EXO-L POV

It doesn't make any sense. Everything I feel for you really makes no sense and yet, here I am, lost in your path like a foolish prey. I pat my cheeks in front of the mirror, telling myself that it would all pass. But, in my head, that little voice points out again that the weeks have been piling up and I'm still stuck with this constant desire to see you. Why is it so difficult for my heart to stay calm with you near? I feel completely immersed in you, to the point where I can't even breathe. It's not that easy baby when you captivate me with your soft gestures and that pearly smile.

It baffles me how I got myself entangled so easily, lost in your world within minutes, struggling to not drown in the thoughts of you. This is not me, I repeat to myself every day, but it does not sound true at all.

All I have ever known and loved fades as I take your hand. To me, the world is insignificant if you are not there to help it shine. That's why I keep losing track of time in your arms.

Was I ever happy before? I can't seem to recall my past and my friends keep telling me that I've changed. What potion have you been giving me every time we meet? No, it's not that easy baby to spend a day without you. Oh, no! What is this emotion that always fills me whenever you're around? And why do I feel lonely every time we say goodbye?

All those sleepless nights, laying in bed and picturing your face... Can you hold me longer today? Give me enough time to say this to you. If I don't let it all out today, the words might never leave my heart.

Randomly at times, weird thoughts have my heart racing... Are you alright? Are you happy? Are you thinking about me?

I fear more for you than for myself but do you realize it as we talk on the way back from school. Since our fingers are intertwined, I wonder if you can hear the sobs of my heart. Hearing your voice in the morning, knowing that you're still here for me, brings me relief but you probably never noticed. At this point, I can't even call you mine and yet, that's exactly how I'm acting.

Why are you always so far away? Even as you look into my eyes, can I be sure that you really are with me? We don't spend more time together than we did at the start but can I be selfish and ask you to hug me for the longest of times before leaving.

I pause, hands shaking like a leaf as I wrap the scarf around my neck. I am not cute. I can't even be called pretty. Just like this, doubt crawls in. I sigh, staring at my reflection. The red dress flowing down stops at my knees. My aunt gave it to me, to revive the spirit of those festivities or at least attempt it. But my mind is far from being concerned with big old Santa and colorful trees, even less about fake talks around chicken. I wrap my fingers around the necklace hanging over my chest. Nothing special about it but the EXO at the end. To some, it looks like a waste of money but, in my hand, it weights more than just a few dollars; it carries the weight of over four million stars. It is the promise of a universe.

There are better ways for me to spend this time but, as always, my wishes come second to last. Later, I tell myself, knowing that I have no choice. My mind is already made up, my heart pounding against my ribs in agreement. All I have to do is act upon it for once and not be a coward...

Life is not easy and at times, I feel like giving up. But where all have failed, you managed to bring me up and make me stand on my feet again. When you say, "We are one." with that bright smile of yours, I do feel like I'm not alone and it gets easier to smile.

An eternity passes by before I regain the safety of your arms. Waiting always, your smile is bright no matter what. To me, it's the biggest source of comfort that I can get as the tears insist on falling. But there you are, amidst all the snow and the cacophony of carols from outside. You sneaked in through my window once again, completely invisible like the shadows. But I don't need to fight anymore, not when you breathe down my neck as I tighten my fists around your coat. The little circles you rub over my arms slowly ease the goosebumps away and I press my ear to your chest, listening to your heart beats.

It's fine, it silently says, and I believe it. There is no need to worry about time slipping away. With you, oh words can't describe what I feel...

Yes, I fall, fall for you because there is no reason not to. Everything feels so right whenever I'm with you. Just take my hand and don't let go, no matter what may happen. Since you've been here, my life has gotten bright. Can I really love you, with all my heart, trust you and believe you? Do I really not have to be scared? I'm tired of everything, of the lies and the glares. Just let me rest here for a while. Hide me from the world, please...

I don't know how long we stay like this but it really is not enough. I can't deny it anymore; I need you, even if I can't completely have you. Let me be yours, please. Lie to me and tell me that you will always protect me, even if we both know it's a lie...

"EXO, I want to become your EXOL."