Thank you for choosing Korean airline and please enjoy your stay in South Korea. For Korean citizen, welcome home.

She hadn’t been sleeping at all since she boarded the plane. Meanwhile Hoya was fast asleep, even before the plane took off. Sooyun had never felt so excited in her life before. She’d been longing to come back to Seoul for the longest time. She had been there before, that was what Hoya told her but she had no recollection of memories of the trip. But nevertheless, she wanted to treat this as her first time in Seoul.
 

“You okay?”

Hoya shifted in his chair as he rubbed his face. The tiredness was obviously shown on his feature. Sooyun frowned at him.
 

“I’m okay. Are you?”

He just smiled at her as he waved to the waitress and ordered a mineral water.
 

“Yeah I’m okay. Just a little bit sleepy. Why aren’t you sleeping?”
 

“I can’t sleep. I’m too excited!”

She said, with a big smile etched on her face. When she didn’t hear his response, she turned around to see him looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face.
 

“Why? What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer her but instead, he just shrugged nonchalantly and focused on the book on his lap. He looked uninterested, as if he didn’t want to come back and she wondered why. Their life in Japan was more than amazing, but somehow it got her thinking of why he seemed to be less excited to be in Seoul, his own country.
 

Sooyun inhaled deeply, the scent of coffee enveloping her as the waitress came in bringing their last meal before the plane land at Gimpo airport. She sipped her coffee, trying to enjoy her meal but she couldn’t stop thinking about Hoya’s odd behavior lately. She noticed the changes in him ever since he told her they were going to move back to South Korea. It could be because of his father, but she couldn’t help but to think it was because of another reason. When he had specifically told her to stay at home once they’ve arrived in Seoul, and only to go out when he was around, she was really disappointed.

It was really ridiculous. She was not a prisoner to be treated like one. She remembered the big fight between the both of them after he said that. Her attempt in convincing him that she could take care of herself was to no avail. But this was Lee Sooyun we’re talking about. When she wanted to have fun, oh she was so going to have fun alright. And she was going to have that fun without an old grumpy guy named Lee Howon.

People said time would heal all the wounds. That was a big, fat lie.
 

Time would never be able to heal the pain in his heart. The wound remained until it became an ugly scar deep inside his soul. He had to go through his days without her.

Without being able to say how much he appreciated it when she made him his favorite breakfast before he went to work. How much he loved it when she laughed over his lame jokes and how much he loved her until his heart ached when he realized she won’t be there for him anymore.

Myungsoo hadn’t seen Haeyong since Sunday night. When he called her, she had told him she was busy with her latest project. They had missed their third counseling last Friday and when their counselor called him the other day, he wasn’t too happy about that. Myungsoo knew she didn’t like the idea of going to the counseling but in the effort to save their marriage, he had to. He wanted more than anything to save his marriage with her, but she wasn’t too keen on the idea of getting the help from a professional and only agreed to do it after the ninth times of his persuasion. At first, everything seemed to be working even though they were still struggling to adapt to the fact that both of them had lost someone they were close to. But once Haeyong started to work again, she slaved herself with works at the office. She had stopped talking regularly to him.

It killed him to see the spark between them started to fade away even after he tried to recover it. Their only hope was the counselor but now, it seemed that it was failing on both of them too. So many things had changed since three years ago and it included the relationship between the two of them.

The air was cold and sharp today. The sky was still dark when he got out from the apartment but the drive to the park would take him at least half an hour and true to his timing, the sky was already starting to clear up when he arrived. When he looked around, there were only a few people at the park and that was how he preferred it. After a few stretches, he started his run. A few sweats starting to form on his forehead despite the cool air. A smile lit up on his face when he passed by her favourite restaurant.

“Myungsoo oppa, hurry up! Remember, who loses will have to pay for breakfast.”

At their own accord, his legs started to run faster. He wouldn’t want to lose or else he would have to pay for their breakfast, again. Unbelievably, she was getting far away. His eyebrows furrowed when she didn’t slow down when he shouted for her name. He wanted to call out her name again, but nothing came out from his mouth. Her silhouette was fading away and he started to panic. He ran faster, trying to catch up with her.
 

