Who am I ?

Hyukjae stood in front of the mirror and stared at himself. It was his 3rd day at the hospital. The D day was that day. They will do the surgery today. He couldn't sleep last night. The thougt of his head being slice open made him nervous.

He touched his head. His hair was gone. They shaved it cleaned just now. He felt like he wanted torunning away. But then he remember Donghae. He promised to do this. He didn't want to see him down. He just wanted him to be happy.

"I am Lee Hyukjae, Super Junior Lee HyukJae.." He said that to himself. " I will not forget who I am. I will never..."

Hyukjae smiled softly. His face was all tensed up. He kept inhale and exhale, trying to calm himself down. He closed his eyes and prayed.

"Donghae, I will never forget you. "Hyukjae mumbled to himself. "God, please don't take this away from me."

Hyukjae still closing his eyes and deep down inside he prayed. Suddenly he felt a pair of arms holding him from behind. He didn't have to open his eyes to see who that was.

"Are you ready?" He asked softly as he pecked his cheek lightly.

Hyukjae opened his eyes and tried to smile.

"I'm bald.. I've come this far.." Hyukjae said. "Of course I'm ready.."

Donghae nodded as he looked at hyukjae lovingly through the mirror.

"How do I look?" Hyukjae asked.

"Handsome.."

"Liar.."

"y.."

"What?"

Donghae smiled and rested his chin on Hyuk's shoulder. "It'll grow back. Don't worry.."

Hyukjae nodded. "I know."

"So what are you thinking?" Donghae asked.

"Nothing. "He said. "Just nervous, I guess."

Hyukjae looked at himself in the mirror again. "To be honest, I'm so scared right now. I'm scared that I would forgot everything. Scared of not remembering you.."

"I'm hard to forget. So don't worry about anything." Donghae said jokingly, trying to make hyukjae felt better. He kissed hyukjae's bald head as he said that and then he took hyukjae's shoulder and lead him to bed.

"Hae.."

"Hm?"

"I love you.." Hyukjae said. "In case I forgot, please remember that I love you.."

"I know.." Donghae nodded. "I love you too. I will always know."

"And in case something went wrong, and if I'm not make it.."

Donghae let go of Hyukjae and pouted. "What are you talking about? Don't scare me like that. You are going to be ok. Everything will be fine."

"Just in case..."

"I'll go wherever you will go. understood?"

"Hae, don't say that.."

"If you don't like what you hear just now, then please stop saying bad things. Don't say that you're not gonna make it. I don't like that. Have faith a little.."

Hyukjae was about to say something when suddenly the door opened and everyone just marching in.

"Hyung, you're bald!"Kyuhyun shouted." y!"

"See? I'm not liying.. You're y!" Donghae said. He winked cutely.

"Ah shut up you two!" Hyukjae laughed. "Don't tease me, alright? I'm nervous seriously!"

"You'll be fine." Yesung said. "When will you have the surgery?"

"Any minutes now." Hyukjae said. "Please pray for me. And.. I'm sorry I messed up everything."

"Don't be." Yesung said. "What's important right now is for you to get better."

"How are you feeling Hyung?" Ryeowook asked.

"I'm fine. Just pray for me."

Everyone hugged him tightly and Hyukjae couldn't help but cry. Being together with all of them for a very long time leaving the best memories a man could ever wanted. How they went through all the good times and all the bad times.

"Hyukjaessi, ready?" Dr. Yong Ko said. He and his team bowed at Hyukjae and everyone there.

"I'm bald already. Sure I'm ready." Hyukjae said nervously. He then looked at Donghae. He was smiling. His angelic face and his beautiful smile really calm him down.

"You're gonna be ok." Donghae said. "I will be here. I'm not leaving. I'll see you in a few hours."

Hyukjae nodded as Donghae said "I love you" without a sound. He kept holding Hyukjae's hand as they wheeled him out from the ward, heading to the operating room. Donghae kept smiling at him lovingly. It made hyukjae calmed. Those angelic smile gave him strengt to do this.

