If I only knew that I would meet a girl as troublesome as her, I would've signed up for the army. She gave me a dose of 'Dara disasters' a couple of times yesterday - hitting TOP hyung was her finale. It's really fortunate that TOP hyung doesn't seem to mind especially when I agreed to lend him my credit card to buy the 'fantabulous' pair of shoes he was eyeing.
Today is my rest day since I already finished recording my parts on the new song we're making. I was stuck in the apartment with Dara-ahjumma the whole day. Since early morning, she's been doing these totally weird stunts. Dara was popping out everywhere while doing strange things like wearing shades with spring eyes, trying to be a human pinwheel, telling a very old joke that has been buried in the dirt together with the comedians who used those punchlines, etc. I don't have a fcking clue what she's trying to accomplish. She just looks ridiculous.
My last resort was to ask her to watch TV again just to make her stop doing whatever the heck it is she's doing. She badly needs to make herself aware of the entertainment industry to be less of a retard that she already is. I was explaining things to her while pointing out the idols/actors/actresses that appear. Gosh, I didn't know watching TV can be such a pain.
But she continues to act funny. Is she trying to make me laugh? If so, she is failing miserably. In the end, I just gave up and went inside the room. A few minutes have passed and here she is, rushing inside the room with a bright smile on her face. <*sigh> The words peace and quiet seems to be a faraway dream since I took her in.
"Jiyong! I finally thought of a VERY FUNNY joke! Here it goes...A culprit was brought to trial but he wouldn't speak. The lawyer asked him several questions and he didn't answer any one of them. Finally, the irritated judge screamed at him and asked him to speak. Guess what the culprit said..." she narrated while oozing with enthusiasm.
"The culprit said Dara-ahjumma should follow his example and should shut once in a while," I answered without even glancing at her.
"WRONG!", she excitedly exclaimed. Does she really think I'm even paying attention to her moronic story?
"The culprit said - 'I thought this is a hearing? I didn't know I should also do the speaking'. HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Isn't it hilarious?!," she said. Oh please.... I literally had goosebumps up to my scalp!! I swear, I have never heard such a joke that irks the hell out of me.
"Dara-ahjumma, please don't have kids. Your genes can be catastrophic if passed on", I said after recovering from the damage that her corny joke has done.
"Wait, I still have another one!," she exclaimed. No thank you, my ears are still bleeding from the last one.
"Great idea Dara, now back in your cage!!", I said.
But she continued bugging me. Out of frustration, I think I've drafted two songs while channeling my anger to the lyrics. Dara-ahjumma is the life out of me. She just won't stop telling those stupid jokes that she got from the ancient dynasty.
"Ah! Here's another one, this one is really REALLY funny! Omo, you have to go to the restroom first and unload, you might pee in your pants from laughing so hard!", she said while suppressing her excitement to blurt out another of her craziness.
"Aigoo, please stop it!," I begged her. My brain is about to explode, seriously.
"Use EMPIRE in a sentence!," she said. Good heavens, please make her stop! MAKE HER STOP!!!!!
"Dara-ahjumma, I'm warning you!!," I screamed in panic while she was about to drop her killer punchline that would surely scar my brain.
"Readyyyyy!!!! EM (aim)-PIRE (fire)!!!!," she yelled while even doing the hand movements of gunshot.
My GAHHDD!!! <*cringe, cringe> I am gonna suffer from chronic fatigue after this.
I really don't know why Jiyong is not laughing. I was trying to be funny since morning and has been following him around to make him laugh but the only thing I'm successful in doing is to piss him off more. When I dropped the punchline on my last joke, I thought he's going to strangle me. Sheezz, some people just don't have any sense of humor.
Two days have already passed since my Tam-Tamie was kidnapped. Tonight, I'm going to rescue Tam-Tam from the evil hands of the new tenant of my former apartment that's why I'm practicing my jokes. I'm getting really anxious. I wanted to tell Jiyong about the incident but decided against it since the new tenant said that he'll rip Tam-Tam if I bring anyone with me. Besides, Jiyong will just scold me again if he knows what I got myself into. Lately, he seems to be really stressed. I wanted to be of help to him but everytime I do something, he sees it as a big nuisance - for instance, when I tried to make dinner and almost set the whole apartment on fire. (Okay, I must admit, I AM a big nuisance).
