I was a large SHINee fan for the past three to four years now, and every time I see him, I can feel my heartache.
I met you, Jonghyun, twice in America, and I had hoped once more the next year. I had said when you came in March of 2017, when I had to beg and plead to see you again, "This may be the last time I ever see them."
.
When I said this, it was in fact because I thought Onew would be leaving, but knowing that my words had more power, it brings my heart to break. I didn't know that would be the last time I would get to see your smiling face.
I keep going in circles. I keep questioning why I can't seem to understand why this is happening. I was able to be saved by you, through your music, through SHINee. And I keep hating myself for knowing I was never going to be able to do anything about your pain. I look at you and I realize that I know the sorrows you felt. I understood how hard you worked, how you asked and there was no reply but your own thoughts. I wish I could've done something, but there was nothing I could do. You, who helped me stop scratching and wishing to die, who helped me survive so many days of belts hanging around my neck as I questioned whether to go or not. I couldn't do anything for your pain, but you did so much for me. I feel so guilty.

There's no denying how much of an impact you had on all our lives. You were so beautiful, Jonghyun. You were a shining light in our lives, one that shined brighter than even I think you knew. You were the everything to our pains, and knowing I won't ever know if every time you smiled was true joy will forever pain me. I love you Jonghyun. I love you, not as who you played the role as, but you, Kim Jonghyun. Your darkness, your light, your everything. I don't think I'll ever stop missing you. Now that I know, now that I know that we held so much of the same pains, the same worries, I can't help but grow closer to you now that you're gone. Wherever you are, my sweet prince, I only wish you happiness. I wish your pains and your sorrows are gone. I will work hard for you, Kim Jonghyun. I will continue to thrive for you, and I will do whatever I can to help people who felt like us. I miss you, more than you'll ever know. I miss you and it hasn't even been a day. I wish you peace. I don't ever want you to be alone ever again, our beloved prince.

There are five members of SHINee. And one of them is an angel.