It was a fine Monday morning and everything seems to be as normal as before I left, except that I can't shake off this uneasy feeling that I've had since the day I returned to Korea. Is it becase the Univ Ball is next week and my idiothead bestriend seems to be too relaxed for someone who is bound to be humiliated in front of the whole school? Or is it because Dara seems to be hiding something from me?
We were sitting in the school cafeteria. I was still staring at Dara when she turned her head and looked directly at me. She then pouted her lips and made some smooching sound pretending to kiss me.
"EEEEeeWWWWWW!!! Don't you go 'lesbo' on me, I'm gonna punch you if you do!", I said while pushing her face away.
"I should be the one saying that! It seems that you can't get enough of my beauty, you've been staring at me all this time!", she countered. Okay, I take back what I said. Everything's perfectly normal, especially this poor thing with underdeveloped IQ.
"YAH!! Dara! Aren't you too laid back? By this time you should be turning over all the rocks in Korea to find GD! If not, you have to kiss a guy on the stage in front of everyone. Have you asked someone to be the guy whom you have to kiss in case you fail on inviting GD to the ball, which I think is bound to happen?", I yelled.
"Don't worry! I have a plan", she confidently answered while smiling widely.
A plan? A miracle is what she needs! Let me tell you something about Dara's so-called PLANS, they have a success rate of zero percent with possible casualties in the process! The probability of any of her plans seeing a successful completion is the same as the probability of humans finding lifeforms on Mars! There was this time when we were in high school and we were trying to cut classes because I convinced her to attend a movie premiere. Guess what she did... She set the fire alarm so that the classes will be suspended. It would've been a brilliant plan EXCEPT..... she set the home economics room on fire to make it believable!!!! OMYGAHHHDD!!!! Our school was almost burned to ashes!!!! Imagine the emotional burden I had to bear to cover up for her!
"I'll probably regret asking this but...what is this amazing plan of yours?", I asked.
"It's simple, I'll try asking Jiyong-ah..ermmm... I mean GD to be my date and if he declines, I'll ask Jongwan to be the guy whom I have to kiss", she said dreamily and went on and on about 'The Greatness That Was Lee Jongwan'.
Ohhh, I see... That explains why she's acting all weird in front of Jongwan. I smiled while listening to her. This is the first time she had a big crush and it's been a while since I heard her talk excitedly about a guy. Well, she had some minor crushes during high school but they are all jerks who turns out to be eyeing me. And Lee Jongwan seems to be nice. Hmmm, good choice. I approve!
I was intently listening to Dara's gushings while my chin is rested on my palms when we overheard the group of freshmen behind us talking about Big Bang, particularly GD.
"Did GD really plagiarize those songs? It really sound alike, don't you think.", one of the students said. The other freshmen nodded in agreement.
Suddenly, Dara abruptly stood up and made her way towards the group. She went on an all-out defense to protect GD!! I thought she was going to flip over the table and hit the scared freshmen one by one! OMO!!! I just stayed at my seat while watching her in shock! Is this the same frail girl who was being bullied by her classmates just last week?
After acting like a lunatic to defend GD, she went back to our seat then resumed talking about Jongwan.
"Why are you staring at me again?", she asked midway when she noticed my flustered expression.
"Who are you and what have you done to my bestfriend???", I said incredelously.
"But they were making senseless allegations against GD!! He would never copy any songs! He worked so hard to compose them!", she reverted to defense-mode again.
"And how would you know that? Do you know GD personally?", I asked. She just laughed awkwardly and bade goodbye, claiming that she needs to go home to do something. When I told her that I'll hang out in her apartment, she firmly refused just like before telling me that everything's a mess right now in her apartment then she ran away before I say anything.
"Bye Bom!!", she waved while running.
I looked at the escaping Dara with creased forehead. It was normal for me to hang out in her apartment and sleep there once in a while. The way she's refusing me everytime I try to go to her apartment is really suspicious.
I sighed heavily while I gather my things. I won't let this pass anymore. I need to know why she's acting strange.
After class, I dialed Dara's cell number while walking. She picked up after a few rings.
"I'm on my way to your apartment..", I said. I heard some crashing sounds on the background.