Anyway, the new tenant is really weird. He seems to be living alone and hiding. He said he's allergic to the sun that's why he's wearing a hoodie, a mask and shades?? Come on, who'll fall for that? Only vampires are afraid of the sun, everybody knows that, duh!
"Dara-ahjumma! Shut up and leave me alone! I still have to compose some songs. Watch TV or go to the mall like what normal girls do!," Jiyong's remark brought me back to reality. Come to think of it, I never actually saw Jiyong relax whenever he's at home. He's always doing something that will help improve his craft. No wonder he doesn't have any funny bone.
I didn't realize Jiyong and his group Big Bang Was very very famous not only in Korea. Jeeezzz, I promise not to forget their name again to avoid the embarrassing scene at the bar last night. Bang Bang?! What was I fcking thinking back then..
"Alright, I'm going out for a while." I said while glancing back at him. He didn't respond. As I looked at his silhouette, I felt a pinch in my heart. Jiyong at such a young age has been thrown to the merciless scrutiny of the public eye. I saw the films of their training days and it's really touching how five of them never gave up and reached for their dreams. Since he took me in, Jiyong has been composing non-stop. He can't be easily satisfied. He'll write five songs and only one of them will pass his standards. I feel very apologetic for causing a ruckus in his life. I want to be able to help him in anyway that I can. I hope someday, I'll be able to gain his smile.
Ugh, this is no time to be sentimental!!! I have to pull myself together and bring my Tam Tamie back! Tam Tam was given to me by my playmate during my 7th birthday. It was my very first stuff toy and I've been attached to it ever since.
I gathered my props and placed them in a bag. "Don't forget to eat dinner", I reminded Jiyong before leaving the room. Still no response. I closed the door of the apartment and took a heavy sigh. Here goes nothing.
As I was standing in front of the door of my former apartment, I felt shivers running down my spine. This new tenant must be part of the dark force or something. I can feel the villainous aura all over the perimeter!
The door of doom opened and out came the guy in his usual outfit that will surely gain a lot of suspicious stares. Seriously, what is he hiding behind those shades and mask??
"What's with those humongous eyeglasses you're wearing," he said. His evil words are now starting. Remind me to slash his throat once I rescue Tam Tam, will you?
I just rolled my eyes and shut my mouth. He let me in and what I saw shocked me. When I was living in this apartment, it was...a murder scene. Things are just scattered everywhere and I would just do my general cleaning whenever I feel like it - which is everytime Bom threatens to throw all my stuffs away. Now, the apartment resembles a hotel suite! It's just like Jiyong's apartment and it smells good, too! And the floor, oh ehm gee!!! I think I can even eat at the floor, it was so clean. I remember one time when I was still living here, the dirt piled up that you could almost plant potatoes and other rootcrops on my floor.
"So, what will you do to get your stuff toy back?", he asked. Oh snap! I totally forgot why I'm here.
"Can I use the bathroom first, I'm gonna change to my stage outfit. I promise you, you'll be laughing in no time," I said.
"A stage outfit? Isn't THAT your stage outfit? What you're wearing is already hilarious," he said while pointing at my blouse and long skirt.
This insufferable human being should be buried alive!!! GRRR!!
LEE MINHO's POV
She is having mini-convulsions as I continue to . I am normally not the chatty type of guy especially to a girl but I just feel very relaxed towards her. Her eyebrows are forming one line as she tries to suppress her anger. She probably would've clobbered me if she had the chance kekekekekeke.
Sandara Park (as I remembered her scribbles from the note she left last time), went to the bathroom. When she was done changing, I almost fell off my chair when I saw her. She was wearing a totally colorful outfit which is visible even when you're in outer space! I'm absolutely certain that the materials of her 'stage clothes' are made out of the fabric from an umbrella. I think I'll develop a cataract if I stared at her for too long.
She then started dancing - waving her hand frantically all over the place while jumping at an awkward rhythm. Oh gosh, what a terrible sight! She is doing the greatest damage to my view of the female species!
<*flap, flap, flap>
Her outfit is making this weird 'plastic' sound while she does some totally tear-inducing body movements. Nothing screams 'moronic' than this girl in front of me. All this for a stuff toy?
