Dara is half-Korean, half-stupid. If any of you will disagree with me, I will gladly contact the nearest mental asylum and have them fetch you. That is, if your mother ship is still not ready to take you back home to Planet Mercury.
Back to what I was ranting, whatever the heck it is that she's doing always end up in a huge catastrophe. Yu Hee almost saw Dara-ahjumma with her friend and to catch my attention, she shouted Kim Ramyun while hiding behind her friend's back. I immediately pulled Yu Hee inside the dressing room and ask the security staff to guard the door. Damn, I told her not to go to Inkigayo but she just wouldn't listen! She almost got clobbered by the fans, almost got caught by her friend and almost got caught by Seo Yu Hee!
To make the long story short, she drives me nuts!!!!!!!!
We are currently at the VIP area of a restaurant eating a celebratory dinner for Big Bang's comeback. She insisted on going out instead of eating at the apartment, which is her way of covering up for her most recent kitchen-disaster while trying to prepare dinner for me. I must applaud her for her consistency - for consistently trying to set my kitchen on fire!
I sighed heavily while glancing at her. There she goes again, shoving the food in in the speed of light. I saw the waitress took a step back in fear while watching Dara-ahjumma attacking the food. I poked her forehead while glaring at her.
"Whuuttt??", she asked.
"Eat slowly, the food is not going anywhere! Jeezzz, when you get a boyfriend, make sure he has enough money to feed you, okay?", I said. She grabbed the glass of water, took a huge gulp and punched her chest to help the food go down her stomach. I shut my eyes in frustration. UGH!!! Darn it, I told her not to do that anymore!!
"Don't worry, I'll try to restrain myself in front of Jongwan, kekekeke", Dara-ahjumma answered with twinkling eyes.
"Do you really believe you have a chance with that guy?", I asked while wiping with my table napkin. Aigoooo, she's like a kid whenever she eats. Half of the food is smothered on her face.
"OF COURSE!! I even have some seducing techniques as a backup plan!", she said confidently.
"Oh really??? Show me...", I retorted, challenging her while suppressing my smile. I just remembered the glittery red dress she planned on wearing to her University Ball (which her classmates ruined) coupled with her ahjumma make-over.
She was obviously startled with my challenge. I saw her swallowed hard while trying to remember her seducing techniques. I'm pretty sure she just blurted it out without much thought and didn't really expect me to ask her to demostrate it.
"Okay, but keep in mind that I'm just doing this because you asked me to!! Don't be seduced, okay!", she reminded me. AIGOOOO!!!!
"Fine, I promise.", I answered. Now, lemme see the seducing techniques, AHJUMMA-STYLE!!
Dara-ahjumma started pouting her lips while glaring at me the way a predator attacks her prey. She then slowly reached for the pepper and slides her arms on my hands rested on top of the table, not breaking her stare from me. Then, she put pepper on her food while moving her shoulder in a very awkward way. I suppose that's her definition of a y shoulder movement. She probably didn't realize that she put a lot of pepper that's why she almost spat the food when she chew it.
When she uncrossed her legs, I knew what was coming. I stealthily moved my seat a bit farther from the table while her leg is making its way towards me. A confused look crossed her face when her leg can't find what it's looking for under the table. She slid at the edge of her seat while still searching with her legs, she didn't realize her foot is already visible on my side since it's already beyond the table cloth. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud, I almost choked to death by doing this.
I grabbed her foot and she started screaming like crazy!
"YAH! Stop it, you crazy woman!", I yelled. She immediately shut up and tried to pull her foot back, I didn't let it go.
"JiyooooonnnnnngggggGGGG", she tried to wiggle free but I firmly held her foot while resting it on my lap.
"Give me your other foot", I asked her while fumbling in my bag, looking for an ink pen. She gave me her other foot and I rested both of them on my lap and started writing something on the sole of her feet.
"Do you really think I won't have a boyfriend?", she asked nonchalantly while chewing.
"Oh I think you would, I heard alien invasion is near so you have one hell of a chance", I answered while grinning.
I swear, if anyone doesn't have the balls to kill Lee Minho, I WILL!!!!
A while ago, he asked me where I was and I told him I was doing my grocery. I am now regretting answering his text. He has been following me around the supermarket, annoying me to my very core! He is my life's nuisance, I tell you.
At one point, he climbed and sat at the grocery cart I was pushing. That fool! I freaking left the cart (and him) at the corner much to his dismay. He has the maturity of a 5 year old!
A few minutes afterwards, he came popping out of nowhere again, throwing all things in my grocery cart. A few minutes later, Lee Minho was running wildly around the supermarket while he was being chased by me with a baseball bat I borrowed from a kid. I will fcking pound him to pieces if I catch him!!!
He was able to pacify my anger when he said he will pay for all the things that I will buy.
I was happily eating ice cream while we were walking to his car when he asked about the University Ball again.
"What's your plan for your Univ. Ball? Coz you know, you're obviously screwed!", he teasingly said.
