In Luhan’s opinion, life without internet was boring as .

It was rather difficult to find ways to entertain himself, especially at the airport, and Luhan eventually had to resort to cheap tricks like kicking everyone’s asses-literally.

“Owwwww,” Tao whined in a high, girlish tone when Luhan (gently) kneed him in the . “What was that for?”

 “Just practicing for the match.”

“By pretending I’m a football??” The childish pout on Tao’s lips was at odds with his leather jacket, dozen piercings and the dark shadows under his dark eyes.

Luhan shrugged and shifted the straps of his backpack higher on his shoulders. “You’re a kungfu panda, I’m sure you can take it.”

“Ah, but you forget that he’s a romantic kungfu panda,” Lay interjected as he pocketed his passport-Luhan was surprised Manager-hyung had let him hold on to it, given the number of times he had misplaced it.

“My bad,” Luhan replied absently as he aimed for Lay’s shins with the toe of his Converse. Unfortunately, being best friends with someone means that they know you well enough to anticipate your every move, and Lay dodged to the side before he could make contact. “I guess I need to find something that doesn’t have so many feelings.”

“You should try Kris then,” Lay suggested with an innocent smile.

Luhan tried not to shudder at the thought of the cold fury in Kris’s eyes the last time Luhan had borrowed his fancy-schmancy European eau de toilette. “Maybe next time, when I’m feeling a bit more suicidal.”

Kris chose that moment to join them, man-purse slung over one shoulder and a haughty look on his perfectly made-up face. “Who the gave you permission to be suicidal? If you’re going to make a mess, you damn well be there to clean it up.” He stared sternly at Luhan before stalking off towards their gate.

“Hey Lay,” Luhan muttered as they followed their leader towards the waiting area. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Depends.”

“In the event that I die before my contract is done, could you exorcise my spirit before Kris drags it back from the dead?” 

Lay chuckled a clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Only if you do the same for me.”

*****

In Xiumin’s opinion, life without internet was surprisingly bearable.

He was happy enough lounging on the hotel bed in front of the TV, a mug of green tea in his hands and warm fuzzy socks on his feet. Granted, it was a little difficult to understand what was going on without Korean subtitles, but Xiumin made do with what he had. His unofficial translator of the evening was Luhan, whose snarky commentary was slightly amusing-at least during the first half hour before it became insufferable.

The only reruns to choose between at two in the morning were a tacky 90’s period drama and a Chinese-dubbed version of You’re Beautiful. He settled on the latter because he was too exhausted to deal with cheesy fight sequences that always ended with a food-laden table being flipped over. The sound of the opening theme song even managed to draw Tao out of the bathroom-thankfully, the kid had the decency to wrap himself in a bathrobe before climbing onto Xiumin’s bed and grabbing an armful of his pillows.

“Oh my gosh!” Tao squealed when Jang Geunseuk sent Park Shinhye a sour look on-screen. “I love this drama!”

“We know,” Luhan yawned as he dropped down on to the bed opposite bed. He folded his arms beneath his head and turned to Xiumin. “I get why Princess Peach here is obsessed with these types of shows, but I can’t believe you watch them too.”

“They’re like really bad car crashes,” Xiumin answered with a small shrug. “Terrible stuff, but you can’t bring yourself to look away…”

“I think terrible is an understatement,” Luhan muttered a while later when Park Shinhye’s true gender is about to be discovered for the umpteenth time. “How the does a nun suddenly decide to become a cross-dressing rock star??”

“God, weren’t you paying attention?” Tao huffed exasperatedly. “It’s all because of her brother.”

“Or maybe it’s because impending chastity makes you do crazy, stupid things,” Xiumin mused.

Luhan rolled his eyes. “I still call bull. Whoever wrote the script needs a reality check.”

For once, Xiumin was inclined to agree. “And maybe a new job…”

*****

In Tao’s opinion, life without internet was a little bit miserable.

For some reason, the hyungs always picked on him whenever they were going through internet withdrawal. He rubbed at his with a frown as he remembered Luhan’s assault from the day before. And while Xiumin hadn’t been quite as mean, he had still snored throughout the night and had woken Tao up at 8:00 am by throwing open the curtains to let in the morning sun.

It was why Tao was a bit apprehensive when Chen and Lay decided to join him for breakfast.

“Morning!” Chen said brightly as he set down his plate, which was laden with eggs and bacon and buttery croissants and all the delicious things that Tao wasn’t allowed to eat now that he was dieting. The tantalizing smell of potatoes wafted towards him and Tao took an angry bite of his apple. With a wide grin, Chen speared a sausage and sing-songed “Come to papa, my lovelies!”

