The rain hasn't stop since Hyukjae set foot in Osaka that day. It was cold,  as cold as his heart right then. The atmosphere wasn't really good. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the gloomy sky outside, at the rain drop that constantly hit the window without mercy.

Hyukjae laid himself down on the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to remember anything. Anything at all that would remind him about  Donghae and himself. Things like  how did it all start? How long have they been together? Who knew about this? Were they madly in love? How about their first kiss? Were they happy with each other? Was he happy? Was Hae happy?

He tried and tried to seek those images inside his head. But they were nowhere to be found and everything was so devastating, so frustrating that at some point Hyukjae just screamed as hard as he could, letting go all his emotions. If only ...

He wanted to know so bad about the past. About his life with Donghae. There has got to be beautiful stories behind it. He seek for beautiful and happy memories of the past because the present memories he had right now was just suffocating. The fact that Donghae never told him that they were couple. The fact that Donghae said about leaving him, about how Donghae said he had someone in his life, that someday he would like them to meet. Hyukjae could feel that his  heart was in pain. No, it was more than that. It felt like dying. He felt betrayed.

All the confusion and anger consumed him. How could Hae do this? How could he betrayed him like this? At least he could do was telling him the truth. His brain might not remember, but the feeling were there. It was always there. It was never lost. If only Donghae said something, it would spare him from wondering why he always wanted to be with Donghae, why was his heart always skipping a beat everytime he saw Donghae smiling, or why he cared so much about him or burned himself in jealousy everytime he saw Donghae with someone else. Even with other member. All of this wouldn't be happen if Hae said something. What was he up to? What kind of game that he played? It wouldn't hurt anybody if he didn't remember. Maybe that was what donghae wanted. But could he do something like this?

The donghae that he knew was so compassionate, so childlike, kindhearted. Could he really do this?

Hyukjae really couldn't take this agony of wild guessing  anymore. That was why he went to Japan. He wanted no more time to be wasted. He had to called Siwon for help to get him out from Seoul to Japan. Being extremely wealthy made Siwon had access to anything. Even to his father's private Jet. That was how he got to Osaka. He even got the room next to Donghae's room at the Hotel thanks to his dad's friend who own the Hotel. No questions asked. Even Siwon didn't ask him anything to his surprised. It was kinda odd when Siwon just said yes and help him right away as soon as he said he just remember something and he really wanted to see Donghae right away.

So there he was, just a wall away, yet it felt so far away.

Hyukjae let go a big sigh again. His mind was such a mess. He couldn't think straight. All he wanted right now was just too see Donghae. He wanted to confront him. He wanted to asked him about the truth. He stared at his mobile phone, busy typing message and then erasing it. Over and over. He really didn't know how to begin. It took him hours to finally had the courage to send message, asking him to meet.

----------------------

It was almost 8pm. Hyukjae had been sitting on that bench for almost an hour now. No sign of Donghae yet. Many people passed by but still no sign of him.  Hyukjae zipped his jacket up to his neck, and adjust his cap. He was probably caught up by his schedule. But he should've called if he couldn't make it. Hyukjae stood up and blew some air into his cold hands when suddenly someone called his name.

That voice. Again, his heart skipped a beat.

There he was, stood gracefully under the moonlight. Hyukjae couldn't believe his own eyes. When was the last time he saw him as beautiful as that? Just stood there. Smiling at him. Hyukjae's heart felt so warm that for a moment he forgot everything. He forgot the main reason he came all the way to Osaka. Seeing him stood there made him realize that he loved him. So much that his heart felt warm yet ache at the same time.

"So, Are you planning to stared at me all night long? or do we have something else to do beside staring?"

Hyukjae chuckled and walked slowly toward Donghae.

"I still can't believe you're here." Donghae said as he hugged him. Hyukjae hugged him back.

That scent.. he always love Hae's scent ...

"Would you please tell me why you're here? I was kinda shock after getting your message. I can't believe you're here, Hyuk."

"Can't believe it either." Hyukjae said.  His hands reaching out to zipped up Donghae's black leather jacket, adjust the shawl and tapped his cap once.  "I have this weird feeling since you left."

"What do you mean?" Donghae said innocently. His eyes sparkling.

