Hyukjae trew his car keys on the table. He looked around. There was no sign of Donghae. He walked slowly to the kitchen. Empty. So he turned around and walked accross the living room, opened the door and stepped outside. Nobody there. So he walked back in and went straight to Donghae's room. He stopped by the door. His heart pounding. He really wanted so bad to find Donghae there. He closed his eyes and opened up the door, then opened up his eyes slowly. The room was dark. Donghae never leave the light off. He was afraid of the dark. He even slept with lights on. But still hyukjae couldn't help but to call out his name.

"Hae.." He called out. "Donghae.. "

Hyukjae managed to find the light switch. He turned the light on and the dissapointment just hit him. Empty room, empty bed. Empty heart..

Empty heart was all Hyukjae could feel at that moment. He just stared at the empty room. He couldn't think anything. He could move his legs. His heart ached. He was once again dissapointed. The same dissapointment he felt earlier today when Donghae didn't show up at the dance studio. He felt that feeling again. It was so hard to breathe.

If only ...

If only he stopped him, he won't feel this heartache. He won't feel this bad. Hyukjae was lost, he couldn't think anything else but pulled out his mobile phone and start dialing the same number for a hundred time. he got the same answer but he kept on calling. He checked his kakaotalk again, donghae hasn't read all of his messages. It was like he just dissapeared. Just lost...

"Where are you..." He asked to himself  as he stared at his phone. "Where should I go to find you now?"

-----

Donghae sat in front of his father's grave. His hands were busy pulling out the grass beneath his feet, his mind wondered off. He went there every day since he ran away. He changed his mind on going aboard, instead he went home to mokpo. He found peace there, on the place he was born. Where his family and childhood memories were.

"Donghae..."

Donghae turned his head. He saw his mom standing behind him. He didn't say anything. He stared back at the grave.

"What's on your mind?" His mom asked as she sat next to him, then slowly brushing his hair lovingly. "Tell me. Something's botherting you I could tell. Don't lie to me."

"Nothing's wrong, eomma." Donghae said and smile. Fake one.

"You've been my son for 26 years. Tell me what's wrong?" she said calmly."You've been here for 3 days now. You came here everyday. There must be something wrong."

Donghae forced a smile again. He then put his head on his mom's shoulder.

"I've failed, eomma." Donghae said. "I've failed to fullfill dad's dream."

Donghae's mom touched donghae's face and smile.

"What do you mean?"

"I think I'm gonna quit."

"Quit?"

Donghae nodded.

His mom couldn't help but laughed. It made donghae frowned. "Why are you laughing?"

"Because you're so funny." His mom said. "Quiting SJ? because of what?"

"Because I don't think I could keep up with the guys. I don't want to be a burden to them. I'm slowing them down with my condition. I can't perform like I use to do..."

Donghae exhaled and look at his mom. His eyes look so sad.

"How can you lost your faith in them so easily?" Asked his mom. "How long have you been with them? can't you tell by now that they will do anything for you?"

"Exactly! They will do anything for me. They will change everything for me. They will do this and that to make things easier for me. I'll make them look lame.." Donghae said. "I asked them to give me a chance. I wanna perform on our opening concert. They gave me a chance. But who am I kidding? with these legs.. I can't do it . I can't perform like I used to do. I'm lame! I'm going to failed them too, just like I've failed dad. So.. I..."

"Ran away?"

Donghae looked into his mom's eyes, he hugs his legs closer and put his head on his knees.

"Donghae-ya, not even a single minute of your dad's life that he felt you've failed him." His mom said as she run her finger on donghae's hair. "You have fullfill his dream the moment you stood on the stage for the first time. You already fullfilled it. So please stop being so hard on yourself. It's time for you to start thinking about you. What do you want, hae?"

Donghae shook his head. " I don't know, eomma. "

"I saw you perform on the stage many times, and I know you love it. You gave everything on the stage. So please don't tell me that you're quiting."

"But.. I can't.."

"Yes, you can. I believe in you. I'm sure all the members believe in you. It is you that needed to be convinced. You were so worry about how people might think about you. How the members think about you, how your fans might think about you. Stop thinking about it."

Donghae sank his head deeper on his knees.

"You know your problem is? you think too much. you worry too much. you always rushing into things. They consumed you alive. So give yourself a break." His mom said. "Yes, so maybe the opening concert is way too soon for you. Any normal people would understand, it need time to heal. Both physicaly and mentally. So if you think you failed them because you can't perform on the opening concert, you were so wrong. But you will fail them if you choose to quit."

Donghae's mom took his head and made him look at her. "Just remember this. Your father loved you very much. You have not failed him. You've been a good son to us and we are proud of you. I will always support you no matter what. Stop thinking about failing. Start believing that everything will be just fine."

Donghae huged his mom tightly and started to cried. every words sank deeply in his heart.

"Thank you eomma. I guess it's a good thing I ran home. I needed this so very very much."

"You're always welcome." his mom said."Beside, where else were you planning to ran away anyway?"

"I was planning to go to Japan..."

"What? why? what will you do there?"

Donghae shook his head, then answered innocently. "No idea.."

It made his mom laughed so hard. It made donghae laughed as well.

"Eunhyukie tried to stop me at the airport. I know he was angry and he said he won't hold me back, he wanted me to come back on my own will. But I was too scare to come back. So I went home instead..."

"So he didn't know you went home?"

"No.."

"Well that explain why he didn't call me and asked about you." His mom said. " Oh he must be really worry about you. call him. call them, let them know you were here, let them know you're alright."

"I will. I will..."

-----------

Hyukjae finished his breakfast fast. He was late already for rehearshal. His phone ringing, he knew it was leeteuk hyung from the ringtone. He didn't answer it. He knew his hyung would asked why he was late and he didn't want to hear someone scolded him at this hour. So he ignored it. He put his shoes on, grabbed his bag and ready to leave. But his phone rang again. But the ringtone was different. So he stopped and checking it out.

His eyes widen as he saw the caller id. His eyes widen. His heart pounding so fast. Donghae called!

"Yaaaa! where are you? are you ok? Tell me where you are so I can pick you up." he said rapidly as he walked to the garage.

"Hyukjae?"

He frowned. It was not Donghae's voice. A woman answered. But he recognized the voice.

"Eomma?"

"Yes, it's me." She answered. "Hyukjae, how are you? where are you?"

"I'm fine eomma, How are you? I'm sorry eomma, I thought you were Donghae. Is donghae with you? how is he?"

"I'm fine, hyukjae-ya. Donghae's with me. But..."

"Ne, eomma? something's wrong?" Hyukjae answered after a long pause. He stopped walking.

"I'm sorry I call you early in the morning like this. But I don't know what to do. Donghae... something's wrong with him."

"Tell me eomma. what's wrong?" Hyukjae's heart beating so fast.

"I think donghae is sick. He was very restless since last night. He kept vomiting and sweating. I asked him to see the doctor but he refused. He's shaken up and I'm scared..."

"Oh my God, his medicine! Eomma, he needs to take his medicine regularly." Hyukjae ran back inside the house and went to his room.

"What medicine?"

"It's a long story, I'll tell you when I get there."

"You are coming? to mokpo? don't you have schedule?"

"It's ok, eomma. Don't worry about me. I'll be there, just wait or me.."

Hyukjae put his mobile phone on his pocket and started to pulled the drawer next to his bed. Donghae's medicine!

Wait for me, Donghae. I'm coming... 

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