Lay was not quite as boisterous and hummed quietly as he settled in his chair.  Unlike Chen, he had not taken full advantage of the breakfast buffet and sat down with two mugs of coffee in his hands. He reached for the sugar bowl with a quick glance in Tao’s direction, “Why so glum, Princess?”

Tao adjusted the black frames that he had donned to hide the deeper-than-usual shadows beneath his eyes. “Oh my god, Xiumin kept me up all night.”

It was a good thing that Tao had quicker than average reflexes because he managed to scoot away when Lay choked on his mouthful of coffee. Chen’s French toast, however, was not so fortunate and was dotted with drops of coffee by the time Lay began wiping his mouth with a napkin. Thankfully, Chen was too enraptured by his bacon strips to notice the contamination of his food.

“How did he, um, keep you up exactly?” Lay asked when he could speak again.

With a long sigh, Tao set down his half-finished apple and replied, “He was snoring up a thunderstorm and wouldn’t stop no matter how much a poked him so I didn’t get a wink of sleep.” He finished with a pout and tried to appear as pitiful as possible. “Can I sleep in your room today?”

“Nope,” Lay replied without missing a beat.

“But…but…if I don’t get enough sleep I’ll get cravings and then my face will get all bloated and my image will be ruined forever!”

“Yeah, your image will be so awful that the fans will start a petition to replace you with Manager Kyun,” Chen said lightly as he spooned some scrambled eggs into his mouth.

“He’s actually pretty popular, you know,” Lay mused. “His name was on quite a few signs at the airport the other day and I hear his selca got nine thousand likes in the first hour.”

Tao shot to his feet, his chair skidding backward with a loud screech. The thought of his career ending before it had even started sent a stab of dread through his heart. And to be replaced by Manager Kyun of all people! There was still so much he was supposed to do in the entertainment industry: star in a Hollywood action film, collaborate on a number-one hit single with Jay Chou and become the spokesmodel for Gucci (and thereby receive free handbags for the rest of his life).

“I have to go,” he mumbled, swallowing the painful lump that had risen to his throat. Tossing his napkin onto his plate, he stumbled out of the dining hall towards the nearest bathroom to for a much-needed selca session.   

*****

In Chen’s opinion, life without internet was a relief.

Truth be told, he was grateful for the absence of constant phone notifications from his so-called chingus. Chanyeol had recently discovered the wonders of Snapchat and was hell-bent on sharing the development of the scab on his knee with the rest of the world. Baekhyun’s incessant fanboying was no less aggravating with all the SNSD picture spams on their group chat (with plenty of all-caps and exclamation marks in between). And despite being the most mature member of their quartet, D.O. could be down-right annoying whenever he felt the need to tweet a play-by-play of the latest basketball anime.

He was just about to settle down beneath his covers with the newest version of Angry Birds when the telephone on the bedside table began to ring. Kris was still taking his sweet time in the shower so Chen quickly grabbed his Chinese travel dictionary and picked up the receiver.

“Wei?”

There was a beat of silence on the other end before the speaker swore softly in Korean. Chen knew only one person in the world with such a deep, obnoxiously loud voice: Chanyeol.

“, this one speaks Chinese too. Baekhyun, you talk to him.”

“Why me?” Baekhyun said indignantly in the background. “You’re the one who wanted to call him in the first place.”

“And you’re the one who punched in the wrong number.”

“God, just hang up already!”

The line went dead and Chen was left with only the sound of the dial tone. “Bunch of losers,” he chuckled as he set down the receiver. But before he could crawl under the covers again, the phone let out another ring.

It was D.O. this time.

“Good evening, may I speak to Chen?” D.O. said in flawless English.

Time to have a little fun. “No speak English,” Chen replied gruffly, hoping the change in his voice would disguise his identity. “I Chinese.”

“Um…ni…hao?” The line went quiet and the silence was eventually broken by the sound of flipping pages. Chen fought back a laugh at the mental image of D.O. flipping through the same Chinese travel dictionary that was in his hand. Finally, D.O. let out a small sigh of resignation and hung up after a curt “goodbye”.

