Happy New Year

Hi Jong. me again. it's 11:59 here and I'm writing to you, I have no idea why. I don't know why my chest feels so heavy all on a sudden and I feel like crying. Oh! it's 12:00. Happy New year Jong. Can you see me from up there? Are you smiling at me? I'm sorry for not smiling back. I'm sorry for being like this. I don't understand why I feel like this. I feel so bad and I have no idea what to do or who to talk to. I don't know why I still feel so empty. I did everything they suggested. I sent you letters and balloons, I got you roses, bought a rose plant because unnie said you love roses. I apologized to you again and again again but it just doesn't go away. this is not like me. Grieving for so long... this is not me. I don't know why I still can't get over it. At first most people were kind to me but now they ask me why I'm so hung up over it because I didn't even know you personally, and I guess they are right because it's a little too late for me to be writing this but I can't stop. I don't know why I think about you I don't know why I talk to your pictures. None of it makes sense to me either but what do I do, tell me? Some say you wasted your life. They say mental health is nothing... my mom also said what you doctor said. She said it was your responsibility to fix yourself, but I understand all of it because I went through depression myself. Today I am alive and you are not. It's not because I am stronger than you or because you needed to fight harder. It's simply because my problems are not as big as yours were. My brother said he didn't deserve to live because he didn't love his life enough to hold on. He said, cancer patients know they will die but still they want to live even though it hurts. How bad could mental problems hurt that you'd want to take your life? He's got it all wrong Jonghyun. He doesn't see. He should think, if a person is hurting bad enough to even think about taking his life then the pain must be real and unbearable. I wish they saw. I wish you lived. I wish you are really happy in heaven because you are making me happy despite not being here. I was so sad when started writing this and I have no idea what I wrote but I'm feeling better. I'm glad I knew you. Thank you for existing Jonghyun. I love you

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Redofthedawn #1 Aug 7, 2023 07:53:21

I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.

luv_kero ^{2443 streak} #2 Dec 18, 2022 09:15:11

Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3

Viola_Ella #3 Dec 18, 2022 03:56:50

Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.

Evelyn_64 #4 Dec 18, 2022 00:55:41

It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.

Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.

OdetteSwan ^{929 streak} #5 Dec 18, 2022 00:11:36

I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.

OdetteSwan ^{929 streak} #6 Dec 18, 2021 15:31:45

Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.

Redofthedawn #7 Dec 18, 2021 15:23:33

Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️

lovelyfeisty #8 Dec 18, 2021 05:29:15

It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.

wonpokemon #9 Dec 17, 2021 22:21:02

i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.

aseulmonsta #10 Jul 21, 2021 15:41:11

❤️