The water looked deep and inviting.

She probed the edge of the cliff with her toes.

I don’t love you anymore.

The words seared her.

Forgive me. You deserve better.

The sky was a beautiful and rich blue.

The loose letter in her hand flapped in the wind. The sound of the wind rumbled in the ears. Her dress tangled with the wind and her raven hair trailed with the current of air.

Here she was, Jang Ri In, 28 years of age. Her love had just departed her without a formal goodbye.

She had wasted her youth, the springs of her life, loving a man blindly. Now that he had left, she had nothing to hold onto, no one to be there for her.

To Jang Ri In, there was no way she could reconstruct life. Being young, being youthful, was everything to her.

Perhaps the idea would sound foolish to everyone; but not to Ri In. All her life, she was battling with the idea of being young.

She had thought that when there was love, whether she was old or young, it didn’t matter. That was why she loved for seven years without asking for anything. She thought he was the one.

Being young gave everyone advantages. They had time to grow, had the love of those old, erted men, or even women. Just by this, it elevated their fate.

Jang Ri In was orphaned when she was just a child. Her father left her mother and her for a woman much younger than he was.

Before slamming the door, he had said to her mother, “She’s pretty, she’s rich; she’s everything you never were. And most importantly, she’s young.”

Those words had always imprinted themselves into Ri In’s mind. She constantly had flashbacks and nightmares of her estranged father hauntingly repeating the same words over and over again.

In turn, her mother soon abandoned her for a young and charming man that was at least fifteen years younger than she was.

She had no one to blame but her parents. And so the idea of age made an indentation in her mind.

Ri In still remembered years ago when she faced the most embarrassing moment of her life.

She was in high school; sweet, innocent, undeceiving. Her first crush, a man who made her heart beat wildly and face turn read when she was near him, rejected her.

His simple excuse was, “You’re too old for me.”

At that time, Jang Ri In was foolish to believe the imbecile rejection. She had spotted him together with a girl two years younger than she was.

Ri In had blamed herself, directed the fault to her, saying that if she was just two, no, one year younger, she could have been with him.

Then maybe things wouldn’t have turned out like this, Ri In thought resentfully as she surveyed the tumultuous ocean.

She breathed in the salty air of the sea. Ri In spread her arms out as the wind rushed through her.

I’m not saying that you’re old or anything.

Ri In smiled bitterly. Maybe she wouldn’t be on her brink if he didn’t write that single line.

Ri In recalled what had happened when she was fresh out of college and was applying for a job.

Along with her, there were two other applicants that were called again for a personal interview after the company had reviewed their resume.

The other two were, evidently, inexperienced and unprofessional. Ri In was able to view the interview through a clear glass window.

Throughout the interview, the other two applicants had glanced slyly at the manager, and one got even close enough to touch the director. 

The one that had glanced slyly at the manager looked only to be twenty, younger than Ri In. Her dressing, at least, was classy. Her pink dress with a bow tie on the waist showed to be a vibrant and youthful look; although the girl had constantly risen up her dress.

The other girl, barely nineteen, opted for a black look and heavy makeup. Every time she blinked, her artificial eyelashes would dip below her lower eyelashes. Her exceptionally short skirt and exposing t-shirt made it uncomfortable to even gaze at her.

Ri In had sat there, full of confidence that she would be selected because of her straight principles, appealing degrees and high intellectual abilities.

The manager had simply said, “We’ll call you soon.”

However, after weeks, Ri In was not contacted. When she finally accepted the truth, tears racked her body.

If she hadn’t studied a couple of extra courses, then maybe she would have been accepted because she was young.

Life plays tricks on unfortunate people.

It’s just… she’s younger than you.

How great would it feel to have the frigid water envelop her thin arms and the vigorous current to pound and drag her? It was pure delight thinking about how she would bounce and recoil on the jerky waves.

Perhaps if he didn’t give her the letter, that if she wasn’t old, she might not have been on her brink. She might not have been lead to this ultimate decision.

Closing her eyes, Ri In loosened her body. With a daring step, she balanced a foot ahead of her, prepared to let herself topple over the dangerous side.

“No, Ri In, don’t!”

Just as Ri In felt the freedom of letting go, a pair of stable arms tugged at her waist.

Turning back, Ri In expected to find the source of her sorrow.

“Junsu…?”

A silent gasp of surprise escaped her parted lips.

