“Min Mama, would you like me to announce King Cho that you come?” Changmin approached Sungmin and Lady Yubin at the entrance of Gungsool field where the king was doing archery. Lady Yubin looked at the queen, just standing unmoved as she watched her husband kept shooting his target from a far. Lady Yubin signaled Changmin by shaking her head and asked him to leave them. Changmin bowed to the females then excused his leave.

She stood next to her. Not willing to ask what she was thinking. Only following where Sungmin’s eyes direction landed to. She had often seen this before. But she couldn’t deny the feeling by then was far different. Those eyes in the past was filled with obsession, love, and longing. This time, her eyes were loosing all of them. Weak yet empty. ‘Is this the effects Madam Sohee talked about?’

It was a day before she went to Gyeongbok palace with Lady Yuri. A shaman she didn’t meet for years, showed up in front of her door and told her about her premonition.

“What’s the simptoms if the first layer of their bond is broken?” Lady Yuri asked the shaman.

“Her obsession over the King is weakened. She’s slowly giving up her feeling. I don’t know what the exact time she spoke those forbidden words but it's probably three years ago”

“Why do you tell us now?!!” Lady Yuri couldn’t control her tones. She felt so angry why the Shaman didn’t warn them earlier so they could fix the bond before it's too late.

“Because according to our deal 13 years ago. We only need a shaman when the second layer will break” Lady Yubin calmly answered. She was there when Lee clan and Cho clan made a vow to be bound together.

Lady Yuri looked at her superior with a thought how could she think like it’s not necessary “Madam ... “

“About Queen Min’s love toward The King. We don’t care with such a trivial thing. Your husband Leeteuk knows this well too, Yuri. As long as Queen Min didn’t abandon her faction, we would close our eyes to whatever she did to steal King Cho's heart”

“That’s why I am here because of such thing, Madam” Lady Yuri couldn’t hide her disappointment. She believed Lee faction power became weaker was related with the broken layer of Queen Min's bond with King Cho. Lady Yubin didn’t answer directly but stared at the prime minister wife with her cold eyes. Realizing her sudden impolite act, Lady Yuri hanged down her head “I—I am sorry Madam”

“Lee faction condition now is a different case, Yuri. I left Hanyang was not to hear our faction lose their dignity over Choi faction”

Lady Yuri stared up to her with anxiously “Then ... if Madam Sohee is here. Is that mean ...”

“You have changed, Min Mama”

The queen twitched realizing she’s spacing out. She glanced at Lady Yubin who’s smiling at her as if she could read her mind. Sungmin meant to avoid her eyes but next words Lady Yubin would said surprise her.

“Are you still blaming him?” She asked. Sungmin gave her a questioning look. Lady Yubin averted her eyes to look at the oblivious King Cho “About what he did to your brother. Lord Eunhyuk”. Sungmin looked down. She didn’t know how to answer.

“I understand you’re dying of wanting to know how he’s doing. Whether he’s dead or alive as a slave. Instead of copping over what you lose, would it be better if you treasure what you still have, Min Mama? You have lost parents and both of your brothers but you still have me your aunty and Lee faction. You can’t abandon us ...”

Sungmin quickly shook her head. She never thought of abandoning her faction “Teacher ... I don’t mean--”

“Shhh ... I know I know. That’s why I am here” Lady Yubin smiled and cupped her face with her right hand.  “We still have to do inspection in courtlady departments, right? Let’s go” suggested her. Sungmin nodded in agreement then walked together with her aunty.

While passing the Gungsool field, Sungmin took a glance toward Kyuhyun. She didn’t expect to meet eyes on eyes with him. In that flash of second, she recalled again what her aunty said earlier. A part of her admited she did blame him about what happened to her brother Lord Eunhyuk but that’s not the only case. She was just tired. Of loving. Of everything.

Every time she handed her heart over and over, it was always beaten and stabbed. Bruised and battered.  Every sliced wounds kept bleeding and darkening bit by bit with each I don't love you I love someone else we don't belong together. They never gave her even a tiny chance to let all those pain to be dried up. With all the scars she bore, old and new, she never knew there would be a cure. In a form of a certain gisaeng who held a gayageum into his hand. She never expected the man could bandage her bloody heart with icy joys and smiles. But in the end, he squeezed her heart and untied the bandage without he even known what he just done. Why? Because the ending of her love story always ended in tragedy. As if watching someone's back whom she couldn't reach had been decided even before she was born.