"This is as far as you can go." The nurse said to Donghae." Please wait at the waiting room."

Donghae nodded. Then he turned to see hyukjae. He really wanted to cry that time, but he tried so hard not too.

"You're going to be ok." Donghae said. He kept saying that. He did it not to make Hyukjae calmed. He said that to made himself calm actually. Because at that moment, he was so scared. "Come back to me, you hear me? I will be here. Always waiting for you. Alright?"

Hyukjae smiled and nodded. "Pray for me. I'll see you in a few hours."

Hyukjae let go of Donghae's hand as the nurses rolled him into the operating room. It was so hard to let go of Donghae's hand. He still want to held it. He still wanted to feel him.

So was Donghae. It was the hardest thing to let him go. He didn't know how everything will turned out. He didn't know if everything was going to be alright. So when the the operating room door shut closed, Donghae broke down. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. Siwon instantly hold him and tried to calm him down.

--------------------

"You ready?" Dr. Yong Ko asked.

"God.. please help me. I want to live. I want to be with Donghae. Please help me." Hyukjae talked to himself. He didn't answer Dr. Yong Ko's questions.

He held Hyukjae's hand. "Relax. I will take care of you, My friend."

Hyukjae nodded. He closed his eyes as the nurse injected the anasthetic fluid into his IV, and put the oxygen mask on his face. Hyukjae felt so sleepy. He tried to fight it off. But it was too strong...

"It will be over soon..."

"Everything will be alright...."

"Donghae will be here..."

"Donghae will be waiting...."

"My Donghae loves me... He will be waiting..."

"Donghae...My Donghae...."

----------------------

"Hae, please go with Leeteuk hyung." Siwon said softly. "You've been here for more than 12 hours. Get some rest.."

Donghae shook his head. "I'm fine wonnie. I wanna be here when he woke up."

Donghae took Hyukjae's hand and held it. He squeezed it a little bit, hoping to get a respond. But there was none. HIs hand was so cold and limp. Donghae looked at Hyukjae's pale face.

"Why he hasn't wake up yet?" Donghae asked Siwon. "it's been 6 hours since the operation done. Is there something's wrong?"

"No. Don't think that." Siwon said. "Dr. Yong Ko would have been told us if there was something wrong."

Donghae nodded. That could be accepted. All the doctors seemed content with the result. They removed almost 1inch of tumor from Hyukja's head. They told him that the operation was a succes. So there should be any worry.

"Are you sure you wanna stay?" Siwon asked. "Leeteuk hyung is waiting for you outside."

"No, I'll stay here. You go. You have schedule, right?"

"That can be postpone."

"No, it's ok. I'll stay. You go."

"Sure?"

Donghae nodded. Siwon hug him and tapped his back. "He'll be fine. Don't worry, ok? If there's anything wrong I'll make sure he gets on a jet to the US to get a better treatment. I promise you."

"Thanks wonnie." Donghae said, he knew Siwon would do anything to save Hyukjae in case there was something wrong. Providing a jet was a piece of cake for Siwon.

"Alright, call me if there's anything.."

Once again Donghae nodded and watched Siwon as he walked out the door. Then he turn to Hyukjae.

"Hyukkie, please wake up soon. Can you hear me?" Donghae whispered softly. "I know you can hear me. I could hear you talking to me when I was in coma. So I think you can hear me now."

Donghae stopped talking and rubbed his cheeck softly. Slowly he leaned and kissed Hyukjae's cheek.

"I miss you already.." He whispered. "Please come back to me, Hyuk. I really need you.."

He waited eagerly. But still no respond.

"Don't worry. He's just asleep."

Donghae startled and turned to see who was coming. He then bowed as he saw Dr. Yong Ko. He saw how nervouse Donghae was so he smiled as he approached Hyukjae's bed.

"I'm not telling anybody." He said jokingly. " I didn't see anything."

