JungRyul. He'll come soon."

 

It wasn't their maknae the one that answered but Geonam. Being him the one giving the answer seemed to ease the other members but WooHyun had never left SungJong's façade, letting him notice how his expression turned into a confused one. 

 

 

 

♫

 

Everything was spinning. Even if he had his eyes closed he could sense it. The lack of stability made SungGyu want to puke but he never reached that point. Slowly he rested a hand his forehead, a frown was already formed in it. His movement was accompanied by the sound of bed sheets moving, delicate sound that bothered his sensible ears.

 

"SungGyu-ya?"

 

The voice was careful before a hand touched gently his resting arm. The difference in temperature was pretty wide.

 

"I'm cold," was the short phrase the leader managed to say before he fought against his eyelids. His voice appeared low.

 

As he thought, JungRyul was there, sitting on the bed with a tired expression haunting his face, his mouth holding a sad smile. "Well, with this things, it's pretty reasonable," he pointed with lack of precision at something hanging close to them. A half empty bag with a transparent liquid. SungGyu had seen that before, it was a dose of antibiotics. And it was painfully connected to his cold arm. Judging by the amount of liquid, SungGyu guessed he had been getting the treatment for quite a while now. There was no question why he was receiving it but how come he had ended up getting it in there?

 

Pushing himself forward, he tried to know his whereabouts but the quick movement made the dizziness double. In no time JungRyul was next to him, holding his torso as he repeated in a quite fast way that he shouldn't move. Carefully, e was helped to lay down again.

 

When the pain lowered SungGyu decided to open his eyes finally noticing he was still in his hotel room. But, "SungJong?"

 

JungRyul slightly snorted. "You scared the kid."

 

SungGyu remembered. The unbearable pain he had felt the night before and how he had been caught by the group's maknae. He remembered the worried looks, the trembling voice and the wet hair from SungJong but after that he remembered nothing. Had the pain actually knocked him out?

 

With a quick explanation and a soft voice the manager told the sick male how he had actually told SungJong, blinded by the pain, to call him. He told him how he had sent the maknae to the managers' bedroom so he could get some rest and how he had ended up finding, after too many phone calls, a korean speaking doctor who gave in to treat SungGyu the antibiotics. He didn't need to explain for SungGyu to know his manager had done the impossible for him to be attended in the hotel.

 

"Thank you," were SungGyu's sincere feelings but JungRyul simply groaned, his hands pulling the roots of his hair.

 

"Don't say that," the older male sighed before lowering his hands to his face. The frustration the older male had made SungGyu feel sorry. "It's not necessary for me to say this but Geonam-hyung knows now. How could he not? SungGyu, this can't go on—no. I can't go on working like this. We can't."

 

"Hyung..."

 

What could SungGyu say to that? He had never thought about his manager, at least not in a conscious way. JungRyul was the kind of manager one could easily rely on. He got along well with Geonam but JungRyul and he had a special bonding. Not only because it was work but JungRyul had always been close, looking after him and giving him advice. When SungGyu knew about his sickness, JungRyul ended up being there, supporting him even if he wasn't okay with the idol's decision. Even with a frown and unapprovingly, JungRyul had carried his medicine and looked after him. He was his secret keeper. And this secret was obviously bothering the older male.

 

"I don't like seeing you like this, SungGyu-ya. And I'm pretty sure things won't get better unless you do what you have to," JungRyul hunched, resting his tired body on his elbows. "Look at yourself. Do you really think it won't get harder as time passes? Please, stop running away."

 

There was no way he was going to admit that. SungGyu had thought about it before - in his sleepless nights and lonely times - how he was scared of what would happen if and of his reality. Yes, he was holding onto his voice but he wasn't a kid to believe he could keep it forever. Still, if he was able to hold it for one more day, then that was enough for SungGyu.

 

"The doctor was surprised to see you were untreated. He wanted to take you to the hospital but I couldn't let him. The media, the director, and—aish! This makes no sense." JungRyul stood up in frustration, his gaze strongly set on SungGyu who evaded the eye contact - just like a small kid. But SungGyu didn't feel like talking or even defending his ideas. He felt really tired and the spinning wasn't slowing down, at all. His sickness wasn't letting him act like usual. Right now he was offguard."Aren't you going to say something?"

 

Yet there was just one thing he wanted to know, "where... are the others?"

 

"Seriously?" JungRyul couldn't believe what SungGyu was asking him. "Right now that's the last thing that should be on your mind." He was trying hard to control his voice.

 

"Hyung..."

 

"No, SungGyu, no."  

 

Nothing was going to come from JungRyul's mouth. Not when he was so frustrated with the leader's attitude, but the younger wasn't even thinking about giving in. Now silence surrounded them both. SungGyu kept himself busy looking at the catheter invading his arm, but mainly he was just dozing off. The silence was welcomed by the younger one. JungRyul on the other side, was just sitting on a chair close to the bed, busying himself with his handphone. Somehow the feeling of guilt left a seed in the hotel room. One thing was for sure, SungGyu didn't like to have this clashing times with his manager. 

 

Clearing his throat, the idol asked with his raspy voice, his attention still set on the skin intruder. "and... the doctor?"

 

JungRyul looked up from his device. His expression softened. "He'll be back soon—God. Yes? Good morning, Hyung-nim."

 

Hyung-nim. As soon as he heard the word, SungGyu lifted his face to see JungRyul wasn't talking to him anymore but that he was busy on the phone. There was just one person he called that way. A person that right now made his shoulders feel three times heavier. 

