It was cold tonight as snow fell in flurries and the street lights below started to flick on. Everyone had fled to warm places or home. But I stayed to enjoy the quiet of the darkening city. The snow clung to my hair, a stark contrast of white on ebony locks. I guess even the snow can't stand me, as it melts away slowly. Leaving behind the dampness that slowly drips down my face.

"It's cold isn't it?" Kris asked and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Let's get out of the snow." He suggested and started walking away as I awkwardly shuffled after him. Inside the small cafe, at a table in the back, were his friends. His being the emphasized word, as I could barely stand the group of boys. "The snow just keeps coming." Kris pullled a chair out for me.

It was warm sitting next to him this closely. I could make myself believe that I would feel better after relaxing and having a cup of coffee. I could force myself to get along with the group. I would have to if I wanted to stay with Kris tonight. I hated playing nice with his friends.

I looked down as the world started spinning. The burn of the drugs seeped through my chest and made me light headed. I welcomed the feeling no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel. The trees seemed to blend into the sky and caused a flurry of colors to flutter into my vision. They were pretty and I've seen them plenty of times before.

Except for that two month span of time where I stopped the drugs. 

"Tao, you have to stop this." Kris pleaded and squatted in front of me. "Look you can't even stop shaking. Why do you do this to yourself?" He wrapped the blanket around me and I caught his hand before he moved away. "K-kris it's s-so cold." Even though I was drenched in sweat and the room was so hot Kris had to strip down to only a tank top.

"P-please don't disappear." I mumbled and leaned into him. I brung my free hand up to his face, the corner of his mouth. When I come down from the high he'll be gone. Or that's what my subconscious tells me. "I promise not to disappear." He hugged me tighter against him as another chill rocked my core. "K-kri-" but I was cut off by the bile building in the back of my throat.

Kris helped support me so I wouldn't fall head first into the toilet. The lunch we'd had earlier was gone and my stomach was empty. "It's gonna be okay Tao." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me. That's when I saw the look on his face. The look of pain, disgust and sympathy.

I silently promised him I'd quit.

He broke his promise the day he discovered I had given drugs to one of his friends. I think his name was Baekhyun but I could be wrong because I  never took time to learn their names. Baekhyun asked me for it, I guess everyone could tell I was a junkie.

It's not like I forced him to get high. I just sat there with him and showed him how to inject it. I don't even know where he got the needle or how clean it really was.

"How could you?" Kris pushed me against the wall with his arm across my chest. He was spinning and it took all my energy to focus on him. "He asked for it." I slurred a bit and weakly tried to push him away. "I trusted that you'd stop. But you go and give them to a kid?" Kris was fuming and he had every right to be.

"He's not a kid, he's older than me. And who are you? His father?" I managed to push him back enough to slip out of his grasp. I stumbled away trying to find the front door to the apartment. "I can't help you anymore." Kris helped guide me through the foyer and towards the door. "I can't do this anymore. Stay away frome me and my friends."

He helped me clumsily slip my shoes back on and opened the door. "K-kris~" but he silenced me with his hand and dragged me into him. "I'm sorry I'm giving up on you."

One foot off the edge and one foot on the flat gravel of the roof, I rocked back and forth. The colors seemed brighter the closer I got to falling. Vibrant shades of purple, blue and some red all mingled together in the air. Where the colors came from I had yet to figure out. But they were real enough that I could touch them.

I reached out for a purple stream of color. Purple was Kris' favorite color.

"Kris." I sighed and slumped against the cafe window. From where I was I could see him and his friends, minus the one named Baekhyun. But they couldn't see me from their table. Kris was wearing that God awful purple scarf he convinced me to buy him. It was ugly in my opinion but it made him happy. And that made me smile a bit.

"Hey you!" A voice called from somewhere down the street. It was the dealer I had practically stolen from. "You owe me money." He pushed me onto the sidewalk. And start kicking me until I was sure I'd be bruised in the morning. That's when I out for the first time in awhile.

At the memory the pain in my side crept back. The colors morphed into different ones. This time they turned green and yellow but there was still the red tint. "So pretty." I reached out for one of the colored swirls. But naturally my hand went right through it and it dispersed into nothing but air again. "So soft." The air felt nice on my clammy hands.

The phone vibrated in my pocket and I yanked it out. The caller ID said it was Kris but I could be hallucinating it too. I threw the phone over the edge and watched it shatter against the concrete. And once again I balanced on one foot, reveling in the feeling of floating it gave me.

"E-every... thing hu-hurts." I wanted to reach out for my helping hand but he wasn't here. I clenched the sheet in my hand and heaved into the silence of the room. Rain pelted the balcony doors and cracks of lightning lit up the dark room. I felt like crawling in a hole and dying. But for now I'd settle with getting out of my clothes.

It was hot now. Hotter than it'd ever been before when I got high. "Kr-Kris!" I called out to the emptiness. I couldn't make it to the bathroom before the nausea took over again. Right there on the bedroom floor I dry heaved and unfortunately nothing came out. I haven't eaten in a couple days, I've been too out of it. The sweat easily soaked through my shirt.

I reached for the phone but fell to the floor. The phone clattered next to me as the wires knotted together. It took what felt like forever to dial the all too familiar number. I could hear it ringing and I didn't actually expect him to even pick up. He was afterall avoiding me.

"Hello?" His voice told me he had just woken up or was going to bed soon. "Hello? Tao are you there?" I smiled at his voice. There was silence for a moment and I took the time to scoot closer to the phone. I picked it up and pressed it to my head, my trembling fingers barely keeping ahold of it. "I-I need you." Was all I got out before it went dark again.

I came to on my bed with a comforter wrapped around my body. Kris was lying next to me passed out and shivering. I'd leave him for now to sleep. I put the blanket over him and stumbled out of bed. I know if I wake him up he'd disappear again.

I wanted to feel him again. Feel his soft breathing as he held me when I felt sick. I needed to feel the warmth I've come to associate with Kris and only Kris. I reached out for a particular strand of color and lost my footing.

I embraced it and squeezed my eyes shut, the colors still dancing behind my eyelids. I think the pain would be equivalent to the pain I felt the night Kris left me again.

All light went away once I met the ground. And there were no more colors swirling around.