Himchan, I love you.
Yongguk took in a deep breath and looked around the panel. All of them had their eyes in their lap, preoccupied with their hands with the exception of him, who was dead set on soothing the maknae.
It wasn’t until Daehyun started sniggering that anyone even moved. He kept giggling, and then he erupted into an uproarious laughter, eyes shut and doubled over. All at once, Youngjae started crying and Jongup stood up and wrapped his hands around Daehyun’s throat, making Zelo spring up to tackle his lover, while Himchan hopped over to talk to Youngjae. Yongguk sunk into the couch, sitting back and observing what his life had succumbed to. He took a deep breath, and shut his eyes.
“Everyone…” he said peacefully. No one listened. Youngjae’s cries grew louder, Daehyun’s face was losing color, Jongup was screaming profanities, and Zelo was trying his hardest to remove the stronger one off of Daehyun. Himchan looked to Bang for help, but all he got was a void expression. Yongguk shook his head and stood up, walking away from everyone and into the vocal line’s room. Surveying, all he could smell was alcohol and all he could see were empty bottles of assorted liquors.
If anything in his life had killed him more, it was seeing a picture of Daehyun and Youngjae in one of those corny photo booth sticker pics, ripped on the floor and sprinkled in blood, frame smashed and glass scattered. From the living room, Himchan was blaring at everyone. The thing that sucked the most was that everyone seemed to just fall apart so easily, they were all able bodies but they faltered with sentiment and love. They were men, but acted like children most of the time. He remembered a time when he was with a girl, and all she would do was nitpick about this or that, and he reminded himself about how bothersome that was.
But, wasn’t everyone around him being the same way? From the living room, Daehyun was choking and Youngjae was screaming at Jongup for even thinking about harming his boyfriend. He heard Himchan’s dull yell.
“How could you still stick up for him after all he’s done to you?” Himchan boomed. His voice seemed to shake the whole house, and the very earth itself. Heaven and Hell could have heard his holler, and it would have shattered the mirrors in the house if there were any left. He heard the couch shift. He guessed Youngjae had stood up and got in his face.
“It’s just a bruise.” he spat out stridently, still shielding the man who he loved so. Jongup wailed, hiding his face in his hands while Daehyun covered his ears, blocking out sound to ease the headache that was creeping up. Yongguk took it upon himself to picked up the ripped picture and walk into the living room, tossing it onto Daehyun’s lap.
“Go ahead and tell your ex-boyfriend all that’s you’ve done. Not only him, but also everyone else. I hope you feel appalling.”
Daehyun rubbed his temples and scrunched his face, opening his eyes barely.
“I already feel terrible right now because what drinks are you buying? That’s strong.” he retorted. Himchan made a sour face at his disobedience. Yongguk on the other hand, walked around the room, flipping on every light and turning on every TV, stereo and laptop he could find, cranking up the volume to max on everyone one of them. Zelo smirked at his devices and looked to Yongguk, who gave him a small wink. From out of his eye, he saw Jongup’s face relished with anxiety, and he motioned to Himchan to drug him up. The last thing he needed was another accident. Daehyun was practically about to rip out his eyeballs and just kill himself by the time he caved in, springing up from the couch and turning everything off as hastily as he could.
Once everything was off, he sat down on the couch in a ball, eyes full and fingers yanking at his disheveled blonde hair. He drew in a shaky breath, and then let it out. Yongguk waited, standing firm by Youngjae. Zelo sat on the adjacent couch, craning his neck into the kitchen, curious as to how Jongup was doing. Yongguk cleared his throat.
“What do you want me to say...” Daehyun whispered, peeking past his knees at Youngjae. The younger boy smiled modestly and winked out of his bruised eye. His visage carried that of a brave look, though everyone knew his iron will was all but to crumble.
“Just tell me the truth Daehyunnie. It can’t be that bad.” Youngjae said, getting his hopes up. Daehyun couldn’t bring himself to smile back at his soon to be ex lover. Yongguk gave him an urged glare. At this point, Jongup and Himchan lingered out of the kitchen. When they stopped, Himchan gave the younger a back hug, and he squeaked, but he leaned his head back contentedly in the darkness and waited for Daehyun to talk.
“Well...” he started out, twiddling his thumbs. “I suppose I should address this to everyone, but... I need rehab.” he stifled out, body trembling. Yongguk pushed him to continue.
“I need it for drug use. For... cocaine. I need it, so bad. Which leads me to confession number two and I suppose it ties with confession number three.”
Yongguk observed Jongup from out of his peripherals, which was bouncing up and down, trying to get away from Himchan’s embrace.
“Let him go.” Yongguk said firmly to Himchan, who snapped his look up at the older. Without question, he loosened his arms, and Jongup fled into the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Daehyun flinched.
“I guess would be a good time now to profess I slept with him.”
One of these day’s I’m just gonna snap and break loose.
Himchan saw the sting curl on Youngjae’s gentle face when the words broke his ears. Jongup heaved again, crying, knowing that two people in the house now loathed him.