“Junsu…? What- why are you here?”

“Please… don’t. I don’t want to lose you,” pleaded Junsu.

Junsu burrowed his head into Ri In’s neck, securing his arms around Ri In’s waist. He was afraid that his grip was too loose, that he would if he let go, her physique and soul would evaporate.

“I have no reason to stay.”

“Don’t… don’t throw away your life because of that bastard.”

Like crystals cracking the earth below it, Ri In felt the pain stabbing her in her chest.

He was the one who abandoned her, yet she couldn’t bear to let anyone insult him. Her love couldn’t fade this easily. But because of this love, she wanted to return the life that was granted to her.

Ri In trembled in a strict tone, “Don’t call him a bastard-”

“Why not?!” Junsu exploded.

He released her from his embrace and spun her around, clutching her shoulders harshly.

Ri In’s shocked and fearful eyes gazed his face. This was the first time he had dared to speak to her in a loud and frustrated manner. The ache from his grasp was incomparable to astonishment she felt.

“What’s so good about him?! He’s just some rich boy who’s looking for someone who he can hold when he’s alone! Are you foolish enough to think that he loves you?”

With a faltering but resolute stance, Ri In replied, “Of course he does. You don’t understand at all!”

“Do you know how many girls he holds in his arms every day? I’ve warned you, but you never listen.”

“Then why didn’t he break it off with me earlier?!”

“He knows it’s his loss if he loses you, but there are no grounds to keep you. That’s why he’s been hesitating for so many years.”

“You’re lying!” shrieked Ri In.

“Ri In, I’ve been here for you! Why can’t you see?” Junsu said, his tone softening slightly.

“What can I see?” asked Ri In quickly, still not out of her demented state.

“Can’t you see, Ri In? I met you before he did, loved you before he did, loved you for longer than he did, but why am I always second in your heart?”

Ri In was quiet for a moment. Her eyes were dimly melancholic and pained.

Bunching her hair into tight and messy buns, Ri In dropped to the floor.

Junsu’s eyes softened as he witnessed the pitiful and devastated girl break down as the truth dawned upon her.

“I’m sorry, Ri In,” apologised Junsu as he knelt down beside her.

He tried to touch her arm but she flung him awayharshly.

The scene of their first meeting played in Ri In’s mind.

The rain skittered on the concrete, splashing droplets of water upwards.

Ri In clutched her books tighter, inching backwards to avoid the globules of rain.

The sound of the rain was a soft, rhythmic hum.

Ri In squinted with her eyes towards the sky; the rain didn’t look like it was going to stop any time soon. She sighed. It was cold and she didn’t bring her umbrella, or a jacket. The breeze was shaking her body.

Junsu was emerging from a building within the campus. He nudged his red umbrella open. Remaining carefully under the shade of the umbrella, Junsu walked hastily to the faculty’s gate.

A figure in the distance caught his eye. The person, under the shade of the roof, seemed to be stationed unwillingly.

Junsu decided to lend a hand to this hapless stranger. He jogged towards her.

Ri In gazed inquisitively at the man who was jogging towards the building. Her gaze still trailed him when he settled next to her, tucking in his umbrella. She continued her curious stare.

“Do you need help?” he stammered.

Ri In frowned slightly. Did he mean to share with her the umbrella?

“Oh, no, that’s okay. It would be bothersome,” demurred Ri In.

“No, it’s okay, it’s not like I have anything to do anyway,” Junsu interjected.

“Are you sure…?” She hesitated.

“Absolutely.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’m Junsu.”

“Ri In.”

They both smiled brightly to each other.

“You’ve always been the most important to me, Junsu,” whispered Ri In.

“Then why?” The question lingered in the air.

“You know why. I can’t hold onto you painfully. I’ve been trying to forget; I’ve being doing everything to forget about you, and I finally found another person worth giving my heart to.”

“Why were you trying to forget about me?” His voice cracked.

“Can you stop being so selfish?!” Tears brimmed at the corner of her eyes and her heartbeat painfully. Those words angered her.

“Junsu…”

“I’ll be alright, Ri In.”

With her hands tightly clasped around Junsu’s, Ri In and the nurses wheeled the gurney towards the operating theatre.

Fear was wringing and suffocating Ri In, but she couldn’t break down in front of Junsu. He needed her support the most during this time.

