clouded thoughts

After spending good time together, I volunteered to drive Yuri home.

It was lunch time and the girls insisted on having us there at the lakehouse.

While driving, I noticed that Yuri seems to space out a lot and just continued to stare off the window.

I don't like this awkward atmosphere at all.

"Hmm, Yuri, are you okay?" I glanced at her.

She slowly turned towards me and smiled a little.

"Yes, I'm okay." She said. She's clearly not and it triggered my heart to clench a little, knowing that she's keeping things from me.

I shook my head lightly.

How can I think of that? We're not together, she's not entitled in telling me anything at all. I'm so confused with this relationship of ours. Are we friends? Bestfriends? Lovers?

I sighed. This time, she looked at me worriedly.

"I'm sorry Yoona, I'm really okay. Please don't worry about it." She smiled genuinely and touched my arm. I blushed a little but I remained my focus on the road and nodded my head.

We arrived at the lakehouse and I can sense the energy from the inside. It seems that the girls are having a party. We went inside after parking my car.

"Hi guys! Get ready for lunch!" Tiffany said wearing an apron.

Yuri and I looked at each other, sending eye signals saying, 'she's cooking?'

We found Sooyoung and Jessica seated on the couch lifelessly.

"I'm sorry Yul. We tried our best to keep her away but she insisted." Jessica pouted at her cousin.

"It's a good thing the house is not on fire yet. We've used the extinguisher twice already." Sooyoung said pointing at the red thing beside her.

Yuri and I laughed a little. 

"Where's the others?" Yuri asked as we sat beside her crestfallen friends.

"Sunny and Seo are helping Tiff." Jessica said as she laid her head on Sooyoung's shoulder.

I fidgeted worriedly. I think I developed some kind of phobia from the past trauma of Tiffany's cookies. My stomach is on serious protest right now and I felt like escaping.

Yuri looked at me and held my hand. She whispered something on my ear and it made me smile from ear to ear. I nodded at her. She smiled and stood up, pulling me with her.

She dragged me towards the kitchen, with Sooyoung and Jessica eyeing us suspiciously.

We spotted Sunny and Seo sweating hard as they watched Tiffany throw some 'ingredients' into the pan. She looked like she's having the time of her life.

"Uhm, guys. Yoona and I are going to town. She's out of supplies for her house and she needs to buy them soon. We're going!" Yuri announced as she once again dragged me towards the front door. I saw Sunny and Seo's eyes widen and their faces read 'traitors!'

Sooyoung and Jessica heard it too and started to jump on us.

"You can't leave us here Yul!" Sooyoung begged as she clutched on Yuri's other hand. While Jessica held her arms sideways blocking our way.

"Couz, don't leave me here!"

"What are you guys doing?" Tiffany's head popped out and the two girls stood up straight, looking nervously.

"Uhm, nothing, we're just playing with them Tiff." Jessica smiled as Yuri and I giggled.

"Just let them go already. Our lunch is almost ready. You better thank them, because you'll have more food for you!" Tiffany chirped as she once again disappeared to the kitchen. Jessica and Sooyoung looked depressed and surrendered to their fate.

"Just buy more medicines okay?" Jessica sadly told Yuri and sat back to the couch with a heavy sigh.

"You should never leave us with Tiffany cooking again Yuri. Please~" Sooyoung said with a pout.

"Okay, okay. I'll cook for you guys soon. We're going. Bye!" Yuri said and I waved them goodbye with my free hand. It's fun to see them like this. I feel so entertained that I don't feel the need to speak at all.

I started to drive with a smile on my face, I feel so relieved.

"You better treat me lunch for saving you Yoona." Yuri chuckled in the seat beside me.

I laughed heartily.

"Yup, I will." I said as I focused on the road.

"Hmm, forgive me for this question, why do you let Tiffany cook?" I asked but kept my gaze in the road in front of us.