“Min Mama?”

She had been caught spacing out again. They almost arrived in front of subang (the embroidery department) without she realized. Lady Yubin looked at her with concern “Min Mama, are you okay?”

‘I ... I am okay, Teacher. Let’s—‘ Her step paused once she saw Lady Seohyun just exited from Subang with her courtladies then turned to another direction being completely oblivious. Sungmin watched her with pained expression. The baby she’s bearing, she couldn’t seize the imagination of her own husband pulled her hand into his chamber, undressing her clothes layer by layer, then coating her with his warm, breathing the same air, and becoming one. 

“That’s your place, isn’t it?”

Sungmin glanced at Lady Yubin, not having any idea what her teacher meant “That’s your job, isn’t it? Bearing a baby. A legacy for Jonseong. Don’t you want to take back that place? Don’t you think making her  a concubine as a gift for saving you and your brother is too much? She has gotten more than she had to be”

Sungmin gulped, taking a silent break for a moment ‘I--I don’t regret my decision’

Lady Yubin glanced at the courtladies behind them then gave them a sign to take some steps backward. She thought she needed a private conversation with Queen Min “This is a result of breaking your first bond with him. Min Mama. You become weak. People could see through you. You nearly lose your dignity. You are stagnant”

‘Teacher’ She tried to warn her but no she couldn’t. She wanted to deny but her mind debated how right Lady Yubin's statement was.

“Three years is too long. Till when you can stop your sulking for griefing over your brother, Min Mama?”

Sungmin looked down ‘I know...’. She hated herself for not  being able to do anything. She bit her lower lip for a second then looked back to her teacher ‘I know I has been becoming invisible these three years. It’s not like I don’t want to do anything. I just ...’ She couldn’t continue her words. No one would understand with her feeling. As a queen, everyone had her back. But how about herself? She got no one. Watching Kyuhyun’s back for thirteen long years was too tiring. Especially with Lady Seohyun on his side.

If only there’s someone, just anyone who could stand equally next to her. Giving a patt to her shoulder whenever she felt down, an assuring smile of Sungmin  you can do it, or enticing their fingers then telling her It’s okay. Lean on me when you feel tired. Maybe her brother never really did those because of their strict family rules, but his existence undirectly giving her power to stand still. With the only her close family member had been taken from her, she got nothing to do but fell down.

Lady Yubin took a deep breath then said “Do you know why your family, especially your father, let you did all of your childish bullying acts toward Lady Seohyun and other courtladies? He never been mad at you, even if it could make him lost his face in front of the previous King”.  Lady Yubin placed her hands on Sungmin’s shoulder and stared at her straight into the younger eyes “Anger, Sungmin. Anger!! Lord Sungjong believed in your rage. Anger is what has powered Lee Faction from beginning until now. And pain is not something you should avoid but a gift from heaven!!!”

Sungmin's lip was trembling. Her eyes reddened. Her teacher words sent strong vibrates into her chest. A slight of hope appeared as if this person who stood in front of her had a way to ease this endless torture ‘What should I do?’

“Take my hand, Sungmin. Take my hand. Only with that way I am able to offer my help”

Soon tears were accumulated to become a pool in her eyes “Help me, Aunty... Please help me....”. She couldn’t bear those pains alone anymore. She had enough for all the jealousy and heartbreaks.

Lady Yubin carressed her cheek, fixed some tiny wild hairs and placed them behind her ear, then formed an assuring smile “As you wish my dear. As you wish ... What do you want?”

She let down some drops of tears flowing through her cheek but this time there was a fire in her eyes. The fierce eyes Lady Yubin wanted to see ever since she came back to Gyeongbok palace again.