Slowly, Ri In and Junsu’s hands separated. She hurriedly tried to latch her hands on him again, but the nurse placed a comforting and restraining hand on her arm.

Ri In halted gradually, her feet yearning to follow Junsu. Her orbs were moistened with tears. He happily smiled once for Ri In, to tell her that he was going to be fine.

As soon as the operating theatre’s door heaved together, Ri In collapsed.

It was painful. It might be last time that they would see each other. The image of Junsu’s bright smile filled Ri In with more tears.

It was all so sudden. Junsu just collapsed one day. The doctors informed them it was stage IV brain cancer, and that surgery was required as soon as possible.

And today was five days from the time they were informed of the news.

It was already eight hours. Ri In tried her best to stay awake, to be the first one informed of Junsu’s condition.

Ri In’s fear and nausea increased as the seconds elapsed.

The lights above the doors blinked and the doctor emerged. Ri In dragged herself up, full of anticipation. She was half excited and expectant for good news, and was half dreading a disastrous outcome.

The doctor kept his expression grim. “I can say the operation was a success.”

Ri In’s heart skipped a beat, but she didn’t dare to celebrate yet.

“Will he be alright then…?” Ri In’s voice was faltering and her heart was palpitating agonisingly.

“We’re uncertain at this point, but he is comatose.”

“It’s been nine years, Junsu! I’ve waited, I’ve tried to wait, but have you ever fought for me? Have you ever tried to wake up?!” screamed Ri In.

“I have, Ri In... I haven’t given up. But don’t you know it hurts me too?” A single tear trailed delicately down Junsu’s cheek.

Ri In gazed at Junsu hesitatingly.

“If you don’t think I’ve tried hard enough, then I’ll give up. I’ll let go.” Junsu smiled at Ri In sadly, the same smile he gave her when he entered the operating theatre.

Ri In shook her head rigorously with a tear-stained face.

“No, no, don’t go, don’t give up, please.”

“Good-bye, Ri In. Be happy.”

Junsu faced his back towards Ri In and started to walk forward.

Ri In ran forward, wrapping her arms securely around Junsu’s figure and burrowing her face into his back. Junsu halted, frozen.

Even though he was an apparition, he could her warmth and the tug at his heart.

“Ri In…”

“I’m sorry, Junsu. I’ve been inconsiderate of your feelings. I’ve been thinking about myself only, I’ve been extremely selfish and foolish. Please don’t leave me alone. I love you.” Ri In squeezed Junsu harder.

Junsu stood rooted for a moment or two. Just as Ri In was about to loosen her hold dejectedly, Junsu spun around and secured Ri In in a tenacious hug.

“I love you, Ri In. I love you so much.” They both snuggled closer to each other, afraid that loosening each other a bit would cause the other to vanish.

Ri In could feel Junsu’s body gradually becoming looser and harder to clutch.

“Junsu, Junsu, what’s happening?” Ri In panicked.

“I’m back, Ri In.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“I’ve woken up.”

Ri In charged out of the taxi, sprinting towards the hospital entrance. She raced down the hallway as soon she reached the level of Junsu’s ward.

Trepidation began to shake Ri In as she neared the ward. Questions and possibilities were swarming in her head. What if he didn’t really wake up? What if it was really all her imagination?But it felt all too realistic.

Ri In peered into the ward. Junsu was still lying down in a fixed position, but she couldn’t see his eyes. Maybe he was awake?

Ri In stepped cautiously around the bed. She didn’t want to be disappointed, but Junsu had said he had woken up. He couldn’t lie. He wouldn’t lie. There was no reason to.

As Ri In treaded to Junsu’s side, her eyes widened. Gazing straight into her orbs was another pair of eyes.

“Junsu!” Ri In dashed forward, enveloping Junsu in a hug

“You’re awake, you really are awake!” Ri In’s tears dotted Junsu’s clothes.

Returning the embrace, Junsu murmured, “Of course I am. I told you I woke up.”

“I’m so sorry, Junsu.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” He smiled at her softly.

“If-if I had been there for you all throughout this time, then maybe you wouldn’t have been in a coma for nine years. I’ve wasted your youth; I’ve made you lose the most vital years of your life.”

“No, Ri In, with you here, time and age doesn’t matter. But for all that lost time, let’s make it up.”

They both smiled softly at each other, before leaning in for a passionate and loving kiss that filled their absence and their time away from each other.