Prompt 23: Pretense
Warning: Angst. Angst all over. Angst under the table, around the corner, everywhere.
Zhou Mi misses China.
He misses his old life before he became known as a member of Super Junior — oh, excuse him. A member of Super Junior-M, because he will never be part of Super Junior. Or, at least, that is what is constantly said by various fans. Only13ers or whatever they’re called.
He misses being only Zhou Mi: the man who was born in a quiet family who, while expected a lot from him, loved him nevertheless.
Now, he's stuck with group members who constantly are awkward around him, although he can tell that they have good intentions. But the silences are always so long and whenever Zhou Mi wishes there is someone to talk to there is no one and the crying takes so much out of him until he feels like he isn't able to breathe and he just wants someone to be there for once.
But there is no one. The silence continues while the sobs escalate in volume until it's difficult to stifle them in his pillow. He wishes he could talk to someone, anyone; but he doesn't know Super Junior or even the managers very well.
All the brotherly affection is for fans out there, if any of them even accept him, and just to keep up that pretense that everything is fine and dandy and rainbows and butterflies.
However, Zhou Mi knows the truth. It isn't all happiness and laughs and smiles. It's never like that. Or that's how Zhou Mi feels.
Everything is suffocating and not only is he emotionally hurt all the time by all the comments and the jeers and the negative reactions, but he is also physically hurt by all the practising and straining himself to do well. Because, damnit, he just wants people to like him and appreciate him and feel that he is in Super Junior-M for a purpose, a reason. That he isn't just trash or not talented enough or not funny enough or not handsome enough.
He wants people to like him how they like the others; he wants people to comment on how good he is at singing or maybe even dancing. Maybe even his acting skills.
But all he gets is criticism and though he tries to take all of it with a smile and a 'thank you', it appears that no one notices how strained his smiles are becoming or how tired he is or even how hard he is trying to be the sort of person people look up to or like or even just admire and respect.
It's so difficult to be liked, Zhou Mi thinks. It's so difficult to be appreciated or be recognized or anything.
And Zhou Mi is just tired. He's tired of acting like he's okay, or missing the simple things in life, or having to try and ignore the silence that seems to say so much without saying anything at all.
Zhou Mi just...he really...
Zhou Mi misses China.
Word count: 494.
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