it's been about a week and seungkwan feels like he's floating. the bliss of hansol's friendship and the safety he feels can't compare to his life before hansol.

hansol was his late nights and deep talks over coffee. hansol was his fresh air and calm days. hansol was all that made him feel like he was loved.

seungkwan's an only child. his parents shipped him off when he was 16, he's always been alone. but never really lonely. his parents care about him and he's always been popular. he's never been lonely or unloved. yet the way he feels with hansol feels more than friendship. it feels more than love. hansol makes him feel worth everything he's been given in life. hansol makes him feel like there's someone who cares about him more intimately than he's used to.

although seungkwan had always had friends he's never had something more. he's never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. people never wanted him like that. and he knows very well that hansol isn't his boyfriend. he knows that he and hansol are just friends dispute his want to be more. yet somehow having hansol's friendship feels like something deeper than he's had before.

---

hansol felt like he was drowning. he felt overwhelmed and like he had too much for once. hansol never felt like he had too much.

seungkwan was too much. not in a bad way though, seungkwan was overwhelming happiness. seungkwan was his constant source of happiness. seungkwan made him feel stable and at home. hansol never liked being in public very much. he preferred his home and his own space. but if seungkwan was by his side he could manage to be out of his comfort zone.

their friendship felt like it had been there for longer than it had been. it felt like they already knew every nook and cranny of one another's minds. hansol hated it.

he hated how he trusted someone so much and let them in so much. yet somehow he wasn't wary of having trusted seungkwan as much as he did. seungkwan was good for him and he knew it.

hansol had a large family and a younger sister. he was always surrounded by people. he's never been alone. but always kinda lonely. he knew what it felt like to be surrounded by so many people in one room he knew what it felt like to have people around you yet feel so out of place. in high school, despite his popularity, he didn't really have any real friends, just people who wanted to hook up with him. he always felt so disconnected from others, he was always trapped in his thoughts or worries. always wanting to be good enough.

seungkwan made him feel like he was finally enough and like he was stable. seungkwan made sure he was okay and made sure to make him feel better. seungkwan was a friend, a real one.

but something about seungkwan's friendship felt, odd. hansol doesn't have many friendships to compare seungkwan to but somehow their friendship feels different. should your friends make you feel like you've got butterflies in your tummy or make your chest feel tight when they smile? should friends make you feel complete and like they're the only person you could ever need in your life? hansol didn't know for sure, but how he felt about seungkwan was very different from how he felt about jisoo or mingyu

maybe this was that mingyu always spoke about when he mentioned wonwoo. mingyu always spoke so fondly of wonwoo and how wonwoo makes him feel. though hansol had never met wonwoo, he seemed really special to mingyu. and somehow his feelings to seungkwan related to those that mingyu described of wonwoo.

---

on friday seungkwan walks into the art studio as he skips through his spotify playlist and frowns as he sees a message from jeonghan pop up at the top of his phone.

he walks to his usual table and places his bag and coffee down before scrolling through his messages and opens his chat with jeonghan.

mother™

seungkwan get to bio lab 127 as soon as you get this, something is wrong with hansol

seungkwan's eyes widen as he reads the message and he jumps up out of the seat and takes his headphones off just as he gets another message from seungcheol this time

mother™ bf

hey kwan, idk if you got jeonghans message but we need you in 127, its hansol

he stuffs his phone in his pocket before running off out of the studios and to the biology corridor.

it was only 11 was could be wrong with hansol, god what if stabbed himself with tweezers or something oh god. seungkwan's head was rushing with worries as he arrived at 127. he quickly walked in seeing as the students were busy with a practical and rushed over to jeonghan who was sitting next to hansol.

"what's wrong is he okay?" he asked quickly crouching in front of the two.

"he's. i don't know he seems really out of it" jeonghan answers "i hope he's not high"

seungkwan rolls his eyes and turns to hansol "hey, it's me. you okay?"

hansol's eyes open slightly and he looks at seungkwan "seungkwan? i'm dizzy, tired"

hansol's slurring and seungkwan panics "hansol what time did you go to bed yesterday?"

"i didn't" hansol chuckles "last time i slept was wednesday, i've been studying"

seungkwan curses to himself. how could he let this happen?

"where's seungcheol, he needs to help me get hansol to my car," seungkwan says as he helps hansol stand up, slinging hansol's arm around his shoulder and holding onto his waist.

"here i'm here, let's go," seungcheol says as he removes some gloves from his hands and takes hold of hansol's other side.

"jeonghan, talk to the teacher will you?" seungkwan asks and jeonghan nods before they make their way out.

when they get to seungkwan's car they place hansol in the passenger's seat and cheol buckles him up while seungkwan gets in on his side.