"WHAT??!!", she yelled so loud that I had to move my phone away from my ears.
"Yah!! Did you break something again? What's so surprising about me going to your apartment?", I asked.
"I told you it's a mess!!!", she said while breathing heavily. She seems to be running. What the hell is wrong with this girl?
"I don't care if it's messy, your apartment is always messy anyway. I'm in the bus stop now. See you later.", I said with finality and cut her off as I hang up the phone.
During the bus ride, I kept thinking what she could possibly be hiding from me. What happened during my absence? As I was nearing Dara's apartment, my suspicions are mounting. I rang the doorbell and waited, Dara opened the door. I looked behind her and saw a crystal clean apartment with different furnitures. I then looked back at her.
She was standing by the door, rigidly smiling at me, hyperventilating.
Yup, something definitely is not right.
"Bye Bom!!", I waved while running as far away from her as possible. I don't know until when I can keep on lying to Bom. Once I was out of the school cafeteria, I stopped and looked back. Bom is getting suspicious and I feel really bad for keeping things from her. But it can't be helped, my situation is far from complex. I'll just put Jiyong in a compromising situation if anyone finds out, aside from the the fact that Jiyong will certainly slice me in half if I tell anyone.
Before heading home, I stopped by the mall to buy some things. I was busy doing grocery shopping when my phone beeped. It was a message from Minho asking me to buy him dinner. AIGOOOOO!! That man, seriously! A kid is easier to feed compared to him, he is so picky! We always end up fighting whenever I bring him food! I can already picture out what he's about to say - "Did you ask them to put extra kimchi? Did you tell them not to put too much sesame oil? Why are there scallions in here, you know I hate them!"... Believe me, it's always a long ordeal before he eats dinner. Why girls fall head over heals over this guy is beyond me!
I punched the keycode to Minho's apartment and let myself in. As soon as I enter, the fighting saga began. Minho peeks at what's inside my shopping bag and saw the blouse and long skirt that I bought.
"You actually paid MONEY for that?", he asked. The moment he opens his mouth, I immediately want to shut it after making him spit blood.
"I saw that in the shopping mall earlier and I prayed that you wouldn't see it. But whatever", he continued. I swear, it takes more than an ounce of patience to deal with this guy.
I just chose to ignore him and shoved his dinner on his chest. He pinched my nose while telling me what nice little rabbit I was. He sat by the kitchen and prepared the food.
"Are you gonna eat here or are you gonna wait for your roommate again?", he asked while holding two plates. Minho actually didn't know that my roommate is a guy. I always refer to Jiyong as my roommate and fortunately, Minho doesn't seem to have a clue that there's another celebrity within the premises.
"I'll just wait, go ahead and eat. Besides, I lose my appetite whenever I think that the Univ Ball is already next week", I said while gazing up. Minho was staring at me intently.
I was grabbing a glass of water when the ringing sound coming from my phone startled me. It was Bom.
"I'm on my way to your apartment..", Bom said. And everything went blank! I knew this is going to happen, but not this SOON!!!! My grip on the glass of water loosened.
Minho was about to react because of the broken glass but I immediately covered his mouth with my hands, shutting him up. By golly, if Bom hears his voice, I don't even want to think about the long interrogation that I might face!!
When Bom hang up, I thought I saw flashes of my life before me. Minho's voice brought me back to reality.
"What kind of trouble did you get into this time?!", he yelled.
"I LIED TO BOM!!!!! And now I'm going to die!!!! I should've known better, I shouldn't have lied to Bom!!", I screamed while running around Minho's apartment throwing away the things that looks like it belongs to a guy - which is EVERYTHING.
"Yah yah YAHHHH!!! Why are you trying to ransack my apartment?! Bring your craziness elsewhere, don't make a mess here!", he screamed while I pull out the huge pictures of him hanging on the wall.
"GAHD!! Is there a written code on celebrities to hang humongous pictures of their faces on every possible space on the wall???!! Haven't you had enough seeing your face on the mirror everyday?", I said while clearing up all the pictures despite his protests. I explained to him the disaster that is about to unfold. I told him that if Bom found out that I was thrown out of my apartment and is living on the other building with a roommate, she'll most definitely worry and tell my parents and there's a big chance that they'll ask me to move out and look for another apartment to live alone, which I don't like to do. (Actually, what I told Minho is close to the truth. But the bottom line is, I don't like to move out of Jiyong's apartment just yet).
