It was that time of the month again.

"Gather around everyone," Suho called out from the living room. Lay stifled a groan and set down his headphones. Today was the first day of May, which meant it was time for another team meeting. Suho insisted on a get-together each month, citing reasons like 'group unity' and 'family bonding' for using up a good hour of their time.

"Not this again." Chen flipped shut his DS with a heavy sigh. Suho waved them over to the couches.

"Nine...ten...eleven," he muttered. "Who's missing?"

"Sehun," Kai answered, adding, "Jeez, can't you keep track of your own roommate?" Suho barely blinked at the jibe. It wasn't fair, the kinds of things the K members could get away with. Talking back at Kris was the equivalent of suicide.

"I'll go get him." Lay shuffled down the hall to Sehun's room and opened the door. "Team meeting." Sehun quickly closed his laptop, his face assuming his usual look of bland nonchalance. But the alarm in his eyes was a tell-tale sign that he was hiding something. Something that Lay intended to find out (someday).

"Good, we're all here." Suho began handing out pens and sticky-notes. "I thought we should try something new, in light of the lack of participation last month." Before their debut back in April, Suho had sat them down for a PowerPoint presentation on idol etiquette that had bored them all to tears.

"I was talking to Leeteuk-hyung the other day and he told me that good communication is the key to success for a band our size," Suho began, taking on the didactic tone of a college professor. "I hope we can all stay open-minded and honest throughout this exercise."

Chanyeol raised a hand, which was already covered with pen doodles. "What do we do with the paper?"

"You eat it," Baekhyun quipped, inciting guffaws from the others.

Again, Suho remained calm, the perfect picture of patience. "Please write one problem that you believe is hindering the group. Something you think that, if resolved, will improve the team's dynamics and strengthen our bond."

"So we can complain about an individual?" D.O. asked hopefully.

"Um..." Suho was evidently torn between the need for honesty and the possibility of the activity escalating to a full-blown blaming game. "Yes, if you feel their behaviour is affecting others as well."

"Do we have to write our names?" Sehun piped up, looking a little too innocent.

"No you don't, but no bashing or swearing allowed, alright?" It seemed like Suho had given up trying to keep the meeting free of bloodshed, and was preparing himself for the worst.

Lay dipped his head, hiding his grin. He had a few choice things to say about Duizhang, and anonymity would ensure he lived another day. The room fell silent as everyone began writing. Tao was finished within seconds while the rest wrote with expressions ranging from concentration (D.O.), indignation (Sehun) and absolute glee (Baekhyun).

"Alright, here we go." Suho cleared his throat as he unfolded a sticky from the pile he had collected. "'I think everyone is terrific. EXO hwaiting! Love, Tao."

They all burst into laughter. "What?" Tao looked around, confused. "I really think we're an awesome team."

"That makes one of us," Kai snorted.

"Quiet down. Thank you, Tao, for the...vote of confidence. Moving on." Suho opened the next slip of paper. "This one's for D.O. 'I dislike it when you force-feed me vegetables that taste like wet cardboard. Stop trying to be my mom.'"

D.O. raised an eyebrow. "Nice try, Sehun. I know it was you who wrote it."

Sehun shrugged. "I can't be the only one who thinks your celery tastes like crap." D.O. was about to argue but Suho cut him off.

"D.O., what can you do to resolve the issue?"

"Fine, I won't make you eat anything. If you die from malnutrition, it's your own stupid fault," D.O. muttered. Sehun merely flashed a smug smile. Really, these kids have it way too easy, Lay thought. At least the majority of D.O.'s cooking was edible.

"Looks like this one's for me." Suho scanned the next note, his mouth pursed.

"What does it say?" Baekhyun urged, his tone suspiciously bright. 

Suho narrowed his eyes, but began reading anyway. "'To Suho. It really bothers me whenever you breathe. Not only is the noise distracting, but its repetitive nature is also harmful to my well-being. I think others will agree that you using up our air is a hindrance to the group, one that must be resolved as soon as possible.'" Chanyeol was bent double in laughter while beside him, Baekhyun was grinning from ear to ear, obviously pleased with his troll. As sorry as he was for their leader, Lay couldn't help but smile along.

"In my humble opinion, immaturity is more of a hindrance than my existence, Baekhyun," Suho answered through gritted teeth. "Kai, next one's for you. 'Please refrain from putting your dirty practice clothes in my laundry basket. It won't kill you to walk across the hall to the laundry room. Also, please do not wear my socks whenever you feel like it. The stink is insufferable and they're always stretched out. Signed, D.O.'"

"What's the big deal? We're roommates," Kai said with a roll of his eye. "Sharing is caring."

D.O. glared at his roommate with his arms over his chest, eyes lit with the rage. "No, it's disgusting,"  he snapped. "I wasn't going to say this, but you've left me no choice." He pointed a finger at Kai and said loudly, "This idiot here takes my underwear and wears it whenever he's too lazy to do his own laundry. And he doesn't even wash it when he's done!" Xiumin made a gagging sound while Chanyeol leaned over to give Kai a high five.

"It's nothing to be proud of," D.O. yelled, jabbing Kai in the chest. He rounded on Chanyeol. "And you! Don't encourage him!" They ignored him and continued laughing to themselves. Finally, D.O. stomped off to his room,  slamming the door shut with a resounding bang.

"Alright guys, meeting adjourned." Suho let out a weary sigh. He looked like he needed a drink. Badly. The remaining members got to their feet, clearly relieved by the brevity of the meeting. On his way back to his room, Lay patted the harried-looking leader on the shoulder.

"Not saying you should become a dictator like Kris, but you should definitely ask him for a few tips about disciplining your kids." 

Sharing is Caring

| Posted on May 1, 2012  | 9:02 pm |

If a stranger ever passed by the apartment next-door, he would no doubt assume that my neighbours are a married couple on the cusp of divorce. I, however, can say with confidence that the screaming match coming from down the hall is a continuation of D and K's undergarment spat that halted a most intriguing council meeting. I suppose my (many) complaints about DZ will have to wait until next month's meeting (though I suspect we'll be back to PowerPoint slides after tonight's fiasco).

It's a pity that such different people were assigned as roommates. In a happier world, D would live quarrel-free with the ever-patient S or XM, runner-up for the title of Ultimate Neat-Freak. K would be much happier with the laid-back SH (who would be too busy doing god-knows-what on his computer to even notice the theft of his undergarments).

Tags: roommates, underwear

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