Key turned to one of the first few entries.

10TH JANUARY 2012

Today was one of the worst days ever. I fell sick, and it pained me so much. I hated seeing manager hyung and my beloved dondaengs fretting over me. I was supposed to be the one who takes all the burden from them, not to add weight to their shoulders... Gosh I feel guilty, what am I? This useless leader of SHINee, only managing to debut because they couldn't find another person. I really want to get well soon, and assure all of them I'm fine, and they didn't need to worry about me when they had to worry about themselves first. I want to be able to play with Minho and Tae, and sing with Jjong and shop with Key. I didn't care if I preferred these things or not. All i wanted was to see their smiles, their joy and that they can feel the love and warmth of SHINee. Even though being the leader is tough, it drains me, pushes me beyond my limits, I still have to hang on, for them. I want them to forever remmeber the SHINee family. I mustn't give up on them. Onew fighting~ ^^

.....................

Key and the others were on the verge of tears. Never once did they stop to think about what it was like being the leader, being in Onew's shoes. They all thoguht being a leader was just a title in the group, and nothing else. They never thought about how reminders of their schedules magically apeared before them each morning, or how smoothly their schedules went each day, and how they get enough rest each night. It was all thanks to their selfless leader who did all this for them. Key sniffed and blinked away the tears before flipping through the journal. it was filled with pictures of many happy memories they had together. He stopped at a slightly more recent entry.

14 FEB 2012

It's valentines day! Of course i sent back gifts to my appa and umma. I missed them so much. I haven't seen them in 6 months! I also bought secret gifts for the members! ^^ I wonder if they saw the gift I hid in their bags. It was supposed to be a day full of joy and happiness, and love, but something just wasn't right. The atmosphere between us today was...different. They seemed to be groeing distant from me. I mean they might be tired, we just returned from Europe concert 2 days ago, but I'm worried about Key. He's mad at me for some reason, and I really can't think why. I hope things bewteen us will get better in a few days, because I really didn't want the SHINee family to have hatred among the members. Maybe there was something wrong with me about being a leader? My sangtae? Maybe it's time I change that, or I haven't been treating them good enough...? :( I hope I can fing out soon.... Oh! And on a side note, I was offered a brilliant job in Europe, but there was no way I am going to leave SHINee for that. Only manager hyung knows, and I don't want the members to worry that I might suddenly change my mind, so it's only a secret bewteen the 2 of us kekeke :) Well it's late and i better get some rest before another long day. Bye! ^^

...........................

Guilt wrecked everyone's hearts as Key flipped the next entries that were all filled with Onew's sad emotions about them treating him coldly, and he was stating things like he was not good enough, and he was annoying and useless and a burden. Finally they came to his last entry that he had written by th river.

24TH MARCH 2012

Omo. They found out about the job opportunity, and that was why they were so mad at me. They thought I was going to quit SHInee for the job, and everything they had yelled at me, maybe it was true. I'm such a selfish jerk, not wanting the members to know about this, and making them hurt for the past month. Now i know why, and I ran away, hoping that the members will have a better life without me burdening them even more. I don't care what I'm going to do now since I've run away. Should I get another job? Live another life? A life where I'm back to Lee Jinki, a plain ordinary guy, and no longer known as Onew. Onew is gone, he's finally collapsed from the pressure weighed on him. Leaving nothing but a free Lee Jinki who was trapped in the body of a leader of an idol group, who thought he had found happiness, only to be hurt, words stabbing him like knives. He only wanted to do what's best for the people he loved and only getting hurt in the end. Maybe being in SHINee was a fantasy, a place where u were loved, and cruelly dumped again. Nothing could ever hurt more than to see fans commenting about member's hatred towards me. It wasn't hate, they were disappointed in him, yes it was his fault, letting them down time and time again. I'm not Onew, I'm Lee Jinki. I want to see my appa and umma. I miss them so badly. But what am I going to tell them? That I quit? Sigh I'm lost. This Lee Jinki is a weakling, not knowing what to do, always depending on others to save him. But I'll try my best to move on I guess....

......................................

That's it. The members couldn't take it anymore and Key slammed the book shut. They didn't want to read more sad entries on this journal about them treating him like he's nothing but a piece of garbage no one wants. Jonghyun got overemotional. He ran up to the rooftop and screamed his lungs out, tears cascading like a waterfall,  crying out loud to the heavens how he was sorry and begging for mercy for Onew. Taemin sat by Onew's bed and gripped tightly onto his hand, He whispered sorry to his hyung over and over again while his hair and sobbing quietly. Key ran out of tears. he sat on the sofa with Minho and reflecting everything in his heart. No Onew, Key thought, you're not the heartless one, we are, we're sorry for everything we did, we really are....We 're the reason why you're in this state now.....

The manager came in and saw everyone crying. He cocked an eyebrow, obviously wondering what had happened. Key said nothing but pushed the journal into manager's hands. Of couse after scanning through he knew what was going on. He glanced at Onew with sadness and heartbreak in his eyes, before asking Key to gather all the members. he wanted to talk to them.