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Gravity

Here is the song, if you'd like to listen to it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0x7CN7NhS8

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Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

 

I try my hardest not to think about him anymore. Not after everything he'd put me through. But, it's so ing hard, you don't even know. My mind is flooded all day, every day with memories of him and I. The good ones, at least. I've tried to block out all the pain and hurt he pushed on to me. I swallowed as I looked out the window at the rain pattering against it. I would not think of Yongguk anymore. I couldn't, and I really shouldn't. It wasn't long before I felt a single tear slip down my cheek, and more followed afterwards, I couldn't stop them. I couldn't stop.

 

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

 

All I ever did was love him. I thought Yongguk was my one and only, the only person I would ever love and need in my life. I thought he felt the same way too, but now I know he just used me as his personal punching bag. I convinced myself he hit me because he loved me; he hurt me because he couldn't express his feelings any other way. That's what I wanted to believe so bad. He had kept me grounded; my world had always revolved around him because of the way I chose to think. He didn't really love me, but I had loved him, so much. And even though I shouldn't, I still love him.

 

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

 

I don't want to love him anymore though. What's the point in loving someone who will only hurt you and not return your feelings? There is no purpose. There's nothing. I want out. But, every time I try so hard to separate myself from him, something just draws me back to him, even the littlest things. Like this cafe I'm in right now, I'm sitting here drinking a mocha, which Yongguk used to drink every morning before he left me to do my chores. I chuckled slightly at that memory. Not only was I his punching bag, I was his personal maid. And I didn't complain, not one bit. Why not?

 

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

 

I'm trying once more to not love him; I'm trying to move on. I've even begun to see other people. But thanks to Yongguk, my tastes in certain activities have been so skewed. Not many people want to engage in them with me. They don't want to hit me a little, they don't want to choke me a little bit, they just want to love me. And I can't do that. Without the little bit of pain, I feel like something is wrong. I'm not used to simple and sweet love, I'm used to rough and angry hatred. Oh here I go again, reminiscing about Yongguk. I really can't stop. I blinked away the tears and took another drink before throwing my cup away.

 

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

 

I was weak. And I didn't know I was at all. I thought I was strong, I thought I could take care of myself, I didn't know I would be hoping and praying for someone to save me. Yongguk had preyed on that. He saw that I was a weakling, pretending to be strong, and he took advantage of that. Luring me in with the idea that he truly loved me and wanted to be with me. But, all he wanted was to come home to someone to . And he had no qualms about treating me right either. I rubbed my hands together as I stepped out into the rain. I exhaled and stared as the fog from my breath blew away. I could do this; at least I thought I could. I saw someone who looked like Yongguk, and I ducked into a nearby shop, breathing hard.

 

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.

 

I began to pray that it wasn't Yongguk, and that even if it was, he wouldn't come in the store where I was. I was praying and praying, hoping somehow Yongguk could hear my prayers and no that I didn't want him to be anywhere near me anymore. I didn't even realize I had been holding my breath until I felt a shake on my shoulder. I looked up and saw a boy looking into my eyes. He helped me to stand up as he silently questioned what was wrong. I just shook my head and brushed his hand off. I still couldn't stand the feeling of others touching me, without freaking out inside.

 

But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down, you're keeping me down.

 

Yongguk is really hindering me. As I left the shop, after the person I thought was Yongguk had gone by and I confirmed it was not him, I looked back and saw the boy still staring at me, his head tilted as he watched me. It weirded me out to be quite honest, but I couldn't help but feel how nice he was. He didn't actually question me, he didn't force anything on me, he just helped me up and let me go. He was able to set me free. I somehow felt comforted by this stranger that I didn't even know. And that alone compelled me to go back in the store and walk right up to the boy and tell him my name.

 

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

 

Yongguk may be tugging at my mind, but this boy I don't even know is worming his way in as well. After the awkward name exchange, I did something even more awkward. I gave this stranger my phone number.

 

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A/N:

So this can either be read by itself as a oneshot, or as a sequel oneshot to 'Under the Water'

There WILL be a sequel to this oneshot (simply because there is a cute song I want to write a FF to, and it goes along with the last line I wrote here).

I hope you guys liked this one. Himchan is basically a projection of myself ('cept I've never given a stranger my number before lol)

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Comments (5)

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dawn_yhm #1
Oh my... are you okay? I've never been in a violent relationship before, so I can't say I feel your pain, but I hope you have recuperated and moved on:)
kikuchannie
#2
He's moving on!!Nice!!
SEVENTEENSECRETTIME
#3
I LOVE IT.. REALLY.. btw..I want to know about YongGuk's feeling too.. its hurt, you know.. hufff..wait for your sequel
JuneBaby #4
O...m...g. A very moving story and sequel....

Pretty much speechless right now.O
Kawaii_Hana3454 #5
This is really good!! ^^ please make the sequel soon!! And I hope that you've found a better person to be with :D hwaiting!!