 

Now that he thought about it, SungGyu had to see it coming. There was no way JungRyul would've kept quiet about his sudden episode to their CEO. He could listen his manager answering in a calm and precise way about his health. That much he was able to catch. The head ache, bothering sensation in his throat and the catheter attached to his arm didn't let him understand. But judging by everything. He knew his health was getting worse.

 

Still SungGyu believed, if he just finished taking the antibiotics, after a good nap he was going to be ready to do tonight's schedule. 

 

He had to.

 

"SungGyu-ya," JungRyul's voice was soft, making the idol flutter open his eyelids. "JungYeop-hyung wants to talk with you."

 

"Hyung?" It took him by surprise. It wasn't like he could say no, so he tried to lift himself. With gentleness, JungRyul aidred him. Before answering, SungGyu cleared his aching throat. "SungGyu's speaking."

 

"This kid... Boy, how're you feeling?" There was warmth in his director's voice. It was funny how his director was the only one who frequently asked the same question with a conserned tone. Somehow, he liked the care from the older. What would it be like to listen to s ask him the same question? Would it be warm too? 

 

"I'm better now. The antibiotics make wonders," SungGyu caught JungRyul's grimace.

 

"But their magic doesn't last. Not with what you have," JungYeop said calmly. "You know what it was like to be awakened by a phone call at four a.m. from JungRyul to tell me you had fallen sick? Well, more since you already were?"

 

"I'm sorry," SungGyu hated the soft yet harsh way the CEO spoke. It had a fatherly feeling. "It won't happen again."

 

"Sure it won't." JungYeop sighed painfully slow followed by a pregnant pause that took over the line. The silent made SungGyu wary. "This isn't the best moment or the best way to say it but if you don't want to understand then you don't leave me another option but to make you understand." Understand? Understand what? There was nothing to understand. "When I got JungRyul's I wanted to buy you a flight ticket to come back home and get treated but no airline was going to accept you in the state you were."

 

SungGyu couldn't believe what he was listening to. Go back home. "Why go back to Korea? We aren't done here—" 

 

"No, you are done there. Infinite isn't."

 

"What? I am part of Infinite." SungGyu's voice went higher shocked by the CEO's statement. He wanted to say more but his voice got trapped with a round of dry coughs. His head still spinning.

 

This wasn't happening.

 

"Having you getting sick in other countries cost me money and I can't afford to be looking after you every single place the group goes. Having Infinite unbalanced if something like this happens again..." SungGyu was sure JungYeop was shaking his head and he just wanted to say something in his defense yet there was nothing to say. "You left the kids alone in this morning interviews and that's something the directives aren't fond of. That we aren't fond of." Another pause came. "Kim SungGyu, either you get the surgery or I end up our contract."

 

The pain SungGyu felt at that moment wasn't compared to the pain his sickness had ever caused him. The pain those words created on him was unbearable. Never, never in his right mind had SungGyu imagined something like that was going to be told to him. Not him. Yet there he was, listening to those words being thrown at him like a bucket of cold water. SungGyu was shaking as his breathing got shortened. He was having symptoms of something that had no cure. His eyes stung while his soul got pressed up against the coldness from the dead end's wall.

 

This time, SungGyu wasn't able to find a way out.

 

"I... I'll do it," like a forced truth, the murmur came. His mind forcing his heart as the words tasted sourly in his mouth. His soul was breaking inside. "After we're done with the promotions I—"

 

"No."

 

Then what? Was that it? Just no? This couldn't end like that. He couldn't just accept and go on with the surgery. It wasn't like stealing a flower from the neighbour's garden. It was his voice he was going to cut off from his soul. 

 

His voice. 

 

Trapped.

 

"Then..." SungGyu found no strenght to look up. To fight. What he had left was to beg. "At least... please, let me do one last stage." 

 

"SungGyu-ya..."

 

"Let me sing one last time," his voice was wavering. Like his soul. 

 

"Then you will do the surgery?"

 

"Then I'll do it." 

 

 

 

♫

 

 

Even if he tried, Hoya couldn't stop thinking about it. MyungSoo's last words had been something he had never expected. Then what about me? What had the visual intended to say with that question? What was the real meaning behind those words? HoWon didn't want to think further. He didn't want to get crazy ideas and he certainly did not want to worry more than he already was. The anguish made him lose appetite and sleep. He felt distressed and it wasn't good for his performance. Too many things to fear about. He cared about Infinite, sometimes HoWon cared too much about his own members. But he was always searching for perfection and rightness yet things were obviously not heading that way. 

 

"Hyung?"

 

The maknae's voice sounded from his left side making him slightly jump.

 

"Huh?"

 

SungJong had his brows slightly knitted. "You where staring at the window... you okay?"

 

"Oh," there was nothing Hoya could say about that. He couldn't just drop the bomb to the maknae, and less if they were stuck in a van with the person involved. He had to figure things out first.

 

A loud yawn came from WooHyun followed by and overly exaggerated stretch. It was automatic the glare Hoya gave to the singer's nape. 

 

"Hyung?" After some moments SungJong repeated. "Have you noticed...?"

 

"Noticed?" Hoya looked to the side catching the youngest member's profile.

 

He nodded. "Someone... someone's been acting weird." His voice was small. It wasn't really needed, both were sitting at the back of the van while the other members were, if not asleep, listening to music.

 

"Who isn't?" Hoya mumbled lifting his gaze. Dark straight hair right in front of him. "I... I think I know who you're talking about."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah," HoWon nodded lightly. "Help me keep an eye on him," the him was followed by a head movement to the front. 

 

"MyungSoo-hyung?" SungJong's voice carried confusion. "No, it's not..."

 

"He's been abashed, I think. Try talk to him, please."

 

After a pause he heard SungJong's silent sigh before an answer came. "Yes, Hyung."