"I don't know." Hyukjae shook his head and bit his lips as he looked into Donghae's eyes. " I just.. I've been really busy lately, you too, rite? We hardly ever had time to hang out. You know, like we used to do. I'll be busy next week, and God knows when you'll have a free time... and since I know the filming will start tomorrow  I just took my chance to see you.."

Hyukjae stared at Donghae who gave an "I don't believe you " look. But when he smiled and nodded, there was a big relieved. That smile really swayed him of his feet. He forgot everything completely. His heartache, his anger, all of those question that he wanted to asked, all gone. 

"Where are we going?" Donghae asked as they walked side by side. "There's a theater near by. You wanna go?"

"How do you know there's a theater near by? Since when you know Osaka well?"

"Since today. I read news too, you know." Donghae said playfully. "Let's go and watch Kabuki at Bunraku theather."

Hyukjae really didn't know what was that really, but he just nodded agreeing. So they went to the Bunraku theater by foot. It wasn't far as Donghae said and they were lucky to get the tickets. And eventhough he didn't understand anything about it, Hyukjae didn't mind. He was happy that he got a chance to be with Hae. He got the chance to go out with him. It wasn't actually a date, but he was happy to get this chance.

This would replace all the memories that were lost. This would be his chance to make Hae happy. To make himself happy. The happiness that he would remember for the rest of his life. He knew after this, he would pretend that everything was normal, that nothing ever happened between them, because Hae belongs to someone else now. Hae was no longer his. So he promised to himself that he wanted to create a happy and beautiful memories with him. Because it was going to be the last time .....

------------------------

"How come you get bigger room then me?" Donghae asked soon as they enter Hyukjae's suite at the hotel. "Can we switch room?"

"Siwon got me this suite." Hyukjae said as he rested his jacket on the couch. "He helped me to get here too."

"Oh? how?"

"He flew me on one of his dad's jet."

"You're kidding?!" Donghae's jaw dropped cutely. Hyukjae smiled at that.

"Yeah. The pilot is waiting for me though."

"What do you mean?" Donghae asked as he sat himself on the couch, making himself comfortable.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." Hyukjae said as he sat next to Hae.

"Oh.." His voice seemed disappointed. He rested his head back and closed his eyes. "I thought you could stay a little bit longer."

"Can't. Our manager will kill me." Hyukjae said. "I didn't told him I came here."

Donghae chuckled. "And kill me too because I switched my phone off since we met at the park. He must be really worry right now, wondering where I am.."

"Why don't you go then? It's late and I know you have schedule tomorrow."

Donghae shook his head, still closing his eyes. " Let me be here with you.."

Hyukjae nodded, even he knew Donghae didn't see it. He knew Hae must be really tired. He could tell by the look on his face. That pretty face...

He stared at that beautiful face.  All of sudden  his heart were pounding so fast as he caught himself wanting to touch him. How does it feel to touch him? how does it feel to kiss him? Maybe he would never know. But he couldn't lie to himself that he really wanted to feel him. He wanted so bad to taste those lips.

Unconsciously  he leaned carefully toward Hae, crushing his lips on his gently.

Donghae's eyes shut opened and he pushed Hyukjae away. His eyes wide open and stared at Hyukjae.

"What are you doing, Hyuk?" Donghae got up from the couch and away from Hyukjae.  Donghae looked at him, confused.

"Hae.." Hyukjae called out soon as he managed to calm down. He stood up and face Donghae. "I'm going to ask you this once and I hope you can answer everything so I can be in peace." 

"What are you doing, hyuk?"

"Eunhae.." Hyukjae took a step forward. Donghae took a step back. Hyukjae took another step, and another step, until there was no more space between them. Donghae lowered his head as he leaned helplessly against the wall.

"Eunhae was real once, wasn't it?" Hyukjae asked.

Donghae was shocked at what he just heard. He still lowered his head, trying to breathe normally.

"What are you doing?" Donghae asked. "I .. I should go .."

"Not before you give me some answered. "Hyukjae said with a stern voice. "I've  been wasting so much time and energy and it really made  my heart ache and my head felt like it's going to explode soon. So please answer me."

Donghae lifted his head and looked at Hyukjae's eyes.

"So eunhae.. " Hyukjae started. " Eunhae.. Was real, wasn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Donghae asked carefully after a long paused. "Why are you asking me that? what the hell are you doing?"

