Sorry, I love you.
I got inspired on a song that a friend of mine showed me, hope you guys like this one.
After two year of relationship I realized what was wrong, a perfect relationship doesn’t exist and I knew that and I knew we weren’t perfect we had our fights like everyone, our playful time, couple time everything that was needed to have a healthy relationship. So what happened?
I see you here on the bedroom we share crying while you pack your stuff to leave my life, forever maybe? Don’t even know. You never did anything like this you don’t even let me touch you, everything I say hurts more makes you cry more, the thousands times I said that I wouldn’t let you cry were in vain, worthless. I look at the picture of us on the wall it was the time we made one year together we had a dinner party, then the one on by the door on a dresser, the one we are kissing for the first time the day that you agree to be mine… Chang Sun took it as a way to tease me but you didn’t even let me get back at him holding me near you just saying “I want that picture” smiling like the angel you are, I felt so happy that you were accepting this, the thing that we had. Sorry for making you love me.
I moved to the living room deepening my face on my hands trying to escape reality, seeing you removing yourself out of my life not being able to do anything is more than enough knowing that you are leaving causes pain enough. All for what? Nothing at all…
-Here is the key you gave me… – I hear your hurt voice next to a click on the door those sounds made me get up in a second, I look at your teary eyes that stared at me full of sadness and I can’t move or hide anymore the tears that wanted to come out for so long, I cried in front of you for the first time in two years. You took a deep breath closing your eyes and turn your back to me…You’re leaving.
- Don’t leave, please don’t… - you stop for short seconds, even for a little you don’t want to leave I know you heard me I know you still love me so why are you still leaving? You are out of the door and a run to it seeing you dragging your bags with you – PLEASE! – You stop again looking at the ceiling of that hall – Stay…please. Sorry that I hurt you…
Nothing said she just started moving again and left me, the strength of my legs weren’t enough to follow here, neither was my voice to call for her. Should have begged, shouldn’t have let her go…
The pictures are still here after mouths of her leaving, can’t just let her go for a mistake, don’t want to work, almost don’t eat just want to drink, I don’t sleep anymore now that she’s not on the bed next to me the body that warmed mine is not here, the smell, the heartbeat that puts me to sleep, the finger that played with my hair all of that affection is not here anymore, all because of my mistake. I was going to ask her to marry me on our third anniversary that’s in a few weeks, already have the ring, bought it two months before her leaving, I look at the reflection of the diamond on the top of that silver circle where your finger would fit and think of our talks about marriage and children.
We started growing apart few weeks after I bought the ring, was I regretting it? No, it was because of work, so I think it was. Even with the phone calls and text wasn’t enough I missed her touch, how her body fit so perfectly on mine, her hands on mine and our lips together it was so perfect and I needed it. One day while the concerts on Japan I got drunk on a after party, everything was amazing until she got close to me a girl that had nothing to do like her, she showed of more, was older, wasn’t her. Still she came to me with her sexiness starting get all over me and I fell on her trap I got lost on her arms and she on mine, I had sex with that strange girl while with her I used to make love. After that night while we were in Japan she was still around and I felt like nothing was wrong, but soon she found out and that’s why she left me.
Now alone on this cold big apartment surrounded with pictures of the two of us I remember how blind I was, everything we had destroyed for mere pleasure and company. Can’t let it go, can’t stop thinking how she cried asking why while I had no valid explanation… Never wanted to make her cry I was supposed to be her prince.
I’m sitting on the one person couch where you used to read your books, in one had I have a bottle of whiskey and some pills. There’s no meaning on my life if she isn’t here, one by one I take those pills with the whiskey my body gets numb while I get close to the lasts, just some more, a knock on the door someone came here, more knocks.
-Byunghee! – I’m going crazy due to the pills thought I just heard you on the other side of that door. I click on the door that person is going in, that person knows about the hidden key over the door… Not now, another pill.
My eyes start closing it’s time… I see someone it looks like her I’m hallucinating, why would she be here after the pain I caused her?
-I broke my promise I made cry… - I say no more than a whisper.
- Byunghee! What did you do? – I heard cry, can’t move my body barely can see that person but it looks like her and sounds like her, I felt a hand on mine it was like feeling her touch again.
- What are you doing here?
- The guys called me saying hat they were worried that you haven’t left home for some days and refuse to talk to them. – She was crying – What have you done? I’m going to call someone
- I just couldn’t live without you knowing what I did I’m sorry… - I said as she tries to call for help, trying not to cry – I hurt you so much, I broke my promise all of them…I’m sorry I made you cry, sorry that I hurt, sorry for making you fall for me. – I hear, she’s crying again calling for me, people are entering the apartment look like doctors, I feel like I won’t last long, barely can breathe my eye open slowly and with my last strength I look at her – on the coffee table – she sees the box that haves the ring that’s for her, my eyes start to close again – I’m sorry. I love you.
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