‘If pain is a gift from heaven, I don’t want to be the only one who receive it. Give me Cho Kyuhyun, Aunty. Give me Cho Kyuhyun ...’

~~~~#*SJ*#~~~~

It was an unusual night at Petal house, it’s crowded with so many people. Not a typical condition for a gisaeng house that’s not located at the center of town. The front gate was circled with colourful lampions. Some Gisaengs posed outside, sent their best flirting to everyone who passed the house and invited them in.

It wasn’t a gisaeng house if it’s without music. The sounds of Jonseong musical instruments like gayageum, haegeum (fiddle), and janggu (slim waist drum) were echoed from the main hall where most of the guests gathered to watch a dancing performance. There’s always a person who performed as an MC, lightened up the atmosphere with his popular jokes and invited some audiences to join dancing with the gisaengs.

Mean while, there were always be patrons who demanded a solo performance for their own. The ones who held enough money in their hands to pay. Mostly were from Yangban class (bureaucrats or scholars). Usually they demanded more than just an art performance. Like having with them to fulfill their wild fantasy. But Petal house was a bit different in that case. It’s up to the gisaeng if she wanted to grant their wish or not. If the patron forced the gisaeng to sleep with him without her will. Heechul had paid enough bodyguards for beating him up. He didn’t care nor afraid if the patron was from influential family or not. If they threatened to close the house, Heechul got all their secrets to spill to their wives. That’s the only policy Petal house had which others gisaeng houses didn’t. No money, no service. Make Lady Heehee mad, be ready to lose your teeth.

“Are you looking for Lady Heehee, Mister?” The male MC, Shindong, approached Hangeng who’s standing near at the hall’s entrance. The chinese man glanced to the chubby man “I never saw so many guests like this before”. Shindong grinned widely “Yes, it’s because most gisaeng houses in Hanyang don’t open their business tonight for final royal dance competition. Our master, Lady Heehee is really smart, doesn’t she? Hahaha ...”

“Mr. Hangeng !!!” Hyoyeon came to approach him with a worried face. Hangeng turned at her “Where is he?”

Hyoyeon led him to Heechul’s usual place, room Rose. As they got closer to the place, they were greeted by a sight of Jiyeon exited room Rose with tears on her face. “What happen?” Hyoyeon asked with concern. Jiyeon sobbed, holding a crumbled paper in her hands. She didn’t answer, but dropped down the paper and run from them. Hangeng picked up the paper and opened it. It had been torn into some parts.

Hyoyeon let out a deep sigh beside him “It’s probably the invitation letter”. Hangeng looked at her with frown demanding an explanation “Musician association invites us again to join royal dance competition. Seems like Heenim doesn’t approve it”.

“I will talk to him” Hangeng said. Hyoyeon showed a hoping look “Yes, please. But he is probably drunk right now”. Hangeng held her shoulder as an assuring gesture. Hyoyeon nodded in understanding then took a leave.

Hangeng opened the sliding door slowly. Hyoyeon was right, he was drunk. There were bottles of soju spread on the table before him “I thought you said you wouldn’t open Petal house for a couple of days” he said as he got in the room. Heechul looked up to him, hardly able to stand in balance. The gisaeng walked toward him with an amusing smile “Hanniee ... you come” he said as he hugged him. Hangeng couldn’t avoid the strong smell of alcohol that was wrapping him “Heechul ...” he called as he tried to loosen the hug. Heechul moved to look at him “What?”

“I just met Jiyeon on the way here. She cried”

Heechul scoffed then retreated back to his table and poured another cup of soju “Don’t give me that look. Did she ask you to persuade me to rejoin the competition?”

“No. She didn’t. Why don’t you accept the invitation? It’s your dream to be able to—“

“We cheated” his playful tones changed.

Hangeng's brows furrowed “No, you didn’t”

“We did. Aware or not, we got that special treatment” he said straightly looking up to the chinese man. There’s a pregnant silent between them for seconds, but it’s broken by an instant grin forming on the gisaeng’s lip “Just ignore her. The little doesn’t understand business at all. She doesn’t know how much profit we will get by opening this house at this time. Have you see our visitors tonight? This is a rare chance, Hankyung. Most of gisaeng houses in Hanyang are closed for dancing competition. This is my chance to steal their customers hahahaha ...” he laughed in pleasing look then quickly emptied his cup.

Hankyung. A part of him felt happy finally the other male used that name to call him. But it’s not his main concern this time. “How are your legs?”

The gisaeng shrugged as he poured another soju to his cup “Better I guess” he said. Hankyung came to him then held his wrist to prevent the gisaeng drinking the liquor “Stop it. It’s not good for your health.... Beside, there’s something I want to talk with you. About Sungmin”

“Don’t talk about it. I am in a good mood now” He didn’t want to hear anything related to the female. He needed times to think and it was not at this moment. He was afraid with the answer he would find.

“Heechul! This is important. She is actually—“ Heechul placed a finger on Hankyung’s lip to stop him. He dropped down his cup then circled his arms around the chinese man and moved to whisper his seducing words into his ears “You know what, Hankyung? I have rejected 10 men tonight who wanted to reserve me. I said I had been taken ...”. Hankyung couldn’t hide the reddening blush on his face as Heechul’s hand started to touch his clothed crotch and squeezed it in a manner that made the Chinese man’s mind going blank for a second.

“Hee...Heechul” he called his name not only as a warning but also his effort for himself to get back to his sense. Heechul didn’t stop there, he moved and let his lip stopped in the mid air just a mere centimeter from Hankyung’s lip. He stared into the other male’s eyes intensely “Shut up and kiss me...”.Hankyung couldn’t stand the teasing. It’s the first time he hated himself as he let out a deep groan before attacking the gisaeng’s lip to admit his defeat.

Heechul smirked as he allowed the other male his breath. He welcomed him with all the fight of tounge and teeth. A flash of Sungmin’s image did appear into his mind out of the blue, making him more upset over something he didn’t sure what it was about. He grabbed Hankyung’s clothes and pulled apart his collar until his bare chest came into sight.

Hankyung laid him to the floor, moving his lip to Heechul’s chin then tracing his skin to the latter’s right ear and nipping it as if there’s no tomorrow. He thought Heechul’s mumbled something between his moans but he didn’t understand clearly what he was saying.

“Help me forget, Hankyung-ah. Help me forget it because I don’t want to hate that person ...”

