[Review] Corny as Corn by Bungsky_
║▌║▌█║ ⒷⒿⓂ's SpringTempo Production Studio ║█║▌█║Author: Bungsky_
Genre(s): Fluff, Romance
Description:Which one Bom likes the most, corn, or corny words?
Rated M: No
Reviewer:elbeasto
First impressions
Title 5/5
The title itself is well what can i say...corny, usually this would mean a mark down HOWEVER in your case this title perfectly conveys your story and simply screams to the readers to prepare for fluff, i found it cute and quirky. overall very suitable.
Presentation 7/10
I really loved the expression on Seunghyun’s face it was very cute and cheeky, while the picture of bom discreetly hinted at the marital ending. i think the colours and fonts worked perfectly for your particular storyline. overall very suitable
you were marked down a couple points on the paragraphing it was a little confusing and put a bit of a strain on the eyes but things like this just take a little time.
Creation assessment
Plot 9/20
frankly i found the story hard to follow for reasons tying into the flow. For starters the story started rather all of a sudden “bommie lets play sentences” im’ sorry if i sound a little critical but it doesn’t sound very realistic to me. The second thing i was caught with was the fact that seunghyun had initially explained to her that he’d be throwing her cheesy lines yet it was still as if she had no idea that his questions weren’t actually meant in a literal sense (they were just for fun) each time he asked e.g:
“Jagi, you’re a pilot, right?” Seunghyun asked again.
“You know I am! Why asked the obvious huh?” Bom answered and asked, slightly annoyed that he seemed like he didn’t know her job all along this time.
“Aahh, I guess that’s why…” Seunghyun’s words left hanging.
“Why what?”
“That’s why I can’t stop you from always flying around my heart.” Seunghyun flirtatiously answered Bom’s question. Bom’s head was down, hiding her red face
after so many cheesy lines youd think she would simply be either rolling her eyes or flat out giggling out of embarrassment, instead of getting annoyed at the prospect that seunghyun had no idea what she did for a living after all the time they’d been together, however there was still the promised fluff and a lot of it at that so in terms of adorable alien corniness you didn’t disappoint!
Language and syle 12/30
i noted a number of grammatical and spelling errors throughout the story but i have a sneaking suspicion that english is not your first language so i’ve tried to be lenient.
Don’t feel too bad about the score because im a real grammar nazi and this usually greatly influences my final judgement because overall the quality of your story comes down to the way you word things and whether or not your readers are able to understand and follow your storyline
Originality and entertainment 12/25
in terms of fluff a boyfriend saying sweet things to his embarrassed girlfriend isnt that new but it was my first time seeing it put so bluntly- seunghyun telling bom that he was going to say sweet things to her- so in that sense it was original, however the ending in which seunghyun said that he wanted to end their relationship rather then saying he wanted to break was very predictable and as soon as i read it i knew the proposal was coming next.
when it came to the entertainment i marked you up because even though i struggled with following along the things seunghyun were saying were just too cute and i couldnt help but smile.
once again the beginning was rather all of a sudden and i would’ve liked to have seen some kind of build up, the body of the text and dialogue seemed a little rushed and unnatural while the transition from the corny sentences to the of the story or rather when seunghyun said they should break up was really all of a sudden
Seunghyun and Bom continued sitting there and just watching TV in silence
Suddenly, Seunghyun said, “Bommie, you’re not my girlfriend anymore. We should end this relationship.” Seunghyun said seriously. Bom looked at him, shock all over her face
granted you used the word ‘suddenly’ but this still could’ve been written differently so it seemed more natural e.g:
the two sat watching tv in silence until seunghyun suddenly spoke up “Bom i don’t think we should continue this relationship, i don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore” he said seriously. bom looked up at him, shock marking her features.
there were times while i was reading that i felt the pace of the dialogue was great but you still have a couple of things to brush up on.
Total [49/100]
personally i feel like a hypocrite when writing this because i know that i myself have made these sort of mistakes when writing, but just keep in mind that an outsiders point of view can help you to pick up on things you otherwise wouldn’t have neh?
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