Back to the present

You couldn't bear to stay in your room anymore so you walk out. When you are in the hall you could see something unfamiliar. A pair of high heels. We have a visitor. You know you didn't have plans with anyone. Seung Hyun-hyung is out shooting his new movie. Taeyang-hyung is also out doing an interview. Daesung-hyung is busy with his Family Outing. The only one left is him, Ji Yong-hyung. But why did he let a girl in? He has never done that before. You walk towards his room and stop at the door. You sigh and lift your hand to knock but some strange sounds stop you. Groans. Moans. Gasps. Hard breathings. Fast breathings. Ahs. All these sounds indicate only one thing. Feeling that your heart is going to burst, you run out of the apartment. You are running faster than you ever have done before. Your heart seems to beat harder, faster and it is hurting. Breaking. The already broken heart is more vulnerable and slowly but surely it is on its way to be ruin completely. You don't stop. You run into people, and you don't care. People might recognize you, but that doesn't matter either. You just want to be gone, and far, far, far away from him.

In the end you stop. Your legs just couldn't take it anymore. You're pretty surprise because you are waiting for the tears to flow any moment. But they don't. Maybe you already have used up all the tears you had. For the first time since running like a mad man, you look around yourself. You are now standing in a park. There are not many people around. Probably because the weather is turning grey and it is still cold outside even though the Easter has past. Tired you walk towards a bench and sit down. When you run out the door you didn't bring anything with you. You have hurried putting your feet into some shoes and ran. Now you're finding yourself sitting there with only a hooded sweater on. You cover your head with the hood and place your hands on your face. Once again all you think about is him. How could he do this to you? At least he could have rejected you cleanly and you would have move on and don't have this stupid feeling. But it is your fault. Still hoping. Still longing for him!

Finally, the tears came. They are storming out of your eyes. You are crying so much that you couldn't see. The thoughts of him are bringing a lot of pain memories. However, somewhere in these painful memories lie the happiest moments of your life. That happened before your confession, which you yet haven't gotten a proper answer. If he didn't feel the same didn't just say "Sorry, I don't like you," or something. Instead he chooses to ignore you and avoid you. A month has gone the two of you haven't had a whole conversation. Even during practises he tries to cover up your mistake so he doesn't have to confront you. You sometimes try to make mistakes on purpose too, but then he gets one of the other hyungs to scold you. God, devil, everyone wonder how you could keep up with it. Each day you get less sleep. Your eyes has gone from panda to alien, and you look more like a stick as the days pass. He is a coward. He can't even give a simple no or yes, while you have to put all the work to just confess. Nevertheless, he has completely accomplished to break and ruin your heart, your mind and your soul. Soon your body is going to give in too.