~~~~#*SJ*#~~~~

Meanwhile at the same night. Sungmin let the window at her chamber opened. The former was also drinking some liquors while watching the sky outside. Sunkyu watched her with a worry. It’s been a long time she watched her queen drinking alcohol. She looked like in a lightened mood, seemed enjoying the sandy stars between cotton clouds at the night sky. Sunkyu asked herself if there was something good to celebrate, yet  she couldn’t put aside the feeling that something wasn’t right. Something ought to be happened to make her queen decided to be drunk that night.

“Min Mama, there’s ... there’s something I want to inform you” Sunkyu carefully said. Sungmin glanced at her then moved her lip ‘What is it?’

“There’s an internal meeting of Lee faction at Prime Minister residence. I also heard  news about your uncle, Lord Sooman will visit Gyeongbok palace”

‘I know that. Lady Yubin has told me’

Sunkyu got confused with her plain reaction. That was a big news. The fact of the most radical member in Lee faction was back to Hanyang. “Don’t ... don’t you want to attend?”

Sungmin shook her head “No. I don’t. Just inform me the result to me tomorrow. You can leave now, Sunkyu”

Sunkyu bowed toward her “Ye— Yes, Min Mama. I take my leave now” she said as she retreated back then closed the door.

The queen then poured more soju into her porcelain cup. She recalled again what her aunty Lady Yubin said back then.

“We will find a good time for you and his majesty to spend royal night together. We can get rid of her, if you want. I know she is protected. But I don’t say we have to kill her physically nor get rid her baby. I know a way but it’s your choice, Sungmin-ah...”

She scoffed a smile drawn on her face. She didn’t know what her aunty planned. All these times, every effort Sungmin had done to get rid of Lady Seohyun was always failed. They never gave any benefits to her instead more hates from Kyuhyun to her.

Hate. If she thought about it more, that single word was the only form of affection she had toward Kyuhyun. If he didn’t hate her, he wouldn’t look at her, he would just ignore her as if she didn't exist. Maybe Lady Yubin was right. Pain was not something she had to avoid. Why didn’t she realize it earlier?

She drank the liquor in one go. The burn feeling soon covered as she let the bitter taste passed her tounge. It was the first time she liked that kind of feeling. Her shoulders raised letting out a hiccup. No. It’s not a hiccup but a chuckle. Her shoulders shook up and down as more chuckles to come. She threw her head back revealing a wide open grin. Her eyes turned like a half moon. Soon she was giggling as if there’s something funny.

She was laughing hard without sound but tears did flowing from her eyes. The cold walls were watching her like an insane. Giving no sympathy. Except the sky outside was starting to spill a heavy rain, crying over someone who just decided to close her heart again.