Platonically/Void

            Himchan, I’ll get you some water and bring you some Advils. You need to sleep.

            Yongguk lolled around on the couch, listening to Himchan grab his phone back and hug Daehyun briefly before leaving the boy to sit in a fit of hysterically happy giggles. Bang couldn’t help but to smile at the unconcealed fondness. He wondered himself how the two youngest boys were doing. As tired as he was, something in him urged to call Zelo. Himchan walked into the room and poked Yongguk on the cheek.

            “You look way too tense to be sleeping. What’s on your mind?” Himchan inquired.  Yongguk cursed that he was so easily read. The older rolled to face his boyfriend and ran a hand though his hair, sighing.

            “I want to call Zelo. Just to check up on the guy. I want to know how him and Jongup are.” he explained. Himchan nodded and looked to his phone, eyes focused intently on it.

            “I should call Jongup. He trusts me more.” Himchan said. Yongguk slyly smiled and mumbled.

            “You should call him because you want to get into his pants.” Yongguk said bitterly. Himchan scoffed and scrunched up his nose.

            “Will you drop that? It’s no better than you wanting to call Zelo because you’re ‘concerned’ for him. Please, you just want to make sure Jongup and him haven’t had phone sex or something like that already.” Himchan snapped back. Yongguk sat up and glared over at Himchan, giving him the finger.

            “Whatever, just call Jongup and I’ll get to Zelo.”

            Himchan sighed in frustration and dialed his phone, pressing the receiver up to his ear and waiting patiently. Yongguk had left the room to get his phone, which was left in their perspective bedroom. He passed by where Daehyun was and heard the younger male singing a happier tune to himself. Yongguk grinned as he turned into the confines, fumbling around in the dark for his phone. He was on the other side of the room when he noticed a dim light coming from under his pillow. Immediately, he jumped for it, grabbing it and looking at the screen. Had Zelo really called him 14 times since they dropped him off? The phone was ringing, making this call number 15, and finally, Yongguk picked up.

            “Yeah?” he said. Shit, could I have been less smooth? Yongguk thought to himself. Zelo was quiet on the other line for a few moments before talking back.

            “Why didn’t you answer any of my calls?” Zelo asked shakily. Yongguk sat down on the ground and slouched his shoulders.

            “I didn’t have my phone on me.” he said. Zelo sniffed from the other line and spoke again with his voice raised.

            “You didn’t even call to see if I got home safely!” he whined. Yongguk ran a hand down his face and sighed.

            “Well, are you home safe now?” he asked harshly. There was an “mhmm” from the phone, and Yongguk exhaled. “So then what’s the problem? Why did you call so many times?”

            “I’m sorry.” Zelo said. Yongguk laid back and went to speak again, but the call had ended. He looked at his phone and growled. Going to his contacts again, he went to dial Zelo, but the boy had called back almost instantly. Yongguk accepted the call

            “I’m sorry I hung up.” Zelo said stoically. Yongguk grumbled and cleared his throat.

            “So what’s up?” he asked. There was a bit of panicked breathing from Zelo, then a few deep breathes, and a small cough.

            “I don’t know. Something.” Zelo said quietly. Yongguk was getting irritated with Zelo’s replies.

            “Look, just, tell me what’s wrong, okay?” he snapped. There was a whimper from the maknae, and for a second, Yongguk thought he hung up the phone again.

            “Nothing’s wrong! Everything is fine and dandy!” Zelo yelled harshly, making Yongguk pull the phone away from his ear. Yongguk made a face before yelling back, but worriedly.

            “Do I need to come and get you Zelo?” Yongguk yelled, ready to put his coat on and leave instantly. Zelo started to cry.

            “Tell me everyone is doing okay!” Zelo whined. Yongguk’s face grew soft.

            “So you’re just worried about everyone?” Yongguk asked. Zelo wept out a ‘yes’ before cutting in. “Have you talked to Jongup?” he asked. Yongguk shook his head.

            “Himchan’s is trying to reach him right now. Are you sure that’s all you’re worried about?” Yongguk asked again. Zelo sniffed a paused before clearing his throat.

            “I just... I want to be happy. With Jongup. I want to make Jongup happy. I want to make him happier than he was with Daehyun or with anyone.” Zelo blurted out. Himchan’s words shot into his head as he took in Zelo’s. Yongguk took a minute to let the words settle in.

            “Well Zelo, I’ve got to go.” Yongguk hurriedly said, hoping to hang up before Zelo could talk. Right as he was about to hit ‘call end’, there was a voice.

            “I know about Himchan.” Zelo squeaked out. Yongguk froze and rigidly brought the phone up. “Himchan doesn’t have a very good poker face when it comes to affection. Surely you’ve noticed that by now?” Zelo asked. Yongguk opened his mouth but Zelo spoke again. “It was a rhetorical question. Anyways, I’m not oblivious to that. Jongup said that he’d thought about fooling around with Himchan too, but now that Himchan has you, Jongup said he doesn’t want to get into the mix of it.” Zelo explained.

            “So you’re fine with Himchan being sexually attracted to Jongup?” Yongguk asked to confirm. Zelo took a second to think before giving a satisfactory ‘yeah’. Yongguk grinned.

            “I’m glad.”

            Zelo chuckled from the other line, having it slowly grow into a full on laugh.