"You and me. We were real, weren't we?"

Donghae's eyes widen. His heart pounding so fast. Did it mean ... ?

"Hyukjae, You.. You remember about.. About us?" Donghae stammered. His voice was shaky. His eyes sparkling and pleading and full of hope. "You remember about us? Hyukjae..."

But Hyukjae shook his head. "No. I don't remember about us. Beside us being best friends for such a long time, I don't remember anything else about us."

Donghae looked away, disappointed. His heart hurt. His eyes already teary. He closed them up tightly.

"Then why did you brought this up, Lee Hyukjae? You're killing me! You're tearing me apart! Don't you know how much I love you? Don't you know how mush I miss you?" Donghae's thoughts running around his head. "And that kiss? what was that all about?"

"But somehow my heart remember.."

Donghae's eyes shot opened.

"My heart remember how it felt like when I touched you.." Hyukjae said as he traced his fingers on Hae's cheek.

"Stop there, Hyuk.."

"My heart remember how it felt like when you were around as well as when you were not.."

"Hyukjae, please.."

Donghae closed his eyes tightly and tried so hard not to fell as he felt his feet became numb.

"My heart remember what it was like when holding you in my arms.." Hyukjae's hand move down and rested on Hae's neck.

"Hyuk, please stop! Don't do this to me." Donghae's tears fell. "What are you doing? I'm scared!"

Hyukjae rested his forehead on donghae's and wiped his tears softly with his fingers. Donghae tried to escaped but Hyukjae was stronger.

"Don't. Stay like this, please. I want to feel you like this. I wanna feel your scent, taste your lips, your skin. These feelings... My heart remember these. Just let me remember this ... "

Donghae stood still. His body trembling.

"Hyuk, what is this? Please.."

"Stop moving, Hae, please.." Hyukjae said gently. It was more like a request from Hyuk, but it sounded like an order for Donghae. And  it made donghae's tears falling like rain.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't remember about us in here." He pointed his own head. "But I should have trust my heart. I should have listen to my heart when it cried out loud for you. I'm so sorry I left you alone."

Donghae couldn't move, nor speak. It was like under a spell. His whole body numb. So he stood still.  His eyes glistening, b.

"Let me do this." Hyukjae said as his tears start falling. "Let me have this memories, the one that I will remember for the rest of my life, The one that will replace all the memories that were lost. The one that I couldn't remember, the one that you never share with me before everything was over." 

"Hyukjae....."

Hyukjae slowly leaning forward until his lips met Donghae's. He kissed him gently. Crushing carefully upon the trembled lips. Tasting it. Feeling it.  He gave every feeling he had into that kiss. All the longing, all the love, all the sadness...

Donghae just froze. But he let Hyukjae kissed him. Soon enough, Donghae was lost too. Drifted with his own feeling. Didn't he want this also? Didn't he wait for this moment for so long?

Hyukjae's hand moved down from donghae's shoulder to find his hands and held them tight. When he felt the ring on Hae's finger he broke the kiss.

Donghae opened his lips to speak. But he couldn't let his voice out. Instead, his tears were b down more intensely. It made his vision blurred out. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what he supposed to think.

"I'm so sorry.. I can't remember that you were mine. I'm sorry I made you cry so many times. I'm so sorry for all the time that wasted ..." Hyukjae said as he held his hand tightly. "But thank you for this beautiful memories you just given me. I shall never forget..."

"What are you saying, Hyuk?" Donghae asked as Hyukjae moved away. "You're making me confused. Why does it sound like goodbye? "

"Because it is.." Hyukjae said as he kissed Donghae's forehead. "Be happy with everything. After tonight, let's pretend that none of this ever happen."

"What?" Donghae's strugled to break free. "Why? tell me why? why are you so cruel to me? Why are you doing this to me? You can't just gave me hope and say Goodbye and leave! How dare you?!" 

Donghae took Hyukjae's collar and pushed him. He was so angry and confused and hurt.

"Hope? Cruel?" Hyukjae's voice risen. "Aren't you the one who was cruel?"

Donghae loosen his grip. He looked all confused and sad.

"Weren't you the one who kept me in the dark all this time?" Hyukjae asked. His voice shaken up, holding back emotion. "For what? We were together and I didn't even know! I had to find out from someone else instead from you! Why, Donghae? tell me why?"