Stop Myungsoo. She’s not there. She’s gone. You have to let her go.
 

His heart started to pound frantically at the memories of her. His lips trembled as he tried to swallow the knot inside his throat. He stopped his running when he felt it was getting harder to breathe. Closing his eyes, he took several deep breaths before opening his eyes again and the silhouette was gone.

Warmth spread over his palms and fingers as he held onto the coffee cup. He had told himself to stop looking back. To stop thinking about her. But he couldn’t lie to his heart. Was it selfish of him to hold on to the only visible memory he had of her?

His eyes lingered at the building. To the level of their apartment.

It was near late evening when she got home. She had already informed him she was going to be late today. Final exam was near and she had a lot of discussions to do. He was in his little office room when he heard the door. She would usually visit him in his office before she went on with her chores but today, there was no usual greeting as he was expecting. Carefully placing the glasses on the table, he made his way to the living room. Her head rested against the couch as she yawned lazily. Myungsoo chuckled and Sooyun craned her neck toward his direction and smiled at him when she saw her husband leaning against the door to their kitchen. When he replied to her smile, his dimples deepened; Sooyun’s heart skipped a beat and her pulse felt like it was beating too fast, she quickly averted her gaze elsewhere.

What was wrong with her? What was that?

“Tired?”

Myungsoo took the seat next to her and switching on the television. Both of them weren’t really a fan of dramas and usually they would switch on the television for the news or the radio channels instead.
 

“Hmm, yeah. The group study is killing me. I don’t even know why they would want to have a study group in the middle of the study; half of them always end up being on their phones instead.”

She sighed, regretting her decision to be part of the study group. She never liked being in a group for revisions before and if it wasn’t because of Hoya’s plea, she would’ve never gone to agree to it. A soft music played from a random radio channel he picked. Clutching to her legs tighter to her chest, she turned to his side and rested the side of her face to the sofa. She yawned again and her eyes starting to shut off on their own accord but she quickly open them again and pinching her cheeks, hoping it would make her feel less sleepy. She stopped when she felt his hand on hers. Suddenly, she felt her heart was pounding fast against her chest.
 

“Don’t do that. You’ll hurt yourself. Do you still have to study tonight?” He asked; his attention was fully on her as he brushed off the strands hair from her forehead.

Sooyun cleared . “Yes, like usual.”

“I think I know a way to make you feel less sleepy. Have you heard of bad jokes before?”

A huge grin spreading across his face and his eyes glinted mischievously. 

When the owner of their home kept on insisting for him to let go of the house, he had rejected the idea. Although he hadn’t been there since her death, he had hired a kind lady to keep the house clean. Everything was still there. Her clothes. Her belongings.

“What did the wall say to the ceiling?”

Sooyun chewed on her lips as she tried to come up with an answer, but she got none.
 

“I’ll meet you at the corner.”

She just stared at him as if he had just said something stupid and Myungsoo laughed awkwardly.
 

“Well okay. Here’s another one. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?”

She opened to say something but decided not to when she realized the answer wouldn’t be right. But she said it regardless when he encouraged her to tell the answer.
 

“Hi..?”

Myungsoo just laughed and shook his head. “They did nothing. They just waved.”
 

Her lips clamp tight to prevent the laughter and he frowned when he thought his bad jokes were really bad. Chewing on his bottom lips, his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he’s thinking of another question.

“Okay, another one. Where do cows go for a first date?”

When she couldn’t form up an answer, he said; “To the moooo-vies.”
 

He imitated the sound of the cow and her face lit up before she burst into a hearty laugh. Her eyes watered from laughing too much and her hand pressed to her stomach as she slowly recovered from the laughter. Myungsoo, on the other hand, was grinning from ear to ear; as if he had won in a competition. His lips curled into a genuine smile when he realized how beautiful her laughter sounded like and he promised to himself to make her laugh more often.

It wasn’t just a house.

It was where they’d spent all of their times together. It was where he had come home from a tiring day at work to find a mug of his favorite coffee on the table. It was where they had painted the wall with a bright pearl-gold color together. It was where they had shared their secret smiles and laughs together.
 

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt something wet on his face.

How could I cry and not feel it?