Spending time with Luhan was always like catharsis to me. I felt free from worries, hate, negative emotions, all the evil that surrounded me. Like that other life, with my puppeteers in it, didn’t exist. After so many years with my cold-hearted parents, after being dragged into marriage with a tormentor, I stopped to believe there is even one good person on this planet. Someone who is kind and selfless. Who can make people feel relieved and peaceful just by simple little smile. However Luhan proved me wrong. But I needed to come back home where the bitter reality hit me strong every single time.

***

With my eyes half opened, I found my way to the fridge. When I was about 14 years old my mom got the idea I’m gaining too much weight and need to go on a diet. If it comes to my parents, of course it had to be a strict diet. That’s how it started. And I don’t even know when but drinking a glass of water before the meal became my habit. Water -> bathroom -> food. Every single morning.

‘Ekhm.’

Someone cleared his throat behind my back. I almost chocked with my water and my heartbeat raced. I turned around. Jongin. I shouldn’t be surprised, I mean, who else could it be. But it was past 9 am. I didn’t expect him to be at home at this hour! Lately, at 8 am he was already gone.

‘Ekhm,’ he cleared his throat again.

He was sitting at the table, eyes lying down on his own knees. He wasn’t even looking at me which unleash my inside fight. A part of me was sad, giving me unpleasant cramps. But the other part emanated with anger.

‘B-b-br,’ he utter, lifting his head a bit and giving me a slight look under beautiful eyelashes.

Then I noticed it and I remembered. He wasn’t looking at me because he was embarrassed! It’s because I had my pajama on, that includes shorts and tank top. Something Jongin have never seen on me before. Something I never wore outside of my own room. Now I looked down and felt totally . No one have ever seen that much of my body. I was shamefaced. Not only my cheeks stared to burn but I was feeling hot all over my body. I didn’t know what to do so I instinctively pulled my shirt down to cover my lower parts because this shorts were really short. But it got things only worse ‘cause my s started to come out. I needed to cover them with one of my hands. I could swear that he put on this casanova-like smirk of his and enjoyed this quite a show. Thankfully, at least now he acted like a gentleman, and walked out to work and saved me further humiliation.

I slipped down the fridge.

Why it had to happen now? Why at the moment when I’m supposed to go back with being an empty, lifeless shell around him.

Jongin’s POV

Ba-thump.

I had to get out from there.
 

Ba-thump.

These weird feeling again.
 

Ba-thump.

I don’t like it.
 

Ba-thump.

But it was a nice scene to look at, I must admit that. I even felt hot and blushed like a teenage boy who sees a girl for the first time. And this strange sensation in my stomach.

Should I just get laid? Is it about it? Is this why I feel this way? Well, I haven’t done it since I’m married, that’s a fact.

Maybe I will try to seduce her…

***

Your POV

The tension between me and Jongin was so thick that you can easily cut it with a knife. I practiced this situation in my head a thousand of times today, what should I do and how act when meeting him. The fuss made this morning could not destroy me. I decided to play it cool, like nothing happened. Remembering the things he have done to me, he said have been a big help. How he not knowingly, not even considering my feelings, crushed them a few times now. I can’t let that happen again. I need to be strong.

This time he didn’t get me by surprise, even though it was too early for him to be home.

‘Isn’t there any dinner?’ he asked.

I thought I was ready but my fingers automatically tightened on the couch and I had to take a breath in to calm myself down. I have always done it when my parents got on my nerves and I needed to restrict myself from talking back to them. This helped me get my voice steady.

‘Aren’t you going to cook dinner?’ Jongin asked again.

‘You don’t eat the food I make,’ I managed to make my voice sound blank.

‘I will eat now, so make it,’ he practically ordered.

What could I do? I followed the order, just like I was taught.

As soon as he sat at the table, it was clearly noticeable from the expression on his face, that I confused him by serving only one portion.

‘Why is there only one?’

‘I’m not eating,’ I could barely hold my tongue to not end it with with you. ‘I’m not hungry.’

My legs walked me out of the kitchen but when I was passing by Jongin I felt a warmth and pressure on my hand. I stopped and begged for him not to hold me. I looked down. Unfortunately, it was his hand gently clamped around my wrist.

‘Eat with me.’

Just this simple one sentence turn my stomach upside down but I decided not to be moved, or at least no to show him that I am. Which was hard, when he acted so sweetly, taking out second plate and splitting his portion into half.  My face remained straight, though, as I sat and started to eat with him. Without a word spoken.

He didn’t say anything as well. I’m not sure if he didn’t want to or just couldn’t come out with a topic of conversation, ‘cause I caught him eyeing me a few times. This silence was my advantage and made me relieved. It all went pretty smooth but I wasn’t sure what is going through his mind. I was afraid that he is planning something. This dinner had it's purpose. It couldn’t be just a gesture of a good will or kindness. Not from him. I didn’t believe that.

I packed the leftovers and put them in the fridge, then I proceed with cleaning everything else. The only thing that concerned me was Jongin still sitting at the table, observing me, looking at what I do. When I turned my back to wash the dishes my fear rise a bit. With single passing second I could feel him getting closer but I was too paralyzed with my own thoughts of what he might do, to look back if I’m right. But I didn’t have to, after few seconds I physically felt it.

My heartbeat speed up. He was so close that even slightest move could easily press my back against his chest. I froze, I didn’t even blink. Jongin’s hands got near my waist and went further, reaching and taking out the plate and sponge from my hands. It looked just like new wed couple drama scene I liked so much and always dreamed of having because they always seemed so romantic and full of love. But now, I was tore. I wanted to stay like this so badly, holding onto the hope he is showing me some feelings, he is even maybe trying to make things better. However, it still didn’t outshine my straight thinking and didn’t overshadow the part of me that wanted to get out of his embrace forever.

Jongin’s face got closer and the feeling of his hot breath on my neck made me shiver. I started to blink nervously. He got closer and closer until his lips finally reached my neck. A chill went from the down of my back to the top of head along with little, quite moan escaping mouth. I closed my eyes after grabbing onto the edge of the sink. I completely lost it at that moment. Gently, he moved his down lip, parting these delicious mouth and brought it back to the upper one. Even stronger chill went through my spine, making legs weak. Another moan came out and I surrender. I couldn't resist him. With closed eyes I tilt my head to the side, giving him an easier access. I felt lips on my neck forming a smile. He did that again, giving me another sensation. Softly and slowly, making it faster and more passionate each time. Jongin spun me around with just one hand gesture and I was able to see the look in his eyes before the pair of gorgeous lips touched the other side of my neck.

Then it hit me and I just couldn’t resist this one thought.

He is toying with me.

I shut my eyes and the next thing I felt was my own tears.

Jongin’s POV

I was so into it, that I couldn’t get a hold of myself. At first, I wanted to simply . See her reaction. Maybe it would lead to something more but I wanted to do it my way. However, the sweet smell of her delicate skin, her tender moans made me wanting to please her more. Touch her, feel her.

I placed my hands on her back and they found its way to hips. In the morning I could see her nicely shaped curves. Now I could also touch them.

The only thing I could think about now is to taste her. To kiss her. Kiss her lips.

‘I wonder how you taste…’ I said and looked at her face. What I saw was beyond my imagination.

‘Please… Jongin… stop,’ she managed to say as tears went down her red cheeks.