It made Donghae's cheek turned bright red. Yong Ko must have seen him kiss Hyukjae's cheek. Donghae mentally smacked himself.

"You and Hyukjae. Congratulation."

"Excuse me?" Donghae said after a long pause. His eyes became wide. HIs face tensed up.

"Hyukjae told me everything. And I'm so glad he finally confessed. It took me forever to tell him to go and conffesed to you."

Donghae blussed. But he managed to smiled and nodded at the end.

"So he hasn't wake yet?" Dr. Yong Ko asked.

"But it's been 6 hours. How long would it takes for him to wake up?"

"I really couldn't say. In an hour or two. Or maybe tomorrow. But don't worry, he's fine. His vital signs are strong."

Donghae nodded and forced a smile. If someone asked, He wanted Hyukjae to wake up now, not in an hour or two, nor tomorrow. He just wanted to make sure that Hyukjae was alright.

"Why don't you go home and have some rest?"

"No. I'm staying." Donghae said. "I wanna be here when he wakes up."

"Both of you are alike. Hyukjae never leave your side when you were in coma. He stayed, looking after you."

Donghae smiled. He knew. Even though he couldn't see him, but he knew Hyukjae was there all the time.

"Yes I know. He never left. Something strange happen when I was in coma. Hyukjae somehow connected with me. I wish so badly that I could connected with him right now. I wanna be there with him."

"Connected?"

"I know it sounds strange. But we could communicate with each other when I was in coma. He even brought me back. When I woke up, I can't communicate with him anymore."

"Human brain is the strangest thing. Maybe the tumor in his brain somehow triger some sort of .. I don't know.. Kinetic ability that could connected both of you." Dr. Yong Ko said as he started to examined Hyukjae. "But.. Again, human brain is such a mystery. What happened back then was indeed something that couldn't be explained."

Yong Ko observed the machine next to Hyukjae's bed closely. Made sure that everything run well.

"Hyukjae would do anything for me.." Donghae said softly. "His blood saved me. My blood is poisonous to him. He could brought me back to life, gave me strength, stayed with me, keep me company. But I can't do the same for him."

Yong Ko smiled and tapped Donghae's shoulder lightly.

"Hyukjae is strong. His will to live is strong." He said as he walked to the door. "And I know you are his strength. In the future, please take care of him."

Donghae bowed as the young doctor left the ward. He promised to himself that he will. He will take care of Hyukjae like he took care of him before.

"Hyukkie, you have to wake up soon. "He said. "You know I can't be alone. I really need you. So please wake up and come back to me.. "

___

That sound became clearer each time. That beeping sound. What was it? Why it kept beeping each time? It was so annoying. Hyukjae tried to opened his eyes to see what it was. But he couldn't no matter how hard he tried.

He couldn't think straight. He couldn't even remember where he was. Hyukjae felt numb. He tried moving his legs and his arms, or feel his fingers. He couldn't.

He tried to speak. He tried to open his mouth, moved his lips but he couldn't. Everything was so dark. He could hear voices, but he couldn't get his eyes opened. It was so frustrating.

"Hyung! Hyung! Wake up.. Hyung!"

Who's there? Whose voice was that?

"Hyung, go home. I'll stay here. You've been here all night. Get some rest."

I know that voice, Hyukjae thought.

"You woke me up to asked me that? Aiish!! I don't want to.."

.. And that voice..! Hyukjae trying hard to open his eyes..

"Hyung.. Jebal.."

"Aaah Kyuhyun-ah, let me go back to sleep. I don't want to leave Hyuk.. "

Hyuk? That's my name. That's me. Why they don't want to leave me? Where am I? What happen to me? Can somebody help me? I want to wake up.. Please.. Why am I so powerless?

Hyukjae kept on trying, but he failed. All those voices were faded as he drifted back to sleep.

----

That beeping sound again. He could hear them again. Lazily Hyukjae opened his eyes. Everything was so dark. He panicked and close them up again. He moved his right arm. He lift it up but someone restrained it.

