I'll Rather Lose An Album Than Their Lives
A FarewellI've experienced death before. My grandfather passed away 2 months ago. I have 3 friends and all 3 have either contemplated suicide or actually tried to go through with it. I think it's safe to say I've hurt before. My life has been hard but I continue. I think the biggest, if not the only reason I continue happily and not in a depression is because of SHINee. I was 15 when i got into Kpop and turned 16 a couple months later and by then I knew. I knew that nothing had ever made me so happy. I knew that all my problems and worries vanished as soon as I put my headphones in and heard ALL FIVE voices. The song didn't matter, the time of day didn't matter, where I was didn't matter. Everything else vanished and I was sane again. I could feel happy again. I could think clearly again. I never got to thank Jonghyun for being a part of that. I'm so thankful I got to see SWCV in LA. It was and will continue to be the best day of my life and I want that known. As i stated earlier, I've known pain before but never has my heart hurt so much. I have never felt actual squeezing in my chest until now. My whole body feels heavy. And i know this is because I'm letting go. I'm not just letting go of Jonghyun though, I'm letting go of SHINee. Taemin is my bias but I care more for SHINee as a whole than I do any individual member. It's for that reason that I want to let them go. I can't ask them to continue without Jonghyun. I can't ask them to walk into a recording studio as only 4 members. I just want to ask everyone to do this with me because if i feel incomplete, I can't imagine how the members feel. Should they choose to continue as SHINee, I will support them whole-heartedly but I can't ask them to continue for me. I love them so much I will let them go so that they can be happy. So that they can do what they want to do. So that they can be who they want to be. It really hurts to do this but I'd rather lose an album than their lives. So, thank you. Thank you so much, Jonghyun. I will cherish your memory, your legacy and your life for the rest of my life because you and the other members allowed me to live as a semi-normal teenager. I don't believe in a higher power but that doesn't stop me from KNOWING that a soul as beautiful and sweet as yours is resting peacefully somewhere. Oh sweet love, goodbye.
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