I can't leave without you, you knew that.  but you still left me.. 

I wish you were here, I wish I can kiss your lips again, I wish I can hold you again. 

 

 

~~~~

-FlashBack 1-

We were in Sunny's cafe

I have a bad feeling, she called me from work, she doesn't sound the same, she doesn't sound happy.

 

We're siting on our favorite table in the cafe. I smiled washing away my thoughts

 

"soo, we should break up" she said, looking down.

 

My smile faded automatically "why?" I asked her plainly.I'm mentally shocked. my heart aches but still I'm not showing my emotions to her.

 

"sooyoung, I'm really sorry"  I stared at her, I can't process what she's saying. then I snapped, I exhale "I said WHY?!" I could not hold it anymore, I'm hurting so badly. she's not telling me what's the reason. I cried, I look pathetic.

 

"WHY!!!!"I shouted. "soo, pls! I'm sorry! I lied to you, our love is fading".    

 

"FADING?! My love for you is still strong! you're the one who's letting go! you're making the reason why YOUR love is fading!".I angrily said to her. 

 

"I fell for her. I didn't want you to hurt you that's why I didn't tell you sooner" she said. 

 

"Wow! that's very nice of you! really nice!" I said sarcastically "You didn't want me to get hurt? really? did you think when you tell me I'll be okay?, I'll be like wow!  I'm happy thank you!? huh!  Did you think I'm not hurting now?!

 

She stands, I stand after.

She was crying. I didn't know why is she crying, Is it because she still loves me? Is she hurting? or she's just really guilty?

 

I can't hold it anymore,I wrapped my hands around her, I hugged her. she didn't hugged back. "Pls. sica, don't do this to me" I sounded like I'm begging.I don't care.

 

She removed my hands from her. "I'm really sorry,soo" She walked away from me

 

I don't know what to do anymore, so I swallowed my very last pride. 

I kneeled, put my hands on my lap, "I'm begging you! Pls. Don't go!" I saw her stopped and bowed her head, she run aways after that.. 

I bowed my head and cried more.

 

 

Sunny saw me "Sooyoung, hat are you doing? get up." She helped me stand up. 

"I don't understand" I said, sobbing.  "what did I do wrong?". "I HATE HER!".

~~~~

-FlashBack 2-

I run as fast a I can to the hospital just to see her. I'm dumb, I didn't saw her for last 3 months and then this is the first news I heard about her since our breakup

 

I arrived in front of her door, I twisted the door knob..

I saw her, seems like no ones here in this time, I don't care

She was facing the other side but she faced who's in the door when she heard the door open. she looks really pale.

I stared and walk to her, I can see she was shocked. 

 

"sica" I suddenly felt wet on my cheeks, I knew I'm gonna cry, It continued.

well.. she sobbed too

 

I hug her, she hug back 

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you" she said.

 

"No, shh.. It's ok" I hush her..

 

We're still hugging

"I Love You, I always do" she suddenly said..

"I love you too, forever".

 

"Sooyoung, pls, I know we all are aware what's going to happened next. I want you to live your life, move on when I'm no longer in this world, Promise me"  She looked at me

 

"I can't, I can't leave without you"

 

"Pls. Sooyoung, promise me" I'm still crying

"Please?" she repeated

 

"I promise, but you'll still be the only one in my heart"  I told her. 

 

I cupped her face and kissed her, letting out our emotions to each other.

 

I stayed with her for 2 months until the day has come that my whole world became empty because she left me.

 

___________

I still remembered what happened last year.

I faced her grave

 

 

"I can't leave without you, you knew that.  but you still left me.. 

I wish you were here, I wish I can kiss your lips again, I wish I can hold you again. 

I wanted us to be together forever".

 

 

I know I'm still not moving on but I'll still be keeping my promise to you. when I'm ready but for now I am not.

I miss you badly.