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by 500sunny500
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Latte Heartstrings by Kim_Hanyu
Title (2.5/5)
It is an unique title, but not very eye-catching.
Appearance (5/5)
Poster and background are just cute! It also matches the mood of the story. Perfect!
Description/Foreword (7/15)
It’s nice that you have a little quote in the description, but it might bore the reader. Maybe, a little summary or some quotes that would make the reader want to read your story. In the foreword, it would be great to have a description for all the major characters who will be appearing in your story so readers can see how they look like, their personalities, etc.
Plot (11/25)
Your story is not cliché, but it gives the reader the feeling that you just know what will happen in the end. But, I can see the originality in your story, so I’ll give you some points for that.
Characters (0/15)
The characters are cliché and dull. Try giving one of them some rudeness or one of them a dirty-minded head. Give them some “spice!”
Writing (Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation) (10/20)
Incorrect: We never really thought we’d meet at all I guess. I was working as a singer for a café with my band. He was a usual customer there. We attended the same school but we never talked to each other until one day.
Correct: We never really thought we’d meet at all, I guess. I was working as a singer at a café with my band. He was a usual customer there who attended the same school as me, but we never talked to each other until that one day.
Note: Try to combine the sentences!
Incorrect: I didn’t sing at the café for a few days. He seemed to notice my disappearance as he suddenly showed up at my front porch asking why I wasn’t there.
Correct: When I didn’t sing at the café for a few days, he seemed to have noticed my disappearance when he suddenly showed up at my front porch, asking why I wasn’t there.
Incorrect: I swear at that moment, my heart sped up but I repelled it.
Correct: I swear at that moment, my heart sped up, but, I repelled it.
Incorrect: Thank God it was the last one though.
Correct: Thank God, it was the last one though.
Incorrect: Well, I don’t really mind falling for him. I’m sure he’ll catch me.
Correct: Well, I don’t really mind falling for him because I know he’ll catch me.
Flow (2/5)
I know it is a one-shot, but the pace of the story is just too fast. MiEun breaking up and swearing she’ll never fall in love again, but two seconds later, she’s falling for Daehyun already. So slow it down a bit!
Overall Enjoyment (4/10)
Your story did not have any good plot and there was the climax of the story was dull. But, I thought the story was really cute! You just have some punctuation problems and some problems with combining sentences.
Total: 41.5/100 (41.5%)
Note: Thank you for waiting so patiently! I'm sorry if I reviewed your story too harshly. ^^
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Comments
Comments are moderated. Keep it cool. Critical is fine, but if you're rude to one another (or to us), we'll delete your stuff. Have fun and thanks for joining the conversation!
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500sunny500 [A] on says:
@reeseee3: Sorry! We're closed! >.< However, we made a new request shop right here:
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/231323
The forms are the same, so you can just copy and paste! :D
reeseee3 on says:
Hi, I would like to request a poster :)
Title of story: 그대와 같아 (Same As You)
Link to story: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/171470/same-as-you-fluff-romance-ledappleband-ledapple-hanbyul-janghanbyul
Authors(s): reeseee3
Profile link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/138048
Type of graphic: poster please!
Mood: cute
Quotes: none
Character Images: Jason Jang (Hanbyul): http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i145/reese94/GJason.jpg
Lila Cho: http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i145/reese94/GLila.jpg
Anything else? I chose the pictures I did because I envisioned Hanbyul taking a selca with Lila behind him. If you could possibly make the poster that way, I would greatly appreciate it! :)
Thank you so much! :)
500sunny500 [A] on says:
@scarlettwolf: I think I understand what you mean. However, in our current generation, we use single spaces instead of double spaces. Double spaces were used a long time ago because it was harder to tell if the punctuations were single spaced. Nowadays, we can easily tell the spaces because each key on your keyboard uses up to same. I'm not sure if I got your point, but here's the link where I got all this information: http://desktoppub.about.com/cs/typespacing/a/onetwospaces.htm
scarlettwolf on says:
It appears to be AFF... =/ (at least in the comments)
Well anyways, as long as you know about it(like how to double space), I'm fine with it.
scarlettwolf on says:
hmm...
Well, I think it's AFF. It looks like there is only one space when there are really two...
It's in every chapter I think too. But it seems it's AFF...
Hi. I'm scarlettwolf
Hi. I'm scarlettwolf
500sunny500 [A] on says:
@scarlettwolf: We're not exactly sure what you're talking about. ^^;; Would you please mind pointing out the chapter we made our mistake on?
scarlettwolf on says:
AYO! ^^
Not really gonna say too much, and I have no idea if this is just AFF being weird, but after a period, exclamation mark, etc. you need to have double spacing. Like right there.
Maybe it's just AFF formatting, I couldn't really tell... ._.
RaspberriCloud on says:
I know it seems weird with the indents... I though I fixed them. Well you see, I kinda went on a 4-6 month long hiatus and I lost track of the stuff I wrote before hand. I will try to fix up where you said. Also it was a apply fix and after a month or so of waiting I got impatient and just chose the first appliers. Heh heh. I'm glad for your review! Thank you!
doramaaprncss on says:
I'll credit you tomorrow, okay?
doramaaprncss on says:
thanks :)
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