"Aaaiisshhtt!! Why do I always end up in the middle of your troubles!", he yelled with annoyance.
"Please I'm begging you. You will be blessed by the heavens!", I pleaded. Luckily, he agreed to help JUST THIS ONCE.
I ran to my apartment to grab a couple of things to be used as 'props'. Unfortunately, Jiyong went home earlier than expected and was sitting on the living room while looking at me suspiciously. I just ran past him, gathered the things that I need and ran back to Minho's apartment. We only have a couple of minutes to set up everything! I probably ran back and forth three times, under the curious glare of Jiyong.
"Minho, I'll just return the favor next time. I'm really sorry!", I said before he go. I asked him to get out of the apartment and just come back when I text him.
"You're really troublesome.. Make it fast, I want to rest early tonight.", he said, then he put on his mask and left.
I scanned the apartment one last time. My heart is beating so fast I thought it's going to burst out of my ribcage! Bom will go nuts if she finds out I'm living with Jiyong AND I'm friends with this despicable being who turns out to be one of the most sought after flower boy in Seoul. oTOKAE!!!
I thought I was going to faint when I heard the doorbell. I opened the door and tried to act normal. Bom's piercing look shook my soul. Dear heavens, please let me out of this mess alive!!
"Why do I feel like I'm in somebody else's apartment? I don't feel welcome here", Bom said. I almost choked on the food that I was eating. I ended up having dinner with Bom. I thought she bought the whole redecorating-the-apartment idea that I told her but apparently, she still has some doubts.
"Ha ha ha, don't be silly. You're always welcome here! I just doubled my shifts in my part-time job that's why I've been busy, I still have to pay for the furnitures that I bought", I said while taking large gulps of water. Holy crap! I think I've used up all the lies that I'm morally allowed to utter in my entire life!
This is Bom we're talking about! She can pretty much detect a lie that half of the police unit will miss.
"Hmmm, really. Anyway, I'll just tour around and see the changes you made", she said as she stood up and headed to the bedroom. OMOOO!! Was I able to hide all of Minho's things? Did I forget something? MY GAHHHDDDD!!! Now I know why cheating husbands/wives usually get caught, hiding the truth with a guilty conscience is never an easy task!
I ran towards Bom and placed my arms around her shoulder while ushering her back to the living room.
"Tour around? Aha ha ha, jeez I'll give you a quick tour. That's the bedroom, there's the bathroom and the kitchen, and here's the living room. Done! Let's watch something!", I enthusiastically said.
"Yah, I already know those things! I just wanted to see the outcome of your redecoration!", Bom protested. This is going to be a freaking LONG night, waaahhh!!!
Bom went inside the bedroom and looked around, me tagging along with her and praying for her not to see anything Minho-ish...My eyes are continually searching for anything that may arouse her suspicion.
I was at the far corner of the room while Bom was looking around when I saw a white thing on the floor just in front of her. It was Minho's boxer shorts!!! My alarm signals were immediately set off! I almost flew from the other side of the room towards the boxer short's location.
I distracted Bom by showing her the study desk (eventhough it's nothing but..well, desk) while I kicked the incriminating piece of clothing under the bed. Minho YOU FOOL!!!!
I thought that's the end of it. I mean, how many boxer shorts can Minho forget to hide? But that ba$tard didn't forget to hide anything, instead he deliberately left his boxer shorts on the most unusual places that even the greatest human minds will have a hard time explaining if his friend happens to see them in his apartment.
There were a total of 5 boxer shorts tucked on the nooks and corners of the house that Bom almost saw if I wasn't fast enough to hide them!!!!! They are like little white y traps!!! Imagine how I would explain it to Bom if she sees one?? Damn that Minho! He probably wanted to know what reason I came up with if ever Bom sees one of his y traps. I can't even begin to describe the sufferings I had to go through to hide them one by one! Minho, just you wait, I'll get back to you! I'll auction out your boxer shorts! Hah!
