Could Have Been, Never Was
Kai wakes up from his five-hour sleep. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands, as he sits up straight on his chair. He fell asleep on the table, desktop still running. He feels the strain on the neck for staying in the same position for hours. He yawns as he scratches the back of his head. As he did so, his elbow touches the mouse and the monitor lights up. It reveals last night’s secret, his message on the fan board.
120531 01:14 am
I don’t know if you remember last spring. I was on the phone talking to one of my hyungs inside a library. It was a school library, I know, so I hurried to hung up. When I turned around, you were in front of me. It was so surreal. I closed my eyes just to check if it was a dream. When I reopened them, you said ‘Where did you come from?’. You looked like an angel who asked me so innocently. It felt like I was acting out the lyrics of ‘Into Your World’, so I answered ‘It’s a secret.’
I saw you again, another day, at a movie house. You were with your unnies, while I was with my hyungs. I kept on trying to catch a glimpse of you while waiting in line. Our eyes met once, but you looked away. You didn’t notice and kept on looking down to your shoes. Did you get tired of the long line? But then my roommate hyung noticed and teased me. They all started to act crazy and to get loud. I think I saw you laugh. You have a really pretty smile.
Last week, I saw your concert in LA. You were so enthralled by your fans, you kept on waving in every direction. I didn’t think I would have an opportunity like that. When you reached out to me, I did not hesitate and took it. I dared not to touch anything after that. But then confetti were all over my face, I had to remove them. It took the feel of your hand from mine, so I kept it, instead.
So what I really want to say is this. I like you. I confess to you now, because it is the thousandth day since you debuted. I tried to talk to you that day, but you were so busy. That day felt like you were taken away by the world from me.
Anyway, happy 1000th day to f(x) as well.
He reads it again. I am officially an idiot. He says to himself. It took me four years to finally confess and I sign it as a FAN. On f(x)’s fan board. He is about to sign out when he notices a reply.
Krystal here. Are you still awake? I don’t think so. Keke.
Wow, you’re a fan since debut. Thank you very much, and please anticipate f(x)’s new mini album.
Of course, she won’t accept it. He says as he signs out. Because I was just a fan since debut. He turns off the computer. Soojungah.. He greets Krystal’s calendar on top of the CPU. I really like you. He confesses, as he kisses it. What am I to do? He stands up and heads out of the computer room. It’s still early, and we don’t have schedule today. I can use some more sleep. He closes the computer room door quietly behind him. He stops on the front door and he sees a letter slipped from underneath. Curious as he is, he opens it and reads.
I don’t know if you remember last spring. Your were on the phone inside a library. You were probably talking to one of your Chinese hyungs, because you were using a different language. It was a school library, I know, so you spoke in hushed tones. But I wanted to listen to your voice, so I went nearer. Then you turned around, I was in front of you. You closed your eyes, I thought you were angry. I didn’t want to be caught eavesdropping, so I said ‘Where did you come from?’. You answered in a language I didn’t understand. Your voice though, was so melodious, it was like a song. I finally understood ‘Beautiful Stranger’.
I saw you again, another day, at a movie house. You were with your hyungs, while I was with my unnies. I kept on looking at you at the back of the line while waiting. Our eyes met once, I was flustered. Your eyes were big and warm. I kept on looking down to my shoes after, I couldn’t bring myself to stare into your eyes again. Then I heard you laugh, you were having fun with your hyungs. My big unnie said you looked dangerous and crazy. I couldn’t help but laugh at her. She didn’t see your eyes, they’re really pretty.
Last week, I saw your concert in LA. You were clapping excitedly, it was your first concert. I didn’t think I would have an opportunity like that. I reached out my hand to you and I’m thankful you took it. I dared not to touch anything after that. But then confetti were all over my hair, I had to remove them. It took the feel of your hand from mine, so I kept it, instead.
So what I really want to say is this. I like you. It has been a thousand days since you talked to me. I wanted to talk to you, but my unnies stopped me. They were fidgety for all the little details. That day felt like the world was keeping me from you. I confess now, because I too, received a touching letter today. I just hope he doesn’t mind me copying his own confession. Because it just reminded me of my own feelings that I have kept hidden.
Anyway, I know that you have just debuted. I’m sorry for bothering you like this. Just do well on your performances.
He reads it a few times more, making sure to understand every detail. He walks to his room and sleeps with a smile.
A/N: There's this book that I really want to read, (Why We Broke Up) but I've no budget yet. That's where I got the idea. This is my first one-shot, and I hope I didn't disappoint. It's been ages since I wrote fiction, so I am a little rusty. Sorry~
And yeah, that's the end of it. This is the sequel:
120601 Kai on EXO fanboard.
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