Donghae froze. He was shocked at how hurt Hyukjae was at that moment. Hyukjae's tears told him that.

"Back in Japan, when you were drunk you said you will leave me. You said you were tired of trying.  I dare you to deny that, come on!"

Donghae didn't say anything. He just froze. He couldn't deny something that he did.

"What happen, Hae? We weren't happy together? you were not happy being with me? Because I can feel that each time you kept on withdrawing from me. What was it?"

"Hyukjae, what are you talking about?.."

"Did I hurt you in anyway? Because I can't remember a damn thing, Hae." Hyukjae said. "What did I've done that made you leave me? What happen to us? What happen to our love? Don't you know how frustrating it is for not remembering anything?!"

Donghae didn't say a word. He just bit his own lips and tried to stood still.

"I wish you would just tell me everything..." Hyukjae's voice soften up. "It would be easy for me to figure out what was going on with me. I want you so bad..."

"Stop it, Hyuk..."

"How can you betrayed me?" Hyukjae asked. He took Donghae's shoulder and shook it wildly. " You, from all people, Hae! How could you betray me?"

"No, Hyukjae,  you were wrong.."

"Stop liying!" Hyukjae slammed Donghae's body into the wall behind him. "Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not liying!" Donghae shouted back.

"You're hurting me! Stop this, please.."

"Then answer my questions!"

"Let me go, please..." Donghae tried to get away but Hyukjae was stronger even though his figure was more thin than the latter.

"Who was he? tell me! was he someone that I know?!"

"No, Hyukjae.. it wasn't like that! I'm sorry.. please let me go.."

"Answer me! Damn you!" Hyukjae gripped donghae's arms tightly. Anger took him over. His sanity was lost.

"I always love you, Hyuk.."

"Liar!"

"If I told you everything, will you let this  go?" Donghae asked carefully. "If I told you everything, will you be able to handle it?"

"I came all the way for this, Hae. Don't mock me!" Hyukjae said as he grabbed Hae's neck with his right hand.

Donghae closed his eyes. He clutched at Hyukjae's hand. He didn't want to see the hatred on Hyukjae's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Hyukjae. " Donghae said softly. "I'm sorry that you found out this way. Because I was such a coward. I don't have enough courage to tell you. I was so scared of losing you."

Hyukjae stared at him the whole time. Seeking the truth on every word that he said.

"When you were awake, you didn't remember about us. When I touch you, when I wanted to hold you so much, you always back away. You just allowed me to touch you on the stage, where we would act for our fans. Don't you know how awful it was for me? I felt like taking advantage of you.. Touching you, holding you with every feeling that I have while you were just acting for our fans. Do you have any idea how it felt? So how can I tell you about us? I was so afraid, Hyuk. I was afraid if I told you, you would just leave me. I was afraid that you won't be able to take it. I'm afraid you would walk away. So I didn't say anything, I'd rather suffered than losing you. I'm loving you quietly..."

Hyukjae stood motionless. He just listen to every words.

"After awhile it really get so tiring. I'm so sorry I said those things back in Japan. That was me being stupid and selfish! I was so lonely... " He said as he tried to breathe. "There was no one else..."

"You're lying.. " Hyukjae whispered.

"No, I'm not! Hyuk, I swear! Even if you kill me now I will still say the same. There was no one else. It was always you since the very beginning."

Hyukjae loosen his grip on Hae's neck. He didn't mean to hurt him, but he got carried away.

"Even if you don't remember forever I won't mind being with you. As long as I can see you, that would be enough for me."

Hyukjae looked deeply into Donghae's eyes and frowned.

"Why? Why do you have to put yourself through all that? You'll hurt yourself.."

"I told you, I don't mine. " Donghae said softly. He took off the ring from his finger and lift it up. "Because the vow that crafted in this ring bond me. I cannot escape. I cannot run away. I cannot abandoned you because all your life, all you did was taking good care of me. I love you so very much. I'm bond with you forever. Only you can set me free."

"You're lying." Hyukjae said with trembled voice. Confused. He caught up with his own thoughts, torn apart between wanting to believe and not.

"You wanna know the truth, right?" Donghae said softly. "Those are the truth. Those are my answers."