I wonder where he kept his gigantic pictures. He didn't placed them all inside the closet, did he? DID HE???
"You also bought new closets.. Whooahh, they look expensive. Did you buy new clothes too?", she asked while holding the closet handle. Alarm bells are ringing on my head again as I was paralyzed on my spot while staring at the closet that Bom is about to open.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!", I screamed mightily the exact moment Bom opened the closet door. The scene is playing in slow motion on my mind. Bom opened the closet, turned at me and then got buried in a sea of Minho's huge wall pictures as they came crashing down at her.
"What the effing hell are these???!!!!", Bom was freaking out while throwing an accusing look at me. She's probably thinking I'm in deep need of psychiatric help. I just looked at her helplessly while my mind is weaving some lies in full speed.
On the bright side (yes there is a bright side inspite of this disaster), it seems that Minho's other stuffs are hidden elsewhere. So I only need to explain about the huge Minho pictures tucked inside the closet.
"We need to talk...", Bom said while making her way to the living room. I'M DEADDDDD!! WAAHHHHH!!!!
"Bom, let me explain!", I said although at this point, I knew there is no possible way to salvage the situation.
"You know I'm not good at keeping secrets. But please let it rest for now. Let's just say I'm going through some things that I should handle alone. I'll tell you all about it at the right time.", I smiled while hugging her. Why am I choosing living with Jiyong over being honest with my bestfriend. I feel like a trash right now.
Bom just sighed and gathered her things.
"You know I'm just worried about you, you've been acting strange lately. If you're having any problems, you know you can count on me, right?", she said with a worried expression on her face. I just made a salute in response. She finally smiled.
As I opened the door, I saw Minho going back and forth in front of the door!!! Damn that ba$tard!! He is so obvious!
When Minho saw my death glares, he loitered in front of the next apartment. Fortunately, Bom didn't take notice of him.
"By the way Dara, I'm really curious why you have those huge pictures of Lee Minho inside your closet?", Bom asked teasingly.
Uh-oh! My gaze automatically riveted to Minho who is apparently looking back at me as well. Minho then rested his back by the wall and crossed his arms while still staring at me, obviously waiting for whatever lie that I can come up with. Damn you Minho!! It's your fault!!!
"Errrmmm, actually, I became a big fan of Lee Minho (*gwwwWWarrkkk). I spent a lot of money buying those wall pictures and that's part of the reason why I have to double my shift at work.", I said.
Bom laughed heartily, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Apparently, she thinks it's just normal for any girl to be a fan of Minho (*what?! really?). She just reminded me not to be too obsessed with him (*oh please!) and not to buy any more huge wall pictures of Lee Minho.
After Bom left, the man in question slowly walked towards me while removing his mask. He is looking at me with a puzzled expression.
"You're a fan of Lee Minho? And you spent a lot of money buying the wall pictures? Huh??", Minho said to annoy me.
"What? You haven't seen a liar before?", I countered and turned my back at him. I still have 5 white boxer shorts to burn.
Dara went back to her apartment while dragging all the things that she used as 'props' to convince Bom that she's living in Minho's apartment. When she opened the door, GD is still sitting on the couch.
GD: Why are you running around while carrying your stuffs? Is the apocalypse coming? Coz I certainly haven't been informed.
Dara: Ermm....Minho borrowed it for a while...
GD: Okay, whatever.. You sure hang out with the weirdest kinds. He even gave you his apartment keycode, right? You better be careful, you never know what he's up to.
Dara went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Just as she was about to drink..
GD: Are you a fan of Lee Minho, the actor from Boys Over Flowers?
The water almost came out of her nose as she tried to swallow. Why do people like to ask startling questions when she's about to drink or eat something?! And why, of all questions in the world, would GD want to know if she's a fan of Lee Minho? Was she busted? Did GD find out?
Dara: Wh--why did you ask?
GD pointed at the pile of stuffs she was holding a while ago. Dara didn't notice that she took one of Minho's picture by mistake.
Dara: Well..yes, I'm a fan.. He's okay.
GD: I didn't know you started watching Korean Dramas...
She wouldn't actually have watched it if Minho didn't practically chained her on his living room and demanded her to watch. He was throwing tantrums when she said she's not really interested in tv series.