I crossed my legs and arms and raised an eyebrow at her. When she realized she won't elicit any reaction from me, she stopped the horrendous act and stared to nothingness - probably to draft a new battle plan.
Then, the explosion of jokes from the unknown era began. OMOOOOO!!! Is there an emergency number somewhere for this kind of situation?
"What did the ant tell the elephant that made the elephant have a heart attack?", she asked.
"What?," I asked back. I actually was really curious coz I've heard this joke when I was a kid and I've forgotten all about it since nobody in their right mind delivers this absurdity anymore.
"The ant told the elephant - I'm pregnant, you're the father," she beamingly said. Oh effing goodness, she needs psychiatric help.
"How do you make a mime yell?," she continued.
"How?," I asked. I'm beginning to enjoy this, not because the jokes are funny, puhleeaazze! She's doing it with so much energy I can't help but get drawn at her performance.
"Throw a brick at his face," she said. Man, that's some crazy sh!t kekekekeke. She said it with so much conviction, my nostrils are getting bigger while trying to hold my laugh. Whoever invented that joke should be tossed to prison.
"Two muffins are sitting in an oven, then one of the muffins says: It sure is hot in here. The other muffin screams: AhHHH! A talking muffin!!!!", she went on and on. Just how many of these did she memorize?
"Why does a bald man should NOT wear a turtle neck?", she asked. Her eyes are glittering while she continues with her stupid attempts to amuse me.
"Why?", I asked back. I must say, it's fun to see her enjoying her own weirdness. She's controlling her giggles while trying to give me the answer.
"Because..hmpphh...Ha ha ha ha! Because he'll look like a deo roll on!!! MWAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!," she was laughing hysterically at her own joke and it was so contagious. Her jokes are so corny that you just have to laugh at them. I seriously cannot think of anyone that have the guts to tell those silly jokes and manage to pull it off.
When she saw me laughing, she jumped up and down while shouting as if what she has done is a victory for humankind.
"YEYYY!!! I won, I won!!! Oh by the way, since it's dinnertime, I also prepared this for you," she said. She fumbled on her sack of heaven-knows-what and out came the humongous pile of rice wrapped in seaweed. That can't be...that can't be KIMBAP?!! She then gave me one slice of kimbap as big as my head. I was literally rolling on the floor laughing my bleeps off. Man, it was the biggest kimbap I have ever laid eyes on!! If she pulled this out initially, then she wouldn't have to waste any effort telling those silly jokes! Hell, it was hilarious!! Doesn't she know how to cook? Heaps of calories has been burned because of her.
"Ha ha ha ha!! Haven't you seen the normal size of kimbap before?! It's just like Japanese sushi!", I said while pointing at the kimbap she gave me that is already falling apart because it cannot hold itself due to its gigantic size.
But she wasn't even listening to me and was busy attacking the food. She looks like a rabbit with eyeglasses.
"By the way, I'm Dara. what's your name? And can you remove your mask, you're already inside.", she said. Uh-oh. My smile faded. If she knew who I was, will it be okay? I left my former friends because they started to change when I became a celebrity. They were using me for their own benefits and I started losing my trust on people around me.
I removed my shades and my mask. It was good while it lasts, Sandara Park-sshi. I just hope you won't turn into a stalker like the others whom I tried to be friends with. I lost count of the times I have to move because of those kinds of incidents.
"Annyonghaseyo, I'm Lee Minho. Sorry to cause you trouble," I said while bowing my head. I expected to hear some reaction or a gasp from her but, na-da. She is just staring at me blankly.
"Annyonghaseyo...Omo!", she said surprised. Here it comes, please don't be a fangirl. Please don't be a fangirl!
"I didn't know you can be polite! Give me Tam Tam back!!!", she declared. Eh????
"Don't you know who I am?," I don't mean to brag but people from all ages recognize Boys Over Flowers cast. Is she really from our planet?
"NO. Gahd! Why is that question so popular these days??!!," she exclaimed rather frustrated. This may sound strange but I was so happy that she didn't even know who I am!! She didn't try to grab my hand or tried to hug me or anything of that sort, it was like a breath of fresh air.
"I'm an actor. Can I ask you a favor?", I looked at her but She just continued devouring her jurassic kimbap, I can't help but smile at her weirdness. She didn't even flinch when I told her I'm an actor.
