Story Title: 100 Heartbeats

Author: Bungsky_

Reviewed/Graded by Minori

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Title (4/5):

The title is quite interesting. I was intrigued with the title and I can say that the title is related to the story because of the heartbeats Bom counted, though I felt confused.

Presentation (8/10):

The poster is good just for the story. The black and white poster is right for the dramatic and sad story. Although, you should have picked clear pictures, but it’s alright. The font was easy to read because probably you didn’t even change it all. I have no complaints about the presentation, just about the content.

Plot (7/20):

I’ve read stories like yours many times already, so it’s cliché. The boyfriend/girlfriend-will-die-because-of-disease is sort of sickening nowadays, but it’s okay. Your story had caught my attention at the first part wherein the break up took place, so I got curious and read on more. The plot works well with the characters because you made Seunghyun older than Bom. Although, it was a bit odd in my point of view about the characters’ ages in your story, it’s all right for the plot.

Language & Style (C – 15/30):

I saw that you have many mistakes such as typos and missing words here and there. At first, I thought that you’ll have no mistakes and I thought that you have proof read your work because the way you write Seunghyun’s point of view is just great, although there some mistakes. The words used to express his feelings went deep in my mind, felt his emotions and what he really wanted to say and point out.

Okay. I’ll just point some mistakes you made and I will correct them.

She said, “Why?” with het her blank and shocked expression.

I was confused at this. What do you mean by “with het her blank and shocked expression”? This kind of mistake is most like done by most authors – repeating or misspelled words.

Her question made my heart aching.

This, made is past tense while aching is present. You shouldn’t be mixing two different word tenses in one sentence. It made me confused. It should be: Her question made my heart ache.

I saw that she slowly nodding her head...

You had a typo here. It should be: I saw that she is slowly nodding her head. Or: I saw her slowly nodding her head.

...and I quickly wrapped my hand around her body...

Correction: ...and I quickly wrapped my arms around her body... It made me think of the wrong action. I just want to say that.

Good thing that her friends also always there to give her company. Seunghyun’s friends were also still hang out with her and act like nothing has happened between Seunghyun and Bom.

Clearly here, there are typos in two sentences. It should be: Good thing that her friends are also always there to give her company. Seunghyun’s friends would still hang out with her and act like nothing happened between the two. As what you can see, I rephrased the last sentence for you.

One afternoon in a very calm day...

Err...this, no offence, but I chuckled at this phrase because basically this is used for happy stories. But it’s okay. I just want to say that it has ruined the mood.

I still try to find a way of how to say this to you, Noona.

Correction: I’m still trying to find a way on how to say this to you, noona.

Okay, I think those corrections are enough to help you look at your common mistakes. And I felt like I’ve proof read your work, but cheer up.

Originality & Entertainment (12/25):

At first, I was intrigued and was curious on why Seunghyun or what is the reason why he is leaving her, so I went on to read more. But as I continue reading the story, it has many clues that it became so predictable—resulting it to be cliché and very common. When Youngbae and Bom went to the hospital, the emotions and expressions are all a blur to me. I don’t know what Bom’s reaction is. Maybe, be more detailed or should I say be descriptive in letting out their expressions and reactions. It will help the readers enhance their imaginations and understand the story more. Hmm…about the last part… I admit, I felt sad and held up my tears, most definitely at the part wherein Bom started to count Tabi’s heart beats. It made me sad, so kudos to you, dear author.

Flow & Characters (6/10):

As I’ve said, the characterizations went well. It suited well on the plot. I have nothing much more to say about this.

Total:

D (52/100)

First and foremost, I would like to say sorry if this took long. I was, unfortunately, busy, but all are well now. Anyways, I like your story. (And it’s a TopBom story! Hardcore shipper here! Just saying^^) I’m not really a fan of sad stories because basically I don’t like them at all, and I have no reasons why. But the drama in your story made me had ‘fun’ reading it. Haha. Was I too harsh on criticizing your work, dear? Well, I’m sorry about that, but I need to so you could know what your mistakes are and what are not. That’s all I wanted to say.

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