Dara just shrugged it off, grabbed her phone and sat on the couch next to GD who's watching TV. She kept staring at her phone and still can't gather up the courage to text Lee Jongwan since she doesn't know what to tell him.
Dara: Will it be weird if I send him a text without any reason? Should I ask a favor from him about the Univ Ball?
GD: You're thinking about texting Lee JongWhatever but you don't know what to tell him, aren't you? And you want to ask him to be the poor guy who'll fall victim to your amateur kiss.
Dara: Hmph! I can easily text him if I want to!
Dara pretended to text.
Dara: There, SENT!
She didn't know GD was looking over her shoulders at her phone. When she turned her head, GD was close to hers. He was half-smiling, seemingly amused. Then, he stole Dara's phone and watched her freak out.
Both of them stood on the couch while fighting over the phone. Dara was jumping to reach GD's outstretched arms while GD is quickly typing something. She knew he would send a text to Lee Jongwan, ARRGGHHHH!!!
When the message was sent, GD returned the phone to Dara while laughing and headed to the bedroom. Dara quickly fumbled on her phone and went to 'Sent Folders' to see what GD told Lee Jongwan.
Text to Lee Jongwan: ANNYEONGHASEYO!!!
Dara's eyes grew wide. Annyeonghaseyo???!!! WHHHHATTTT!!! That is so lame! It is the lamest of all lames! Dara marched to the bedroom where he found GD who is about to sleep.
Dara: Annyeonghaseyo?? Seriously? Can't you think of anything lamer than that?
GD: Simplest words carry the deepest meanings. <*smiles>
Dara rolled her eyes in frustration. That's almost a week of formulating what's the best text message to be sent to Lee Jongwan that will catch his attention down the drain. Annyeonghaseyo? Seriously!! Her chances of getting Lee Jongwan's attention is already as slim as it is, but after the Annyeonghaseyo-thing, her chances are now definitely slimmer.
Dara sighed heavily and lied down to bed with GD. GD's back was facing her and she entwined her arms around him while still thinking what could possibly be Lee Jongwan's reaction after reading her text.
GD: Yah, aren't you just taking advantage of me?
Dara just moaned in disagreement and planted her face on GD's back. She then inhaled deeply.
Dara: You smell good!! I should use your soap.
GD: <*sigh> I feel violated...
If anyone will step in their room right at that moment, they would have dirty thoughts about this two. But this kind of scene is but a normal routine for GD and Dara since they agreed on the new sleeping arrangement.
Dara: He's not replyingggggggggggg...............
GD: I'm trying to sleep here. Shut up.
Dara: He's not replyinggggg.....It's your faulttttttt..............
Dara repeated the same statement over and over in monotonous tone like a robot. Finally, it got into GD's nerves and he snatched Dara's phone again attempting to text something to Lee Jongwan. Dara threw her body over him and they both engaged in a fight trying to win over the phone. But she didn't realize that she's already at the edge of the bed where the bedside table is. When she tried to pull the phone from GD, she lost her balance and was about to fall with her head about to hit the edge of the table. GD quickly grabbed her and pulled Dara close to him, hugging her while patting her head.
GD: Aiggoooooo...Okay, let's stop messing around. I won't send another text to Lee Jongwan again. Just stay put, you were a second close to smashing your skull back there.
Dara just pouted and nodded. They were about to lie down again when the landline phone rang. GD's forehead immediately creased in annoyance and went to the living room to answer the call. He already knew that 'that girl' is the one who's calling.
I'm so close to committing a murder rampage. It seems like the Big Bang members are conspiring to greatly piss me off.
We were finishing up our routine on the rehearsal room when TOP hyung suggested for us to hang out at the Itaewon Hip Hop bar where Dara works. Of couse I firmly disagreed knowing full well the potential danger whenever we're in close proximity with that Dara-ahjumma. But apparently, I was the only one who doesn't like the idea. Everyone else enthusiastically agreed after teasing me about the packed lunch that Dara made for me. I had to stop myself from bashing their skulls to the floor.
