not a burden

alone - bsk + chv

they go to a little ramen place close by hansol's apartment, which seungkwan only got the address of after whining and driving in circles for about four minutes.

the place is small and cozy, what else to expect from a corner store by a large apartment block. seungkwan quickly orders for the both of them and they quickly grab some seats outside as they get their food. seungkwan quickly pays for both of them despite hansol's disagreements

"so i never really asked, what are you studying for?" seungkwan asks as they sit down.

"oh i'm working towards a phd and a degree in teaching afterwards. i wanted to do music but my parents weren't as keen so i decided to go for my second best subject in school, biology." hansol explains as he sips some of the water he got along with his food.

"wow, that's amazing. i never imagined you the phd type. i can see music. you seem so talented though, you could've come here to study rocket science and i would still believe you could do it." seungkwan laughs and hansol smiles at him.

hansol leans forward to take a bite of his ramen but pulls away suddenly when his glasses start steaming up making seungkwan giggle softly.

hansol's heart seemed to like the sound of that.

"and you?" he asks after a moment, and cleaning his glasses.

"oh me? right yeah i'm working towards a career in teaching as well. art more specifically. its one of the ways i find it easiest to express myself in ways people won't understand. its not for them to understand its for me. i also quite like music as well. used to want to be a singer when i was younger but decided against it seeing as there's too much competition." seungkwan shrugs. "i'm happy though and that's what's important."

hansol nods, a part of him wished he was as pleased with his choices as seungkwan seemed to be.

"you got in on an art scholarship?" hansol asks

"nah, i came when i was fifth teen, finished school early and my parents wanted to 'challenge' me so they sent me to pledis. they live in jeju, haven't seen them in two years. but they did let me do what ever i pleased here so i don't really mind" seungkwan eats some more of his ramen and smiles at the thought of jeju. "you're not from korea are you?" he asks when he finished chewing.

"kinda, my mom is american and my dad is korean. i was born in new york and moved here when i was five" hansol says and seungkwan nods in understanding.

"that's why you're fluent in english?"  seungkwan asks and hansol laughs.

"yeah pretty much" the sentence is simple and seungkwan understands the english hansol mutters. it felt weird though. hearing the way hansol spoke english to him. it wasn't as soft and mumbled as it was with sofia days before.

it was pure and proper and loose. it felt light and easy on the air and hansol's accent was so smooth it almost gave seungkwan goosebumps.

they finish eating while discussing the project hansol had been working on earlier. once finished seungkwan drives hansol around the corner to his apartment.

"well thanks for-"

"nope i'm coming with" seungkwan cuts hansol off and got out the car as well before grabbing his bag from the backseat and walking to hansol's side of the car.

"what? that's not needed" hansol says wide wide eyes and waves his hand. he doesn't wanna be more of a burden than he already is.

"nope, i'm making sure you get there safely and that you go to bed. not study for another like seven hours" seungkwan declares as hansol gets out of the car before locking it.

when they get inside hansol's apartment seungkwan is slightly taken back by how clean it is. and organised. its like its barely been lived in. no scattered possessions. no little photo frames. nothing.

his apartment looks like those straight off the website.

"tea? i'm calling a long night and if you're as persistent as i think then you're not going home any time soon" hansol explains as he walks into the little kitchen.

"you're observant. and yeah i'd like some tea if that's ok"

hansol nods and starts working on that while seungkwan wanders around the living room, eventually reaching the windows.

hansol's apartment was crisp and soft looking. it felt so fresh and safe. seungkwan adored it but now seeing the large floor to ceiling windows that give a pretty view of the city, he wanted to move in because, god, that's beautiful.

"your tea" hansol nudges him and hands him the cup before standing next to him, admiring the view he's probably already tired of.

"you have a really nice apartment" seungkwan notes "and the view is amazing"

hansol chuckles and seungkwan almost chokes on his tea.

"yeah, i still don't seem to be used to it. it was one of the main reasons i got this place." they both stare out the window for a while, watching traffic lights switch colours and people cross the roads.

suddenly hansol disappears and walks off to the door to retrieve his bad. he sits down in front of the coffee table on the floor and dumps his books and pens out on the table.

"what is it with you and studying? its like you never get tired of it" seungkwan frowns as he sits down on the black couch.

"i need to keep my gpa " hansol says "i need to work hard and get the right scores so that i can get a good job and manage myself"

"going to bed earlier one night won't hurt you" seungkwan points out.

"i know but no one is gonna stop me"

seungkwan frowns "i am"

"for one night then i'll go back to being alone. and having no one has a say in what i do" hansol's tone gets sharper and seungkwan senses that he's snapping.

"i'm not gonna let go so fast hansol" he says softly and reaches out to hold onto hansol's shoulder.

hansol pushes his hand off, "if you won't let go i'll pry your fingers off"

"excuse me?" seungkwan says, slightly taken aback.

hansol looks as if he's about to say something but he quickly stops himself. "nothing"

"hansol you can talk to me" seungkwan slides down onto the floor beside hansol and puts a tentative arm around him.

"i'm just bad at this ok? i'm bad at keeping people. i'm bad at not pushing them away. god i even push my own family away, my little sister can't even get close to me" hansol breathes out and seungkwan rubs his arm before telling him to go on.

"she came in the other day, to school. asked me to go to our aunts funeral. i really wanted to go but i couldn't. i couldn't risk getting closer to them again. not to just have them push me away."

seungkwan frowns and his head to the side.

"i'm biual, they're not really okay with that"

hansol said it so easily, s if it wasn't something that made him feel like less of someone.

"its okay, i'm okay with that, go on" seungkwan whispered reassuringly and hansol nods.

"i just can't let people get close to me because i don't wanna be a burden. i don't want people to feel pressured to care about me. i can't survive alone how am i supposed to survive at all"
seungkwan's heart breaks for hansol as the other boy starts to tear up and he pulls him closer into a hug.

"its okay to let people in hansol. they're not always that bad. and you're not a burden. i'm sure you've never been a burden. you just need to let people care about you because you deserve it and you're not alone. your sister and i'm sure other family members care about you but you just can't see that because you don't let yourself. i care about you and i won't let you push me away as well" seungkwan explains as he rubs hansol's back while the other cries softly into his shoulder.

he probably hasn't been this vulnerable around someone in a while and seungkwan wants hansol to know that he's safe as long as he's there.

hansol eventually stops crying but doesn't move, when seungkwan finally pulls away he sees hansol's droopy eyes and smiles softly.

"you should go to bed. we can talk more tomorrow." seungkwan says quietly and helps hansol up.

"thank you for everything today seungkwan, you really don't know how much i appreciate it" hansol says as he let's out a yawn.

"i don't mind, besides we're friends, i'm here for you"

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MochiJiminJams
#1
Chapter 10: I'm soft
Angela_Iervolino #2
Chapter 10: Ahhh it was so cute!
MizuDrop #3
Chapter 10: THE SOFTNESS IS SO HEARTWARMING
THANK YOU, YOU MADE MY NIGHT
yihshinee17
#4
Chapter 10: Aww~~i wish it could be longer but never mind. I am glad I found this story ^^
Ricciro #5
Chapter 10: Wahhhh I enjoyed reading this ? It's so cute and outright soft ><