"Hyukjae? Gwenchana? Hyukjae can you hear me?"

That voice again...

Hyukjae felt comfortable hearing that voice.

"Hyukjae... Open your eyes, please.."

Hyukjae opened his eyes slowly. Everything was blurred out. He saw a face leaning closely to his own, but he could see clearly.

"Hyukjae.. Thank God you're awake. I was so worry. Are you ok?"

Hyukjae tried to focus on that face, that voice. But his mind was clouded. Everything was cloudy to him. His eyes couldn't focus.

"Hyuk.."

"Wh.. Who.. Who are you?" He finally manage to say. "I .. I can't see clearly. Where am I? Why.. What happen.. Why.."

Donghae squeezed his hand. Hyukjae squeezed back. He look so weak and lost and confused. He could barely open his eyes.

"Sshh... It's alright Hyuk. Don't push yourself too hard. Everything's going to be alright.."

"So.. Heavy.. I .. I can't.." Hyukjae mumbled things that donghae couldn't even understand. So he kept saying that everything was alright.

"Go back to sleep Hyukjae-ya.. It's ok.. Go back to sleep.."

Hyukjae closed his eyes and drifted away. His grip on donghae's hand were loosen. Donghae who was just overwhelm suddenly realized that he needed to see the doctor right away. So he just flew to the door to find Dr. Yong Ko.

---

Donghae sat quietly. Waiting for those doctors to came out. They've been inside for more than 30 minutes now. He started to wonder what were they doing in there. He wanted to see his Hyukjae right away. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to talk to him. He needed to know that hyukjae was alright, that he was out of dangerous. He was so caught up with his mind that he didn't notice that those doctors finally came out.

"How's he?" Leeteuk asked soon as Dr. Yong ko stepped outside. Donghae looked up and stood up, waiting for the young doctor to answer the question.

"Hyukjae's alright." He said. "He's concious right now.

"can I see him?" Donghae asked.

"One at a time please. He needs to rest." Dr. Yong Ko said.

Donghae turned to Leeteuk. His eyes were pleading that he wanted to go inside first to see Hyukjae.

"You go, I need to talk with Dr. Yong Ko." Leeteuk said.

Donghae smiled and nodded. He walked quickly to find the door. He wanted so bad to go inside and talk to Hyukjae. He was so exciting. The waiting hours were over. He could see his Hyukjae now. He wanted to make sure that he was alright. Carefully he slipped himsefl in.

"Hyuk..?" He called as he approached the bed. Hyukjae opened his eyes and looked at Donghae.

"Hi..Gwenchana?"Donghae asked softly. "How are you feeling?"

Hyukjae removed the oxygent mask. "Gwencana."

"Thank God... I'm so happy to hear that." Donghae said. His eyes glistening. "I was so worry. You were unconcious for almost a day. I'm so glad you're ok."

Hyukjae smiled and nodded weakly. "I'm sorry to make you worry.."

Donghae nodded.

"Do you.. remember me?" Donghae asked carefully. He looked at Hyukjae intensly that he forgot to even blink.

"Why are you straing at me?" Hyukjae said. "Donghae-ah..."

Donghae's eyes widen. Hyukjae called his name. Hyukjae remembered!

"You can make a hole on my face if you keep staring like that.." Hyukjae said weakly.

Donghae rushing to his side and grabbed Hyukjae's hand. He couldn't say anything. He was so happy that Hyukjae rememebr him. He was about to cry when he kissed his hand. But then suddenly Hyukjae withdraw his hand and frowned.

"W..What are you doing?" Hyujae asked."Why are you doing that?"

Donghae froze. "What .. what do you mean? I'm so happy you remember me. That's all."

"There's no fans around, Hae. No need for us to do fan service." Hyukjae said."Why did you kiss my hand for?"

"What? Fan service? What.. what do you mean, Hyuk?" Donghae asked panickly. "Why you say that?"