            “What?” Yongguk asked, laughing himself.

            “I guess Himchan should ask Jongup if he’s fine with you being sexually attracted to me!” Zelo howled. Yongguk’s face grew sour, but he was still in good humor.

            “Go to bed you piece of shit.” Yongguk huffed. Zelo collected himself and calmed down.

            “Hey, Yongguk?” Zelo said softly. Yongguk hummed.

            “Yeah?”

            “I love you. Platonically.”

            Yongguk smiled and shook his head.

            “I love you too, platonically. Now get to bed. See you in a couple weeks.” Yongguk said under his breath. Zelo chuckled, and though Yongguk couldn’t see it, there was a light drab of pink sprinkled across his cheeks.

            “Yeah, see you in a couple of weeks.”

            And the call ended.

~*~

            I JSUDT GOTRA LET YOU KNWOE I NEVVER WANNA LET YOU GFO.

            “Shut up Youngjae!” yelled an irritated Jongup. “Hello?”

            Himchan smiled wide and twirled his hair around his finger, acting like a shy girl talking to her crush.

            “So how’s my baby been doing?” Himchan cooed. Jongup scoffed and groaned uneasily.

            “Don’t talk to me like that. I’m only a few years younger than you. Besides, I’m not a baby.” Jongup gruffly explained. Himchan pouted and snickered a bit.

            “I was only joking Jongup, jeeze. I thought you knew me better.” Himchan bickered playfully. Jongup though, wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

            “Why’d you call? I’m busy.” Jongup said. Himchan lifted his eyebrow and sneered at the remark.

            “Busy with what? You’re trapped in a hotel room with someone you hate. What could you possibly be doing of dire importance?” Himchan asked. Jongup groaned and huffed.

            “I don’t know, perhaps getting along with said person I hate? We were watching a movie until Daehyun called and now you. Zelo’s been calling me non-stop and I don’t want to talk to him right now.” Jongup explained. Himchan rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath.

            “Why don’t you want to talk to Zelo?” Himchan asked. Jongup sighed.

            “I don’t know.” he said. Himchan persisted.

            “Why?”

            “I said I don’t know!” Jongup shouted into the phone. Himchan recoiled back and stared at it. Jongup on the other line could be heard panting, most likely running a hand though blonde locks and removing more than a few strands in frustration. Himchan put the phone back to his ear.

            “Look, if we don’t sort this out now, when you come home everyone is going to be all happy and you and Zelo are going to be ill at ease with each other. Now fess up, what’s on your mind babe?”

            Jongup growled.

            “Don’t call me babe.” he said defensively. “I guess I’ll start out with this; you need to lay off me. It’s obvious to everyone in the house you have eyes for me, and it’s creeping me out, okay? The only people I want to touch me in that way are Zelo and Daehyun. And even now, Daehyun, not so much. He was good as a quick fuck, but Zelo, he has something. He has passion. He’s passionate about me, and that means a lot. And then there’s you. Sure, you take care of me when I’ve some moments that I’m not proud of, but that doesn’t mean I want to hop into bed with you. Are you following me?”

            Himchan nodded to himself, but didn’t say anything. He was fighting the urge to cry. He had no idea why he wanted to cry, but he just did. Maybe it was because Jongup took his well-mannered help as a plea for sex? Maybe it was because he felt like Jongup didn’t think that Himchan loved him too? Maybe it was because he even thought about having relations with the boy in the first place? He didn’t know, and he didn’t really want to know. He was fine being in the dark of his own mind. He’d been trapped there for a while too, and he was content with it. After this call, he for sure needed to get drunk again.

            “I’ll take that as a yes.” Jongup started back up. Himchan breathed in shakily. “I don’t want to talk about Zelo right now because I feel like I don’t deserve him. I’ve been so terrible to him, and he’s been nothing but loyal, and that quite frankly makes me sick to my stomach. Why should he have to suffer for my actions? I want to yell at him to never love me, especially after I’ve been such a dick to him! And- and I don’t want to hurt him anymore, but I know how much he loves me!” Jongup yelled in a broken sob. Himchan sniffled as quietly as he could, but Jongup lowered his voice.

            “Are you crying?” Jongup asked softly. Himchan drew in a wobbly breath and tried his best to sound composed.

            “No.” was all he could say before choking out a cry. There was a sneer on the other line, and then Jongup hung up. Himchan pulled the phone away and looked at it with astonishment. Did he really just hang up on him? Himchan threw the phone on the ground, making it land with a resonating clatter. He buried his face into his hands, crying as he questioned himself and his motifs. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut and stayed his is own silent fantasy of watching the younger boy quietly whimper under him. It wasn’t fair the dancer was so good looking. It didn’t help that Himchan had a soft spot for boys with weaknesses. It wasn’t fair that he’d seen Jongup’s body naked before everyone else did. Jongup wasn’t fair. Himchan groaned as he gripped his hair, tossing his head back on the couch before sitting up again. He looked in front of him at a half-full bottle of vodka. Himchan smiled to himself and memories of a drunken mother filled his mind. He smirked, gripping the bottle by its neck and taking a full swig from it. He pulled it away from his mouth and flinched at the bitter taste. Though it was less than appetizing, anything seemed better than what was in his mind at the moment. He pulled the bottle to his lips again and took a gulp. Then another. And then another.