Chen finally let out the laugh he was holding in. After pulling on a hoodie and pocketing his phone, he crept out the room and headed for the elevators. While their hotel wasn’t exactly the Fairmont, it still had decent wifi in the front lobby. So he pulled out his phone with a gleeful smile, flopped onto a coach and opened up Kakao.  

chen: lololol cant believe u guys fell for that

chen: u should all get tattooed on ur foreheads

baekhyun: wait that was you on the phone??

chanyeol: wtf man not cool

baekhyun: i knew i got the right number…

chanyeol: first time for everything lmao

baekhyun: stfu loser

chanyeol: how about no

chen: fight fight fight fight

chen: FIIIIGGGHT

baekhyun: ugh to think we were actually worried about you…

chanyeol: ikr wat a fking bastard

chen: lol

chen: LOL

chen: wheres d.o.

chen: i need to tell him smth rly important

chen: HEY D.O.

chen: UR CHINESE BALLS

d.o.: …

d.o.: 草

d.o.: 泥

d.o.: 马              

*****

In Kris’s opinion, life without internet was a struggle, especially on days when his band mates were behaving like a bunch of ten-year-olds. 

The morning’s photo-shoot had been more headache-inducing than usual. Luhan, having stuffed his face with popcorn from his prop, had occupied the only washroom for over an hour while Chen caused the entire set to panic when his head had gotten his head stuck in the wreath of flowers that was meant for his neck. Tao had thrown a mini-tantrum over the bananas they had tried to make him pose with (apparently he looked horrible around anything yellow) and even Xiumin had caused some trouble by spitting one too many pieces of gum at the cameras whenever he attempted to blow a bubble.

It was always Lay, however, whose antics made Kris wish he had never been casted. 

“I can’t believe you’re eating that thing,” Kris muttered, lips curling with distaste at the sight of Lay a dollop of neapolitan ice cream off his fingers.  

Lay grinned and raised his left shoulder, which had been slathered with ice cream for the shoot. “Want some?”

“No thanks.” Kris crinkled his nose in disgust when Lay reached over and scooped some more ice cream from his shoulders. The sight eventually became too nauseating to bear so he his heels and headed towards the coatroom. Fishing Manager Kyun’s phone out of the pocket of his jacket, Kris made a beeline for the nearest exit.

The hallway outside was empty and Kris closed his eyes, relishing the blissful silence. When the pounding in his head subsided, he unlocked the phone and pulled up the browser (making sure it was on in cognito). He typed in ‘fx victoria’ in the search bar and tapped on his favorite photo, the one where her chestnut tresses curled around her face and her lips were curved in a gentle smile. Her loveliness always managed to instil a sense of peace in him and he focused on taking deep, calming breaths as he scrolled through her gallery.  

A candid photo of Victoria in a well-cut trench coat caught his eye. In his haste, he tapped on it one too many times and cursed when he found himself on the site the photo had originated from. It was a blog, simple in its design, but the caption underneath made him pause.

V is quite stunning and I sincerely hope our esteemed leader never attempts to capture her beauty with his pencil. His sketches are rather atrocious-worse than a gradeschooler’s to be honest-but the man still holds the delusions that his ‘avant-garde’ creations will sell millions one day.

With a frown, Kris navigated to the home page. His eyes narrowed as he scanned the first post.

This blog is for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to ridicule or defame the persons mentioned.

(Just kidding, it is.)

Names have been altered to protect the privacy of the subjects as well as the livelihood of this author (whose friends will no doubt hunt him down like a buffalo should they ever discover the existence of this blog).

Now let's get the show started...

author's note

Hello! Maunier here. Hope you enjoyed the little peek into the lives of the other EXO-M members and the bit of self-indulgent Chingu Line. :p It feels like it's been forever since I've updated this story and I do apologize for keeping you waiting. I'm afraid I'll have to keep you waiting a little more because tax season is around the corner and I'm just so exhausted from 8+ hours of work and 2 hours of public transit (on the worst ing subway system in the developed world) that all i'm capable of is being a human vegetable when i get home o(--( 

To be honest, it's been difficult finding motivation to write these days because I'm just...not interested in EXO anymore. I'm still fond of them but I just don't have the energy to participate in the actual fandom? And after a bit of self-reflection, I've realized I'm at a point in my life where I really should be growing up and getting my together. It's why I haven't been active on AFF or Tumblr so please don't be offended if I haven't been responding to your comments and messages. ;~; 

Despite changes in my personal views, I promise (cross my heart, hope to die) that I will do my best to finish up this story because I would feel terrible if I simply vanished and denied you the ending. Besides, there's only about 4-5 chapters left and I feel like I need some closure before I can truly put all this behind me. That being said, if you are one of the amazing people who have donated karma in exchange for a drabble, please PM me if you would like your karma back. I can't guarantee that I'll get to your request any time soon (if at all) so send me a message and we'll go from there!

Thank you as always for reading/subscribing/upvoting/commenting and hopefully I'll still be alive enough to churn out a chapter once tax season's over...

Cheers,

Maunier