So now we're here, sitting on the VIP room. TOP hyung requested Dara-ahjumma as our waitress. As soon as she entered, her eyes bulged out upon seeing us. Hyung seems to be enjoying every bit of it. When she finally get her composure back, she started getting our orders.
I asked her to come near me and I stuck the post-it on her forehead. Last night I told her that today is an important and busy day since this is our final day of rehearsal before our comeback. This morning, Dara-ahjumma made a packed lunch for me and left a post-it note on the refrigerator about it. I thought that was the end of that but when I opened bathroom, I was greeted by a variety of neon colored post-its with silly words written on them like 'Hwaiting!', 'Jiyong Jjang!!", etc. So early in the morning and she was able to make my blood boil with her weirdness.
Since I was out of time, I just took the food she made for me. I opened it during lunch break and the members saw another neon-colored post-it by Dara-ahjumma at the container. I can tell from the malicious eyes of my members that I will suffer a great deal of teasing a while later. When I opened the lid of the container, everyone burst out laughing. It doesn't take a brilliant mind to know that anyone who eats the food that Dara-ahjumma made will face potential death.
"Please never attempt to cook again, I'm begging you", I said while she was removing the post-it on her forehead.
"But it was fine when I tasted it!", she answered innocently. AIGOOOOOOOO...Her stomach is probably made of steel. She turned around and left to get our drinks.
When she returned, YB, Seungri and Daesung asked her a lot of questions in an attempt to extract something from her that can be used against me. Fortunately, I've already briefed Dara-ahjumma on such things. I gave her strict instructions not to divulge ANY significant information about us or about anything that I said.
"So what does Jiyong hyung tell you about us?", Seungri's trick questions are surfacing.
"He said....that you're all close..You know..hugging whenever you see each other..", Dara cut off her answer when she saw my eyes turning to slits.
Jeez, I wonder where she gets all those crap ideas. EXCUSE ME but We don't go around and embrace each other all teary-eyed. When we hug, We do it the rappers way - patting each other at the back, all tough and thug-like.
Big Bang was still putting Dara on a hot seat when her phone beeped. Upon reading it, her eyes grew wide with shock and her jaw dropped.
"Why? Who sent you a message? Is there anything wrong", I asked alarmed. It looks like her head is about to explode any minute.
"Jiyong, this is an emergency!!", she said while putting her hands on her head, pulling her hair.
"WHAT HAPPENED?!", I yelled while the other members stood up, thinking that there really is an emergency.
"I got a message from Lee Jongwan! He said he will call me after 5 minutes!!! He's gonna call me! DO YOU UNDERSTAND???", Dara-ahjumma screamed in panic while trying to make me understand the urgency of the situation.
I exhaled some air with annoyance. She thinks her problem is the mother of all problems.
Her mobile phone rang and she ran around the VIP room while holding the phone in outstretched arms as if she's holding a bomb, unmindful of the amused stares of my members. She went on a full-blown panic mode. It was off the charts.
I snatched the phone from her, hit the answer button and shoved it to her face. She looked at me like I've committed a horrendous crime. As soon as she finished talking, fatigue is written all over her face.
Then, she looked at me with love-smitten eyes. It totally grossed me out to my very core!
"Whoooahhh, is that your boyfriend?", Daesung asked.
"He may be my future boyfriend", Dara answered dreamily. Please excuse me while I puke.
She was still in cloud nine as she was pouring our drinks, which is the reason why there are spilled drinks on the floor. She was doing her job and failing at it miserably.
"YAH! Will you concentrate on what you're doing!", TOP Hyung said witn annoyance. Dara-ahjumma stuck her tongue out at hyung. It seems like nothing can beat her mood right now.
She was still bouncing with joy before leaving. But because of the spilled drinks, Dara slipped on the floor. Amazingly, TOP hyung who was at the other end of the table was able to ran in front in a matter of seconds and was able to catch her. I abruptly stood up and immediately pulled Dara away from Hyung's arms since he's giving her a weird look and it's creeping me out. But, I might have pulled her a bit too forcefully so she ended up banging her head on my chest. I had to place my arms on her back to prevent her from toppling down while she placed her hands on my waist for balance.
At that exact moment, the door opened and the girl whom I exiled to the States stepped in.