"I thought I told you before, if I won't be able to invite GD, then I'll ask Lee Jongwan to be the one whom I have to kiss. BOOYAH!!", I said while throwing my fist on the air. Ha! I'm a genius indeed! BOOYAH!!!
"Hmmm, it's kinda desperate don't you think? I'm sure if you ask Jongwan, he'll probably say no and everything between you two will be awwkkWWWaarrRRddd!!", he said with an irritating tone on the word 'awkward'.
"And why would he say no? We're friends and I'm sure he'll understand my situation and it's not in his nature to say no to someone in need!", I answered defensively but Minho was not listening. His forehead is creased while trying to think.
"I now remember where I saw Lee Jongwan before! He's a trainee!!", he excitedly said.
"Don't you dare change the subject!", I warned him and marched towards his car. He kept on calling my name but I didn't answer. Maybe because I'm pissed that what Minho said is true. I don't really want to entertain the idea but I know that Jongwan will probably say no. I'm just deluding myself out of desperation.
"Hey can you hear me? Why aren't you answering?", he asked.
"Because I'm IGNORING you.", I answered.
"Omo, I didn't realize your nostrils are like that when you get angry...", he said with a serious expression.
"Why, what's wrong with my nostrils?", I asked alarmed.
"It's as big as a cat's as$hole!", he screamed. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! MUST-KILL-MINHO!
Dara is still holding the gray bonnet with a big furry ball in front while smiling wildly. She was asking for my opinion if Lee Jongwan will like that thing.
"You mean, you plan on giving that to Lee Jongwan before asking him that favor about the Univ Ball?", I know I shouldn't have asked because the answer is an obvious yes. I was just hoping that she will realize how ridiculous her idea is. Apparently, she thinks it's a BRILLIANT idea.
I stared again at the bonnet she's holding with a furry ball. No matter how I look at it, it still looks like a big pom-pom to me.
"It looks WEIRD! He'll probably strangle you if you give that to him", I said while walking towards the bedroom. Of course, when I looked behind me, I saw her tagging along - still beaming with excitement. <*sigh>
"So, what should I give him?", she asked while following me around.
"Shheeezz, I dunno. Offer a sheep to his altar or something?", I answered while looking for my car key.
"Are you serious?", she asked with bewilderment. Oh dear heavens.
"Of course I'm not serious! What the hell! Where is my freaking car key??!", I said.
"Why are you looking for it?", she asked puzzled.
"Because I'm going to stab you to death with it!", I hissed. She pouted her lips and quietly sat on the bed. I sighed heavily for the nth time today. I need to go to the YG Building for the music show rehearsals. I was so stressed recently and Dara-ahjumma has been a constant victim of my temper.
I sat on the bed beside her and tapped my lap. She quietly lay her head on my lap while playing with the furry ball on the bonnet. Goodness, I hate that bonnet!
"Alright, I'm sorry.", I apologized but she didn't answer. When I said the magic word 'Jjajangmyun' (which means I'll treat her to Jjajangmyun later), she's on high spirits again. I smiled while looking at her, what a simple-minded person.
"Oh, I saw your car key a while ago and I think I tossed it on my desk", she said while pointing. I was about to go and get it but I abruptly stopped when I saw what she's pointing at - the mountainous pile of trash beside my work table.
"It's on your desk? When have you last seen your desk? It's a pile of crap out there!", I said while shaking my head. Aigoooo, this ahjumma. I was looking for my key when I read her doodles on pieces of paper all over her desk. She wrote 'Lee Jongwan heart Sandara Park' infinite times in all corners of hundreds of papers with scary drawings of what I assumed was her and Lee Jongwan. If that Jongwan guy sees this, he'll probably slap Dara with a Temporary Restraining Order immediately.
"What are these doodles?!", I asked baffled.
"Oh that? I just ended up writing our name when I'm bored in class", she answered giddily.
"Gawd, what are you? Five? Grow up and watch tv or something!", I said.
"What's wrong with it? I even made a song for him. <*cough cough> Lee Jongwan loves Daraahhhh, Lee Jongwan loves DaraaaHHH!!!", and she repeated it on and on and on.
"Great. You're like one of those nut jobs who pollute youtube with their craziness.", I said while still looking for my car keys.
"Okay, let's be serious. What do you think should I do so Lee Jongwan would say yes about the Univ Ball?", she asked afterwards.
"Write it on a piece of paper. Then, you have to light candles and pray over it every night.", I answered without looking back. Gosh, where are those fcking car keys when I need to get out of Dara's weird orbit??!!
"I'm trying to ask seriously here!", she started throwing tantrums.
"Aigooooo!! Seungri is on my hit list and you're an infinitely close second", I said with creased forehead while clearing her desk.
"Oh, I got an idea! Why don't I prepare an event for him! Like those I saw on tv the other day where the guy prepares something for the girl, a performance or something!", she said obviously pleased with herself. Oh gosh, here we go again!
"Jiyong, watch me and tell me what you think!", she excitedly said.
"Do I have a choice?", I asked. She just ignored me and proceeded with her 'event'. She started SINGING. Dara sang and hit the high notes capable of breaking all the glasses within 3 km radius. It was really a cringe-worthy performance.