"hey, look after him, call us if you need anything" seungcheol smiles softly as seungkwan closes his door and starts the car, seungkwan nods and returns the smile before driving off. he drove to his own apartment and glanced at hansol every couple of minutes just to ensure he was okay, seeing as he was very quiet and most likely asleep.

when he parks the car he hears hansol stir a little bit and sighs in relief before turning to him and shaking his shoulder gently.

"hey i know you're tired but i need you to cooperate, i'm gonna take you upstairs okay?" seungkwan explains and hansol looks to him through half closed eyes and nods.

seungkwan walks to the other side of the car and opens the door before helping hansol out and supporting him into a standing position, he quickly locks the car and places the keys in his pocket. hansol holds onto his shoulder and tries his best to stay awake as seungkwan guides him up the steps and finally to his door. he helps hansol in and to his bedroom where hansol immediately drops onto the bed and snuggles into seungkwan's covers. seungkwan smiles at hansol and tucks him in under the blankets and makes sure that his head is in a comfortable position so that he doesn't wake up with a cramp.

once he's done he quietly sighs to himself and makes his way out the room, turning the lights off and closing the door as he goes. he makes his way back to the front door and closes it and grabs his bag before heading to the kitchen to make up for the coffee he abandoned in the art rooms earlier. he smiles as the scent of coffee fills the kitchen while he opens his school bag and grabs out his sketchbook and pencil case. just because he's not in school doesn't mean he can't be productive. when his coffee is done he adds milk and sugar, a little bit of cream and grabs his stuff before making his way to the living room. he sits his coffee down on the table and sits himself down in a large white armchair and curls into it, placing his legs over the one armrest.

he sighs quietly into the emptiness of the apartment, yet this time it feels less bare. something about hansol's presence down the hallway made him feel less alone. it didn't make sense seeing as hansol didn't really supply any noise or made anything happen but nevertheless it made seungkwan feel a little saner. he flips the sketchbook open to a new page and starts doodling little things before he knows it, it's hansol he's drawing. he didn't plan to draw hansol but it seemed like it was something that was happening more than he expected.

(lol this is just an excuse for me to show you my doodles of hansol)

hansol just had such a good face, not just in general but to draw as well. his proportions and the shape of his face were so sculpted it would be a shame to not draw him. his cheekbones and jawline, perfectly straight and smooth, his eyes soft and his long lashes, seungkwan couldn't help himself. it had come to the point where seungkwan didn't even need a reference he could just draw hansol, that's how used to the latter's face he was. which to say the least could be creepy in the slightest but seungkwan preferred to look at it as adoration rather than an obsession.

seungkwan was sat drawing for about an hour an had gone through two cups of coffee yet the drawing still wasn't quite there. the lips bothered him, not hansol's lips, he wished those would bother him - preferably bother his own lips. but no it was the drawing, the lips just didn't look right, they were out of place the angle didn't work. if only seungkwan could get closer to them and observe them up close maybe then he'd be able to draw them better.

around another hour passed and seungkwan had started working in his a2 sketchbook and was busy with a charcoal study of a model in some photographs their professor had given them. he had managed to get some on top of his eyebrow from wiping his hair out of his face and had a bunch on his hands obviously.

"you're really good"

seungkwan jumped and almost ruined the piece as he heard hansol's sudden voice.

"you scared me" seungkwan breathes as he turns to meet hansol's still sleepy looking eyes. seungkwan pouts and frowns at hansol "go back to bed, you've only been asleep for like three hours"

hansol sighs and smiles sheepishly "sorry about you having to like come and get me from my biology class, i thought i'd be okay"

seungkwan shakes his head "no hansol, its really no bother but i would prefer it if you got a good amount of sleep, what did we talk about?"

seungkwan sounds like hansol's sister for a moment "i know i know, i've just been really stressed okay" he sighs and turns slightly. seungkwan thinks for a moment and wipes his hands on a little cloth next to his book before walking over to hansol.

"i am too okay, we have so many projects and deadlines, i get it. i understand but you can't overwork yourself like this" seungkwan says softly as he walks over to hansol and gently pulls him into a hug which hansol quickly returns.

"im just so worried, i can't fail seungkwan, i can't. ill become nothing if i can't get my degree, i wont have a job and my parents won't take me in and i don't want sofia worrying, god seungkwan i can't fail, i've worked so hard" hansol's words start slurring and suddenly he's crying into seungkwan's shoulder.

seungkwan bites his lip and rubs little patterns on hansol's back, "i know, i know how hard you've worked, how hard you still work, you'll do fine. but you need to look after yourself first, otherwise, you may succeed but mentally you'll be drained."

hansol hiccups and breaks down a bit more, seungkwan knew that he just needs someone to hold him and listen. luckily seungkwan has two arms, perfect hearing and all the time in the world. 

a/n only one more chapter left hhhhhhhh r u ready kids??????