"You're lying! That was so .."

"Pathatic? Yeah ...I'm pathetic. But I don't care anymore." Donghae said as he smiled bitterly. He gave the ring to Hyukjae.

"I'm staying because this ring kept me going. Whenever  I'm lonely, whenever I feel like giving up, that words remind me to stay strong, encouraging me to go on."

Hyukjae took the ring hesitantly. Then slowly he read what was crafted there.

"Forever yours - Lee Hyukjae."

"So you see now, there's no one else." Donghae said as he tugged on hyukjae's shirt. "I wore that ring whenever we're apart. So I won't feel lonely. You are the only one.."

Hyukjae just reached out his arms and pulled Donghae into his embrace. He wanted him to stop crying, because his tears began to torture him.

"I'm sorry...." Hyukjae whispered as he kissed Hae's hair. " I didn't know how suffered you were. I'm so sorry I said those terrible things..!"

Donghae didn't say a word. He just sank himself in hyukjae's embrace. Carefully breathe in and out all his scent. How he misses this so much..

Hyukjae cupped his face and tried to say something. His mouth was open but no sound came out. He really didn't know how to begin. So many things he wanted to say. How sorry he was, how he wanted so bad to apologize, how he wanted to tell him that he loved him.

"Hae, I'm sorry. Please find a way to forgive me. You must be suffered so badly.. And all I could do was just..."

Hyukjae couldn't finished his sentence, because all of sudden donghae moved forward and kiss him. Hard and deep. His arms slowly wrapped around hyukjae's waist.

Hyukjae was surprised at that sudden moved, but it didn't take long before he enjoy it. He  breathed heavily as he let go and rested their foreheads together.

"Don't talk about it anymore." Donghae said softly, trying to comfort him. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm perfectly fine."

Hyukjae held his face in his hands as he kissed him again. Harder like before. He needed him to know how much he loved him.

Donghae crumbled in his kisses and Hyukjae decided to be a little bolder as he tugged at his bottom lip, opening them. Donghae let hyukjae's tongue to taste more of him. It felt so good to be kissed like that.

Hot breaths mingled and soft lips met him as he kissed donghae more  hungrily. So this is what it was like kissing him? Felt like magic. Felt like every pores on his skin were burning.  Hyukjae was lost. He  couldn't remember anything as he deepen the kiss and Donghae were seem lost too.

Donghae  released his hold on him and started kissing his cheek, then his jawline. Hyukjae closed his eyes, breathing heavily, arching his head up as he felt Donghae's lips travel along his neck, on it softly at first and bolder the next. It was making him crazy and Hyukjae moaned as Donghae kissed him under his jawline.

"Donghae, stop..." Hyukjae breathed as he felt donghae pulling at his body closer. His warmth felt so inviting that Hyukjae instantly moved closer to him, gripping at his waist.

Donghae didn't listen. Couldn't listen. Donghae kept on kissing him, tasting him. Hyukjae suddenly felt his hands travel downwards to his chest, ed his shirt.

Hyukjae eyes shot open and he pulled away as he tried so hard to control his breath. .

"What's wrong?" Donghae asked as he breathed heavily and Hyukjae stared at him.

"This.. This is too fast.." Hyukjae said under his breath. "We can't,  Hae.."

"Why not?" Donghae asked, he leaned in again and Hyukjae looked at him helplessly.

Why not? Hyukjae tried so hard to think. Why not?

"Why not?" Donghae asked again, kissing him gently on the lips and Hyukjae's eyes closed.

"I... I don't know." That was the best answer Hyukjae could think of. "It just cross my .. Mind."

That was the lamest answer he ever gave and It really made Donghae smiled.

"It's not like I didn't want to. I wanted you. So much. But this is too fast.."

Donghae leaned in again and started to kiss his jawline again.

"But I've been waiting for this for so long, hyuk.." He said softly between his kisses. His voice was husky and heavy. "Don't you know by now how much I miss you?"

Hyukjae let go a soft moans as he felt Donghae his neck. He had no more power to stood his ground. Donghae took his sanity away with every kiss he gave and Hyukjae's defense were crumbling down ....


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Author note :
My God.. What did I write? :p next chapter will be ............... ^_^
I might fail on next chapter so please bear with me .....

What have I done? ;AAAAA;  LOL