People call me Kai, though I am not entirely sure why. My real name is Kim Jongin.

 I was born on January 14, 1994.

When I was eight, my mother and I received the news that my father had heart cancer.

He passed away two years later, on Christmas Eve.

That year I no longer believed in God or Santa Clause or any higher power for that matter.

For that whole year, all I prayed and wished for was my father’s health and life. That year I realized how sick and dark the world was.

 I no longer cared about anything anymore. I wanted to die, to waste away forever.

 It took me at least a month and a half to even look at food again, two months to leave my house. My two older sisters forever shunned in my eyes. They did not even attend our father’s funeral.

They make me sick, along with the rest of the world.

People call me D.O, since my eyes are rather large. My real name is Do Kyungsoo.

I was born on January 12, 1993.

When I was six, I watched my father put my mother’s head through a glass table.

I couldn’t call for help because he ripped the phone out of the kitchen wall.

When I was ten, my mother got into a car accident and my father became an alcoholic again after rehab and being sober for a year.

He has high expectations of me so whenever I mess up, he beats me. He says it’s for my own good.

I half way believe him.

We had to move because the neighbors started to question my bruises.

No matter what happens, I just can’t be angry with my father. I don’t blame him for being angry or sad.

I just tell myself that things will get better even though they don’t.

I just don’t want to lose hope for the world.