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your name or where you live, blah-blah-blah.," she said while sighing. My smile grew even wider.
She will be a legend. This girl is no doubt from the 4th Dimension.
After 30 minutes of going back and forth, GD is about to gather up some troops and dispatch a search team. Where did that Dara-ahjumma go?!!! It's already late and she said she didn't have work today!
When GD went to the kitchen, he saw her note that she prepared some food for him. Yep, she left him this 'kimbap' with a monstrous size as big as the plate. On the note, she also said she'll be back by dinnertime but it's already late! Where the heck could she be?? And why does he even care?! He is growing even more frustrated as time ticks.
An hour passed again. He was sitting at the kitchen while drafting some songs when suddenly, a hand grabbed his ankle! He looked down and saw a weird creature in an unexplainable outfit that can make you blind. GD screamed his guts off and almost kicked the creature's head when he realized it was Dara-ahjumma!!!
GD: Oh sweet heavens!! I think I just lost my soul.
GD: YAH!!!!! When did you get in?! And why the hell did you try to scare me?
His heart is still beating fast. He was totally scared sh!tless! Imagine someone grabbing your ankle when everything is so calm and quiet, you'll know the feeling.
Dara: You were just staring at your notes like a statue. I can't resist the urge to surprise you kekekeke
GD: Where have you been?! It's already late!
Jiyong cannot anymore contain his frustration as he yelled at her. This crazy weird girl is seriously driving him nuts! He has been pacing back and forth waiting for this ahjumma who is dressed in an ultra strange clothes that defies all rules of human logic.
Dara: I rescued Tam Tam!
Dara was smiling triumphantly while showing GD her incapacitated stuff toy with teeny weeny arms. GD just looked at it with disgust. Then she told him how Tam Tam got kidnapped by the new tenant in her apartment and the guy's condition to give it back to her.
GD's jaw dropped to the floor. Actually, his jaw is already sore from constantly dropping to the floor with her moronic revelations. GAHHDD!! What is WRONG with this girl??!!
At first, Dara was telling him that the new tenant is like a vampire since he's afraid to go out. His initial thought was that kind of vampire that shines brightly when hit by the sun (Author's Note: sorry Twilight fans *sniggers).
Dara: I wanted to destroy him but I ended up making a fool of myself.
GD: Why am I not surprised. Try using your brain for once!
Dara: But I need to rescue Tam Tam so I have to do those stupid things!
GD: Dara-ahjumma, I don't even wanna know why you're attached to that...that thing..But that stuff toy is yours in the first place so you don't need to comply with any of his conditions. You should've forcefully voiced your opinon. Anyway, you were staying on a guy's apartment up to this hour??!!! <*screams>
Dara: Awwwww, are you worried?? <*bats eyelashes>
GD: If you say anything weird, I'll push you off the stairs.
Dara: Alright, alright. Sheezz, I was just joking. The new tenant and I are friends now so you don't have to worry.
GD: What??!! You befriended the guy who took your personal belonging?! Are you C.R.A.Z.Y?!
GD: I'm really terrified of her way of thinking. She might sell herself without knowing it.
Dara: He seems to be an okay guy.
GD: No, he is NOT!
Dara: You should meet him, I think you two will click because...oh nevermind.
GD: <*sigh> Let's sleep, I'm dead tired.
Dara: Hey, hey, hey! The pillow barricade should be set up first! You stay there, I'll set it up myself!
GD just looked at Dara as if he's going to clobber her into pieces. Dara-ahjumma is really an unexplainable freak of nature. Maintaining her dignity is second to none. GD walked towards the room where he and Dara sleeps. There, he found the ultra-alert Dara-ahjumma in her guard tower with her hands between her chest.
Dara: WAIITT!!! I'm not done preparing the barricade!
Here she goes, her brain engine is starting once again. Her imagination swoons off to Planet Mercury. GD looked at what used to be the 'bed'. Now, there is a pile of unfathomable things tuck on the bed to separate them. He even saw a chair in the middle!!
GD: What the heck is this?????!
GD: I'm seriously about to die in frustration. My body is slowly breaking apart. She is trying to kill me everytime without fail.
Dara: Barricade. <*innocent> Coz y'know <*looks down>
GD: <*fuming with anger at the stupidity called 'Dara'>
GD: How long is she going to torment me??!!!
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