Kevin danced, his body popping and chest heaving with effort. He hadn't had much sleep in the last week since he discovered another weight loss helper, and it was beginning to take its toll on his already worn down body.

Still, Kevin wouldn't let it get to him. He couldn't. If he let it get to him, it was admitting defeat, admitting that there was something he could not do.

And to be perfect, he had to manage every little thing that came at him. No matter what the cost, he couldn't stop. He wouldn't stop.

"Okay, everyone, I think that's good for the day. We keep making so much progress, it makes me excited for the final outcome." His instructor clapper her hands together in excitement.

As everyone began packing up, Kevin could feel her eyes on him. The gaze practically burned with judgment, Kevin turned to look at her and she motioned him over. With a pounding heart, he walked slowly over. Was this the part where she told him he wasn't good enough and he couldn't ever be a proper part of the dance team? Kevin gulped, it was as he had always feared. Failure.

"Kevin, I've noticed that you seem to be acting a little strange lately-"

"I can work harder, Mrs. Choi, I promise. I can get it right-" Kevin began at the same time his teacher had spoken.

"What? Kevin, you're my best student, you don't have to work any harder."

"Wh-what?" Kevin stuttered, thrown off by the compliment. There was no way he was better than everyone in the class. Eunmin's lithe body worked every turn and wave flawlessly.

"It's just, lately you've seemed to be a little zoned out and unenthusiastic. Is there anything you would like to talk about?"

Kevin was relieved, but also a little frightened. If she had noticed a change in behavior, how many other people had? Would they find out? Kevin shifted his weight, "No, Mrs. Choi, I've just been focusing more on my schoolwork lately, is all. I'll work harder." He bowed and walked off.

"But that-" Mrs. Choi began but stopped as Kevin could no longer hear her.

He didn't have anything to hide. Nothing at all. All he was doing was gaining control of his life. There was nothing wrong with that, was there? The control he gained from his body would inevitably lead to control of his life, wouldn't it?

He walked back to his house, treading carefully as his mom could be lurking anywhere in the house. She had been in a worse mood after the divorce papers were finally filed and their separation was becoming permanent.

She never outright came and told him, besides the texts he received daily about being useless, and when they were face to face, his mother mostly smiled and seemed so nice. Every once in a while, though, his mother would go off and yell at him, berating his very existence. In between those times, her eyes, he could tell, were narrowed in disgust behind his back. She questioned his worth. There was much he knew his mother was thinking about him in the corner of her mind as she looked at them, and hardly any of it was flattering.

His mother hadn't ever been specific in what exactly bothered her about Kevin, but he could only guess it was because she had wanted Diana to stay, but Diana wanted to go with their father. Kevin should have gone with his father, but he wasn't given the choice. He suspected his mother wanted Diana because she was pretty and obedient, the picture of perfection. Someone she could proudly show off to all her coworkers and friends at the fancy clubs she was involved in.

Kevin, however, had been a rowdy child. He wouldn't listen to her, steal cookies and treats, and get dirty and ruin his clothes. He hadn't been polite as a child either, he wouldn't address anyone formally, and he almost insulted anyone he came into contact with. Kevin shuddered at the thought, at least now he was fixing himself. He would no longer be wild, he would do everything his mother told him. He would completely erase the part of him that still yearned to misbehave. He wouldn't do another bad thing for as long as he lived.

After taking a shower, Kevin felt the exhaustion sink in so far he couldn't make it to his beloved treadmill and just curled up in bed, hair still wet and blankets wrapped loosely around his thin body.

He awoke with a headache, not too uncommon, and he sat up with a heavy groan and shut off his alarm clock. It was early enough so his mother wouldn't be awake and he could get an hour in on the treadmill. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and winced in pain as he stood.

'No. There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing.' Kevin chanted, straightening the best he could due to the pain making its way through his whole body.

Once he began to run, the pain only seemed to intensify. 'No.' Kevin chanted, 'I'm not hurt. There is no pain.' It wasn't until the pain was so bad that he had to stop he realized he was crying. He couldn't even centralize the pain, it just hurt all over. Curling up on the floor, Kevin heard his mother move around in the kitchen.

“Kevin, dear?” She called, he bit back a sob in pain as her footsteps grew closer. “Kevin, what's wrong?” Kevin shook his head, he didn't want her to touch him, not with her cold hands. But, she did anyway, placing her hands on his shoulders to sit him up, “Are you sick?”

Her hands spread a sickening feeling in his stomach, feeling his forehead, he wanted to puke, this time not on purpose, “I think you should stay home from school, Kevin.”

Kevin shook his head vehemently, “I can't, I have three tests to take today and practice afterward.” He began in a shaky voice.

“The tests can wait, Kevin, you need rest.” She helped him up and let him lean against her as she walked up the steps with him and laid him in his bed.

“But, mom-” Kevin protested, but as soon as his body hit the mattress, he clenched together in pain. Curling back into his ball, Kevin sobbed quietly while his mother rushed downstairs with promises of herbal tea and soup.

Kevin had a hard time understanding what in the world was going on. His mother was being nice and taking care of him. That hadn't happened since he was a little child. Then his parents separated and all hell broke loose. She began acting strange, switching between a sweet lady to the horrid devil who sent her son hate messages.

Kevin's head spun in confusion and pain, and he sunk into the darkness surrounding the edges of his vision. But, he wasn't completely gone into sleep, he still could hear everything going on in his room. The tick of the clock, the low hum of the wind outside his window, the branches of the trees rustling and shedding the last of their dead leaves.

And his mind ran at a hundred miles a minutes, stressing about his tests. Realizing how much he was letting his team down by not attending the lessons today. Maybe if he had kept his mouth shut, his parents would be together still. His body ached, his head pounded, it was an awful state to be in, but Kevin welcomed the pain.

No pain, no gain, right?

Pain meant he was doing something right, pain meant he was moving forward to what he ultimately wanted. Perfection.

Suddenly, the thought took over his brain. What perfection would feel like played like a movie behind his closed lids. Control. Satisfaction. Happiness. Beauty.

A paradise so complete, Kevin knew it would probably never happen. But, that wouldn't stop him from doing his absolute most until he couldn't do anything more. He would crawl, climb, limp, scratch, anything he could until he was bloodied, beaten, bruised, or half-dead to win. He would achieve it. All of it.

He couldn't disappoint anyone else. Ever again.

Kevin sighed with a small smile, lost in his daydream before falling completely asleep with bliss on his mind.

Okay, so after reading the review I got back, I realized how much of this some of you might not be getting. There is a lot of metaphors and symbolism and a slew of other literary and plot devices that some of you might not be getting, so I just want to know if any of you would want maybe something to help you get it all? Maybe? I won't be opposed to writing up an explanation, on each chapter if needs be, to make you guys understand a little bit more. As I am a little on the deep and figurative side, especially with this story, I understand how it might be hard to really understand.

I'm not saying the reviewer made me angry or anything, okay, maybe a little butthurt, but I'm seriously over it. I just wanted to know if you were confused about anything....?

Also, there's a hint in this chapter as to the root of all of Kevin's problems...well, control issues. And, I want you to pay attention to his mother a little, okay? How she acts and all that. It's also a hint. Muahah