I sat up in bed and looked to see it was 2:45. Last time I woke up it was 1:32. Why can't I sleep?
"Do you always toss and turn when you sleep?"
He scared the hell out me. "Shut up, anyway shouldn't you be sleep?"
I heard him chuckled then he yawned. He hasn't been able to sleep because of me. "Kind of hard to sleep when you keep moving"
"Sorry about that, I don't know what's wrong with me" I yawned.
I felt him sit up. "What's wrong?"
I don't know whether to tell him or lie to him. If I blow this deal off I won't have anything, he won't have anything and my friends will suffer too. But if I do go along with this plan I will still suffer because I would have to break up with him.
I rubbed my hands through my hair and groaned. "If you had to choose between me and your family who would you choose?"
"Both" he replied. "Why?"
"What if you only had to choose one. Who would you choose?" I asked again.
"Both" he simply said.
If he would choose both that means I have to do the same, but how? How am I suppose to choose both my mom and Jonghyun? How am I suppose to make sure no one gets hurt?
I laid back down and turned the other way. This is the toughest decision I have to make. Jonghyun or my life? Jonghyun or my future? I wanna lean towards Jonghyun but its so hard.
"Why did you ask me that?"
After that nothing else was said. And finally I drifted off to sleep before waking up to hear my mom scream. "Kimi!?"
I groaned. It's to early for this, why is she yelling? I peaked my head away from under the covers to see a surprised look on her face.
"Come here right now" she said through pursed lips.
I yawned and looked over to see Jonghyun who was surprisingly awake.
I looked back at her and gave her small smile. She is going to kill me. I got out of bed and she pulled me into the hallway. I closed the door so Jonghyun wouldn't hear anything.
She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know where to begin."
"What's wrong?" I said quickly.
"The lights are cut off.." she said with worried eyes. "And we're almost out of food. If you don't want to be embarrassed he needs to leave"
She's right but I just can’t make him leave. Maybe it’s time for me to make my decision, and I don’t wanna do this.
She went downstairs and I slowly walked back into my room to see Jonghyun putting on his shirt.
"Sorry about that, I didn't know I would get you in trouble" he apologized.
I didn't say anything instead I was worrying about how should I end this. I feel horrible and stupid, for the first time ever someone has actually liked me and spends time with me. And now I have to end it, I wanted to choose you both but I can't. If I don't do this everyone I know will get hurt, this is the only way.
I looked down at the floor and took a deep breath. I could feel the tears coming but I told myself I couldn't cry yet.
He lightly grabbed my shoulders and asked what was wrong. I couldn't look in his eyes because I would feel so guilty. "Are you upset because I got you in trouble? If you are I can talk to your mom an--"
"I'm breaking up with you" I mumbled.
The atmosphere suddenly became tense. "What?”
"I'm breaking up with you" I repeated.
His hands dropped from my shoulder and I looked up to see his face. There was a mixture of sadness and anger.
"You gotta be kidding me, right!?" He asked me. “Why?! What am I doing wrong?”
"Jonghyun, I'm sorry but-"
"No, you're not sorry! I've done everything I could possibly do to make you happy! And this is what I get? What am I doing wrong, huh!? I can't believe you're doing this..."
He looked at me waiting for me to answer his questions but I didn’t know what to say. I blinked back tears and asked him to leave but he only got angrier.
He snatched the necklace from my neck which took me off guard. That necklace is the only thing I have left of him.
He walked to the door but before he left he said. "Fuck you Kimi"
He slammed the door shut and I stood in the middle of my room in shock. I had to lay down to make sure everything registered. The person I love hates me--again.
After six months of trying to make him like me, I'm back where I started.
For the rest of the day I didn't eat anything. I didn’t even move from my bed, I was too in shock to do anything.
Fuck you Kimi
The words continued to repeat in my head.
I've been in the bed all day since Kimi broke up with me. I don't understand why I'm like this. I'm so angry at her.
But I don't understand. I thought I was being the best boyfriend ever. I was giving her attention, anything she wanted I was giving it to her. I took her places, I called her even though she never answered or called me back. Did she know that she changed me? I'm not the same person I was before I met her, I used to be 'playboy Jonghyun'. But now I was different, or was I.
I balled the necklace up in my hands and shoved it in my pocket. I guess tonight things are gonna change.
I wasn't gonna get upset over a girl, no way. I got up and showered then put on something nice. I smiled in the mirror before leaving, I remember how easily girls fell for this smile.
Tonight I'm going to forget all of this shit and Kimi. You really just really fucked up Kimi.
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