Bullets and friendship

Description

To lazy to type out a description TROLOLOL 

Anyway this is the oneshot that I said I would put up :3 

It was actually a litrerure(litreture? litrature? aish my spelling :()  assignment that I decided to base from This is war~^^

If the names sound funny sorry :( Using Joon and CheonDung was really hard to blend when editing, and editing the whole story would be a real pain in the , I have mid year examies now >< 

ENJOY <3 

P.S The original Joon and CheonDung names were Sean and Ben. Hahaha weird IKR :3 But those are my friends names and well, it sounded...ok? 

SUBSCRIBE.COMMENT.FRIEND :3 

Foreword

 

 
 
Shut up, I really don’t wanna hear it as my tears dry you better beg
I’ll go until the end just watch I treated you the wrong way
We loved each other, she’s the only one for me, why you, why do you look at my woman No way
 
I dust my clothes and stand up, as far as I was cheated, just watch
Using love and affection and playing games, you just watch
 
I shake just by thinking about you I can’t forgive you, from now on you are
 
It’s war, you coward, just watch, see, she is crying again
You coward, you who bothered my love, you you you you, it’s war
 
p.s~A very cheapskate and fast way to prepare forewords trololol XD 

Comments (5)

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YooniqueDJ
#1
Remember, new speaker, new line.
Hmm, some spelling errors.
Use the spell check next time saengie, to make sure :)
YooniqueDJ
#2
You had two "flashback" - one at the start of the flashback and another at the end of the paragraph. There is another flashback continuing after that, which doesn't really make sense if you write "flashback" after the first flashback paragraph, if you know what I'm saying. You need to read out again, and edit your work before posting to correct any grammatical errors or phrasing. Your vocabulary is great. There is just a small problem - you used the same words, "innocent" twice in a sentence. Not really proper, but there is always the thesaurus ! :)
Remember, always edit your work first.
YooniqueDJ
#3
writing*
YooniqueDJ
#4
Wow, honestly! Your one-shot here is very very well written! Though it's almost like a transcript of what the MV is about, isn't it?
Then it can't really be an inspiration, because it's just what the MV's about, isn't it?
Anyhow, we're here about writiing quality, and I'm impressed. Great job dongsaeng :)
YooniqueDJ
#5
Dongsaengie, firstly, your Foreword needs fixing up.
Don't use too much colours and your layout is a bit ... unorganised? Mian.
One way to attract subscribers is how you set out your Foreword, and yes, it requires time and dedication. If you are too lazy to work on your Foreword and would prefer to jump straight onto the story itself... it wouldn't really make sense, would it?
Keep practising on your Foreword - use fewer colours (especially neon colours and background ones...) and stick to that one/two colours. Three max.