"It's okay. It's quite funny actually that we won't stop her. You see, cooking seems to be her dream. When we see her so happy cooking for us, we just can't have the heart to tell her to stop. Seeing her happy is worth all the time we spend in the bathroom afterwards." She laughed again. I smiled.

"You are amazing friends indeed." I said.

"Have you been a victim of her cooking before?" She asked curiously.

"Uhm, yes. She baked some cookies and I thought they were chocolate but it was far from it. The others tried to warn me but I didn't get their signal. My tummy suffered after that." I grinned.

She laughed out loud again.

"One time, we went camping and we had a schedule for the tasks. When it was Tiffany's turn to cook, one of our tents burned down and we had severe stomachache that we had to go home earlier. She never knew we went home earlier because of that." She said.

"Do you know why she likes to cook so much?" I said as I turned towards the entrance of the town.

"Uhm, she told us before that cooking relaxes her because she remembers her mom. Her mother was a famous chef but she died in an accident when we were kids." She said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry about that." I said and squeezed her hand gently. She held my hand after that.

"It's okay. It's just that, it really crushed Tiffany a lot and we saw her so devastated before. We were all close to her mom and I learned some basic cooking skills from her too." Yuri said.

She guided me to a small restaurant lined with big trees.

We went inside and we sat near a window. The view outside was great, with its big trees and wooden benches beneath them.

A waitress came and gave us the menu. She seems to know Yuri and chatted with her a bit. I continued to stare outside. What a beautiful day."

"Yoona, this is my friend Francine, she has a part time work here." Yuri held my hand, waking me from the trance of the beautiful landscape. I turned and looked up towards the girl and smiled.

"Francine, this is my friend Yoona." Friend. Friend. Friend. The word kept on repeating in my mind as I blankly shook the girl's hand. My mind wandered far again as I remembered our memories together in the short span we've known each other.

What was I thinking? Of course we're just friends! It's not like she likes me too. It's my fault for giving her only half of my heart. She will never feel the same way towards me. Who was I kidding?

I felt so sad as I leaned my head on the glass. Yuri ordered for both of us. I felt my appetite evaporating, I don't want to eat anymore.

Yuri held my hand that was on the table and stared at me.

"Yoona, are you okay?" She squeezed my hand, making me look at her.

I smiled and squeezed her hand back. I just continued to stare off into space, silently mourning our romantic relationship that was non-existent in the first place.

Our order arrived and by the look of it, my appetite came rushing back in. I pushed my problems aside and looked at the food hungrily.

Yuri smiled at me and I smiled back.

She ordered us a grilled fish meal, some chicken and soup. She ordered a lot but I know we can handle it.

We stayed silent eating our lunch, I can say eating takes all my problems away. After eating and leaving all the plates clean, we decided to pay our bill and went outside. She was walking a little ahead of me and without thinking, I grabbed her hand. She turned to me, surprised by my sudden action, since I don't usually initiate skinship.

I smiled at her.

"Can we take a walk?" I asked her with a small smile.

She smiled back.

I gently held her hand as we strolled underneath the trees and benches. The shade shielded us from the sun and the cool wind is blowing to us gently. After walking for a while, I sat down in one of the benches and pulled her with me. She sat beside me and I relaxed by leaning my head on the backside of the bench, staring up in the leaves and the light shining from the cracks. She leaned her head on my shoulder and hugged my arm with her other hand.

My heart quickened a bit but I tried to act unaffected, since the word 'friend' is still gnawing me inside.

I closed my eyes gently and stayed still for a bit.

I felt her move her head away.

As I was about to open my eyes, I felt something warm and soft brush my cheek.

I shut my eyes and pretended not to notice as I felt her leaning her head on my shoulder again.

After a while, I felt her steady breaths on my neck. 

She's sleeping.

I stared back into the sky and gave a small smile.

She kissed me again.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift off.

Do friends kiss your cheeks this frequently?

You are like a big maze Kwon Yuri. You always leave me confused.

And yet, I'm willing to get lost anytime.