“You what?” Youngjae asked, looking for more clarification. Daehyun hissed and curled up more.
“I fucked the little whore. Don’t you know? All he wants is attention, and you weren’t putting out, so what better way to displace my sexual frustration then on an able and ready, not to mention needy man?”
Jongup sobbed from inside the bathroom, slamming it shut at the hurtful words that were being used to describe him. Himchan wanted to walk back to comfort him, but Yongguk placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. He looked over to the oldest, which gave a warm smile back, even though this was one of the unhappiest moments of his life. Watching the picture perfect couple be torn to pieces was a scene straight out of a drama. Once Daehyun had said the words that sealed the deal, Youngjae stood up and wiped his eyes, wincing when he pressed down on his bruise a bit too hard.
“Jung Daehyun, we’re over.” was all he said before walking back into his own room, scuffling around, and then throwing Daehyun’s belongings into the hallway. The older of the two shot up and ran to the hall, tossing his things back in.
“You can’t throw me out of our room!” he pleaded, pushing his stuff back in. Youngjae shoved it right back with more obstinacy, resentment rising in his voice.
“Why can’t you move in with Jongup so you can go ahead and fuck him over too! And if Zelo doesn’t want to move, your slutty ass can sleep on the couch! For all I care Daehyun, you could sleep in the streets and die!”
Himchan stormed past Daehyun and looked at Youngjae with a face that could kill.
“Don’t you dare say that again.” he demanded, voice rising. “I know having the one you love, love someone else is the worst feeling in the world. And then to have them cheat on you sucks. I can’t sympathize with abuse, but telling him to die? That’s too far Youngjae, that’s way to far. I know you’re livid, and I know-”
“You don’t know Himchan!” Youngjae interjected, tears flowing down his face. His cheeks were stained a light red, and his eyelids were puffy. He fought his nose from running by sniffing after every sentence, but there was still no reprieve.
“You don’t know how much we’ve been through as a couple! He’s been there for me, and I’ve been there for him! I’ve never loved someone so much in my entire existence as much as him! And to hear he cheated on me, I might as well go kill myself in his stead, because my life is over! I don’t want a life if it’s not by his side! Do you understand that?”
Himchan stopped and looked at the younger with incredulity. The fact that he still wanted to hold on to his relationship astounded him, and it was then that he thought to himself what exactly is love? Was it willing to forgive, or willing to forget? What’s done is done, and what happened, happened. But, would Youngjae go back to Daehyun if the other permitted it? Himchan spoke up, trying to sound as reasonable as possible.
“He beat you Youngjae. He got drunk and beat you. He made you do drugs to lose weight, and then molested you when he was high. And you’re telling me you still love him after all of this?”
Youngjae nodded his head grimly, not understanding why Himchan couldn’t comprehend.
“He said he was going to get rehab, is that not enough?” Youngjae asked, looking longingly at Daehyun, who shifted in his spot awkwardly.
“I never said I was doing it for you, Youngjae.” Daehyun muttered, looking up slightly. There was a blush on his face, but it soon resided. “I want to get better; for myself. Not anyone else. And I’m sorry I cheated on you. And I’m sorry for being the worst boyfriend you could have asked for.”
Youngjae stopped throwing things for a second and hung his hands at his side, gripping one of Daehyun’s shirts in his hands. Himchan recognized it as a shirt Daehyun would let Youngjae borrow if he was feeling down. Please don’t throw that out of your room was all Himchan could think as Youngjae’s face twisted into repugnance.
“Have you no resentment?” he asked, malevolence evident in his voice. Daehyun took a speculative step forward, but Youngjae took two steps back.
“Please Jae...” Daehyun begged, lifting a hand to reach towards him. Youngjae stared at his hand, nose scrunched at the gesture. He shook his head and looked to Himchan for any sign of conformation. Himchan shook his head back.
“This is your battle.” Himchan alleged, turning around to walk away. He took a step, and then another, listening to breathing become heavy, and Daehyun’s voice getting more and more pleading. When Himchan walked into the living room, he looked to Yongguk, who was holding the maknae's head in his lap while his delicate face was dripping with fresh tears.
“What’s the verdict?” Yongguk asked, brushing a tear form Zelo’s face. Himchan looked down into his lap, then to Zelo, who smiled sheepishly, then moved his head away.
“I wish I could tell you and they lived happily ever after, we were all punked, were on a hidden camera show, and this is all a lie, but...”
Daehyun’s head peeked out from around the corner, face stained with tears and smudges eyeliner. He took a tentative step out and stood, looking at the three on the couch.
“Sorry to intrude, but, you’re sitting on my new bed.” he said, smiling emotionlessly. The three of them stood up and walked away, turning around to watch him lay down, crushed on the couch.
He was using the shirt that he let Youngjae have for comfort as a pillow. The last thing any of them heard from him for the night was only the slightest whisper, caught in the wind to drown everyone in oceans or regret.
“We’re over.” Daehyun whispered. “We’re really over.”
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