"You just killed all the cats in South Korea.", I said with a straight face.
"Come onnNNn, it wasn't THAT bad! Okay, let me try again", she pleaded.
"<*sigh> Fine. No wonder you haven't had a boyfriend. You will probably annoy the hell out of him.", I said.
She then started shaking her booty while singing with her awful AWFUL voice. MY GAAWWWDDDD!!!!! My eyes are bleeding and my eardrums have ruptured!!! I quickly grabbed my car keys lying beneath her pile of crap and started leaving.
"If you sing in front of me again, I'll spiderman out of the window.", I warned her.
YippeeeDoodleDoooo!!!! Jiyong's gonna treat me to eat Jjajangmyun!!
I jumped on the bed while still holding the bonnet and flipped my feet so my slippers were thrown elsewhere. I suddenly remembered that Jiyong wrote something on the sole of my feet last night when we were eating out. I grabbed my feet and looked at them. On my right foot, he wrote Dara Ahjumma and on my left foot, he wrote Ji's Little Pain in the As$. I took a picture of my feet and uploaded it in my me2day (yes, I was finally able to get the hang of it. I'm not an ultimate internet retard anymore! BOOYAH!!).
I browse my former me2day posts and chuckled at the pictures. When I took pictures of Jiyong or Minho, I made sure almost their entire face is covered and they won't be recognized even by their crazy fans.
I closed the laptop and started preparing. JJAJANGMYUN here I come!!! Yipeeee!!!
Jiyong fetched me around 7PM and off we went to a restaurant in front of Han River. I was bouncing happily when we arrived and bouncing even more happily when the dish was served.
"The friend you accompanied at Inkigayo, her name is Bom, right? Wasn't she your friend who went to the States whom you've been waiting to arrive?", Jiyong suddenly asked while eating. I abruptly stopped. I think my breathing has stopped as well.
"I can't move in with Bom because she still lives with her parents. But I think I have enough money to rent an apartment for myself and...", I was still trying to explain but Jiyong cut me off.
"Hey, I'm not asking you to leave! I mean <*cough>, it's okay for me if you stay since you don't have any place right now. I'm seldom in the apartment anyway...So...", Jiyong was grabbing for words but all I understand is that it's okay if I just stay at his apartment!!!
"I don't have any place to stay! I'll just stay in your apartment then!", I said beaming. Jiyong just nodded, a smile forming at the corner of his lips. I started dancing on my seat while he grabbed his table napkin and wiped my face full of Jjajangmyun black sauce.
After eating, we decided to walk by the river. We were near the bottom of the bridge, on the array of benches, when Jiyong stopped.
Under the Bridge - Han River
"Dara, sit on a bench for a while. I forgot something, I'll be back in a jiffy", he said and started running back to the direction of the restaurant.
I just kept on walking a few paces until I was underneath the bridge. I leaned on one of the pillars while looking at Han River and while waiting for Jiyong.
"You're the one that I like! Please, give me a chance", I heard a guy's voice pleading. I know that voice. While hiding behind the pillar, I tried to take a peek on the source of the voice.
"NO!", said the girl. I think my heart stopped from beating. My mind is torn between running away or proving myself wrong - but I can't be wrong. I knew Bom's voice...
And that guy's voice, how many times have I imagined myself and him before I fall asleep at night? How many times have I acted like a complete moron to catch his attention? I hid behind the pillar like my life depended on it. I stopped myself from taking a peek in fear that they might see me. I firmly held on the bottom lining of my blouse while biting my lips.
"Why me? I thought you like Dara? I heard you've been protecting her when I wasn't here. You've only known me for a while.", Bom said. I bit my lips harder. Curiosity got the better of me so I decided to take a peek.
It was indeed Lee Jongwan. He was striding towards Bom. He grabbed Bom by the shoulders and looked at her straight in the eyes. I heard myself taking a sharp intake of air so I quickly covered my mouth with both my hands. At this point, I am now aware how it feels like when a thousand needles pierces someone's heart. It hurts like hell.
"I like Dara as a friend. I've been protecting her 'coz I know how much she means to you. I know she's your bestfriend. And I've been silently admiring you for a long time.", Jongwan said as he bridged the gap between him and Bom to kiss her. Everything became dark before I see them kiss. And the comforting scent of Jiyong's perfume filled the air.
Jiyong covered my eyes so I won't see them kiss. He guided me behind the pillar and turned me around to face him. I felt my eyes becoming hot but Jiyong hates it when girls cry in front of her. He said it's an emotional blackmail.
I forced myself not to cry and bit my lips harder. I quickly fumbled on my bag until I found what I was looking for. With trembling hands, I showed him the Jiyong coupon. Confusion crossed his face but he immediately recognized the coupon after a few seconds.
"What do you want me to do?", he whispered while looking intently at me.
"I am going to cry and I want you to comfort me," I whispered as tears started to fall from my eyes. Jiyong diverted his gaze as he hugged me rather tightly and stifled my sobs on his chest.